With Text Monkey's help, no more ugly e-mail!

Oh that Chalabi. What a rascal.

Andy Kaufman is still dead. Your weird press release update.

"Like many of you, we've seen the Mercedes-Benz commercial, No One Ever Poses With Their Toaster. And, also like many of you, the first thought that occurred to us is, This makes me want to pose with my toaster!"

STOP THE PRESSES! Martha Stewart-brand matches recalled because they may ignite and cause a "fire hazard." Really.

Curious George: And now... the thread we've all been waiting for... well, at least the more lascivious of those among us: SHOW US YOUR ASS TATT! Or any (insert other body part here) tatt, for that matter. SideDish's famous ass tatt starts us off, brought to us courtesy of IggySlut!

Curious George: Greetings, monkeys! I've been overseas for a week and missed all of you. My question: The man whose name is tattooed on my ass has just accepted a job in D.C. Hurray! But he's going to miss Europe terribly; he's lived in Germany for nearly a decade. Anyone know of any good resources (books, Web sites, personal advice, etc.) to help expats adjust to life back home?

Apparently, BMW drivers get the most sex. Whaddya know. Which leads me to a Curious George: Just what do all you monkeys drive?

Speaking of holes: It's nearly summertime in the U.S.! Which means, swimming hole time! There are good ole swimming holes all over America, including in the East, in the Southwest, in California. Those pages give locator maps, directions, photos and descriptions such as: "Stony slides, A good dunk for the little dippers." Are swimming holes just American, or do our overseas monkeys also enjoy them?

STOP THE PRESSES! Story of the day: A band of cross-dressers has been stealing cars from dealerships around Alabama to drive throughout the Southeast to competitions for men who parade on stage in women's clothing, police said. (I would not, could not, make this up.)

Wizmark is based on one unwritten rule: When using a urinal, never stare at the person next to you. Every male knows that when he is using a urinal, he can look any way he wants -- except left or right. Realizing this unwritten code, the appeal of the concept is that it assures your ad will effectively reach the elusive male audience. Wizmark is undoubtedly the perfect advertising medium for men of all ages.

Healthy Hearts 4 U! "Everybody likes cookies so we combined the Gospel message with a box of delicious cookies. Each cookie contains a special message of God's love."

Tired of sending flowers or balloons for birthdays? Now you can send a cake! Cakes Across America! Yum!

Pat Tillman got what was coming to him. An intriguing opinion piece on the NFL player who gave up millions to fight _ and die _ in Afghanistan.

How to Meet and Attract Single Women with the "Puppet Method"

Curious George: We are approaching 1,000! No, not 1,000 fruit jars. And, no, not 1,000 pennies. One thousand MoFites! How shall we celebrate?

Are you counting down the days until the final "Friends" episode? Or perhaps you loathe the ubiquitous American sitcom. Whether you

How much political sway does one voter hold? Jonathan Stein is a New York law student and freelance writer. He has produced a series of television ads against U.S. presidential hopeful John Kerry, and is placing the ads in key swing states and markets that might be leaning toward Kerry. Is he tilting at windmills or is this the beginning of true grassroots influence?

Ladies and gentlemen, the new New Coke, Coca-Cola C2.

For our Christian Monkey pals around the world, we present: The Easter Bunny Rap! Heh.