Have you ever found yourself in a situation wishing that you were sweet like Uncle Jesse? Maybe your wife is giving you lip, or perhaps you've had your manhood challenged by your childhood friend Scott Baio. It could be just that you want to learn cool facts about a great TV character, or that you want to teach kung fu to a monkey. To find the answers to these questions, simply look deep within yourself and ask: What Would Uncle Jesse Do?

OrganicHTML is a very cool flash site that takes a URL and spits out a cool flash generated plant. I can

U.S. 'in for a shock': In early election results, Shiite cleric's alliance trouncing Washington's favorite.

eBay: Advertise on my colon!!!! "You've seen ads on foreheads, arms, bikini bottoms, and pregnant bellies -- here's a chance to put advertising where it truly belongs. At 36 years old, my colon is healthy, robust, and ready to bear your message! Though invisible to the average eye, my colon will be viewed by an affluent audience of medical professionals"

The Japanese government is publishing a manual encouraging Japanese to return to using "polite" forms of expression. [Telegraph article.] For background, here's the Wikipedia article on polite forms in Japanese.

Furious George: Spastic Computer Fan. My Mac G4 is driving me nuts. more inside

Hel-loooooooooooo. Lionel Richie bad 80s music video goodness, via Stereogum. Direct link to the music video. Warning: Hel-loooooooooooong download time/Quicktime. Link to the hilarious Starburst commercial spoof, u:ad@ad.com/p:adage1

Curious, Nostril ...I demand your return! Seriously dude, you're as rare and adored as cat milk, and we miss your gruff fantastical-ness. Hear our cries! Our teeth are worn from gnashing, our stash of ashes low from our wailing annointments...and the garments...Jesus Christ in a bread basket, I have never seen such rending! Pretty please?

Thhe Cuddly Menace Pink Zogg will supervise population cleansing. more inside

Curious George: Email Glurge How do you deal with office email glurge? You know, the crappy emails that same coworker seems to send every day, usually with pink backgrounds, dancing animals, or multitudes of angels. Do you enjoy it? Do you ignore it? Do you get the IT Department to tell them to quit? more inside

MOFI CROSSOVER
"This is the thread where we change the word 'money' in a song lyric to 'monkey'" more inside

Boozy: The Life, Death, and Subsequent Vilification of Le Corbusier and, More Importantly, Robert Moses. "This February, Les Freres Corbusier finally puts the punk rock back into urban planning: Amidst a blaze of streaming media, ridiculous choreography, and dozens of live fornicating rabbits, a desperate battle is waged over the creation of New York's bridges, highways, and public housing." more inside

Moist Bread Ok so I recently started baking stuff, including bread. But bread, as it turns out, is really hard to make right. I keep making really dry bread. I've tried a variety of recipies, both bread machine and hand-made. I cover the dough with a damp towel when it's rising. The ingredients always include something that should make the bread moist- the last loaf I made included an entire stick of butter, and it was the driest yet! Could any culinarily-talented monkeys help? (Any other helpful suggestions/tips/lessons learned on the topic of baking bread would also be appreciated.)

Montana Family Coalition objects to a bill that would make strangling a felony in cases of domestic abuse. The homosexuals have gone too far in hiding their agenda this time! more inside

Good bye Ossie. Distinguished writer, actor, director Ossie Davis has died at 87. more inside

The Guardian has a nice tribute to Bob Marley Sound, Flash who would have been sixty this month had he lived. The legacy Real media of the first Third World superstar lives on.

Asian Tattoo Artist Inks Revenge "Using a tattoo gun fashioned out of a sharpened paper clip, dental floss, and a ballpoint pen taped to a plastic spork, the disgruntled prisoner has drawn Black Panther Party symbols on white supremacists...."

Lovely parting gifts: For ladies, there's the Separation and Divorce Ring ("This glitter will take you thru the day ... and quietly, your smile will be the new beginning"). For gents, it's the Silver Bullet ("Say no to marriage. Say no to commitment. Say yes to the Silver Bullet").

SFC Paul Smith: Medal of Honor The St Petersburg Times has an excellent interactive section in tribute to Medal of Honor winner Sgt. Paul Smith.

Curious George: Good auto repair site? Is there a good in-depth auto repair site online? I have the obligatory Haynes manual, but it only gives a sketchy picture of the process without describing the big picture. Most websites I've found are like "how to change the oil", or deal with intricately specific & obscure problems. I want something that teaches me everything I need to know about a job, with good techniques, concepts, and advice. more inside