In "World's First Garbage Truck Powered by Garbage"

Why didnt I know you as a student Abeizer?!!! You could have saved me entire PENCE!!!!

In "Venus, Jupiter and the crescent moon are converging"

Behold...the VePitOon!

In "Big rise in Spam" a 70 ft oven..

Maybe the oven took all those pills I keep getting told about on email.

In "Curious George: Hip Business Name? "

AgAu - if you work in Gold and Silver.

In "Evidence for the decay of dark matter?"

In other news today, Republicans based at the Large Hadron Collider unsuccesfully attempted to fire a smile at light speed directly into John McCain's face. However, researchers claimed they had enough data from the experiment for another four years of analysis.

In "U.S. evangelicals aim to influence European law"

Yeee haw! Like thats going to work. Home schooling is in many cases in the UK a joke. Unless you live in the Hebrides(!) I've often come accross families whove gone "off grid" thinking they can educate "persistant school refusers" but infact they end up as confused as the kids when it comes to delivering educational content. Leave it to the [cracked, cynical, blistered, jaded] teachers. We know how to mind control best! grrrr.

In "iGod "

Me: hello god God: Hello child. What is your name? Me: The name you gave me God: I hear you. Me: Chat bot God: Talking is my primary function. Me: rather than healing or forgiving? God: Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Me: hubblah himmlah hah! God: I am so glad you find this amusing, . Me: hubllah bubblah wubblah God: Do you like talking to me? Me: only in tongues God: I do not understand that allusion.

In "Viacom launches billion-dollar lawsuit against YouTube"

- offtopic iceberg ahead- Yay for "Kife". Big chinz to Capitán Renolatero for pushing new words. As I burble on many a time about, I am a teacher. Many of my track-suited charges are looking for the new "cool" word for "cool" or "shit". Here´s an experiment. I will introduce "Kife " and report on uptake. Its not a swearword so I can immediately start using it and its a bit new. Maybe Croydon will become "home to Kifeness". In which case, all praise to the Captain.

In "Curious George"

OMGomi look at you all, indolent leisure-leeches. I work, work, work, on a Sunday. Teaching never stops.

In "Britain’s youth worst-behaved in Europe."

Sorry - new link - Movie actually here

I am an embittered teacher working in an inner city school near Croydon. I agree with NYT and the badly behaved kids are getting worse. Last Friday they threw dog shit at me. Yesterday they were running round the classroom with chisels they had stolen from another classroom. Because of "inclusion" we cant do anything to them. We cannot stop them leaving the classrooms, we cannot ring home because "mum" is on pay as you go tarrif and cant afford to pay it. We are not allowed to stand in their way. We are encouraged to think twice about physically intervening in a fight by some unions because of ther inherent risk. When they tell us to fuck off, they get a paper report. Failing that they get six more paper reports before it gets serious. Serious means "one to one support" so in fact , all they are learning is that if you misbehave badly enough you just get removed to a unit from the lessons you hate. And when the money runs out, you get plonked straight back in again. Our school cant just dismiss them as we have yearly quotas that we are not allowed to exceed. I estimate that 45% of our kids are on some meaningless paper report at one stage or another, and they know its meaningless... f you want a look, have a go at this this whithering exposé of our school's truancy that got beamed out on BBC London a few days ago. Best bit is when the kid swears at the mum. But they bey bit is where the mum says "the school has no power" She hit the nail on the head. Real Player movie. Enjoy the sheer track-suitiness of it all....

In "[Curious George] Dad-to-be?"

Again - great to come back from work and find so many helpful peop0e out there. Not to get gooey but we had our first "kick" - well, she did anyway. Going back to Pharm's comments about National Childbirth Trust : it was like joining the Masons to get in round where we are (Somewhere on the Outer Spiral of South London) - we ended up begging so they put on e4xtra classes for us. We felt like we'd let "cub" down before it had been born! Maybe I'll do some kind of blog to keep all of you well wishers appraised of my hideous cloven-hoofed betentacled spawn. Thanks again all.

Thanks all - very useful reading!!! I will be going through all info before updating you on relative success of Headsessions 2.0 !!! Gosh darn I love teh internets.

In "Had any lately ?"

Your Dream: wife pissing in bin Words like wife: Partner. Commitment. Eternity.

In "The First Earth Battalion Operations Manual"

BTW yellow plastic thing is standard issue in Iraq appently.

I also read "The Men Who Stare at Goats" after watching the series by Jon Ronson. The rather shady Hawaian Ex special forces dude was quite convinced this was the way forward: to what? Yes, the use of Non Lethals is to be nodded to, but the message as always has been perverted by the military. The series documented a yello plastic thing that is designed to expoit "chakra points" and bring any grown man to his knees in pain. The operator presses it against neck and boom, insurgent goes down. What next - Zyklon B aromatherapy ?!!?

In "Doom"

I have a frame from this on my desktop. In radioactive green....

In "We will, without fail, put a halt to your machinations, Katori Shintaro."

Awesome. I want an evil army.

In ""

I still gasp at the idea of sterilized glow in the dark fish, which seems very very cool, in a darkly scary way.

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