In "Who's the luckiest monkey at the zoo?"

DavidMSC, you'll have to assert your dominance as alpha male before you get the, er, perks traditionally associated with leadership.

In "Monkeys lika da weasel"

Monkey Filter: mertley fair and forever whee.

In "How to torture telemarketers."

I feel for the poor telemarketers, and I will try not to be rude, but after I say, "No, thank you," three times, if they keep talking I hang up. Seems pretty reasonable to me, however I have twice been called back by the telemarketers who have told me it's rude to hang up on them, then hung up on me. That's the kind of behavior that gives me a lot of empathy with the people who blast the phone with air-horns or whistles.

In "Hehehe"

I started mentally filling out the next steps in the sequence, and wound up with a Great White shark jumping out of the water at the helicopter being used to lift the theoretical heavy construction crane which had crashed onto the first seven trucks. It's animated in a kinda Terry Gilliam-esque way in my mind right now.

In "Where the Wild Things Walk"

Typical Hollywood ending. I saw it coming a mile off.

In "Metafilter has turned on signups for new users."

Typical skallas, always bashing on organized religion... hunh? He didn't? *sputter* He was probably thinking it, though!!! I came to MoFi about a week or so ago because as much as I loved MeFi, I was frustrated because I wanted to participate and couldn't. I just bought a MeFi membership for myself and for the friend that recommended MoFi, and I consider it $10 well spent for nothing other than past pleasures gained. That being said, I haven't posted on MeFi yet, and I've posted a couple things here. I like this place, and would happily pitch in the equivalent $10 to help keep the place afloat.

In "Economists."

Double post and all, I missed the original and this made me laugh. Thanks!

In "The top 40 Bands in America Today,"

MMMmmmm. The Killers out of Vegas. Can't say enough good things about their new album. Glad to see them on the list, 'cause, it vindicates my overall cool index despite the obvious signs of oldfartdom.

In "Dad's Home!"

Thanks! I needed that today.

In "FamilyHighway Values"

I shoulda just said "eight something."

In "Curious George: what's your favourite coffee?"

Am I the only one that thinks mechagrue is talking about men and not espresso machines in the last post?

In "FamilyHighway Values"

Q: What's the square root of 69? A: Eight (ate) something.

In "Iraq Veterans Against the War."

Well, Alex, the language is hurtful, and therefore wrong. F-BAK is the new Handi-capable! Meanwhile, back on topic, so are these soldiers now automatically traitors, or do they get to be heroes until they run for office?

Sadly, we're dealing with a majority in the US which sees no logic flaw in the statement, "Oh yeah? Well, we kicked your ass, so who's smart now?" I've been thinking about this for a while. Most of the Bush supporters I've talked to in the recent past don't seem to like being called "stupid." However, being smart and edjucated are certainly fair game when it comes to making derisive remarks about the folks on the left. Now, being a very liberal Democrat, I'm nothing if not politically correct. So, to remove the stigma attached to stupid people who don't want to be called stupid, I've come up with this concept: Faith Based Acquisition of Knowledge. I had to go with that, since "Willfully Ignorant" probably wouldn't have been politically correct enough. In any event, the principle of F-BAK is simple... 1. I believe that I am a follower of the one true religion. 2. Anything that feels right/good to me must also be the truth, because God wouldn't give me bad thoughts. 3. For anything that challenges my perceptions, go back to step 1. and start again. They're not stupid, they just don't think because they don't feel as though they need to. Someone better than they are took care of it for them.

In "Vaccine cripples sperm in monkeys."

Jacob, okay, even overlooking the whole "jab" as a vicious, sharp punch, I don't see how talking about needles with relation the the aforementioned is a better alternative.

First line in the article: "A male contraceptive jab has edged closer to reality..." If you want to draw me in and engage me as a customer, you do not use the word "jab" anywhere near the words "male contraceptive." I'm just sayin'

In "More Moore, Moran"

...but "moran" is teh ir0nix0r!!1!one Haven't you seen the picture?

Farenheit 11/02: Diebold with a vengence!

In "Curious, George: Help me dress my husband, please? "

I don't know how far and wide one can find The Men's Wearhouse, but the staff are quite good at accessorizing the clothes they sell, and that's where they make their profit. Their prices on suits are great, but never let them sell you shoes, socks or a belt. Once you've picked a suit, though, they're going to present you with a combination of interchangeable shirts and ties that all work well together.

In "The Ouch Kit."

You always play the Carl Jenkins card, which plays right into my hand, because now I can play the "You always play the Carl Jenkins card" card in defense mode, allowing me to tap all your No-Sex Manna cards and play the "If you were a real man, I wouldn't have had to make out with Carl Jenkins" card in combination with the "Are you _sure_ you've been able to give me an orgasm?" card. Unless you've got "I'm secretly gay and sleeping with your father" in your hand, then you've been owned.

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