Why you should never post your picture on the net.

Hassle the Hoff - "Rap legend Ice-T is risking his massive reputation on his latest recruit - middle-aged former beach bum David Hasselhoff.The original gangsta believes he can turn the ex-Baywatch star into hip hop’s next big thing.Ice and Hasselhoff, 51, are neighbours in Los Angeles and have struck up a close friendship." Someone please tell me it's not a joke. Because that would be awesome. [/W. Hung afficianado]

German Humor [ Warning: 17 Mb WMV file with german sound track ] Notwithstanding all these bad signs (size, WMV format and German) this instruction film about work safety ethics of a fork lift truck driver is absolutely hilarious. If you understand German it's probably more fun though. I do, and it's hard to unlearn it. So your mileage may vary.

The morning after! It's always better with monkeys. A short ad for soda pop featuring sly humor and a monkey. Via Everlasting Blort. Why am I so hesitant to bring the Blort to the Blue, yet here, less so? In this case, it's gotta be the monkey.

News item claiming Kaufman is truly alive briefly appears. And then is placed on dispute hold by Emediawire. A hoax, right? Right?

Curious George : Damn Dog will not Shut Up. The neighbors have two dogs, one mutt, and one doberman. When they let the dogs out for the evening, the animals will make a circle back to the porch and whine and beg and bark to be let back in. more inside

RichardPryor.com The official website of the funniest man alive. I got the link from the DVD of his short-run tv show, "The Richard Pryor Show" (advertised on the site as "one of the funniest tv programs ever" -- sadly, it's not even close, but it has its moments). Multiple Sclerosis has taken him from the spotlight, but in the man's own words, "I Ain't Dead Yet, M*therF@ck%r!"

Childless Couple told to Get Fucked A German couple visiting a fertility clinic after eight years of childless marriage discovered why they weren't bearing crotch-fruit - they weren't doing it. Yes, it sounds like an urban legend, & yes it's from Ananova so it probably is, but I couldn't pass up the chance of using that title which I also stole from a commentor on Bifurcated Rivets which is also where I pinched the link. So screw me.. I mean sue me. Your pal, Nostril. more inside

Monkey College. [via Fark]

Live Nude Cats YES, I am 18 months or older, show me LIVE NUDE CATS. (NSFW)

Desktop Gaming
Gorgeous videogame wallpaper. I've been alternating between this (damn dog!) and this for the past month. more inside

Operation: Take One For the Team more inside

I always wanted to be the Professor: Now there's a show for me! "Can you make a telephone out of a coconut? Have you dreamed of being stranded on a deserted island with a movie star?" The creators of a new Gilligan's Island Reality Series are recruiting a Professor to join their real-life skipper, first mate, millionaire couple, Kansas farm girl and movie star in this exciting new reality show. Any and all academic backgrounds considered. via Annals of Improbable Research

Accidental Art. Found Photographs. From Chicago. It's about how we lived

Commercials From The Eighties. Warning: Nostalgia, Remorse, and .Wmv files...

History is Made. Don't know how many of you monkeys are sports fans, but this should be recorded for posterity. Randy Johnson has become the oldest pitcher in history to pitch a perfect game. In a sport that gets to be more and more broken every year, it's the legends that keep it breathing. more inside