September 18, 2005

Curious George: Monkeys' Fave Fortunes What are some Monkeys' fortune cookie rituals and faves?

Do you even bother to read 'em? Do you just bust 'em open and read, or do you have a ritual? Do you save the good ones? What are the best you've gotten? MY RITUAL: I half the cookie, eat the half that's fortune-free first, remove/read fortune from the other half, then contemplate the meaning of the fortune while eating the second half. Yes, I'm unnecessarily dramatic, but life's too short to not inject surrealism in everyday life. MY FAVES: "Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think." "You will accomplish anything you desire."

  • My only ritual is to add the words "in bed" to the end of the fortune and giggle like a 12 year old girl. and with that game, my two favorite fortunes of all time are: 'A friend is a gift you give yourself' and 'Your first and only love is self-love'
  • I have never even seen, let alone eaten, a fortune cookie
  • I eat the fortune.
  • I quit after this one (oldy but goody)
  • No real ritual, other than my boyfriend and I read them to each other. The best fortune I ever had really made me rethink some of the decisions that I was making at the time: "Do not mistake temptation for opportunity"
  • I leave the cookie sitting, uneaten, unopened, unread.... hmmmmmm...
  • huh.
  • My favorite fortune cookie story is not mine, but my sister's. She was living in Minneapolis at the time, and went to a fairly "upscale" Chinese restaurant on a date she had arranged (they even had personalized matches waiting at the table prior to her arrival). After they were finished with the meal, the waiter walked up to my sister and offered a single fortune cookie, "a special fortune for you!" My sister cracked it open and read the following: Your pussy is soft and fuzzy like a warm peach. True story...
  • "Hey, we're out of 'new love' cookies." "Open the 'Stick with your wife' barrel."
  • [sugarmilktea] thanks for the story, that was fabulous!
  • "pay and get out, round-eyes"
  • A friend's boyfriend somehow inserted an engagement ring into a fortune cookie & presented it to her after dinner. Unfortunately, she'd just learned that smashing it was a good way to get it open, and did so with this one. He spent a couple of frantic moments sifting through the crumbs with her looking on, thinking he was nuts.
  • Hahaha awwwwwwww. That's a sweet way to give a ring I think. Sugarmilktea, that's a funny story. I don't know what I'd think about that one haha. I usually break it in two and eat one half while I read the fortune, think about it for a few seconds, then eat the other half. I usually keep the fortunes but can never find them.
  • I eat your fortune. Yum. We hardly ever get them in old Brit-Cit.
  • Ach, a fortune cookie should contain a fortune -- that is, something predictive about the future. Example: You will be murdered in the kitchen by Mrs White wielding a frozen turkey. No jokes. Those are one-liner-cookies. No sentitious utterances, Those are platitude-cookies. No poetry, alas. Merely prose-cookies. When I was much younger I used to save the fortunes, and then they would get all wadded up and washed in the laundry, so as to leavce little hard lumps in my pockets. I would rather have a map showing where the treasure is buried, but they never seem to include such useful items. Or perhaps a Spell of Healing or a Charm Against Bot-flys would be handy.
  • I do not have any rituals, myself. A co-worker of mine insists on eating the whole cookie before looking at the fortune, claiming that that's the official way to do it or something. He also saves every fortune he gets and keeps them in a little stack.
  • He's right.
  • I add either "in bed" or "in my pants" to the end of every fortune. Best recent fortune, collected at the Panda Express in Monrovia, CA: "You will soon gain something you have always desired."
  • Ker-Ching!
  • You must chew and swallow the cookie before reading the fortune for it to have any power.
  • I always add the "in bed" too, because the bulk-printed cheap fortunes we got were so bland on their own. I never ate the cookies because they tasted awful. They were just those individually-packaged ones and tasted a bit like oranges.
  • If you like the fortune, eat the paper so it becomes part of you. and I have a guilty fondness for that orangey-almondy taste of those plastic-wrapped cookies...
  • Rejected fortunes. Supposedly collected by an ex-employee of some cookie company.
  • Lately I find myself in a ritual I don't know why I started doing, but I believe that you can't pick your cookie yourself, but someone else must choose it for you. I think it was sometime in undergrad that I started this. I used to save them all; got the brilliant idea to lacquer them to a piece of wood. Ink ran off most of them when the lacquer hit it. Most surreal fortune ever (and victim of the varnish): "Do not walk alone by the railroad tracks at night." Light and uplifting? Hell no. Surreal and memorable, though.
  • My 20-month old son got his first fortune cookie last week. I don't think it could have been more poignant. Someone very wise will have something to say to you. Listen to them.
  • "Your time is not plentiful but your opportunities are many."
  • "Help, I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery!"
  • I got the only fortune I remember exactly when I was a senior in high school, out to dinner with a guy whom I was hopelessly in love with and trying to figure out how to win him over. It said, "If you don't want anyone to know about it, don't do it." Every one I've gotten since then has said some to the effect of, "You'll achieve good things, but only by working very, very hard to get them." I'm sure that's character building, but I would really like to have won the lottery without having to actually buy a ticket.
  • In Canada (I don't know about the west-coast) fortune cookies are 'bilingual'. Sometimes the translations are very literal, sometimes the meaning in French is completely the opposite of the English fortune. I had a nice one recently, but I'm losing my memory...
  • I have a pet peeve about a lot of fortunes that aren't actually fortunes. I believe a fortune is defined as "a prediction about one's future." Alot of them tend to be not predictions but advice- "visit a park- enjoy what nature has to offer" is one of the stupider ones I've gottenh...
  • Aye, , that's a platitude-cookie for ye. Curious for a while if there are/were drjummys one through ten?
  • =drjimmy11
  • "You will find true love on Flag Day."
  • About a week or two before moving to California, I got a cookie that read "You are embarking on a trip of discovery." Does that count?
  • Fortunes are fucking boring. So what you should do is crack the cookie, pretend to read the fortune and with a loud voice say: "You will get a blow job from the person sitting across from you", and then eat the fortune. And smile nicely.
  • “After the lightning strikes, not even professional counseling will help.“ Now that would be applicable.
  • I tend to get fortunes that make no damn sense at all. Maybe I'm not introspective enough but, really, how do you react when your fortune is "a nice cake is waiting for you?"
  • Well, duh!
  • not sure if this story got posted on mofi:
    NEW YORK - The cookie crumbled right for 110 people who chose Chinese food. Betting on the numbers recommended in fortune cookies, they won from $100,000 to half a million dollars each in a multi-state Powerball lottery, organization director Charles Strutt said on Wednesday. By the laws of statistical probability, there should have been only four or five winners among the 10.4 million ticket buyers in the lottery operated by the governments of 27 states, the District of Columbia and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
    the rest of the article here
  • Great link roryk! I've played fortune cookie numbers once before. When I did, something in the back of my mind said, "no way in hell, and even if, there must be hundreds of identical fotunes!" Wasn't aware of that story. Too bad for the factory workers...
  • It's silly, but I have kept ones that I particularly liked, at least until they randomly get lost. Even if they are lame platitudes. Right now in my wallet is "We will not know the worth of water until the well is dry." It's probably very "all we are is dust in the wind, dude," but I'm mildly amused by the money parallel. 'cuz it's totally true, dude, pass the bong.
  • The Incorrect Fortune Cookie I ate a fortune cookie yesterday. It said 'Storms and winds will sweep away your heart, ' And I sat, waiting for storms and winds And all these beautiful emotions Of sadness! Of desperation! Of love! But I felt not even a breeze, The yellow leaves on the ground Did not even stir. Someone was boarding up a window nearby 'Thump! Thump! Thump! ' The hammer said, And my heart said the same. George Thompson
  • My favorite (because of the "in bed" thing) said: Your exotic ideas lead you to many exciting, new adventures!