September 01, 2005

• YOU ALL SUCK DICK er. hi. A common typo. the keys are like right next to each other. This is comedy gold.
• The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? My thoughts exactly.
• Ouroboros: lets play Pong Ok. | . . | | . . | | . | . Whoops
• This is very funny.
• How many of these do you think are real?
• I don't care if they make me laugh.
• Hilarious!
• IRC is just multiplayer notepad. See, that's a true Zen saying.
• AwesX0rm3D!1!! ))) to Teabashi!
• OK, bookmarked. You have the Chymo bookmark seal of approval. The duck one put it over the top.
• I just finished the duck one. I can't fucking breathe.
• Huh. I thought this was one of the well-known sites, like the Onion or Something Awful. Oops. Anyway, I've been keeping a list of favorite bash quotes over the course of several months now, and I'm not really sure why...my all-time favorite: t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say... BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES BlackAdder> IN FACT BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG *** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.* *** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( ) t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right CRCError> right heartless> Right. r3v> right
• My work filters always block the funniest stuff. I'm counting on you monkies to provide the choicest cuts until I get home.
• I swear to god I've just heard a duck tell a joke o...k there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental it looked just like duck stand-up comedy
• The Internet is great, but the best thing it's ever done is when a bored schoolfriend of mine set the school's website's background to Goatse. It was so great when the IT teacher opened the page on a huge projection screen, and without looking at it, said "We, shall be attemping THIS, boys!"
• Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness? AvatarOfSolusek: no AvatarOfSolusek: well AvatarOfSolusek: thier slowness Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs AvatarOfSolusek: lol Jakefeb3: now i have a plan Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable
• Real life should have a fucking search function, or something. I need my socks. heh
• Okay, the unstoppable turtle is gold.
• haha Stupid fucking Google "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search
• maddox owns. <@maddox> FUCK! <@maddox> my mom just found my website <+DMTec> isn't she proud? <+khoveraki> ha <@naken> you've been on tv 2 times, in the newspapers several times, been banned from a country, has 40 million pageviews <@naken> and you didn't tell your mother? <@maddox> "what is this? Did you draw this? It looks like a penis." "No mom, I didn't draw a penis" <+DMTec> ROFL <+DMTec> "no mom, i didn't draw a penis" thats good <@maddox> now she's crying haha, your mom doesn't know about your website? <@maddox> (on the phone) <+DMTec> maddox: did she see the "suprise - I have a penis"-greeting card? <@maddox> dmtec: oh fuck, I forgot about that.. yeah I guess I did draw a penis. bahahahaha <@maddox> hahahahahaha she just said "I wish I would have died and not raised you" <+khoveraki> rofl <@maddox> she hung up You are dispwned maddox
• I think the clog is bonged LOL whoa...I think the BONG is CLOGGED
• There's an RSS feed for new quotes, by the way. This has always been a favorite of mine: <[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
• MonkeyFilter: You are dispwned. MonkeyFilter: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable
• Monkeyfilter: Why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? That has been my favorite for as long as I've known about bash. (Incidentally, for all the geeky monkeys out there, I was first introduced to bash when a cs friend of mine told me to go there, and I was expecting to see something like this. Fortunately, I was mistaken)
• Others seek socks. And I thought it woz just us.
• docsigma2000: jesus christ man docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead c8info: Why? docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour. docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for??? docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it. docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites. docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance. ** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer) Damn, there's this cool site I like in New Zealand. Ironically, Dreadnought told me that JaNet was charging universities extra for transAtlantic tranfers. This seemed so strange to me.
• Those of us who were on Usenet back when it was all computer geeks, scientists, and university students remember when the tsunami of AOLusers came in. We thought it was the Gotterdammerung... until WebTV came and revealed the AOLusers as veritable towering geniuses compared to the slope-browed, mouth-breathing idiocy they displayed. They made "ME TOOO!" sound like a work of Shakespeare. I have actually seen this exact thing said by someone independantly on usenet, years ago. :D
• Oh man, I had forgotten about WebTV.
• what should I give sister for unzipping? Um. Ten bucks? no I mean like, WinZip?
• I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat The girl started crying and left class ^^
• *wipes tears, forwards link home*
• Thank you for listening to me. You know your a really good listener. Sweety please say something. Ok I'm back.
• hehehe... you dont really NEED pants.. they're just a nice to have i only have them for the pockets
• <+EvanTH> You'll have to be Smacky The Heroin bear. <+Kulstad> w00t!! <+EvanTH> You must sit in a corner and lose your hair <+EvanTH> All the children will laugh and stare <+Kulstad> you mean like Fuzzy Wuzzy <+EvanTH> For you will be Smacky, the stiff-veined bear <+EvanTH> yes. <+EvanTH> Sometimes I wonder why the hell I even let myself type. (I've got a year's worth of these things saved in a folder. Dammit- I had work to do today...)
• <[ric]> god, damnit... wished I had never started on that gothornot.com ... I'll never get any work done now. Thank you so much for this link, Alnedra!
• wtf ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship who the hell watches jump rope competiti--- ooh bouncy mdiym42: note to self mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing them if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN MonkeyFilter: ooh, bouncy I. can't. catch. my. breath.
• laughing far too hard to stay employed...hope the guy who monitors our internet is entertained. "Queer Eye For A Straight Guy" would be better if at the end of the episode the five gay guys combined into a giant one at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4
• Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn. man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
• Sadly the bash.org version of the legendary bloodninja dialogues are incomplete. This is what you want. ooh yeah.
• I made it to the Harry Potter Wand/Wang conversion, and had to stop, lest my co-workers start wondering why I am laughing, and thus ruining the office productivity for the rest of the day. I remember some of these, but will definitely have to add the RSS feed. Hooray for the Internets.
• gamemastax: you know how my parents are divorced right? DrJerad: yeah gamemastax: Well I just had a talk with my mom. gamemastax: i told her i didn't want to live with her anymore gamemastax: she started crying DrJerad: Why did you tell her that? gamemastax: because I don't want to? DrJerad: Why not? gamemastax: because her computer only has 64 mb of RAM gamemastax: and that's just not enough to run world of warcraft smoothly
• i think i just realized what i have been doing wrong with my life. i make goals... but the goals are things like: "I am going to eat this 10-pack of tacos if it kills me."
• My friend thought this was pretty cool so he wrote his own version of bash.org. Then he god DOS'd by the people who ran bash and other fun stuff. But there are more quotes there, in case you want to read more.
• Bloodninja: See also Jdogg
• I don't quite get this. How are these captured?
• They're submitted, then (eventually) accepted or rejected by the moderators. Theoretically if you mark something "sux" it'll be looked at again and possibly removed.
• once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, "'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404. *cries*, scary....
• *wipes tears off face* I think I've hurt myself.
• Roses are red, violets are blue, badger badger badger, badger badger mushroom!
• You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war.
• If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner
• Alnedra, did anyone offer you a Pop Tart to go with your bananas? You really should have a Pop Tart, because this was a helluva post! (even if it was a double post!) Na, it wasn't. I'm just pullin' yer banana.
• *enjoys Pop Tart* Thnksh, Grmma. /mouth full