August 21, 2005

• You do get the impression that this must be because it's the only one half of the people gushing about it have actually seen. I'm enjoying the fact that England finally have a team capable of competing, but with getting on for 150 years of England-Australia series I'd have to agree hyperbole would be the word. From an English point of view, I'd quite like to have been around for the 1956 Ashes.
• Cricket is boring.
• Ashes of 2005? Oh, these!
• Cricket is boring Not if you use frying pans.
• Cricket is boring. But no less boring than any other spectator sport.
• Gaaahh, that should be no more boring..
• "But no less boring than any other spectator sport." I think that virtually any other spectator sport is quite a bit less boring than cricket, actually. Oh, perhaps golf is more boring. Hurley is definitely less boring.
• Cricket should be more like this.
• The most accurate definition of cricket that I've heard is "Organised Loafing."
• ..."Organized Loafing" This, with Pym's, is why cricket is worthwhile.
• Pimm's?
• Well, lo and bee-holed! Another spelling disaster! Not a spelling bee. Nor a gin- drinker.
• Gaaahh, that should be no more boring. Try ice hockey. Not on TV -- in person.
• Currently listening to England painfully chasing a small total for the win against the genius of Shane Warne, I am more inclined to think this series really is something special.
• Christ, that was tense! Well done England.
• Damn, I have to go to sleep at lunchtime! (Local time and all that.) Sounds like a good one, well done to the victors.
• England name squad of 30 (!) for Ashes defence
• oh boy...... here we go....
• And in 25 minutes, it all starts again.
• And Australia stand at 50000-3 or something at close of day. Uh-oh.
• Not that we're worried.
• Hmm. England 53-3 on an ideal batting surface. The optimist in me would like to point out that we lost the first test last time around, and still went on to win. The realist, however, is bracing itself for a whitewash. As for the pessimist, well, it's wondering whether you can lose a five match series 6-0.
• I think it's great we got our utter capitulation in early. Saves on all that tension that often accompanies a genuine sporting contest.
• Really, you guys.
• Well, there's capitulation, and then there's 157 all out. The only hope is that Australia's decision not to enforce the follow-on will prove to be an enormous act of hubris, and England's brave batsmen will dig in and force a... That'll be the same batsmen who were 157 all out. Clutching at straws.
• The only hope is that Australia's decision not to enforce the follow-on will prove to be an enormous act of hubris Or just a little rest for the Oz bowlers and further torture in the sun for the English fielders, while the cracks in the wicket open further (hey Warnie!) and the Pom bats are denied the chance to get scorey and comfortable. Well, either that or item one on the menu is total and utter humiliation and the placing of foot on neck at the earliest opportunity.
• All I can say is it's making Marcus Trescothick look prescient. You're better off out of this debacle.
• I'm still trying to decide whether or not to go to the Adelaide test. I mean, Australia DID win the first test in England and we all know what happened next right?
• Polychrome, I admire your optimism, but I think Wolof is closer to the truth. We are, as they used to say, dooooomed. What are we? 56-2 chasing six hundred and something? There's a reason I'm drunk and avoiding Australians.
• threefer now...
• Oh for fuck's sake...
• Minor derail: England rugby seems to be in even worse shape than the cricket. According to the BBC: Robinson's team were booed off the pitch by the Twickenham crowd for the second time in three matches after their 25-14 defeat against South Africa on Saturday. Looks like Robinson will be forced out, and about time too.
• Yes indeed, we're living through a golden age of English sporting ineptitude. That said, 293-5, with a possible thunderstorm on the way. God may yet reveal himself to be an Englishman.
• Or perhaps not. But they'd be biased, no?
• . See you Friday.
• Just enough showing in the batting to torture me with false hopes, should magic Monty be allowed to play too (and surely he has to now). I had to laugh at the Guardian journo's offering of a ground record fourth innings total as some crumb of comfort. Surely that came mostly because no one else was chasing such a big target with so long to fail to do it in.
• It seems Monty won't be playing, which I find a baffling decision.
• Going to be tough for the Poms from here.
• There's an understatement. Still, batting collapses are what made the Empire great. (And well played Warne and Australia)
• I believe the full name is Shane fucking Warne, bob. /sobs
• English hopes of retaining the Ashes at this stage are somewhere between "exceedingly unlikely" and nil.
• English hopes of retaining a shred of dignity have a similar prognosis.
• Well, that's that Well done the Aussies, and stuff, and whatever, and so on.
• At least we put up a good fight and gave the still excellent Australian side a really good contest...err, hang on. Whitewash on the cards!
• Whitewash on the cards! It could always rain in Sydney, you know. Not that the rain seemed to do a lot today. I think Fred is a genius cricketer, but wouldn't he seem to be a bit overloaded? I'd have thought after whacking Pakistan in England — something you fellows were unable to manage since 1984 or whatever — wouldn't sticking with the chap and letting him do his job have been the best option? To say more or less nothing of this Vaughan nonsense.
• What price 5-0?
• (With all the love in the world to my English friends, naturally.)
• Glenn McGrath predicted at the start that Australia would win the series 16-0, and that's always seemed the clever bet to me.
• England feels your love, Wolof. Hasn't been a 5-0 since 1921, I think. We're living history. Bah humbug.
• Er, I was referring to Strauss upthread with the whole whacking Pakistan business, obviously. Must have been too overwrought to type the fellow's name.
• Having had a few days to let the humiliation really sink in, I will say (granted, through somewhat gritted teeth), well done Australia. The first 5-0 in 86 years is, I suppose, a fitting send off for Messrs Warne, McGrath, and Langer. Truly greats of the game. See you in 2009.
• No, matey, see you for the one-dayers.* Yeah, I felt a bit bummed about the whole thing too. Expecting a rumble or something. *as if one gave a crap, one likes proper cricket
• Geoff Boycott was on the radio last night, and was asked if we'd make up for the Ashes defeat in the one-dayers. Words to the effect that we're even worse (hard to imagine) in those than we are at Test Matches. I can hardly wait.
• Heard in the pub the other day: What's the difference between a Christmas toy and the English Batsmen? The toy'll still be going strong at lunchtime.
• Not only do the Australian cricket players throw and hit balls they sing as well! warning: song is crapola
• I understand Engerlund won a one-dayer today.
• Would that have been against us? Would make sense.
• And thus is the natural order of things once more restored: Woeful England Thrashed Again.
• Sure, but they're only warming up for the World Cup.
• Yes, we'll be well prepared and ready to get thrashed in the World Cup too. Nobody does sporting catastrophe like us.
• Good Lord. The cricketers have just beaten Australia again. The rugby team won the Calcutta cup. Is it only the footballers who are respecting the fine English traditions of sporting incompetence?
• W T F Australia?
• Well, with Ireland beating Pakistan and drawing with Zimbabwe, Bangladesh beating India, and Gibbs hitting 36 off an over, it's turning into quite an interesting World Cup. England, though, have reverted to type, another glorious batting collapse against the Kiwis. Ho hum.
• That was quite something from the Irish.
• Bloody hell: Pakistan coach Bob Woolmer dies. Kind of puts the Flintoff furore into perspective.
• I just heard that on the radio. How random.
• Bloody bloody hell. Woolmer: it was murder.
• Yeah, whiskey tango foxtrot?
• Australia beat England by seven wickets. England's chances of progress to semis minimal. Still, there's always Stick Cricket.