August 16, 2005

• The secret formula is licensed to General Mills by the breakfast cereal manufacturers on Omicron Perseus IV, where they're called Mind Control O's. You should be asking why General Mills is in cahoots with the cereal manufacturers of Omicron Perseus IV!!!
• Which store brand are you trying? Publix makes great cereals, although I haven't tried their version of Cheerios yet.
• According to the 13 year old expert in my house, all generic cereal tastes bad. It is all horrible and in no way replicates the amazing taste sensations of the stuff that's advertised on television. Mothers who buy the generic stuff are evil and out to get their children, who will not forget this terrible slight.
• I eat raw oats. Even the generic brand can't fuck that up.
• I dunno, I think real Cheerios taste pretty bad, so maybe it's just a really fine line between "tastes just like Cheerios" and "tastes like soggy cardboard boxes left over after the farmers' market packs up on Sunday."
• My understanding from relatives working in the food industry is that many store brands or no-name brands are simply the same product without the fancy name/package. I will admit the taste difference, however. Perhaps it's all the rest of the stuff that's on the floor when the cereal gets swept up and put in the box?
• Most higher end generics are fine (President's Choice, Master Choice etc.) But having been burned in the past, I just can't bring myself to try the cheerio knockoffs. But their generic Shreddies are good.
• Publix may be good, but you should totally avoid the Pubix line of cereals. Just...don't do it.
• I think that the stores get the brand names to make their generics, and do it cheap. The brand names then mess with the formula so that the result does not taste as good.
• Odd, I have every single Asterix book, and I don't remember Pubix. Was he in Chieftain's Shield, when Asterix, Obelix and Vitalstatistix hung out at the health spa?
• Apparently, koi like Cheerios too, and they can tell the difference between the real and generic varieties. Of course, those of us who understand such things know that koi are actually emissaries from Omicron Perseus IV.
• Publix may be good, but you should totally avoid the Pubix line of cereals. Just...don't do it. TELL US. You know something we don't. What do they put in their cereals! It's seal fetus isn't it! TELL US.
• I think that the stores get the brand names to make their generics, and do it cheap. The brand names then mess with the formula so that the result does not taste as good I've found that most higher end store brands are identical to their brand-name food counterparts, particularly if they come in essentially identical packaging. However, I've had interestingly variable experiences with non-food items. Store brand Dove soap cleans and moisturizes as well, but lathers strangely with a weird texture. Store brand Listerine was identical from one major retailer, but obviously watered down (but otherwise identical) from a different retailer.
• Capn Renault, Pubix was Vitalstatistix's mistress. I should know, i was there!
• I'm sure there's been an FPP about somebody's Asterix fixation. I'd never heard of the strip till I spent my junior year abroad in England. When people who befriended me learned I didn't have a clue who Asterix was, it was like I'd said I never saw a Bugs Bunny cartoon. I read a few strips, but I guess I never got it. I was too afraid of what they'd do to me to admit I had also never heard of Tin Tin. Oh, and Pubix was married to another minor character, Bigdix. The Amazon warrior queen, Chixwifdix, was always trying to break them up.
• Chixwifdix.... :) HA!!!!!!
• Death by Snu Snu!
• It is a little known fact that generic versions of Cheerios lack the most expensive ingredient required for that authentic Cheerios taste: owl semen.
• Everything is better with a brand name!
• The Ralph's store brand "Kroger" now goes so far as to dare you to compare their ingredients with the competition- at least in the case of their rip off HErbal Esscences shampoo. Oh and Pubix cereal is OK, but stay away from their "milk"...
• I second the 'generic brand are just the same as the named-brand but labelled differently' comment. At least for some brands. As an underpaid and overstoned shelf stacker at ASDA, I would occasionally open a case of "Del-Monte Mandarin Slices in Delicious Syrup" only to find inside 24 lovely "Safeway's Mandarin Chunks in Gloop" instead. Were I the sort of guy that would eat fruit from a tin, I would only ever buy the cheaper generic. As it is, I prefer my Mandarins more as nature intended... ultra long shelf life, irradiated and injected with fish hormones. Mmmm.
• imho it helps if you put lots of sugar on your, ahem, tastee-Os and let em sit for a minute... which would've lead me to believe that the generic Os are skimping on the sugar (which i'm guessing is the most expensive ingredient?). however, it doesnt explain why all the other generics taste similar to name brand cereal. btw the 'new' star wars cereal is nothing but frosted cheerios and marshmallows. is it *that* hard to make an entirely new cereal? (reminds me of the old Onion headline, something like.. "taco bell introduces new product by rearranging same seven ingredients".) i liked the old skool C3POs.
• I love me some Presidents Choice, but the generic cheerios -- NO.
• I actually prefer the taste of generic cheerios. Does that make me a bad person?
• For some things, I simply will NOT skimp on quality to save a few bucks! Generic Cheerios indeed, you people ought to be ashamed of yourselves. You probably buy Hunt's "Catsup" and Crystal Palace vodka, too.
• Generic granola bars ain't so bad. What surprises me is how much better Quaker brand rolled oats are than those sold under the generic "Western Family" (The Value Brand of the West!). Not sure what happens to the generic oatmeal, but it tastes like cardboard. /carbohydrate slut
• My kids eat "Dino-Egg" oatmeal, and personally? I think it's dino-MITE! Generally speaking, I'm not much for granola or granola based products, though. Unless it's the kind with M&M's in it.
• Economy of scale. Try as they might, no copycat manuf'er can come close to the taste of billions of tons of true Cheerio's produced per day. Something to do with the barge bottoms, I think.
• generic "Western Family" (The Value Brand of the West!). Not sure what happens to the generic oatmeal, but it tastes like cardboard Oh you poor sap! In my region every major retailer has store brand Quaker Oats identical in every way. Sometimes the flavors are even better! unprocessed starches are your friends
• I for one welcome our futurama quoting overlords.
• I have to politely disagree with the initial thesis that store brand/generic corn flakes and rice crispies are indistinguishable from their expensive brand name counterparts. All the generic cereals taste like crap. Actually, I find the texture of store brand cereal to be more objectionable than the taste. I can get over the weird bitter taste, but the corn flakes are flimsy, and the rice crispies sink instantly to the bottom of the bowl to become a sodden mush. And the raisin bran is a horror. Cereal is expensive, but it's one of those things where there's no point skimping on quality. Buy name brand cereal, but save money by picking it up at Costco or Target. There, I said it. Target. I buy most of my cereal from Target. They have REALLY GOOD PRICES, okay? And the boxes are only a little dusty. (Still taste better than that cereal that comes in a giant plastic sack the size of a bedpillow, though.)
• Well, hell. I'm glad it's not just me. Mrs. Frogs and I agree that you just can't go generic on some things (Heinz, Miracle Whip, Cheerios...) but her parents think differently (limited income) and often try to foist things off on us. Heck, the cheese her grandma gets for free is Land O Lakes, so even the government has figured out that most generics are crappier. As for the store brand = repackaged regular thing, yep, I can see that, and I've talked to folks who worked in places like a pretzel factory that shipped Eagle Brand out one door and No-Name Brand out the other. But now that I know the secret, I can just save a penny, buy the generic Cheerios, and add the owl semen myself. Um.... say... do any of you know how to jack off an owl? (And on an unrelated note, do any of you happen to have an owl handy?)
• Who?
• Same as a penguin, only slower and more lovingly.
• OK, you've forced me to do it: MonkeyFilter™: Everything is better with a brand name!