August 08, 2005

• Is this good pornography, or bad pornography? I guess it's bad: there are no pictures, and it really happened.
• Cpl. H.D. Wood IV said the man reported that a friend put the lock on his testicles. He was allegedly severely intoxicated and passed out I believe "alleged" should go before friend, instead of "intoxicated." I think it's far more assured that he was drunk than that the scrotum-locker was a friend.
• [A]t about 3:40 a.m ... police assisted ... a 39-year-old man with a padlock on his testicles. [The man] was intoxicated ... [and] reported that the padlock had been on his testicles for two weeks. Under some circumstance, he was padlocked ... and then 2 weeks later got all liquored up, and then called the police at 3:40 am??
• I think that lends more credence the "embarrassment" theory. He'd probably been too afraid to do what needed to be done, so walked around with the extra metal package in his pants (which, thinking about it, could not have been comfortable). Alternatively, he'd kept himself in a Continuous Drunken State (CDS) for obvious reasons, and finally sobered up enough to dial the three magic digits.
• Nope. Not believing this was a prank. This has all the hallmarks of an anonymous internet sexual encounter.
• "There are worse ways to go, but I can't think of any less dignified than auto-erotic asphyxiation."
• No one who padlocks your privates is your friend. Unless you've asked them to, of course.
• I prefer the more classic style of chastity belt. But all those sailors in Portsmouth probably have to improvise...short time ashore and all that...
• Man, I'll bet it's damn tricky getting through an airport security screening with a padlock on your nuts.
• No one who padlocks your privates is your friend. Unless you've asked them to, of course. What's the vans difference? *badda bing*
• Dude! The term Family Jewels isn't literal. You can have your internet tricks over for NSA sex and not worry about waking up without the "boys." They have no street value and aren't going to be stolen.
• What's the vans difference? Groan... (What? Nobody else got that? Vas deferens? Anyone?)
• hmmm...that must have been a small lock. I'm thinking, you know, since one hangs lower than the other and if the lock was a decent size you could pop them out of that bad boy one at a time. I once locked a friends neck to his leg with a bike u-lock, but getting this touchy-feely with another man's junk is highly questionable.
• Nobody else got that? I did, but I thought it should be vast difference.
• Actually, what I find most interesting is that Cpl. H.D. Wood IV of the Brentwood police is apparently only 13 years old. ("Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Wood said.)
• I did, and thought it was reeeeally reaching. /BadpunFilter
• but I thought it should be vast difference. Ahhh.. much better. I knew it was in there somewhere.
• I'm gonna try it.
• Use this one.
• "...you could pop them out of that bad boy one at a time" that gives me an imagined sensory experience that I really didn't need. Yowch!
• Ye know, actually I don';t think I'd care how embarassing removal could be -- I'd want it off! NOW! This is the stuff of which the ER staff's dreams are made. Why deprive those hard-working folk of a wonderfully silly story with which to regale their friends for decades to come?
• Bol-locks.
• The coolness of the metal has a frisson all of its own.
• Bol-locks Oh, that's just grand! I think I've heard it all with regards to bizarre implements and dastardly devices that have been stuck/caught/trapped in various nooks 'n crannies of those inclined to do so (work in a hospital for any given length of time, and you're bound to run into everything you've never imagined) - - but this is a new one! [glass soda bottles getting stuck in *holes* is quite common]
• Maybe he originally liked the look? "Whoa. My package is huge man! And it clanks!
• I don't care how many locks you're packing on there, sport, you're still gonna need a condom.