August 02, 2005

Russian jokes. True, Yakov Smirnoff is known for that annoying Slashdot meme, but he also brought morsels of Russian humor to the West. Russian humor is especially rich and draws on the country's diverse politics and culture. Yet translated into English, many of the jokes vary from delicious, to absurd, to puzzling.
posted by rolypolyman 19 years ago
  • In Soviet Russia, MonkeyFilter posts on YOU!
  • oh, and: nice post! )))
  • Gold! Liked this one: An intelligence test was conducted among the OMON (Russian Special forces) involving various sized round holes and square pegs. The conclusion states that the OMON can be divided into two groups: very dumb and very strong.
  • well done post roly )))! The letter to TV company: "Please, remove the creeping line from the screen during the news! My mother-in-law thinks it is karaoke and sings!!!"
  • Brezhnev gives a speech at a Party congress, and says, "Comrade, the Planning Committee reports that next year we'll have no meat." A lone voice from the audience sounds, "Then we'll work ten hours a day!" Brezhnev continues, "The planning Committee reports that in two years we'll have no milk products." The same voice sounds, "We'll work sixteen hours a day!" Brezhnev continues, "The Planning Committee reports that in three years we'll have shortage of bread." The man stands up and says, "Then we shall work day and night without rest!" Tears appear in Brezhnev's eyes. "Thank you, dear comrade! Let me ask you, where do you work?" The man says, "In a crematorium!"
  • Husband to his wife: - You bitch! If I had killed you fifteen years ago I would have been free by now! [In Russia 15 years is the longest term of imprisonment]. Hi-larious!
  • hehehe 5.2. A young British attorney came to his office all in bruises and scratches. "What happened to you?' a colleague asked. "Oh, it's some bloody story. Yestereve, I came home from the club, and what I see in my dining room! There was that frog. Just a small female frog. I took a seat at the table, when she said in perfect English, 'If you're a gentleman, shouldn't you offer me a seat at your table?' Surprised as I was, being a gentleman, I did as she asked. I took a swig of brandy, and she said, 'No brandy for me?' Well, as a gentleman, I poured brandy for her, and the bloody frog drank it in one gulp. Then I had a slice of a pudding, and she said, 'What about me?' What would you do? Of course, as a gentleman, I shared the pudding with her. Then I undressed and went to bed. The bloody frog said, 'What about me?' So, I took her into the bed. As soon as she was in the bed, she at once transformed into a young lady, and completely naked to that! At that time my wife unexpectedly walked in. I told her all the story, but she wouldn't believe me!"
  • Call me clueless but I've never heard of the Yakov meme before so i would read these "xxxx verb on YOU" statements with great puzzlement.