August 01, 2005

The right wing, sick of the liberals getting all the good superheroes, decide to take matters into their own hands. It is 2021, tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of 9/11. America is under oppression (sic) by ultra-liberal extremists which (sic) have yielded governing authority to the United Nations. It is up to an underground conservative group (known as F.O.I.L.) led by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North to thwart Ambassador Usama Bin Laden’s plans to nuke New York City.

Oh good Lord. The publisher of this comic, ACC Studios, is hyping this as "the first Conservative comic book". This seems a little optimistic - superheroes in general tending to be rugged individualists, although often tempering that with a social liberalism that one associates more with one-nation conservativism in the UK than its American relation. Anyway. The bumf accompanying the first issue of "Liber(ali)ty for All" boasts that it has received a huge amount of coverage on American talk radio. This may possibly be assisted by the fact that three of its stars are.. you guessed it, American talk radio hosts. Whether Osama bin Laden will also plug it in his next broadcast has yet to be established. The jocks' sprightly opposition to the dread hand of the United Nations is particularly impressive given that the story is set in 2021, when they will all be getting on a little. G Gordon Liddy, portrayed straddling a Harley on the front cover, will be 90, and Oliver North 80. Sean Hannity, from a look at the preview pages, looks a lot better in his 60s than he does in his 40s, having lost an eye and a fair bit of weight and gained a robot arm. No, really. Cyborg shock jocks battle the United Nations. The surprisingly good shape in which these pundits - a somewhat doughy breed at the best of times - find themselves might well be a direct result of the "ultra-liberal" government's willingness to fund pioneering medical research - Liddy 2021 is possibly a moustache slapped on a solid mass of stem cells - but the presence of these "biomechanical" additions (robot arm! Robot frickin' arm) suggests a darker possibility. That's not metal replacing flesh - it is where the flesh has worn through to reveal metal. Ladies and gentlemen, I put it to you that the flower of American conservatism are, in fact, Cyberdine Systems T-100 Terminator units. You know it makes sense. So, question. Is this the most crass example of brand extension possible, or is there yet scope for "Strom Thurmond - Zombie Avenger"?

posted by tannhauser 19 years ago
  • Shite. On so many levels. I can't for my robotic arm, though.
  • The first Conservative comic book? What about Reagan's Raiders?
  • Bin Laden (a veritable spring chicken at 52) lasting even twelve years seems optimistic - his bill of health not being entirely conducive to cave life. I imagine that the same technology that has extended G Gordon Liddy's life (if you can call it etc) has given bin Laden cyborg kidneys. In fact, the UN running America and death having apparently been cured... as dystopiae go, how do we rate this one? I kind of like it... It appears, however, that you can't create a biomechanical lick of sense; Osama has, it seems, decided to carry his briefcase nuke not only onto the memorial site but also into the UN building, not famous for its lax security, and then take it onto the podium with him. What, was he late?
  • Wow, that was totally sweet. "Yeah..what they, you know, wake up dead!"
  • In President Ford's defence, it is pretty hard to pull a decent worst case scenario out of President Reagan getting the Captain America treatment. "But wait! What if he becomes a madman with the power to level cities?" "Gerald. Dude. Think about it."
  • The left has better comics. I'm going to go reread some Freak Brothers now.
  • Hi un-!
  • The publisher of this comic, ACC Studios, is hyping this as "the first Conservative comic book". Heh, yeah, because a billionaire / arms-dealer / borderline psychopath / vigilante like Bruce Wayne is really such a pinko hippie, after all. The whole "superhero" meme is an authoritarian fantasy. Judge, jury, and (sometimes) executioner, all in one. I suppose it shouldn't be surprising that some extremeists finally figured that out.
  • I think many people would agree that The Question, now of DC comics, was one of the first conservative (well, objectivist) comics. I mean, Rorschach, from Watchmen, was based off of him. Come on.
  • sick of the liberals getting all the good superheroes *roll eyes* There's good stuff on "both" (single-axis fallacy) "sides". For every Swamp Thing, there is a Nexus; for every Green Arrow, a Sin City. If talk radio hosts are now superheroes, what are Howard Stern's powers?
  • Ummm... is that an Apple Powerbook the robot arm man is carrying?
  • There's good stuff on "both" (single-axis fallacy) "sides". For every Swamp Thing, there is a Nexus; for every Green Arrow, a Sin City. *Rolls eyes right back* It was a joke, homes. As long as Chuck Dixon breathes, we shall have the vague suspicion that Matter-Eater Lad takes a laissez-faire approach to market forces. Debaser626: The robot arm man is Sean Hannity. As you can see, decades of oppression by squads of multinational UN enforcers do wonders for the cheekbones. Possibly Apple's decision too embrace podcasting made it the instrument of choice for rogue cyborg right-wing talk radio hosts across America. It's an unexploited niche...
  • Gah! Too/to. My own PowerBook hates my liberal views and makes me look stupid.
  • I actually grew up reading The Freak Brothers comix, they were left around the place. That is probably the only thing I can thank my mother for, apart from puking forth my vile form in the first place, so help me. /begorah
  • Obligatory Guy Gardner plug.
  • Remember, comics will get you through times of no dope better than dope will get you through times of no comics. — No, wait, that can't be right. Phineas may have been a lefty, but Freewheelin' Frank? No way. He's one of us. "I liberate these fuck books in the name of the revolution!"
  • apart from puking forth my vile form in the first place Ah, the miracle of birth!
  • "I liberate these fuck books in the name of the revolution!" "My dear sir, the library of the State University does not contain any 'Fuck Books' ... Now get out. And take your communist pervert friends with you!"
  • Oh, and Reid Fleming could easily kick G. Gordon Liddy's ass.
  • Oh yeah right - like I'm gonna have a serious conversation about the Green Lantern on the Internets! btw, where the pr0n at?
  • These Conservatives will be no match for Stalin
  • Obligatory Guy Gardner plug. Bwa-ha-haaaaa!
  • For some reason, it's a kind of general rule that "good guys" use Apple and "bad guys" use Windows. I don't know where it got started and I don't have time to research it right now, but that is not the first occasion I have seen it. Very Slashdotty, though, all things considered.
  • First conservative comic? Not by a long shot. But hey, historical revisionism is stock-in-trade for conservatives these days.
  • Have we overlooked Mallard Fillmore? I hope not- it certainly deserves mention in any discussion of unfunny conservative comics.
  • Humor, by its very nature, is not "conservative". Mallard Fillmore was the least funny comic ever to stain the comics page.
  • That's it, f8xmulder and I are going to form our own right-wing crime fighting team. Kind of like Cagney and Lacey, but with Brooks Brothers suits and night-vision goggles. We haven't thought of a name yet, but right now we're using "f8x and friend" as a working draft. Who's the "friend"? He's an enigma! He's a phantom! He spreads dread and nightmares to evil-doing liberals like delicious marmalade on wheat toast! It's me, I'm the friend, but don't let it get out.
  • Of course, for it to be apropos to this thread, we'll need someone to write a comic about us....? *crickets*
  • Fes, dude, you must check your e-mail this week. I's a-comin'.
  • Y'all can be Dollar Bill and Kid Capital. Don't miss their collector's edition double bag first appearance, fighting... The Taxinator. "Jeebers, Dollar Bill, we'll never get those interest rates down!"
  • I actually thought Mallard Fillmore was pretty damn funny. We still get it back home.
  • In Austin, they run Mallard in the comics section. I kinda wish they'd move it to the opinion page (like many newspapers did with Doonesbury). Most of the comics make some sort of political commentary at some point, but that seems to be Mallard Fillmores raizon de ettree (int. misp.).
  • I appreciated the links from orococo to the Cold War Comics. In a more theoretical "conservative" comics vein, I have the complete series of Justice League Europe vs. Deconstructo (appropriately enough), wherein the inkers at DC completely misread the entire combined output of Foucault, Barthes, and Derrida inorder to piss all over continental philosophy. Actually, misread is giving them credit for reading in the firat place. Think of it as a critique of pomo as sung and danced by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.
  • Quoth decontructo:
    Think of it as a critique of pomo as sung and danced by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.
    You know, I'd pay to see that. I reckon Derrida would have too. Foucault had no sense of humour, but Derrida would chuckle.
  • They read the entire output? That's some production schedule!
  • It's me, I'm the friend, but don't let it get out. *leaks fes's secret identity to the press*
  • *Claims Fes's identity as the friend was never really that secret.* *And even if it was, I never used his name- I only said he was the husband of Fes's wife.*
  • A world in crisis! Only one man can save us - THE MANAGER
  • I'm looking forward to a crossover between The Manager and Action Item.
  • ((( dng! I demand to be The Manager's dimwitted sidekick in Episode 2. You can call me ... The Assistant!