July 27, 2005

• a start: There once was a plumber named Lee Who was plumbing his girl by the sea She said, "Stop your plumbing, "I think someone's coming" Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"
• There was a young lad named petebest Who started a limerick contest The monkeys OBEYED And rhymes were displayed And Koko exclaimed, "mine's the bestest!"
• After his one flying lesson, a suicide pilot's confession: "I can't really stand to do takeoffs, or land But that's fine for my chosen profession." (written Sept. 13, 2001)
• A monkey named middleclasstool Felt like a simian fool He leered at BlueHorse She smacked him, of course He's now on the floor of the pool
• A young lady from Pennsylvania was possessed of a very strange mania she selected her guys based just on the size and the contents inside of their crania.
• A red-headed freak from Wisconsin endeavored to cut off his johnson. But here I shall fail to tell the whole tale 'cause nothing else rhymes with Wisconsin.
• A handsome young sailor from Brighton said to his fair lass, "You're a tight one!" She said, "'pon my soul You're in the wrong hole! There's PLENTY o' room in the right one!" (that one I stole, the rest are mine)
• You may know a poster named Koko Her posts sho a vida that's loco Between florid praises And rambling phrases Her comments are very rococo
• I've heard of the man they call Chy Some say he can shoot lasers and fly I won't believe it 'least not 'til I see it And not 'til I've had enough rye
• And now for a wee cheeky ditty Of a monkey we know as Space Kitty Whose citrusy bits Give n00bieez the fits Because they're reportedly pretty
• There once was an old cunt named Chyren Who farted as loud as a siren The goats and the sheep Would yowl scream and bleat And his limericks didn't rhyme either.
• ooooh . . . *golf clap*
• A bawdy old monkey named pete Was known to be quite indiscreet He wanted some verse That was lurid and terse And would make him turn red as a beet
• A man from a strange foreign land Tried to sell us a robotic hand It was made out of shite Stole from some building site And would fall apart right on command.
• Now, a stolen one: There once was a fellow named Dave Who found a dead whore in a cave She was ugly as shit And missing a tit But think of the money he'd save!
• A clever young monkey named quid, Under pressure, has now flipped his lid. His comments perverse (Often scribbled in verse) Show a man who is ruled by his id.
• A internet bloke named petebest Twelve sockpuppets gained by request He flamed out himself While drinking his health And put-up as his own houseguest.
• The cock of a monkey named Fes Turns out was a dispenser of Pez When he would get randy Out would pop candy "It's really quite tasty", he says.
• While engaging in sexual intercourse With a willing and consentual horse The perverted man's hole Was rent asunder by the pole And the application of the equine's force
• There's a web site called Monkeyfilter. Hats off to those who built her, She's a grand old site, that you can surf all night. Pose a curious question and get an answer.
• ooooo, kisses to petebest *smooch* There once was a poster named Chryen At limericks he kept on a tryin' That little green freak, is someone we can tweak, And that certainly is no denyin'.
• Our laureate poet named bees Writes of critters and bashis and trees While we're losing our socks And discussing our cocks Chyren is searching for cheese.
• A girl in a very tight sweater suggested I might want to pet her. My face got quite red, blood rushed to my head, but now I feel quite a bit, better!
• There was a man who'd never heard of Algiers Who wanted to help out his peers So he gave the rich more By stealing from the poor Who rewarded him with for more years
• Daisy May was a monkey one minute Posted cock stories to spin it But she truly was crass Talking out of her ass Til the monkey crowd stuck their foot in it.
• ooooo, kisses to petebest *smooch* Gawrsh! . . . hyuk! *blushes*
• There once was an Op they called Plame Who was outed (though never by name?) They committed high treason For a partisan reason These neocons, have they no shame? Reporters reported on Rove Behind Scott McClellan he dove "The whole thing's absurd - Karl gave me his word!" was part of the web that they wove. The White House expected to coast But instead they're starting to roast The press grew a backbone Now won't leave it alone 'til their head's on a Washington Post
• shamelessly stoled: there was an old man of st. bees who was horribly stung by a wasp when they asked "does it hurt?" he replied "no, it doesn't "but i'm so glad it wasn't a hornet"!
• one once heard a tale of beeswacky who was often mismonikered wacky a doggerel, rhyme he would turn on a dime to the general joy and some smacky
• So Joe was this kind of slow guy who was really convinced he could fly. So, looking for proof, he jumped off his roof, and that is what caused him to die.
• All stolen over the years and memorized: The god Thor told the blonde he was with Who he was, hence his great monolith; She exclaimed: "You are Thor?" When they got off the floor "I'm tho thor i dont think i can pith!" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx From the depths of the crypts of St. Giles Came a scream that echoed for miles! Said the Vicar: "Good gracious! Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles?!!!" xxxxxxxxxx Of all creatures that walk, swim or fly I'll take cats, though i can't tell you why. I'll not alter my course For a dog or a horse Yet for a little pussy i'd die! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx She frowned and called him Mr. Because in sport he Kr. And so in spite That very night This Mr. Kr. Sr.
• Another oldie but goodie: 1) There were two girls from Birmingham I know a wild story concerning 'em They lifted the frock And diddled the cock Of the bishop engaged in confirming 'em. 2) Now the bishop was nobody's fool He'd been to a fine public school He lowered his britches And skewered those bitches With his 12 inch episcopal tool. 3) But that didn't startle these 2 "Why", they laughed as the bishop withdrew! "The vicar is quicker And thicker and slicker And longer and stronger than you!" Ok ok...no more...at least not for the next few minutes!
• This is one of mine (guess when it was written!!) I once had a boyfriend named Joe Who is now my bitterest foe The reason you see Is as clear as can be He dumped me for that ghastly old 'ho! and 2 more stolen ones... 2 moments in Capt. Hook's past The memories leave him aghast A visit quite vile From a Nile crocodile And the time he was wiping his ass! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx There once was a girl from South Philly Who quit Greenpeace coz she thought it was silly I said "don't worry, Gayle If you still wanna pet a whale, Just undo my zipper and free willy!"
• I didn't read all of the comments. The length of it made me near vomit. If near now meant spew, That last sentence be true. I'm off to the bathroom for Comet. /slant rhyme
• you guys are tres good these are great! should I pen one too I debate? I fear it'd be lame and quite boringly tame so I guess I won't do one...too late!
• you guys are tres good these are great! should I pen one too I debate? I fear it'd be lame and quite boringly tame so I guess I won't do one...too late!
• whilst posting the server did fail "it's not my fault" you hear me now wail forgive me the trouble I caused by my double and allow me to buy you an ale
• shamelessly stolen: there was a young man from St. Clair who tried to bugger a bear but that vicious brute took a swipe at his root and left nothing but balls and hair ......................................... there was a young man from Dundee who buggered an ape in a tree the result was most horrid all arse and no forehead three balls and a purple goatee
• There was a young man named Fred Jackson Who claimed 'I'm one half full-fledged Saxon!' To prove it was true He ate Viking stew And farted out loud like a claxon.
• There was a young monkey called Pleggy He was always quite clean, never smeggy, Unlike that poor horse, He'd scrub up with force Whilst hanging his clothes on a peggy. I thank you.
• There was an odd Monkey called quidnunc His smell, what a terrible cheese-funk The stench from his feet Could clear Oxford Street Or peel or the bark from a tree trunk
• koko did once spend new year watching Las Vegas locals drink beer T'was in a casino But which one I don't know That info, it wasn't made clear.
• A vindictive bitch, Daisy May Whose boyfriend had wandered astray Put her webcam to use To film his self-abuse For the thread that just won't go away
• Can zombie dogs really look up? To find out, I slaughtered a pup Once reanimated The hound intimated The answer, of course, it was 'yup'.
• An arsehole there was, Jerry Junior He's gone now, it should have been sooner He called me a name Now I've called him the same I hope he now sleeps with the tuna.
• A ladyboy from old Thailand Grabbed hold of her dick in her hand "I can't make a decision About this incision Just as well shemale porn isn't banned!"
• Hark to the tale of kitfisto His knickers are all in a twisto! He loves crinkly beets To rub on his feets! I tell you, the man is quite pisto!
• It was Treasure Island casino.
• A smashing old monkey is quidnunc I'm certain that he is the shizznunc Although he's quite mad He's really not bad For him, I invent the word fliblunc!
• There was a young mother from Christchurch Fuck it, nothing rhymes with Christchurch.
• Crinkly beetroot's the best In butties it beats all the rest With cheese it goes fair But diners beware If spilt it will stain your white vest.
• There was a young mother from Christchurch Her good name we never will besmirch She is number one With bullet and gun From post to post at night she does lurch.
• showoff
• get stunned
• Son of a big fuckin' tit I just took a bite of a clit Though I read cunty books And work for Mel Brooks I got smothered in fuckin' ass shit
• You are a fuckin' old cunt I saw you last nite with a runt His name was Deep Roy I think it's his ploy Norm-sex is his cunning stunt
• Kitfisto so likes to eat dirt And rub it all over his shirt He puts some cheese on it (I think I might vomit) And stuffs himself 'til he's inert.
• Shitty ass bollocky prick I saw that you're suckin on Dick His arse is imploded His bowels have exploded And his balls are impaled on a stick
• Koko can not make a rhyme Tho she sucks on a cod all the time The fish cannot beat her Or teach her the meter But at least she is lubed with the slime
• For swearing, Chyren won't be beat His fucks, shits and cunts are quite neat His pricks of all sizes are bound to win prizes Despite that, the twat's still quite sweet.
• Shitty-ass fuckity wank I just robbed a cock in a bank I pointed my peter Said 'he's pleased ta meecha' And showered the counter with spank
• Chyren's a smelly old bastard And often he's thoroughly plastered Though he reeks of mold His heart is pure gold Vulgarities, he's thoroughly mastered
• Luck, it may play quite a part If you're trying to squeeze out a fart If you've eaten of curry Or lager-like slurry The liquishit might get a start
• /collapse
• Mrs. Tool last night was so hot That she could, believe it or not, Blow steam out her ears And smoke out her rear And breathe fire out of her twat.
• Chyren, he sure likes to curse Using words like 'fuck', 'shit', 'cunt', and worse His swearing's designed To appear unrefined Though he minces around with a purse
• Chyren, he wears ladies' clothes That's knickers, a bra and tan hoes A floral print dress Completes this sick mess Then he hangs out with his tranny bro's
• *Wanders into thread, pauses, looks around and hurries out again.*
• Chyren's a great big homosexual Chyren's a great big homosexual Chyren's so gay He's really really gay Chyren's a great big homosexual
• Best so far. Well done.
• Chyren eats cat shit with butter There's no doubt that he's quite a nutter He swears and he wanks And emits quite a stank Because he's a master cheese cutter.
• Koko's a scurvy old lass Who fondles sheep while she smokes grass She's a violent pisser As mean as your sister And deserves a firm boot in the ass.
• I hear you, brother!
• The IRA, they have all found Since Yourkshiremen went underground That it would be best To give bombs a rest And leave all their guns in the pound.
• The space shuttle has cracked some tiles But the astronauts are still all smiles Let's hope they're returned Without getting burned So NASA can update their files.
• Middleclasstool feels a bit itchy He's suddenly all over twitchy It could be from the drink Or some skanky ho I think But it's certainly made him act bitchy!
• Kitfisto writes limericks of news That clarify, never confuse Mostly sharp and incisive, If they're ever derisive Don't worry, he'll just blame the Jews.
• Over seventy posts, like, 4 authors. Vulgar are most of the offers. I used to like monkey, But now it feels funky, Perhaps I just shoulda stayed off'er. I'm really not that self righteous.
• A limerick, it should be profane That's just the name of the game Where words like 'Nantucket' Don't just rhyme with 'bucket' If it's not rude, the poem's just lame.
• But, kit, petebest posted the structure, I don't think my verses lame, sucker. Perhaps I am hasty, Some curses are tasty, So I'll end this sweet rhyme, motherfucker.
• Allow me a lame limerick here You monkeys to me are all dear Though my work goes undone I'm having such fun With you lot, even though you're all queer!
• I wield a wang that's legendary It's long, girthy, bulbous and hairy This rod of destruction's My tool of seduction And complements both my manberries.
• Then why is your tool "middle class" Unwarranted, methinks your sass. Seducing or not, Your wife is quite hot, And she liked when I came in her... mouth? I take a bit to warm up... but glad to be here.
• Around the back I had a look And found yet another black chook Wherever I meet 'em I fuck, suck and eat 'em But when they are dead I'm a sook
• My good lovin's what Koko wants For my naked form constantly taunts Her passions aflame, She abandons all shame And begs me to touch her croissants. On preview... planetfour, you too want to do me Hell, all of you monkeys pursue me Methinks you protest, But I'd bet you, if pressed You'd confess that you all wish you blew me.
• Alas, tool, there's a Mrs. Planet, So sex with you'd be underhanded. Now you have some fodder, Tell me how you prod her, I don't just request, I demand it.
• *applauds*
• MCT's size estimation Is a bit of an exaggeration His penis, you see Is really quite wee Except in his imagination
• While shagging a whore, quite a stunt A Moebius strip in her cunt Inverted, inserted Reverted, perverted, And what was a prick now is blunt.
• Thanks for applause all the same, But I've now raised the bar on this game I've given a topic, So don't you dare drop it, My limericks are no longer 'lame' Middle class is a fine chap, But the moral is quite clear, perhaps He spoke so erotic, But now, I have got it, He spoke of sex then gave me claps.
• /collapse
• While bronchial coughing quite hoarse In my arse was inserted a horse It's cock started throbbing I said 'whoah there, dobbin' But it's semen rushed forward with force!
• Middleclasstool, come on out and play Let's have a nice roll in the hay Stop with your teasing And get with the pleasing Just kidding, now put that away.
• Old Chymie was once in a jam So he stuck his blunt cock in a lamb Before quite defeated, It shat, pissed and bleated And now you'll be eating his spam!
• The sound of ones own voice is great, It's better to participate. Or you can keep going, With rhymes of cum flowing, Your limericks all masturbate.
• I once fucked a hedgehod in spain And I said, to avoid all the pain I'll steam off it's quills And sandpaper it's gills I admit that I've never been sane
• I'll tell you how I bring her off And leave her begging for a boff With tongs and hip waders And the helm of Darth Vader She'll beg me to prod her love trough.
• Huzzah!
• Nice work! You sick fucks. I'd just like to mention ol' SideDish For volume none matches her highness Her postings are smitten With praises and kittens Though her ass tatt is prob'ly her finest
• You may have seen monkey the Quonset He appears like a solstice, or on it His flames are like NASA's He schooled all yo' asses But his signup required deposit.
• You think you can post about quidnunc? I tell you that guy is a sick fuck! He pisses in threads And shits on our heads And jumps out like barf in a hiccup!
• Chy was approached by a girl one day who was charging a dollar a lay. "For a buck I could plow you? Well, that's quite a value, But I'm sorry to say that I'm gay."
• Let's not forget our friend Bashi In corruption his country's awashy He's a ruinous loon Death can't be too soon His legacy I'd like to quashy
• On my sammich is PB and jam I like it much better than spam I made it this morning I know it's quite boring But I'm eating it now, yes I am.
• If PB and spam ain't a thrill, I wonder what makes koko ill. As soon as I read it, I couldn't forget it, And now my head's full of that swill.
• It looks like I'm not so much literate, On a group blog, how so inconsiderate! I completely misread Koko's lunch, so instead, My recipe, please don't consider it.
• The ballad of Melody Kramer Posted self-links which everyone blamed her To increase her web hits She was pelted with shits And we couldn't find anyone lamer.
• The very thought does appall And nauseates in no way small Then I understood, And I say "it's all good" To your gaffe, I respond with a LOL!
• I'm hoping you'll answer a question... The search function's got me a-guessin'. I'm can't find the thread with pics of mofite's heads, I pray that you'll teach me this lesson.
• Here's one, if I may be so bold Though the links in it are really quite old You might have more luck And not be such a schmuck If you click on this link, truth be told.
• With all the time spent on the net, I'm not in the flickr group yet! Away I shall roam, Monkeyfilter's my home, Monkeys are great as they get.
• Dead soldiers are lined on the beach A Neo-Con's name stamped on each And although they all died For a war based on lies Dear George Bush tells goats how to teach
• Ah, dear petebest has come back to play! I knew that we'd all rue the day! But if you will permit, I'll paraphrase his wit: OMG U R TEH GHEYE!!11!111!
• And what of rocket eighty-eight? His limericks he thinks are quite great! But to tell you the truth, He's a bit long in the tooth And his humor's as bald as his pate! OH SNAP
• Why MCT, you ignorant slut I've a good mind to kick your sad butt With a good ol' quick flaming You'd get a good shaming You miserable flea bitten mutt!
• these limericks do not have me thanking in fact I would walk off the plank then, they're vulgar and foul and my bowels do now growl to witness such time wasting wanking
• Let's pause to thank languagehat To our collective tit-tit he's the tat If anyone heard A discouraging word He'd like to describe it as that!
• On MeFi they've gone all to heck Every threads a potential trainwreck Though we may lurk and linger Or give them the finger It's likely we'll be back to check!
• Kamu, I done tried that already! But these monkeys, their will is so steady. Beware of your frown, These guys will drag you down! I'm in the mire, I wasn't ready! /can't link to a comment... hmmm
• Fuckity shit piss dick wank Lickety-ass balls tit stank Syphilitic cocksucker Necrophile motherfucker Bullshit twunt rimjob tart spank!
• *applause*
• Ponies and rainbows and kittens Flowers, sweet nothings, and mittens a new baby's eyes puffy clouds in the skies And a 13 year old whos been smitten. Yin to your yang, mct (don't go there with yang)
• The cells on my spreadsheet are blank, And I have this dumb contest to thank. When my contract has ended I'll think it's just splendid, Though the empty one then is my bank.
• That limerick by planetfour I found to be such a bore To improve the verses I'd have added some curses And made the 13 year old a whore. *rimshot*
• nice one!
• MCT likes to play the young fool In his puerile attempts to be cruel He may have some gall But I know, after all That he's only a middle class stool
• Touche!
• Some recent fine postings by un- Have given us things to be done Self-linking of course And man fucked by horse Are no longer acceptable fun!
• An old monkey is Kimberly The cockpunch was served up by she They met up with wendell And drank beer with him til The Space Kitty bits were set free!
• Alas I'm ignored by petebest, All the others he's put to the test. Perhaps he don't know me, For that, he can blow me, I'm asking for it, who'd have guessed?
• 'Tis a strange request, planetfour No-one's asked for pete's input before But just sit right here And soon you might hear From petebests 1, 2, 3 and 4
• ha!
• There once was a girl from Saskatchewan She'd like it when she could pat you on that bulge in your gitch but that led to the itch and now it's plenty of Valtrex dat you on! (Sorry, that was lame. I just wanted to rhyme Saskatchewan. Almost made it, too. But didn't.)
• "I'm shocked", said Captain Renault, To find I'm in a casino, We'll round up the usual suspects, It's just what the Major expects, Say farewell to your Mrs. Lazlo.
• I'm hurt that my username "kamus" has not made me here very famous I felt that in time you would notice the rhyme with the exceedingly obvious "anus"
• The problem with your nickname, kamus (And here you are welcome to damn us) It could sound like "anus" And that *would* make you famous But I always pronounce it like "spam us".
• *clap clap* Nicely done, islander.
• Even worse yet, I say it like Camus And tracicle, how could we damn you? You put up the site, You watch us all fight And sit back as we fling our damn poo.
• Some people can call me petebest Some people remember the rest It's true I deleted Myself then repeated The signup because I'm a pest!
• A mention of this planetfour Would certainly settle the score For tho he's a clown Who lives in Chi-town He might be a terrible bore!
• One guy who's really not great Is that hosehead guy rocket88 His login'd be sweeter If it fit a damned meter But it just makes a rhythm I hate!
• The thing with a nickname like goetter Is that umlauts would make it sound booter Alas its in ASCII He posts and its that we Will read on the comments' red foo-ter.
• Petebest has been doing his research, And as a result, I've been besmirched! Regarding his verse, It comes out in spurts, We've just had a flood, now for the dearth!
• A fine and fair monkey is path Much sunnier than Sylvia Plath When dogpiling on n00bs We're behaving like boobs Her cooler head turneth away wrath
• You might not remember ol' Dizzy You're probably asking "Where is he"? We're not really sure Why he had to demure Though he's probably keeping quite busy
• Don't think that it's wendell we're snubbing He's earned an equivalent drubbing He shows up to post Once a month here at most Cause it's always that Oscar he's rubbing!
• Alright now, petebest, we get it You can stop with the limerick shit The joke is now old So come in from the fold You got heaps of posts you fat git
• Now just a tic here Mr. Chyren Your hurtful words now are just lyin' I'm posting, it's true But I do it for you! So quit your rat-bastard-face cryin'!
• Speaking of Dizzy, what happened? Did Nostril come back with his flappin? My attendance is varied, From constant to narry, So what ever became of that scrappin'?
• At the risk of your heaping abuse, I'd perhaps seem a little obtuse Not to call your attention To my skillful retention Of hot-scalding milky man-juice.
• In Xanadu, Khan built a pad-- Twas a beauty, exceedingly rad! Sammy might have writ more (Hundred lines, three or four) But he got interrupted. Too bad.
• Tenacious' milky man-juice, Is not to be mistaken with Grey Goose While the vodka is malty His emission is salty And tastes like the jism of moose.
• That Tool in a strapping fine monkey, No empty-head, mouth-breathing lunk, he! His wife's quite a catch, They're a heavenly match! So why are his socks always so spunky?
• Tool might say, "Now hold on there, Pettle! If I'm the black pot, you're the kettle!" But I doubt that you've seen a Much finer patina Than mine. I have proven my metal.
• *applause* The oldest post yet Eeked Was an accident of a freak For we all had seen The ass-kicking machine And did not want a repeat!
• Our Petebest is quite the fine verser And Chyren is a naughty curser But Pete's quite blase He'll get Chryen one day And Chyren will be much the worser
• A whole day's passed, its complete. Everyone chose to retreat. Twas buckets of fun, But fuck it we're done, and... well? go 'head!
• That was neat! :D
• I really dont think this is it You know petebest cannot quit With all of his versin' It's his outlet for cursin' Yeah yeah... i know this rhyme's a piece of shit!
• So you'd like to end it, you're sayin' And get back to your dumb Daisy-Mayin' Although you detest The rhymin' petebest, Put this in yer pipe, 'cause I'm stayin'!
• technically, that should have been 'cause i'm a-stayin' but it wouldn't fit
• That Bees is well loved needs no hyping The monkeys all know this ain't griping His poems are transcendent They're his best defendant Though he could well use some help typing!
• I'm shocked that I've not seen this page tho I've been a monkey for a dog's age at poems I'm a newbie and a bit of a boobie but ya'll know that I love center stage.