July 26, 2005

• The title of Michael Caine's book 'Not Many People Know That' was suggested to him by Peter Sellers, who would do an impression of Caine saying this, as Caine was an inveterate collector of little known facts that he would tell people at parties, followed by the phrase, 'not many people know that.'
• Dogs can't look up.
• Vegemite/marmite and other yeast-based spreads are nearly all monosodium glutamate.
• Cats can't taste sweet things.
• The Earth does not revolve around the Sun. The math is just easier when one assumes a point of reference in which the Earth revolves around the Sun.
• Michael Ondaatje can lay himself on the floor, place a full glass of wine on his forehead, and spin around 360 degrees.
• The sun is actually a cleverly positioned cylinder.
• In North Carolina, it is a more serious criminal offense to threaten to punch someone in the nose than it is to actually punch someone in the nose.
• In the late eighties, Lionel Richie spent $500,000 on a series of custom built perspex tubes to create a raccoon run throughout his house.
• Daniel Defoe based his tale Robinson Crusoe on the true-life story of marooned sailor Alexander Selkirk, who was stuck on an island with only goats and cats for company for four years. To help him pass the time, he had sex with the goats, keeping score of his conquests by notching their ears.
• Nothing that can grow in beer can kill you.
• shortly before the Tate-LaBianca murders, Charles Manson went in to the main Scientology center in Los Angeles and told the counselers there "I'm clear. Now what?" (this tidbit managed to completely derail the spiel of a Scientologist who had asked me "what do you know about Scientology?")
• Long before gaining ultimate fame as a composer/rock musician, Frank Zappa appeared as a young man on the Steve Allen Show, playing a bicycle.
• That Lionel Ritchie thing better be fucking true!!!
• Julius Caesar banned all wheeled vehicles in Rome during the hours of daylight because of traffic congestion.
• A bit like Ken Livingstone.
• Helen Keller could identify friends from their personal odours.
• Julius Caesar's horse had toes instead of hooves, and would not allow anyone but Caesar to ride it.
• Oh, and dogs can look up!
• A winged penis was the city symbol of Pompeii, the ancient Roman resort town destroyed by Mt. Vesuvius' eruption. (from).
• When a star-nosed mole is burrowing, the tentacles are held forward over the nostrils to prevent soil from entering the nose. During normal foraging activity, the tentacles are constantly being used to feel the mole's surroundings, moving so rapidly that they appear as a blur of motion, touching as many as 12 objects per second. The upper two tentacles are held more rigidly, straight out in front of the nose. When C. cristata encounters a potential prey item with its star, it focuses the lowest, shortest tentacles on the prey. Using these supersensitive organs, identification of prey can be made in under half a second.
• A square sheet of paper, regardless of the original size, cannot be folded by hand in half upon itself more than seven times. The eighth time is impossible.
• Dogs cannot look up...words in a dictionary.
• David Bowie and Brian Eno have, for decades, communicated with each other almost exclusively in the Pete & Dud voices of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore.
• Albert Einstein's last words will never be known, because he uttered them in German, and the nurse didn't speak it.
• Britney Gallivan folded a piece of paper 12 times.
• Hello Kitty is supposed to have been born in London.
• Which one does Peter and which one does Dudley?
• All the salt from all the worlds oceans will fill about one hundred barrels.
• S. 365 of the Criminal Code of Canada States makes it an offence to pretend to practice witchcraft. Presumably, this allows for a defence of ACTUALLY practicing witchcraft. S. 7(2.3) and (2.31) applies the Criminal Code to all acts aboard the international space station, whether those acts are committed by a Canadian or not. Other offences include failing to safeguard an opening in ice, anal intercourse between more than two persons, and sending a telegram under a false name.
• 秦始皇, the first Emperor of Qin, died whilst on an Imperial tour (some say the cause may have been, ironically enough, from drinking elixirs his alchemists brewed up to extend his life which instead poisoned the old bastard). His ministers were so afraid that news of his death might spark unrest and the collapse of the empire that they pretended he was still alive but staying in his palanquin for the two month journey back to the capital. They hid the stench of the rotting imperial corpse by placing carts of fish before and behind it in the procession.
• All the salt from all the worlds oceans will fill about one hundred barrels. Maybe if they are the size of kansas. One cubic foot of average sea water contains 2.2 pounds of salt
• The younger brother of Louis XIV, France's "Sun King", was a pencil.
• Which one does Peter and which one does Dudley? History does not record. We do, however, know that the Lodger sessions involved "long dialogues about John Cage performing on a 'prepared layer' at the Bricklayers Arms on the Old Kent Road and such like."
• Can I just say that I love the word 'wilst'?
• You people is making this stuffs up! And BABYS are BORN without KNEECAPS!
• I've heard that about Louis XIV, too.
• The platypus has no nipples. Its young lick its milk directly off its fur. Also, the male platypus has a venomous spur. Perhaps not that rare of a fact, but they are my favorites.
• Just before Charles Darwin boarded the Beagle for his famed journey of scientific discovery, he ran home, built a chronocycle, and travelled forward in time to the year 1996, where he tracked down the Spice Girls and asked Gerri Halliwell whether she liked his sideburns.
• This is not really my leg.
• When two banana slugs have finished copulating, one will often reach around and bite the other one's penis off. This is often the only way they can manage to get themselves apart after sex. For the rest of its life, the banana slug that has had its penis bitten off will be forced to adopt the female role in all sexual encounters.
• The word "unweedled" is the only word in the English language that was built by super-intelligent ants.
• That staircase in Batman Begins is the same one as in the video for the Spice Girls' Wannabe, a video which includes a number of hidden subliminal messages about Charles Darwin's sideburns.
• An overwhelming majority of people have more then the average number of legs.
• quid -- were those the ones that were sent into space?
• Nelson Mandela spent seven years of his imprisonment impersonating a paperclip.
• Stanley Kubrick kept the final pages of the script for Spartacus hidden from the entire cast. He wanted the scene where everybody claims to be Spartacus to be delivered with real conviction, to which end he secretly convinced every one of the actors that the film had a top secret twist in which it turned out they were Spartacus.
• The infant Oliver Cromwell was kidnapped by a monkey.
• 'Big Bird' off Sesame Street was an allegory for the Black Panther movement.
• Pleggy - please tell me that one's true!
• My tummy hurts. None of YOU knew that!!
• Giraffes cannot see meat.
• If you have already posted today, consider whether your next post is necessary: we aim for a self-imposed limit so that the quality remains high, and self-linking posts are not acceptable.
• quidnunc kid is actually not real.
• In the years 1998 to 2003, Ghana's main import was a man called Barry.
• It's wind, koko, so shut the fuck up already!
• the quidnunc kid is actually a large toothless woman named Ethel who guts fish at a cannery in Bangor, Maine. Oh wait, everyone knew that.
• My tummy hurts! Also, the little "Blingly-bling bling bling" sound as Windows starts up was composed by Brian Eno.
• kitfisto is actually a model fist-making kit created by Tyco and abandoned due to lack of sales and the fact that it made children angry.
• Giraffes cannot see dead people.
• angry and incontinent, I'll have you know.
• R.B. Bennett is the only Canadian Prime Minister not buried in Canada. (Wait -- we still doing this?)
• There is a homeless woman in Connecticut who knows almost all of Shakespeare by heart. Lately she has added Richard Pryor routines to her repetoire.
• We are still doing it. FACT!
• In St. John's, New Brunwick, Canada, "Moosehead" is a refreshing beer. In Minneapolis, Minnesota, U.S.A., "Moosehead" is a misdemeanor.
• Full Metal Jacket would have been an entirely different film if banana slugs rules the Earth.
• The following poem, that I received via an anonymous email the other day, was in fact written by a descendant of William Shakespeare LONDON PRIDE. You come to place your bags of hate On bus and train, you made us late Yet we'll be back again tomorrow We'll carry on despite our sorrow Your bags of hate caused some to die Yet we stride out strong with heads held high You'll never win, we will not bow You can't defeat us, you don't know how This London which we love with pride Is a town where scum like you can't hide Don't worry we will hunt you down Then Lock you up in name of Crown We're London and we're many races Just look you'll see our stoic faces We all condemn your heinous act You will not win and that's a fact We'll mourn our dead and shed a tear But we will not bow to acts of fear You're out there somewhere all alone There's nowhere now you can call home Olympics ours we've won the race Your timing then a real disgrace Our strength you'll find remains unbowed We're London and we're very proud.
• London Pride is a type of beer. FACT!
• "Judgment Day" will occur on 13 October 2006; however the Appeal will not be over until the next millennium. Humanity's defense team will include Chess Grandmaster Gary Kasparov and three slices of toast.
• About Cromwell? Yes, it's true. Young Oliver was carried up on to the roof of Hinchingbrooke House (where my mother used to work, incidentally) by a large monkey. I don't know how they got him down, or for that matter, what a monkey was doing in Huntingdonshire.
• Er, my mother did not work at Hinchingbrooke House during the childhood of Oliver Cromwell.
• Ghandi treasured a magic peanut which, he claimed, enabled him to yodel.
• That would explain the cancelling of Christmas and Monkey Wednesday by the Puritans.
• Allright, there's this professor from Berkeley, and what he does is he pops 'shrooms and talks to rocks. He talks to rocks in order to be able to speak with Mother Earth. This is his thing. So he goes on sabbatical, and heads up to the Yukon, in order to talk to the rocks there. The rocks are something like 2.3 billion years old, so they have the best connection to Mother Earth. He's chatting away, and he's told of the date of the end of the Earth -- December 16th, 2013. Well, it's not so much that the Earth ends, but humans evolve beyond their corporeal selves, and enter the next level of existence. Later on, he's on a lecture tour, telling other people about his conversations with Gaia, and somebody asks him "Dude, do you know what that day IS..?" Turns out it's the end of the Mayan calendar. FACT. Coincidentally, it's also my 40th birthday, which for me, seems only too appropriate for the world to end.
• Giraffes cannot see dead people. nor can dead people see giraffes.
• Coleridge wrote The Rime of the Ancient Mariner with a biro tied to his penis.
• A proper burial spot for nuclear waste is under academic institutions and in Washington D.C.
• tell me something i don't know show me something i can't use push the button connect the goddamned dots live-in thief in my bedroom bathroom commodity sodomy glass autonomy promise everything take it all away give it a rest you're lying through your teeth you're lying through your teeth who what which why who when did you say the earth would stop turning? when did you say we would all start burning? when should i make a pledge? should i listen to the voices in my head? connect the goddamned dots connect the goddamned dots connect the goddamned dots who am i trying to impress? who could care less? tell me something i don't know
• That talking rock thing is freaking me out!
• In Kentucky, because of local option, Bourbon County is a dry county, but Christian County is a wet county.
• Breastfed babies and their moms dream at the same time if they're both asleep - even if they're in different rooms.
• Celebrated author Gore Vidal is actually Aquaman.
• The word "ewok" is never said in the movie Return of the Jedi.
• So Beethoven's Fifth symphony, the one that goes da, da, da, daaaaaa, right? Well, dot, dot, dot, dash in Morse code is the letter V. The letter V is the Roman numeral for 5 which is the number of Beethoven's symphony that goes da,da,da, daaaaaa.
• If you're carrying a lot of files and look like you know what you're doing and where you're going, you can get into almost anywhere in a hospital.
• During filming of Ep IV, the inside of R2D2 was plastered with porn by technicians to keep Danny Baker amused.
• Danny Baker?
• Alright, hand in your SWfan badge. That was unforgiveable.
• Cleopatra was actually Macedonian.
• All of mine have been real except for the one about the dog. And quidnunc.
• I'd never heard the one about Cromwell, but Pepys had a pet monkey only a generation later, so what the hey.
• The movie Leprechaun 4: Leprechaun in Space is based on actual events.
• The Innuit use refrigerators to keep food from freezing.
• Mars is the only planet in the solar system without public toilets.
• Yes, Danny Baker. It was before his radio career took off. FACT! *cough*
• So aggressive is the horned frog of Argentina, that local people believe if it bites the lip of a horse, the horse will die. These people are morons.
• The Tower of London is one of only two buildings in the world that are constructed out of breadcrumbs. The other is Scott Baio.
• Irving Berlin never learned to read or write music.
• Karl Marx wrote to Engels "I do not trust Russians. As soon as a Russian worms his way in, all hell breaks loose."
• In the first draft of “Waiting for Godot”, the character of Vladimir was to be played by a bowling ball.
• Bumblebees should not be able to fly.
• In the US, there are more plastic flamingos than real ones.
• Anyone who's post gets over 100 comments is that day's King Monkey, and must be showered with gifts, praise and 'favours'. FACT!
• Alexander the Great was color blind.
• A quidnunc is a nosy person, or a busy-body. (Okay, I didn't know that until I happened across the entry as I was playing Scrabble. I figured it was a made up word.)
• McDonald's produces enough garbage to fill the Empire State Building every single day.
• The TV series "Happy Days" was filmed on ham.
• (Fortunately they don't store it there.)
• 'Favours', kitfisto? Allright -- I'll go get the horse...
• Fourteen nipples is a lot for a bluetick hound.
• You're telling me!
• The two most popular foodstuffs in Argentine cuisine are onions and a giant ear that washed up on a beach.
• "And monkeys brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington DC!"
• Furthermore, Irving Berlin never learned to play piano beyond a rudimentary level. He could only play in one key (namely F#, corresponding to the black keys on the piano), so he had a device attached to his piano that would mechanically transpose the instrument. Berlin's piano was donated to the Smithsonian in 1973.
• Irving Berlin built a big wall using bags of hate.
• Simon and Garfunkel are actually crime fighting superheroes.
• There is no hieroglyph that means "the Pharaoh’s favourite spatula".
• "Garfunkel says 'Put your hands on your head!'"
• French composer Camille Saint Saens was killed when a flowerpot fell off a ledge and landed on his head. Austrian composer Anton Webern was accidentally shot by a young US soldier who thought the cigarette he was reaching for was a gun thus cutting down the genius in his prime. One of the first conductors, Luigi Spohr, died as result of a gangenous wound he incurred on his foot as he banged out time for the orchestra with a large walking cane.
• If you twist a radish counterclockwise, you end up with a rutabaga.
• The Cups and Balls are the world's earliest recorded magic trick as there is a series of Egyptian heiroglyphs depicting said trick.
• My tummy still hurts, and I want a hug.
• In the Amazon, there is a tribe so primitive, they only have a one note musical "scale".
• We all live in a yellow submarine. FACT!
• Anal massage was invented in the Fenlands
• Also, I have a friend who contends that his anus is the center of the Universe
• Richard the Lionhearted was a big gay homosexual
• The binary representation of Jimmy Webb's classic song "Wichita Lineman" is 4.
• For its size, the mightiest animal on the planet is the sea cucumber.
• The last words of Union General John Sedgewick, before being killed by sniper fire: "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist --"
• The letters in "Oprah Winfrey" can be rearranged to spell "Armageddon is Imminent." or, "Why I Fear Porn"
• In 1947 Miguel Najdorf broke the world record for blindfold chess by taking on 45 opponents simultaneously at Sao Paolo, Brazil. The display started at 8 pm on January 24, 1947 and finished at 7:30 pm on January 25. He won 39 games, drew 4 games, and only lost 2 games.
• The world's oldest recorded joke is as follows. Barber: How would you like your hair cut today? Philip of Macedon*:In silence. *Possibly Cleopatra's great great great great great great grandfather.
• This thread is a figment of our collective imaginations
• The log driver's waltz pleases girls completely.
• A bullet will travel a maximum of four feet underwater before disintegrating. So, if you're deeper than that, you are protected from injury by anyone firing at you from land. (THANK YOU MYTHBUSTERS!!!!!!)
• One of the first conductors, Luigi Spohr, died as result of a gangenous wound he incurred on his foot as he banged out time for the orchestra with a large walking cane. It wasn't Spohr; 'twas Jean-Baptiste Lully.
• If your hand is larger than your face, you will get cancer.
• "Garfunkel says 'Put your hands on your head!'" but if you listen and obey, you're out of the game. Gotcha!
• Tuba solos are nature's contraceptive.
• coincidentally, tuba solos are natures aphrodisiac.
• Mrs Gladys Spencer, 47, of Bognor Regis, and Nig Thorgfloop t-Hardoth, the Zutor of Rigel VII, are the only beings in the entire universe who have absolutely nothing in common.
• Thomas Edison, though still in possession of his sight, preferred to read Braille.
• the quidnunc kid is not from London, and will tell you so given any opportunity.
• It wasn't Spohr; 'twas Jean-Baptiste Lully Dammit! I was trying to start an urban myth, Bone You riuned it! actually I just forgot- but the other two odd deaths I cited are true. Thanks for the correction
• Mrs Gladys Spencer, 47, of Bognor Regis, and Nig Thorgfloop t-Hardoth, the Zutor of Rigel VII, are the only beings in the entire universe who have absolutely nothing in common." Until now.
• No problem. I don't recall ever hearing about how Saint Saens died; very interesting.
• The Egyptians trained baboons to wait on tables.
• The entire global postage stamp adhesive cartel is run by the Jews.
• MCT: Everyone knows that, and this is a thread for little-known facts. kthxbye.
• On July 4 1776, George III wrote in his diary "nothing of importance happened today."
• Sometimes, when I'm super quiet, and when I shut my eyes up really tight, I can hear the little voices saying "kill them all, kill them all".
• Thomas Edison had a collection of over 5,000 birds.
• Politicians lack the gene that produces guilt.
• I think the quidnunc kid is making some of of these up. Except the one about the little voices.
• The pancreas is the organ of the body responsible for *NSYNC.
• A Polar Bear will wake up instantly out of hibernation, upon hearing the sound of a seal flapping about on the ice, and be ready to kill. Unlike other bears, it will not be at all groggy.
• Rain contains vitamin B-12.
• In the tiny town of Recess, Connemara, Ireland, stands a large stone monument bearing the legend, "On this site in 1897, nothing happened".
• Medieval gilders of manuscripts often added earwax to slaked plaster to insure the gesso bed would contain the right amount of tackiness to attract the gold leaf and have a bit of flexibility to prevent cracking during the burnishing process.
• Polar Bears have black skin.
• In Islamic theology, it is sinful to compare anything to Barbara Streisand.
• Black people are actually made out of chocolate, and are very tasty.
• A 12th century method for making a white pigment calls for bars of lead to be placed in a terra cotta pot and buried in a dung heap.
• Unicorns have the magical power to hear the word "cunt" at a party without getting offended.
• The moon is in fact painted on to the sky. Most blame Republicans.
• My dog looks up.
• The war in Iraq was totally justified because Saddam once tried to kiss my sister.
• Ginger haired people are descended from Orang-Utans, and are a spereate species to the rest of humanity.
• My dog looks up to bibliochick's dog.
• Rene Descartes thought that monkeys and apes probably could speak, but kept silent in order to avoid being put to work.
• The average black bear is born with the ability to ride any bicycle, but prefers frames of lugged steel over those of butted aluminum or carbon fiber.
• Adam Ant got his name from a urinal.
• Urban myths were invented by a woman who had a beehive hairdo that was infested by spiders.
• The 68th element on the periodic table is called "stuff".
• One of the most popular and important playwrights in Elizabethan era was Thomas Watson. Not a single scrap of his work survives.
• Goliath killed David in a bare-knuckle boxing match. The truth was covered up because nearly everyone bet on David, hoping to cash in on the 1:100 odds.
• this will be the final comment in this thread. Everyone please now STOP!
• flashboy's dog works for my dog as the London representative of his international cartel of dogs who look up.
• damn you bibliochick! Make me a liar, would you? Don't make me come over there!
• Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food from freezing.
• In order to cure himself, Heraclitus asked to be buried in a dung heap, so that the bad humours would be drawn out by the heat. Unfortunately, since he always spoke in metaphors and allegories, no-one understood what he meant, and he died.
• Everyone who posts in this thread will mysteriously die from acute Thrombosis of the Ductal Tract (tertiary) on aug 14, 2007
• Pigs are the ones who can't look up.
• Ben Franklin wanted the Turkey to be the symbol of the United States rather than the Eagle, which he felt to be of 'bad moral character'. He also invented the rocking chair.
• In order to cure himself, Heraclitus asked to be buried in a dung heap, so that the bad humours would be drawn out by the heat Which is also the origin of bathroom humour
• I can't look up.
• this comment contains no new information
• The idea of the submarine was first invented by Jules Verne, in his novel "The Hunt For Red October".
• this comment, however contains much that is new
• It is possible to get high on nutmeg. But it's not a good idea.
• Kurt Godel never ever referred to himself. how do you make an umlaut?
• 19th century American painter Winslow Homer used to put signs saying "Snakes!" and "Mice!" around his studio property at Prout's Neck, Maine in order to scare away his many female groupies who snuck around trying to catch a glimpse of him. He also walked around fondling lengths of satin hair ribbon stashed in his trouser pocket which he purchased from pretty girls.
• how do you make an umlaut? Two eggs, some cheese, an onion...
• I loathe you all with a deep and abiding passion that the passing years will never diminish even in the slightest degree.
• The original Star Trek series was filmed on location.
• The original founders of "Up with People" later became an Al Qaeda sleeper cell
• Amid the myriad space junk orbiting the Earth is a Hasselblad camera dropped by Michael Collins during a space walk.
• Nah, I snagged that. Still works pretty well.
• Everybody wants to be a comedian.
• Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2-D2, plays Bruce Foreskin in the movie Boobs in the Wood, a pornographic spoof of the Robin Hood story in which every member of the cast is a well-endowed midget.
• Conversely, Bill Bailey always wanted to be an architect.
• Your mom has a small birthmark on her left buttock.
• One reason Benjamin Franklin was not given the task of drafting the Declaration of Independance was that the other signatories thought he'd probably hide a joke in it.
• L'Morte d'Arthur was written by Sir Thomas Mallory while he was in prison for rape.
• The Hunza people of Kashmir are totally free of all cancers.
• Ludwig Wittgenstein once threatened Karl Popper with a game of poker.
• It is physically impossible to lick your own elbow. It is difficult to lick other people's elbows.
• Until 1950, 7Up (as in the carbonated beverage) contained lithium citrate. The original name, Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda was later shortened to 7Up Lithiated Lemon Soda, and in 1936, settled on its current name 7Up (which to-this-day remains somewhat of a mystery, the meaning behind 7Up that is). I've got an unopened vintage 1946, anyone care for a swig?
• The noises made by female yellow baboons during sex are individual enough that males can tell which female is on the job at any one time.
• In the episode of Quantum Leap entitled "All Americans", which originally aired on 17 January 1990, Al states he was watching Super Bowl XXX, and the Pittsburgh Steelers were playing and were three points behind in the fourth quarter. The actual game wouldn't air for another six years, but the Steelers did play and were, in fact, three points behind in the fourth quarter. The team hadn't been to the Super Bowl in the ten years prior.
• It is physically impossible to lick your own elbow. Actually, many people can. However, I am working on a plan of selective detention/execution to make sure this is no longer the case.
• Lobsters can't walk backwards. Polar bear hairs are translucent, and hollow. I'm picking my nose, right now.
• You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. You shouldn't pick your friend's nose.
• The original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
• As jccalhoun said, the first five notes in Beethoven's Fifth are morse code for the letter "V." During WWII, radio broadcasts and many films produced in the U.S. and the U.K. began by quoting these notes to symbolize "Victory."
• You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. You shouldn't pick your friend's nose. I... was about to post something about this, but guess it would be something you're better off not knowing. *sigh*
• imaginary numbers are so named because I made them up. Yes, I did so!
• Fireflies light up at different frequencies. The males fly about while the females remain stationary. Once they have copulated, the female will change her frequency to attract males of a rival group, and devour them.
• Ironically, bats sleep with their eyes open
• In selecting a mate, female frogs go for size.
• William the Silent's second wife, Anna of Saxony, had an affair with one of their staff. Upon learning of the affair, William could have had the pair executed, but instead had the marriage dissolved on the basis of Anna's mental instability. The footman (or whatever he was) was let go, and he went back to the arms of his forgiving wife. He was something-or-other Reubens. He and his wife later had a son, Peter Paul Reubens. The sandwich came later did not appear until the 20th century. I once touched a gen-u-ine Reubens in a private collection, with my BARE HANDS, when the owner was in the kitchen getting coffee.
• this will not be my last comment in this thread
• It is against Texas law to own more than five dildoes.
• Actually, I thought it was illegal to own even a single dildo in Texas (hence the term "personal massager")? Having possession of six or more "dildoes" = intent to promote.
• I once touched a gen-u-ine Reubens in a private collection, with my BARE HANDS, when the owner was in the kitchen getting coffee. And a genuine (Paul) Reubens once touched his privates in Sarasota...
• Mixing Peach Schnapps with Creme de Menthe and a splash of potato vodka produces pure, concentrated despair.
• You can own up to six dildos in Texas. However, they can't be sold as such... they need to be called "personal massagers" and "anatomically correct condom education models." Occasionally you'll have to sign a release form to purchase them.
• heh... "release" form....
• When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you, and the abyss' wife gets furious.
• And then... I fuck that abyss. Good thing I'm well-endowed.
• This is the only Monkeyfilter thread to go over 200 comments and not turn into a clusterfuck of some kind.
• depends how you define clusterfuck, smo. *giggles*
• When you fuck the abyss, the abyss fucks also you. And your mom.
• Koko's my mom, and is angling for some hot abyss-schtupping action. FACT!
• The only American mentioned in Hitler's Mein Kampf was car manufacturer Henry Ford, who sent Adolph a birthday card (with a little cash inside) to him every year.
• beer before liquor, and you can't look up. *barf!*
• I believe smo's point may have been that it was a clusterfuck well before the 200th comment?? so lets clusterfuck that abyss until it clusterfucks us back!
• *buys the abyss a drink, shows some leg*
• I hear that the abyss fakes it's orgasms. So I fake them right back.
• The Rosetta Stone was not used to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphs. That had already been done by a Frenchman. The Stone was only used to check that his work was valid.
• And that's how kitfisto's thread devolved into a cavalcade of sloppy group sex. Not that I'm complaining.
• After some research, it turns out that the_bone is correct on Texas dildo laws. The man goes by the right handle, that's for sure. OnTopic: Giraffes have no voice to speak of, or to speak with for that matter. And their tongues are blue, regardless of whether they see dead people or meat.
• "More than six - too many dicks!" is actual legislation passed in Texas.
• The average adult reads 275 words per minute. There are 7,909 words on this page (not including this entry here but I am including the names of the posters along with their time and date stamps) which means to read this far into the thread would take the average adult almost half an hour.
• Cabs in London are required by law to carry a bale of hay in the back. You know, to feed the horse. You're not allowed to sit an exam in Glasgow University while wearing a suit of armour. However, you are allowed to request a pint of beer from the examiner while sitting the exam. (the latter apparently came about from a time when beer was cleaner than water, so if you were choking or something, your best bet would be to drink some beer.)
• Nihilists I'd Like to Fuck
• The Three Wise Monkeys - Mizaru, Kikazaru and Iwazaru of hear, see and speak no evil fame are sometimes depicted accompanied by a fourth monkey whose hands are covering his nether regions.
• Members of the cat family can either roar, or purr. No cat can do both. Lions roar. Cheetahs purr.
• I'm making a cheese sandwich. Right now.
• If you play Iron Butterfly's seminal rock anthem 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' backwards at 45 rpm you will hear snatches of dialogue from an episode of long running BBC radio soap 'The Archers' previously thought lost in a fire at Ally Pally in 1953. It turns out Joe Grundy never was in the Bull that day.
• Oscar Wilde's last words were (arguably) something along the lines of, "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."
• yeah, but there are no average adults reading this page.
• Haley Joel Osment sees dead giraffes. They're everywhere. They walk around just like normal giraffes, but they don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're dead.
• Charles Darwin has a posse.
• The Canadian flag used to have blue borders to represent the two oceans it borders. /half an hour? really?
• The kangaroo has a bifurcated penis. Nine-banded armadillos always have litters of four identical pups, produced from one egg. Four is the maximum number of times you can split a mammal egg and still get a fetus to develop from each bit (somebody worked this out with monkeys, which seems like a waste of time, because the armadillo had it down cold eons ago). I should really be working on my thesis right now as I'm supposed to have it done by Monday. (Bet none of you knew that, did you?)
• You're not allowed to sit an exam in Glasgow University while wearing a suit of armour. However, you are allowed to request a pint of beer from the examiner while sitting the exam. Oh, well, fuck it, if we're allowed to do Uni myths, as opposed to just making shit up ourselves... Members of King's College, Cambridge are allowed to fight a duel to the death on King's bridge over the river Cam, if they have the Provost's permission. This is perhaps the only place in the UK where you can still kill someone without any legal consequences (wars in Iraq excluded). Members of King's College, Cambridge have permission to kill swans, which are legally the property of the Crown. If any of you proles try to kill them, you're fucked. But I can kill them like it's a mod for GTA or some shit. For real (well, maybe. I don't really know.) Members of King's College, Cambridge must defend the cows that graze upon the back lawn. The terms of the lease of that land from Trinity College specify that cows must always be grazed upon it, otherwise the land reverts back to Trinity. Once a year, the students from Trinity come round and try to kidnap the cows. (This is actually bullshit. They're taken off the fields in the winter months anyway, because it's bloody freezing, and Trinity haven't asked for the land back yet.) Members of King's College, Cambridge are all homosexual, radical left-wing, state-school educated weirdos (yup, that's true).
• Dogs can too look up...your skirt. Male horses have a small "pouch" in their urethra that collects smegma. This can harden and form what is called a "bean" thus causing the horse discomfort. Horse owners can have the vet remove the bean or can do it themselves. The largest bean I ever removed was the size of a golf ball from the sheath of a Quarter Horse gelding whose owner (male) immediately clamped his knees together and clutched himself in sympathy. 'S true!
• The Panama Hat is not panamian. It actually comes from Ecuador and was named the Panama Hat because the hat was popular amongst South American labor working on the canal.
• General Douglas MacArthur is responsible for Japanese decency rules preventing the display of pubic hair.
• Quidnunc is pregnant.
• I didn't ask her for her name.
• There is not enough group sex or cluster-fucking in this thread.
• Blue Horse just made my roll eyes, scratch head, cough and die.
• General MacArthur must have had some nasty-ass pubic hair then, if the sheer memory of that patch is enough to still keep pubes out of the porn in Japan. I mean, it's not like the Japanese are generally squeamish about sexuality... (have you seen some of the TV shows they produce? Jeez - makes Janet's nipple incident look like Sesame Street!)
• Las Vegas has more personalized license plates than any other city. Las Vegas has more unlisted phone numbers than any other city. Las Vegas has more heart attacks than any other city. Not sure how accurate these are anymore, but at one time they were all truly and for true!
• Las Vegas now has more of my money than any other city.
• In Las Vegas, you can drive up and down the road with a lion in your passenger seat. FACT! (I've seen it on TV)
• In Las Vegas, they lock the doors of the casinos at 11:30 PM on December 31, and don't open them again until well after midnight on January 1. FACT! I was there, inside a casino. It was deadsville, baby!
• What, so you're forced to say 'Happy New Year' to a bunch of slot playing old folk, and can't run out onto the street, shake strangers' hands and make a tit of yourself? Spend New Year in a casino? NOT BLOODY LIKELY!!!
• We watched all the action from a bank of monitors in the Sports Book, sipping Manhattans while the Great Unwashed chugged hooch from giant plastic cups and shouted "wooooooo!!!" out in the streets. We were wicked fuckin' sophisticated, so shut the fuck up.
• General Douglas MacArthur's pubic hair played Mothra in the movie. FACT!
• Chugging hooch is what I do best. FACT!
• Benedict XVI (Smokin' Joe Ratzinger)'s nom-de-plume is...Dan Brown!
• Sharks can look up, but it puts an uncomfortable amount of stress on their gill-slits, so they choose to not!
• 200 . . things
• I knew ALL of them already!
• Liar. How do you repair big holes in a screen? I tore a hole in my bathroom screen and the skeeters is comin' in. One of the skeeters bit my bottom! It's actually a serious question about the screen ... I tried a big piece of packing tape, and it fell right off.
• Don't everyone answer at once.
• We'll need photos of the aforementioned skeeter bite first.
• Bitten on the butty, hm? You fix a screen like you'd fix damage to fabric. If the rip is small, you can stitch it shut with fine wire. Larger holes need to be patched. Me, I'd just replace the screen, saving the damaged one to supply raw material for future repairs.
• Hmmm, that sounds like a lot of work ... how about chewing gum?
• shaving cream
• Find (or buy) a patch of screen and sew it in with thread. ...and use calamine lotion for the bite on your bum.
• But it's so much fun to scratch!
• How's 'bout some purdy butterflies to cover up 'dem hellish holes? Might work on the bum hole too I reckon.
• until you get a bit of screen, you could always hammer plywood over the hole in the window
• Crinkly beetroot (from a jar) will both fix your door and sooth your bum bite. Trust me, I'm an Englishman.
• Well, I lied about the bite on my bottom, but I may rub the beetroot on it anyway, so I can pretend I'm English. :D
• Yes, because purple bottoms are all the rage on Carnaby Street this year.
• smakee little botty!
• When a dentist numbs your tooth, chances are s/he's using Xylocaine, not Novocaine, as it is a far superior anesthetic. Novocaine has not been used for about 40 years. At least, that's what my dentist told me today.