July 19, 2005

• Don't you have code enforcement in your area? Granted, reporting neighbors can cause unpleasant rifts, but assume he is gone. Maybe there's some festering problem that needs to be immediately addressed (a sewer collapse, maybe?) Whatever you do, don't trespass or destroy your neighbor's property. The authorities should be called to investigate.
• I agree, ask a police officer or sheriff to stop by when they have a free minute, or talk to someone at the local health department. I think those are the only two resources you have. Someone should take it seriously, since this could be an issue with chemicals or carcasses.
• Local Board of Health? "The smell of rot wafts..." has to be the most arresting opening for an FPP yet. Had a neighbour's cat die under our kitchen porch years ago. Absolutely offal!
• I am reminded of John Wayne Gacy, Jr. 27 under the basement, countless more in the river.
• And, perhaps, for further inspiration, you can read the previous thread.
• I'd recommend calling the police on a non-emergency line and telling them what's up and that you'd really appreciate them having a look around. If this fellow is up to no good, odds are they may already have their eyes on him.
• He's been murdered and it's his body under the shed.
• Hmmm... Yes, I think the non-emergency police line is the way to go. Of course, if there is some sort of Cthulhoid nondescript lurking down there, I'll soon have the stench of two corpses to deal with... I mean, chances are it's a raccoon, but, for god sake's, it's something-nasty-in-the-woodshed and if I were writing this story...
• Twice we've had a neighbor die inside their place, and the discovery was set in motion by the awful smell coming from there.
• *chills down spine* Oh, hope nothing ghaslty comes out of this. Keep us informed! And hey, with a nick like "Nickdanger", you should expect such kind of things to happen around you... : )
• Note to self; Do not buy house next to Knickerbockers
• Actually, I've had a neighbor die. A very obese man who was left so long he rotted into the floor. Left a mammoth green mark on the wood floors.
• Carcass discovery in the summertime is not fun. My sympathy is with you, sir, and perhaps also with the relatives of the deceased. For the sake of their future health, may I suggest that Monkeys avoid Nickdanger's neighborhood?
• "At 11 A.M. the next day I commenced digging. I was still alone, for as much as I feared the unknown horror I sought, there was more fear in the thought of telling anybody. As I turned up the stinking black earth in front of the fireplace, my spade causing a viscous yellow ichor to ooze from the white fungi which it severed, I trembled at the dubious thoughts of what I might uncover. Some secrets of inner earth are not good for mankind, and this seemed to me one of them." - Memoirs of Nickdanger, 1924, the Monkeyfilter Trust  
• Have you taken a shower recently?
• Only bad neighbors put corpses under their sheds. Burn his house down. A guy got stuck and died in a crawlspace under a nightclub here. No one noticed for weeks, until the no-smoking law was passed, and the smell of cigarette smoke was replaced by the smell of corpse.
• "Twice we've had a neighbor die inside their place" - They died twice? The bad smell could be from a lot less than a human corpse. Cat, dog, possum, etc. are options. If so, the smell should go away fairly soon, due to the summer heat. In that case, you should try to live with it. Or, you could burn some cedar chips in a grill outside the door, or something like that.
• Why wouldn't you call the police, hmmm?
• Yeah, what have you got to hide? You goddam terrorist.
• Uh, this is your neighbor. There is nothing in the the shed. It's uh, just my compost pile. Don't call the cops. No bodies to see here.
• Quite likely some critter. Lots of possibilities other than human. Just one dead mouse can cause a hellacious stink. Possibly some creature that crawled under the shed to have her young and was then killed or abandoned them. Recommend purfumed hankies around the face and hosting no parties at your house for a few weeks. : )
• Nosegay!!
• Well, called the fuzz... We'll see.
• Get the cameras ready! We want video!
• Or, you could burn some cedar chips in a grill outside the door, or something like that. Paint this design on the shed door and burn a few black candles. That should reasure the rest of the neighbors.
• Twice we've had a neighbor die inside their place Note to self: Do not live next to Mr. Knickerbocker.
• Koko beat me to the scorched earth solution.
• They died twice? Maybe they were born again Christians.
• Ah, when they dig out the pestilent remains of some raccoon, everybody's gonna feel silly. And relieved.
• I wanted to sit in the wonderful sun and read this weekend. Nope, one of the my next-door landlord's many cats (and I'm talking a cubic fuckton of cats, here) killed something and/or died in our bushes. Ahh, the smell of mid-July dead thing. Reminds me of my childhood, actually. ..because I grew up in the woods. things died there. naturally, i swear
• Oh, our neighborhood cats just love to leave us gifts. Birds, usually, though there's the occasional squirrel. My wife had to chase one off who was trying to kill a frog the other day. Said frog was having a horrible day, as I'd nearly run over it with the mower about an hour before.
• Damn, mct, that frog makes my "the tube was 10 minutes late and it was hot" bad day sound a lot better.
• On further thought I suspect that this post is a very clever ruse by Nickdanger to cover the fact that *he* offed the neighbour. His query into the stench is therefore his attempt at a cover story. Honestly, guvnor, look, I was flummoxed meself, etc.
• It's probably leftover human sacrifices from Frost Bank (or Tower of Eeevillll). Gozer is your master, dude. If you don't live in Austin, don't worry about it.
• On preview, Monkeyfilter: Have you taken a shower recently? Monkeyfilter: Oh, hope nothing ghastly comes out of this.
• Monkeyfilter: Paint this design on the shed door and burn a few black candles. heh
• Ah well, ahem... heh heh... The cops said nothing more than a pile of rotting mulch. But how does that explain the dreams? What drivingmenuts said was really funny. Trust us.
• Suuuuure. I bet you moved the body, didn't you? I'm on to you.
• Shh! Don't let him know you know.
• Mulch? This whole cage of monkeys got all jiggy over some mulch? Mmh, and now how do I get off my brain that blasted CSI theme song? "Whooooo, are you..." Meh.
• Jiggy? Y'all were getting jiggy over a potential dead body? Sickos... and why didn't anyone tell me, huh?
• The mulch came to me in my sleep last night. It had a list...
• I bow to you Weez-man! But may I add: MonkeyFilter: I bet you moved the body, didn't you? Nick: What a wusss! Couldn't handle mulch? Lemme haul you out to the dead animal pit where one of the inbred local ranch families dumps all their cows/sheeps/horses/goats/ex in-laws. Fortunately it's far enough out in the desert that we aren't reminded of it on a regular basis. Now that's some STANK. Uh, just how many cats ARE in a metric fuckton?
• Damn, that's CUBIC fuckton. Obviously, I don't know how to measure cats.
• I don't know how to measure cats. Quite the contrary. You were sensible enough to measure them by weight, not by volume. /will do neither sans Kevlar undergarments
• Please don't hault me to the dead animal pit.
• For those of you unfamiliar with midwestern smelliage, let me assure you that the liquified chicken shit they spread on farm fields around here in the springtime has all the nuance and piquancy of a prybar to the face.
• the strangest thing is not the smell, but that you live in a basement apartment.
• more than you ever wanted to know about the Frost Tower, minus its occult status.
• My cousin Denny has a corpse pit on his pig farm. I think it's pretty much standard for cattle breeders. Yes, it does put up a pong.
• A kid went missing on New Years Eve at Michigan State University a few years back. His face was plastered on flyers and billboards all over the area. His body wasn't found until spring, in the Cedar River, right behind my boyfriend's apartment complex. It had gotten hung up on some branches and debris and one day the water level was low enough for someone to notice the fabric of his shirt. Not a week before the discovery, I stood on the riverbank, looking right in his direction, and noted the smell of rotting flesh. I assumed it was a dead possum or something.
• Which is why I am glad (though a bit embarrased) that I called the fuzz. I mean, it could have been a possum, for god's sake!
• You know, it's not really a tagline as such, but I do think that Chyren's statement deserves to be immortalized-- MonkeyFilter: My cousin Denny has a corpse pit on his pig farm. Never did I think I'd read words arranged into that particular sentence. (Anybody else afraid to ask him if they're PIG corpses?)
• But...then we could all be accessories after the ponging fact, BlueHorse! I think. Provided we believe in pig farms. If you believe in pig farms then clap your hands right over your nose for the stench is far worse than any but those downwind might suppose.
• No, no, no. The pigs are what you use to get rid of all the OTHER corpses. But feeding pigs to pigs, that would just be sick.
• Been a few years since I been down to ol' Denny's farm, but from memory there were a couple of cows (he has a few other livestock) and the dead porkers in the pit. It's deep n' all. You'd have to use the tractor to shove things into it, cos I think you'd pass out if you got over the edge of it, it's that bad. I think every few years he'd have a mate with a back-hoe trench a new one. There, now you know quite enough about my country kin.