40 things that only happen in the movies.I'd like to add one more: many, if not most of the people in many movies smoke cigarettes and no one ever notices, or objects. The smokers never ask permission either.
I'd say...
Movies pre-1985: All the characters occasionally smoke cigarettes.
Movies post-1985: Some characters chain-smoke continously for every waking minute of the day, the rest never smoke at all.
41. When the bad guy is finally killed and the victim lays back to catch a breath, a fleet of cop cars will roll up within 30 seconds, whether or not anyone called them.
#6 totally ruined my enjoyment of From Justin to Kelly.
-If you walk into a 7-11 and ask for a pack of smokes, the clerk will always give you your favorite brand without asking.
-In space, everyone can always hear you scream. And everything else too.
-Forget the police. They're a bunch of fat idiots eating donuts. You can take out those terrorists all by yourself!
-If you put on glasses, no one will recognize you.
-All female librarians have a magic chopstick in their hair which, when pulled, will cause luscious curls to spill forth.
-Bullet-proof vests will absorb and distribute 100% of the impact force, turning a bullet shot into little more than a weak punch. (unless you're Agent Cooper)
-Conversely, the impact of a bullet upon bare skin causes a square-law-force impact which flings the victim hundreds of feet backwards
-If you break up with your boy\girlfriend, you will immediately think of all your happy times together as a sad song plays.
-The 6-year-old will be the most intelligent and well-spoken member of your group.
-Will Farrell and Nicole Kidman, together at last.
All female librarians have a magic chopstick in their hair...)!
And, come to think of it, I've never noticed a male librarian in a movie.
Daresay I see the wrong movies..
A novice entering a new discipline will always beat people who have been training their whole lives in the art, practice.
Oh yeah, that reminds of another thing that only happens in the movies. Some guy has a mildly novel idea about what to do about the conflict in the film and all the other characters are totally impressed by his originality and take on the idea immediately, working like madmen to implement it.
In Sex, Lies and Videotape, Andie MacDowell's character asks Graham (James Spader) not to smoke when he's about to light up.
"Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living."
Not always, but I know of a few in my town that actually fit that bill.
when locked in a room or elevator, nobody ever has to or does go to the bathroom.
You can get from one part of LA to another always in under five minutes.
Elevators in movies are always hanging from cables. I even just saw this in a new building in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Elevators have not hung from cables in many, many years. Pretty sure that it would be illegal.
MCT in a unitard?
uhmyang, it's even worse in literature where no one peed following the Battle of Waterloo.
Tarzan of the Apes, in the novels by Edgar Rice Burroughts, manages to travel all over Africa and France and so forth, and never once empties his bladder nor bowels.
This puzzled me sufficiently as a kid I began noticing this affliction in every fictional character and a surprising number of non-fictional characters I encountered.
Alas, after years of arduous note-taking, I woz ultimately dissuaded from writing a paper on the topic. Was going to call: Woz It Something I Ate?: A Dry Consideration of the Pee-culiarites of Heroic Physiology. My advisors at the time would not hear of it, the stodgy old fools. Thus was I muzzled.
In space, everyone can always hear you scream. And everything else too.
Ahem. The New Battlestar Galactica.
I'd just like to point that out
Thank you.
It's always raining during breakups, deaths and funerals.
Believe that's known as a metafork.
bruce willis is a ghost.
n. The bad guy will get up again after receiving a perfect punch in the solar plexis or neck.
Actually, this is true in real life, too. Try it at home on your significant other, if you don't believe me.
Eh, I got bored pretty quickly -- too much silliness, too little accurate observation. If you're going to do something like this (which, as mulligan points out, has been done many times before), take a little trouble with it and get it right. I mean:
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
What does that even mean? Have you ever seen a movie set at Christmas, say, where there was "a passing St Patrick's Day parade"? The author just had a cute idea and tossed it in without even thinking about it. Summary: what's good isn't new; what's new isn't good.
Also, all single women do have cats. I've done an in-depth study of this.
I think the author might have gotten stuck on the Harrison Ford Fugitive movie. At least off the top of my head, that's the only movie I can think of where that happened.
I agree mostly with languagehat.. for example:
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
That's exactly wrong. What always happens is:
2. ... It will always be enough to pay the fair, and to say "keep the change".
It's as if they wrote their version without ever seeing a movie.
Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
What? I'd be in there just as soon as I could slip into my sequined jumpsuit. Wouldn't anybody?
Isn't that music usually just the movie's score, and not sounds that the characters are supposed to be able to hear?
But— but— the Thriller video, and the dancing zombies—
*stops in mid-costume change*
goetter - not sure I can live if you don't post a picture of your sequined jumpsuit.
Here's a couple:
When confronted by a bad guy who tries to kill you (usually with a gun), you will beat them off but not put a bullet through their head. This will enable them to confront you at a later time in the film.
When all cars in your city/state/country are failing to work due to a massive EMF pulse sent out by the invading alien force, you will not attempt to escape by bicycle. You will instead try to escape by foot or congregate in massive groups standing next to your now useless cars on the freeway. If you are a cyclist, you will cease to exist.
When you type on the keyboard, the computer makes a noise like "squeek-iddly-deek-deek". And when you hack a site, a big sign comes up saying "ACCESS GRANTED".
I know the part about the glasses, but did anyone mention that cutting your hair or changing it's color completely changes your physical identity?
And what about the bimbo or token non-caucasoid being the first one killed?
"Don't go into the graveyard! AHHHHH!"
And everyone, including the token poor person, will live in a gorgeous immaculate gigantic house/apartment. That always drives me crazy & it's worse on TV than the movies.
Bartenders always know exactly what kind to get you when you order "a beer."
Bartenders always know exactly what kind to get you when you order "a beer."
This one got me the first time ever I bought beer in a pub. I asked for "a beer". The waitress asked, "What kind?". My first thought was, "You mean I have to choose?"
Don't forget hair.
Ever notice the hair on these people? They get up in the morning with hair artfully mussed, not matted to one side, ratted up on the other. No sleep goobers, no drool down their cheek, no face wrinkles.
If there's a major wreck or some sort of gritty chase, there's only three hairs allowed to be out of place on brunettes, four for blondes. If the character goes through a swamp, desert, or is on a stakeout for more than a week, their hair might be tangled, but won't be oily, matted, and totally gross. NO HAT HEAD EVER! Amazing.
Clothing might be torn in a few strategic places, but seldom is dirty, and never has those disgusting food stains I people get on the front of their shirts. If a woman should happen to spill wine (never anything else, only wine) then the hero will whip out his white hankie. Com'on, does ANYBODY ever carry a white hankie anymore?
People in movies never sit in something icky.
Even the people on Survivor look like they have makeup and clean hair. WTF?
Not that I watch it. Honest.
Survivor sucked, IMO, because it wasn't defined like I wanted "survivor" to be defined. I wanted them dropped off in some rugged outback with little food and supplies and see who survives.
I carry white hankie ... just in case I need to surrender.
Ipeople get on the front of their shirts. If a woman should happen to spill wine (never anything else, only wine) then the hero will whip out his white hankie. Com'on, does ANYBODY ever carry a white hankie anymore? People in movies never sit in something icky.