July 14, 2005

• A small but decent SW radio?
• Would you or your parent know what your grandfather's favourite book is? Maybe if you got him an audio version of that book (since his vision is poor), he might get to enjoy it again.
• That sounds very familiar, in a sad sort of way. I would suggest something small and consumable that might pique his interest for a short time, like a variety of smoked almonds or some very tasty chocs. If video *is* an option, a brief one of you and any other relatives might work for a bit. I've seen that loss of interest in things, and it usually doesn't return, alas.
• i'm so sorry for your grandpa, shep. kinda off-topic, have you or your family spoken to his doctor? it sounds like he's clinically depressed; perhaps counseling or meds might help? it's nice you've posted this, i hope you get some good ideas. i wish you could visit, that would get my vote. perhaps send a letter announcing a future visit? would give him something to look forward to.
• Get him a 20Q. http://www.20q.net/
• moneyjane visit?
• a phonecall?
• firearms?
• If you don't talk to him regularly, maybe you could send him a card promising to call him on a certain schedule, or a phone card so that he could call you? I also second the notion of talking to his doc about depression. All too often, I think the people that take care of the elderly think that depression is a "normal" part of growing older -- they're just so used to seeing it. Bringing it up, though, might bring up possible ways to treat it.
• If you get him food, get him something particularly strongly flavored. As people age, their taste buds become less sensitive. People who are over 80 need up to 20 times the amount of a flavoring to detect it versus 40 year olds. Also, be careful that he's not becoming malnourished. Often, older people can literally lose interest in food, as it becomes tasteless and bland. Older men living alone are especially prone to malnourishment, because they were often cooked for for most of their lives and are unable to cook for themselves in a balanced, healthy way. Food isn't a bad idea -- but make sure it's easy to chew (dentures never fit quite right), easy to swallow (older people often have dysphagia, or swallowing problems, that make dry foods difficult to get down), and strongly flavored.
• Thanks for all the suggestions. I really appreciate all the ideas.
• Really good/old scotch? Excellent wine or beer? weed? it prevents cancer, you know... Or all those verboten due to health? Being 23, I'm aware of how little I know about age, but I like to think if I've made it all the way to 80, I'll be more concerned about squeezing those last few drops out of life than my health.
• Altoids. They totally fit musingmel's criteria and come in really strong flavors like: - Peppermint - Spearmint - Wintergreen - Cinnamon - Black Licorice (My Favorite - Addictive like crack, but easier to free base.) - Ginger (Tastes like ass, but old people like lots of asstastic flavors...) - Sour Apple - Cirtus - Tangerine - Raspberry After typing all that out, I think I'm going to have to buy some more Altoids...
• Hmm... do they make Altoids in Blue?
• Get him some porn.
• On preview, I second what Wezel said... When I was a kid, I would go with my grandparents every weekend for several years to visit one of my grandpa's buddies who was in the hospital. Every time my grandpa brought brandy and sweet vermouth to make manhattans with. The nurses turned a blind eye to is (as his condition wasn't alcohol-related...) and he was one happy guy.
• On reload, I second what Wezel said. My grandparents and I visited a friend of theirs in the hospital every weekend for several years when I was a kid. Every time he brought brandy and vermouth to make manhattans with. One glass each and about an hour's worth of chatter in Polish was the routine. It always cheered him up - he was one of those guys who had lots of "buddies" at the local pub, but when things got bad, nobody ever came to see him, exept my grandpa. That's one of many reasons my grandpa is one of the people I look up to the most.
• How are his hearing and vision? A hearing loss could explain the lack of interest in music. Uncorrected vision loss can make one's world smaller. Also, if he's in an assisted living facility or similar, does it offer opportunities to socialize, play dominos, go on outings, etc.? There's probably no wrappable gift idea to be gleaned from what I've said, but it's my impression that many doctors seem to think "well, this person is old and is going to die soon, anyway" and don't go to the effort of trying to diagnose the more subtle problems. At least that's what I've found when taking my 88 year old mother to the various doctors.
• I once got my grandfather a book full of photos of Brooklyn "back in the day", which he seemed to enjoy. (Probably wouldn't have worked if he wasn't a born-and-raised Brooklynite, I guess.)
• Get him Moooshy to slap around.
• I like the memory book or video or whatever. I understand your concern about it depressing him, but is he is actually sufferring from depression then I don't think that anything like that will make him worse. It would be very likely to get him feeling SOMETHING, and that sounds like it would be something that you are after. Even if it makes him feel sad, at least he will be feeling something. He will be stimulated in some way. Have a bunch of people tell amusing anecdotes about him and record those anecdotes as they are told to you in person or on the phone.
• Seconding what Bernockle said. My sister, who has some decent film editing skills, put together a video for my grandpa's 80th last year. It was a bit of an elaborate process. My mom interviewed some of his best friends on video (and even tricked my grandpa into telling some of his best stories), we converted old super 8 film to digital, and we gathered bunches of photos from thoughout his life. He loved it. Yeah, he cried, but he watches it with some frequency. And it wasn't just great for him, my whole family loves it. Just gathering photos and converting the old film was incredibly gratifying for everyone. You don't have to do anything that compicated though. It's really cheap to get reprints of photos, and maybe your family would be willing to help, so that you could put together an album?
• Family pictures and those of cronies are always good, also pictures of houses he lived in, neighbours, old neighbourhoods (might be able to find dome interesting articles by rummaging newpapaer files). Don't forget to include pictures of yourself, no matter what other gift you give him. If he's in his eighties now, he very likely saw some kind of military service, so articles or books that refer to that period in his life might be of interest to him.
• Can you persuade anyone you know to just set up a video cam and let him talk about his life? Maybe even someone ask questions? This by far was the most valuable gift grandpa left us -- his memories --and was the most important thing he had to bestow. It is harder than just sending some gift; however, collecting whatever memories you can is well worth the effort. P.S. I found out my grandad lived in Africa for 10 years! I never knew it! Plus, he got a kick out of the recollection.
• Oooh, I agree with cynnbad. We always intended to do this with my grandparents and great grandparents (my maternal grandfather liked to tell people that he "won your grandmother in a craps game during the war!") and my paternal great grandfather ran his own travelling wild west show during the depression. We never got around to it, though, and that makes me sad :(