July 03, 2005

• I used to breed hamsters, they are fantastic little furry bastards. Although they can be a little gross. Sadly, we are not allowed to have hamsters in Australia, because they would go absolutely fucking apeshit in this country if let loose, it's rather close to their original habitat (Levant area or Syria).
• Hamsters are also fucking hilarious.
• They have tiny human hands, even down to the lines on the palm. Except for two thumbs, one opposite each other. And their nails are scratchy. Christ I'm bored, you can tell, can't you?
• Hamsters also can sing and play the guitar.
• Now, you're making that up. Hamsters never learned the guitar - that's why thet're stuck on bass.
• But do they sing?
• They don't sing. Fortunately, they can dance. Note my iron self control in not linking to that page. Buckaroo Banzai: Can you sing? Dr Zweibel: A little. I can dance....
• This is my hamster, Butters! I think Butters is a great name for a hamster. I also think my medication is wearing off.
• Damn, there goes my hamster post! Oh, the trials and tribulations I have experienced with these fuzzballs. One escaped to the basement in the dead of winter. I presumed him dead after spending a week mercifully searching for him. The mystery was solved three months later when I heard an odd scratching noise come from an old sofa stored down there. It took me a couple hours to tear that thing apart, but alas, there he was! The sofa was so old that it was stuffed with some kind of straw - - which happened to make a nice giant nest for Mr. Hamster. He was bare-boned and no longer the tame pet of past. I was scared shitless to even attempt picking him up as he bared teeth and hopped frantically on his two hind legs. And then there was Romeo. He managed to escape numerous times. Once he fell down an air shaft. Fell two stories into the vent of a neighbor's apartment. Pulled him out in the middle of the night, the neighbors were pissed to say the least. Another time he fell victim to our cat's claws - - one of his eyes exploded out of it's socket... a giant gnarly mess that hung there until it eventually shriveled up and fell off (my mother fashioned an eye patch for him, which he seemed to enjoy wearing). And then there was the time my mom was fed up with hamsters in the house. She demanded that I get rid of them all. "What am I suppose to do with them mom?!" To which she said my only choice was to "sell them." I just couldn't part so easily with my beloved babies... so, my sister agreed to buy them from me! "Guess what mom, I sold the hamsters!" She wasn't very happy... Heh! Oh yeah, they do sing and play guitar. They will resort to cannibalism as well...
• We try not to mention that. I have always regarded Hamsters as the analogue of humans.
• I have always regarded Humans as the digital of Hamsters.
• I love hamsters. In my soup! No.
• aw hamsters so soft
• O hamster with your beady eyes your whiskers and your twitching nose, your mousy mask's a poor disguise for wot you do, like other guys, while on your back you now repose.
• that's why thet're stuck on bass. Hey!
• So mean.
• I have a little dwarf hamster. Sandy's totally mean. It's an ordeal to clean her cage every weekend. She flips out over the slightest thing. Everything is all about Sandy. She's what, three years old? She even scares the cat. How much longer must I tolerate this crap? What IS their freakin' lifespan?! On, and we have a dwarf hamster too.
• /pledges to never drink coffee while reading, ever again
• Congrats, Tracicle. I can hook you up with all the litter you'll ever neec.
• Hamster Butts
• Nekked tails--ick. Fuzzy tails--awwwww!