June 30, 2005

• Ah and I forgot to mention the crux of the whole thing: My ex-husband AND my ex-boyfriend will be there.
• Be yourself. Even if yourself includes scratchy pale legs.
• Pink-dotty fishnet pantyhose.
• Scooby Doo Band-Aids.
• Minda25 is right. I like it when I see an ex-girlfriend working hard to look good for me. Nothing ticks me off more than seeing an ex who is comfortable with being herself. Okay, that's not really the truth, but you get the point.
• WPDK has an interesting point. the allure of being completely comfortable as yourself is often the most attractive accessory, if you can get yrself into that headspace. its all about attitude, so just carry yrself like the queen of the fucking forest. and have fun!!
• "I'd like to introduce you to my ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend." - and there's only one person standing there. HAHAHAHA oh wait.. that's not right...
• Cut your legs off Great for breaking the ice at parties.
• There is makeup for legs - Sally Hansen "Airbrush Legs". Apparently it sprays on. I have never tried it because it just...seems so wrong. It reminds me of the lamp in A Christmas Story. Black or pink stockings would probably look fabulous, but uncomfortably warm. (Come to think of it, I would probably sweat makeup off within the first hour...) I have yet to meet a man who notices, let alone cares, about these things, but of course, you know the particular men in question.
• ooo! i like the fishnets idea, if you're a fishnets kind o' gal. otherwise, i've used that tanning stuff, it actually works pretty well. do you have time to try it out first? i've found the either Neutrogena or Clinque brands best, if they're available where you are. but like i said, try them first, would hate to see you at the party with streaked orange legs! failing all that, go with nice sheer nylons. treat yourself to an expensive, drop-dead feminine pair like from stockingirl.
• Or a brand-spankin'-new set of neoprene hipwaders would draw the lads' attention.
• Just be fabulous. If you don't feel comfortable showing your off your scrapes, then cover them up. If it's truly fancy and they seem that obvious, wear black nylons with some hot 50's pin-up looking shoes. Does this party involve a lawn? Maybe go for some wedges, if that's the case. Thigh-highs would help with the ick factor of wearing nylons in the first place. /says the girl who hasn't shaved her legs in ten years and utilizes black nylons when she knows she's going to be self-conscious about such things
• I like the fishnets if you'd be comfortable with them, otherwise the air-brush might work, as long as none of these scratches are currently open. And once this party is done with, I recommend applying Neosporin to each and every cut and scrape twice daily so you won't get scars. Making sure your skin is well moisturized will also help cuts heal with less scarring in the future, even more so if the lotion you use has cocoa butter in it.
• Lucky Monkey Band-Aids
• I'm thinking the humidity in Baltimore would melt off any leg makeup, so I'd advise against that. I like the fishnets or stockings and wedgie shoes idea. Very fashionable, and good wedgies are super comfy. Good luck! (I've avoided social contact with my exes, so you = braver than me!)
• Mmm, fishnet thigh-highs!!
• Jeans and a tee....oh, wait, that's me...erm... I agree with the 'whatever you feel comfortable in' stuff. Women who just 'are' are always the most attractive in my book. Other than that, fishnets will have the men falling at your feet. I wish i was going to a big fancy party...
• Neoprene fish-net hipwaders, best of both worlds! (What bothers me is that there is probably a web site that specializes in that...) Common threads: 1) Be yourself! Self confidence is the greatest fashion accessory. 2) Fishnet anything is the second greatest fashion accessory. Kitfisto! Back to your presentation!
• Oh but I'm bored! And the boss is off tomorrow, so I've got all day in work. plus there's a can of Stella in the fridge with my name on it.
• I read about the "airbrushed legs" stuff recently, the author said it worked but stained the whole bathroom, so. The real problem is if you do your legs a darker colour, you'd want the rest of you to match. So if you go with tanner I think you'd have to make sure you do it all over. That really sucks. I think Mandyman has it right - with the dress you described, a pair of sheer or maybe opaque black tights, with some great heels or wedges, and, er, um, yeah, please post pics afterwards? That would look fantastic. Good luck!
• Fishnets - yes. I knew the monkeys would come through! Fishnets are my friend. I even have some (I think) somewhere.
• Do you have one of those "instant tan" places near you? They do that spray-on tan thing and it's pretty cheap. I don't know how well they work, but you'd get color all over, and not have to muck about with self-tanner in your bathroom.
• Fishnets? Fishnets? Ohhhhh maaaaaaaaaan... Today is hot enough as it is, and now the mental picture of mgl in fishnets has been raised? But I'm at least 30 minutes away from a cold shower! *eyes water cooler suspiciously* This thread is useless without pics! Sorry, was that a little Farky? God, it's all too much for this overheated monkey... I'd better go -- I think Sidey's link can keep me occupied for a while.
• Sorry, was that a little Farky? Yes.
• Oh - and I'm glad to see fishnets won the day!
• My sincere apologies.
• For the Farkiness. Not that the fishnets won, obviously. Damn preview...
• *heaves bucket of cold water over Capt. Renault* Fishnets always good. Have a great time at the party, mgl!
• Your wish is my command.
• Not to rule out the hip waders. The hip waders sound good too.
• Ooo great pic!!
• Closed toe high heels. Stockings. This is my field of expertise.
• I, too, cast my vote for fun fishnets and a simple, comfy and elegant wedge that blends well with the outfit. I would recommend the thigh-hi 'nets, but I find them uncomfortable.
• ... at least on a guy. Your mileagemayvary, etc.
• Stella comes in cans?
• I like the fishnet idea. but if you do decide to self-tan-- get the foam stuff. much nicer and less messy!
• "says the girl who hasn't shaved her legs in ten years and utilizes black nylons when she knows she's going to be self-conscious about such things" You're like the perfect woman, aren't you? (Well, apparently my idea of one.) My ex-wife didn't shave. It drove her mother nuts. She harrassed Shelley all the time about it. People are weird.
• I didn't shave one summer, and it was the summer from hell - I was living at home and my parents rode me apart it the whole time. I do have dark, dark coarse hair but wtf? Anyway, I shave now, but only reluctantly and in the winter I'm as hairy as can be. And OOH, that's an amazing photo.
• Sidedish, thank you so very much for the link to that stocking site. I can't believe I didn't know about that...a fantastic opportunity to unleash my lingerie fetish!!!
• Try that shit that Nixon used to hide his stubble. heh You should see Mrs Chy's legs. She got great legs, but she has this long scar down one knee from an op years ago. She uses that tanning cream shit (and she's a singer on stage under lights so it must work) and it don't show.
• Heels! Heels! Not those shoes! They're awful!
• I don't shave in the winter either. For one thing, it's warmer not to. It's like an extra layer of long underwear :)
• I can see a Hirsute Ladies of Monkeyfilter calendar in the works...
• You guys are so cool in a general way. I'm going to throw me a coming out party and I would love to consult you.
• I've always been a huge bush supporter.
• Sometimes you gotta wade through the heavy brush to get to the good picnic.
• Another non-leg-shaver here, winter or summer. I do think about using the self-tanner stuff though. I'm ghostly pale. But that would require, you know, work and all. Primping. I think I missed the "how to be a girl" class at some point.
• I didn't shave until I was almost 18 (boy, did I get crap for that at school). I finally did so on a dare, but now I only shave in summer. /can't resist a dare
• The latest polls show that 54 of every hundred Americans disapprove of bush, whereas only 43 approve.
• meredithea, I dare you to show us yer tits.
• is the party at night? stockings...fishnet or otherwise. day? picnic? outdoors? touch up with theatrical greasepaint...Ben Nye's extra lite is my shade, but you will have to match it yourself (they come in a million flesh tones) blends easily, seal with translucent powder. DO NOT try to cover your entire legs...BLEND! if it looks too matte in places, you can shiny it back up with hairspray (aqua net is good for this)...you probably need a professional make-up store for the grease paint, but a really good costume shop should have it too...when calling around ask if they have 'theatrical makeup' do not ask me how i know this...
• she has this long scar down one knee oo! now see, i would think THAT'S very sexy. i had a housemate in college who refused to shave her legs the entire time the iranians held hostages in the u.s. embassy. her own personal protest she said. heh.
• oo! now see, i would think THAT'S very sexy. I agree. Mrs. Tool's got some good scars, one from major spinal surgery that runs straight down the back of her neck, and I think it's incredibly sexy.
• pre-vert
• ScarFilter
• I actually realised years ago that I've never been with a woman who hasn't got an unusual scar somewhere. I have no idea why this is, it's not a criterion for selection.
• Crash (1996) is a sexy scar movie. and mygothlaundry's Mary Janes rock in the photo.
• Scars are the shorthand of life's interesting tales.
• I would just wear stockings. Consider that any kind of flesh-tone is supposedly not fashionable these days; that's fine, your dress would look better with black hose anyway. If you think it'd be too hot to wear full pantyhose, Vassarette makes hose that have an attached stretch lace garter belt and straps, all sewn together. They make it so that you don't need to bother with any buckles or snaps, and they only cover your legs up to mid-thigh. You can get them at Target or maybe WalMart. If you go for fishnets, there are other concerns - I would buy them from a dance supply store, to begin with (it has to do with quality and shaping and elastic content - cheap fishnets have really different construction). I would also consider wearing pantyhose that match your skin tone under them, because otherwise A) all the things you don't like about your legs will still show through, and B) you'll be blister-prone, especially around the toes and at the back of the ankle. Given that you're wearing sandals, hose might not be the best idea; sandals and fishnets are a particular wild card. If you have the chance you might want to reconsider your choice of shoe; it makes the other decisions easier. As far as leg makeup, what you're looking for is Dermablend. Call the cosmetic departments of local mall department stores. I know that JC Penney used to carry it, but I don't know if they do anymore. Nordstrom carries it or something very similar. This is a cream makeup made specifically for legs, esp with the problems you're having. It's set with a powder. You can also try that Sally Hansen spray. I wouldn't personally use theatrical makeup; I've used it as body makeup a lot in the past, for various shows I was in where I needed to not look anglo-celtic, and it made a mess. Dermablend may or may not be pretty much the same thing, but it is at least made specifically for legs, and you can go to the store and try it before you make your decision. I would personally go the black hose route, and change my choice of shoes. Good luck!
• Why are you going to such lengths to go to a party where your ex-husband AND ex-boyfriend will be? You're trying to rub salt in their "ditched dude" wounds, aren't you. (Women do ditch men more often than vice versa you know, usually trading up the socioeconomic ladder.) By the way, scar tissue works as well as asbestos. Flame away, SNAGs and Grrls.
• I like the stockings (and the shoes are cute). Nice pins, sweety.
• quidnunc! You back! *MWA*
• Oh. Legs. Stockings. Un-shaved legs. Scars. Where the heck was I when this thread started? /gets beaten up and thrown out for staring too directly at female monkeys' legs with elated, glassy-eyed expression
• Hee hee hee. Here is a picture that makes me look fat and redfaced, but the legs are okay (nice legs, shame about the face.) It was a beautiful party & all glamour & dignity etc. was preserved (at least until the after party at the bar when the tequila came out) & the fishnets were a good call. They looked fabulous and made me feel elegant - and I got admiring comments from hunky firefighters - yay! Thanking all helpful funny monkeys again for incredibly good advice!
• Very nice. Glad you had such a good time at the party. You are aware that there was a flower stuck to your leg, though, are you not?
• Hey, after, erm, some mild cavorting in the garden, all kind of things can end up in one's garment. Just sayin':)
• Hey, you didn't mention a leg tattoo, and I think that it would tend to take attention away from whatever else may or may not have been noticeable on your legs. Great gams and gown, goth.
• Awww... I think you looked very pretty and need not have worried in the first place. :)
• BossaNovaScotia! I want that outfit!