June 30, 2005

• do you know how to hula hoop?
• Only nekkid. Don't think that'll help - local government and all that.
• You're right; nekkid hula hooping is central government's domain. Advice: K.I.S.S. The people doing the interviewing are teh clueless. A simple presentation with a simple - though profound - message is one they will remember, and will be the one that will impress them most.
• Wll, telling myself that the interviewers have never met anyone like me in their lives before is standard procedure, so that sounds pretty good, skrik.
• Some handy talking points: 1. Web design is hard work. But it's necessary work. 2. September 11 changed everything. 3. Our website will run out of money in 35 years unless we allow every user to have his or her own private web page. 4. We are involved in a global war on terror. We must stay the course and defeat the terrorists. 5. The insurgency is in its death throes. We are winning. 6. God Bless America. Not sure if they'll work in the UK.
• The generic strategic agenda from this post on differentiating yourself in a job interview might help you. Good luck with the presentation!
• Power Point is good. Also, make them laugh ... most applicants will bore them to tears. You'll do fine, chuck.
• Nekkid hoola-hoopin' it is then...
• Oh, and bring plenty of booze for everyone.
• deliver the government's priority outcomes for e-government gawd, don't you just adore bureaucratspeak? two words: baked goods. hand out cookies. you're in.
• I think kitfisto is applying for the post of web manager, not girl scout.
• ah, but tensor, baked goods work in every situation! huzzah!
• I still say, get 'em liquored up. Rum balls maybe?
• 10 minutes is very short for an interview presentation. I think your candor, as well as the material you are presenting, is going to make all the difference. *hits self for noting the obvious* *raises hands and weaves fingers in a suggestive hypnotic manner* Smile and be yourself. Don't be an akward sap. Wow them with your abilities that you will skillfully display on your kick-ass Power Point. Go knock their socks off! Do it! Do it! Do it!!!! Best of luck... And a slip of the 'ol cornetto wouldn't hurt
• *winces at the thought of a 'slip of the ol cornetto'* Thanks chaps, it's all good. Any more? Beuller? Beuller?
• If you are giving a presentation, be sure to double check the spelling of your content. A small slip like 'teh' vs. 'the' looks innocent, but screams 'lack of attention to detail' - a pretty key competency for a web manager. The smallest thing can make or break an interview. As well, Shrik makes a good point - K.I.S.S. Oh, and polish your shoes, stand up straight, make sure you fly is zipped, don't eat raw garlic just before the interview, don't try and pick-up on the ladies until after the interview and only drink beer if you bring enough for everyone. Good luck.
• Remember to only K.I.S.S., not M.A.K.E.O.U.T. That would be tacky, and may be taken wrongly. Also, word of advice, knocking people's socks off is not best accomplished by swinging a cricket bat at their shins.
• If you're a morning caffeine junkie or smoker, don't drink coffee or smoke after you've brushed your teeth and are ready to leave. The sweet-smelling guy always has the upper hand.
• I know that some organizations have banned powerpoint because they are sick of the sameness of the presentations. So if you are using powerpoint, make sure it is used to enhanse, not replace what you are saying. As a former teacher of public speaking, I have seen some HORRIBLE powerpoint presentations. Make sure the slides are readable from 20 feet away. Don't put too much on them. Don't use a fancy background. Don't use a presentation with sounds! Those are the worst! Don't use clip art that comes with powerpoint since the interviewers will probably see a ton of presentations that do that! (Nothing says lame more than that squiggly idea guy!) Remember powerpoint is part of your presentation, not the presentation itself! They care about YOU, not the slides!
• 'scuze my ignorance, but does k.i.s.s mean keep it simple and short, or am I expected to paint my face, stick my tongue out and get down to some shite rawk music? (which would at least get me remembered)
• i thought it was Keep It Simple, Stupid
• Sprinkle the word "technology" into your talk as many times as you can. So, instead of saying "style sheet" you'd say "style sheet technology". Pronounce acronyms as words. Good ones for this are "IP", "ASP", "PHP" (pronounced "fup") and "HTML" (I prefer the "hatemail" pronunciation but have heard it "hotmail" as well). In all seriousness, the real advice here seems like good advice. Be clear, simple and personable. You know what you are talking about and it'll show. Look them in the eye.
• Sidey's right -- it IS "Keep It Simple, Stupid". Which isn't to suggest you're stupid, kitfisto. Just when it comes to the merits of Ace and the gang. 'Cuz there, you're just wrong. And you'll be wrong all nite, and wrong ev-er-y day.
• A strategy that rarely fails me is Flawless Execution, Linguistic Legerdemain, And Totally Independent Operation.
• Nah -- that blows.
• haw haw!
• In my innocence, I failed to get that until now. Guffaw.
• Keep It Simple, Stupid, Treat Hirer/Employer In Respect, And Stay Smiling Ok.. that's reaching.
• A couple of points: telling myself that the interviewers have never met anyone like me in their lives before is standard procedure 1. The implicit assumption is that your interviewers are teh clueless. But is this true? Who's going to be on the interview panel? What are their qualifications? Even if the interviewers are clueless, there's danger in thinking about them that way. You can unintentionally come across as arrogant or condescending. Not good! 2. Have you done anything in prior jobs that would be helpful in this one. If so, can you bring a portfolio of such things that can be shown in your presentation? 3. Humor can be tricky. I interviewed someone once who adopted a kind of standup comic vibe. Very uncomfortable. If you aren't sure, let it go. 4. Substance over style. A few good ideas backed by research is going to put you leagues ahead of a litany of technological acronyms. If the interviewer is techno-savvy, she can always question you on the nuts and bolts. If the interviewer is not techno-savvy, she will appreciate the focus on the fundamental issues. 5. Rehearse your presentation beforehand. I know it feels foolish to be talking to empty air. But a presentation is like a piano recital. Practice is what makes it go well. Best o' lucko kitfisto
• What you do is, you take a potato, cover it in aluminum foil, then stick it down your pants. Works like a charm. (Good luck in the interview!)
• Uhmm, be sure you stick the potato down the front, not the seat of your pants. And hey, shouldn't you be working on your presentation? Git to yer room! Get goin'! GIT!
• Ok, OK! I'm working on it now. I only tell myself I'm unique before walking in to get over that 'I've no fucking chance' feeling. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the least knowledgeable person in the room come the day...
• Use photographs. They're much better than diagrams and photographs with diagrams on them impress the heck out of the techno-clueless. My boss, who is TEH techno-clueless, even more than me, keeps saying things like: "And pictures? Can you put pictures up on that?" Also, you know this, but it bears repeating: dress UP.
• Be very wary of using Powerpoint. If are going to use it, here are some basic tips: Use light text on a dark background (easier to read). Like someone else suggested, use very little text. Do *not* read off the slides. Let them work as cues/reminders of what you're talking about. Graphics are good--a chart is better than a table. A picture is better than a graph. There are some people who blog about this and who make presentations for a living--this guy's info helped me get ready for a presentation to a city's staff.
• and good luck!
• re: I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the least knowledgeable person in the room come the day kit, one of the great things about growing older (well, i'm 45, which is old for mofi) is that you finally figure out that, in general, EVERYONE feels that way, and, in general, HARDLY ANYONE knows as much as you think they do. really. i've quite often met some supposedly very important, intellectual, superior-minded folks who usually turn out to be clueless doofuses. really. truly. you rock! go for it! and of course let us know what happens. unless you bomb, in which case we'll deny knowing of you.
• Be careful. The whole presentation thing strikes me as a little unusual. (If it's not unusual these days, that doesn't make it right, and you don't have to buy in to it 100 percent if you don't want to.) I stress caution because often such "show us what ya got" interviews or meetings are simply idea-grabs for the enterprise. ... "Hey, let's meet with a bunch of people and do some intelligence gathering that way. We probably won't actually need any ongoing help from any of these people we meet. If we get enough good info, we can do it ourselves." Again, don't give them a free cow. But give them a taste of the milk. Don't tip your hand too much. If you do give a full presentation, don't give them paper or electronic copies to keep. That's my advice. Hell, just do a stand-up presentation without graphics -- unless you want to show samples of your previous work. Someone hiring you should ask whether you have the skills/experience and the drive/willingness/demeanor to do the job. They determine that by assessing your previous work and ASKING you specific questions or giving you a skills test -- not by having you jump through silly hoops like a presentation. (If you are in effect doing consulting work for them in the interview, you might deserve compensation. Check the labor laws.) So keep it simple and profound -- like Skrik said. I don't mean to make you paranoid. (That's just my thing.) Just be cautious. You might see someone else executing your ideas one day.
• Oh yes - I think, looking at what they've done so far (see - research!), I'm basically going to be telling them how I'd get on with the job, rather than how to do it. I'm including screen=grabs of their own research, so they'll have something colourful to look at. looks like I'm relying on the old boyish charm again then. shite BTW, this all really useful and I do appreciate it. Clever bastards...
• Don't forget the booze.
• I'm thinking of wearing one of those shots bandalieros, offering them tequila slammers after every question. Combined with the nekkid hulla-hooping, I think it's a winner.
• What were you going to swing the hulla-hoop from?
• Let's just say - bandwidth won't be a problem...
• 0) You should have a theory of; why are they asking you to do this? One possibility is that they are a very progressive employer and want to see your inner nature. But another likely possibility is that they have no idea how to evaluate candidates for this project. Advantage! Supply the criteria on how to evaluate a project FOR them, in your presentation. And then show that your plan fulfills all of them, bullet point by bullet point. You win. 1) Be flexible, but in general realize that people like to hear about themselves. Even, oddly enough, when interviewing you. Normally my advice for job interviews is not to talk about yourself, but act as if you *have* the job and talk about what you would do. This blows people out of their chair and distinguishes you from every other candidate. You're already being asked to do that, so you should distinguish yourself on your research. If possible, find out more about their objectives. If you can't do this beforehand, ask in the meeting, and modify your presentation accordingly. 2) After you've gotten their attention by talking about them, your second objective is to drive the meeting to expose your eminent qualifications. Driving the meeting is again something that job applicants never consider. They assume that they are a sort of test subject to be probed. But most employers *hate* doing job interviews, and like spiders, are as afraid of you as vice versa. They'll be so happy you're driving the meeting that they'll give you extra points for "initiative". Remember, "initiative" is a word for "s/he does the work I was dreading." 3) Try to use lots of uniting themes. Find something (anything) you have in common with these people and build on it. Use "we" sentences a lot. This gets their attention, and also makes it seem like you're already part of the team.
• act as if you *have* the job Yes! Bring some personal items from home, hang pictures of your cats on the wall of the meeting room, and then tell everyone to get out of your office. Then put your feet up on the table and take a nap. Worked for me for this job, anyway.
• Actually, I'm pretty good with the old PowerPoint. You need to make sure you've got plenty of different transitions and animated clip-art to keep people interested. And bright colours. Why don't you post your slides on the wiki or somewhere, and we'll all 'help' with them. You know, critiquing and so on.
• if the "typewriter" sound is still available in powerpoint animations, use it generously. it's a great attention-getter, partly because it sounds like a small caliber sub machine gun.
• Or you could just put some clothespins on your lips, and pretend to be a duck. They'll see that you completely lack any imagination or dignity, and they'll hire you on the spot. Why on earth did the Tracey Ullman Show ever get cancelled? Seriously. So completely brilliant...
• Vy a duck, vy not a chicken?
• "They want a 10 minute presentation on how I would deliver the government's priority outcomes for e-government" It sounds like they want you to demonstrate that you can construct a basic project plan. People who think like that want to see first that you understand and can articulate the project goals. Then they want to see that you can translate that into a plan of action that meets those goals in a measurable way. As previous posters have said, simplicity is key. They'll have confidence in your plan if it's intuitively simple (even if the actual execution is highly technical). In ten minutes, you can comfortably get through a title slide and 3 content slides. I'd structure the presentation like this: Slide 1: Describe the project goals in your own words Slide 2: Describe at a very high level the action plan you would implement to meet those goals (i.e. build a Web portal for the city government making available the following functions for users...) Slide 3: Describe how you will measure the success of the project and feed that back into maintenence or future iterations of the project. Approaching the job in this way shows the type of project-oriented thinking that structured organizations like to see. They'll also evaluate your design and communication skills based on your presentation, so follow the advice others have given on good graphic design. Also, don't read the slides to them. Put highlights on the slides and add interesting details as you talk. That way your slides look clean and they'll pay attention to what you're saying as you talk.
• Final advice: fire always attracts attention, i find. Try to set something on fire. Yourself, others.
• Oh yes. Fire. Extra points if you can get the whole building's sprinkler-system to go off.
• Hows about I spray the room with semi-automatic fire as an opening gambit?
• should ensure that there're several more job openings...
• So - so - so!! What's the news! When is the big presentation? Are you ready yet or what? What's it gonna be?
• I hope you've bought enough booze.
• Good luck!
• It's on Friday, giving me plenty of time to sweat. I've got a presentation kind of done, which culminates in a vague 'and this is what I'll do in the first 100 days' type timescale. Hopefully it's not as rubbish as it sounds. I'm giving the booze a miss, but am going with the revolving bow tie look. Ta, maties. I do appreciate all your help. (That was a rare moment of sincerity, BTW).
• What no matching beanie to match the tie? Well, I certainly hope you have colorful socks then mister, or NOBODY will be impressed. good luck!
• Good luck tomorrow, chuck.
• Ditto!
• Bang a gong, get it on! If all else fails, bring a sniper kitty for backup. Best 'o luck! Be sure to let us know how it goes...
• So, did you get the job?
• Well, unless the new job involves spending an awful amount of time looking at squid-eating whale finger puppets, I'd gather to say this one is a toss-up. Hope you didn't poison them with Koko's special hooch! So, so!!?? We're waiiiiiting!
• *sigh*
• I didn't get the bastard job. From 8, I was in the last 3. I was a bit too honest about going live with a website I wasn't happy with (even though I explained this was a political decision taken above my head), and as it was that close, it went against me. Thank you all for being lovely and supportive and helpful. My lesson learned is to stop talking at a good point, not go on to the bitter end in a desperate attrempt to cover all the points.
• Ahh, their loss! Sorry to hear, but surely you were meant for something better. Point well-taken indeed. I've had my share of not knowing when to stop at a good point! Now, go enjoy a wrinkly-cut beetroot sandwich! *pats on the back*
• Tch! They obviously didn't deserve you, anyway.
• You want we should rub 'em out?
• Eejits don't know what's good for 'em. And it would probably have turned out to be a sucky job anyway. Better things to come, I'm sure. *pours kitfisto a pint to go with the lovely wrinkly-cut beetroot sandwich*
• I'm sorry to hear that, kitfisto. However, when you have a good point to make, you should never stop talking. I remember the first time I had a good point to make: it was back in 1985, on a Tuesday, I believe - although, now that I mention it, it could have been a Wednesday. In any case, the situation I am referring to was basically mid-week. Possibly Thursday. Friday? No - I don't think so! Certainly not on a Friday, and of course we've now basically eliminated all the possible dates save of course for a Monday (here I should perhaps point out that the situation to which I will refer did not occur on a weekend, and thus the idea that our story could take place on a Saturday or Sunday is, frankly, completely out of the question). It definitely didn't happen on a Monday, either - I pride myself on always being able to remember, with remarkable clarity, what has happened on a Monday. I'm not entirely sure why I have this particular ability, perhaps I have some peculiar affinity with the moon, and hence my mind just works better on Monday, or "moon-day" as it was originally named, by, I believe, the Norsemen (not forgetting, of course, the Norsewomen - history does not actually tell us whether the original author of the names of days was a man or a woman, personally I always like to imagine that these customary names were agreed by a committee formed of equal numbers of both men and women - and perhaps we should not exclude the voice of youth, and allow such a hypothetical council a certain percentage of youth representatives, for as the old saying goes "out of the mouths of babes!" - of course I don’t mean actual babes, that is, babes-in-arms, however I'm sure you know what I mean – I am of course referring to adolescents: young adults, if you will). That being said, I am neither a psychiatrist nor an astrologer - Oh, not me! I do not have the privilege of belonging to either of these reputable professions. My profession is, actually, completely different from these, although when I say "profession", I could easily say "career", and perhaps that would be the more accurate nomenclature. “Job”, I could say, although that term is perhaps far too casual for this anecdote. Yet what of formality? Is there really a need to be excessively and unfailingly formal in our conversations? Of course, I don’t mean to suggest that we should indulge in rudeness for its own sake: that, I think, would be taking the matter far too far. I think that in this matter – that is, to recapitulate, a discussion of the twin poles of rudeness and over-politeness, (if I may summarize the aforementioned as such), that a middle path is called for, avoiding both extremes, and I think that in this opinion I could be allowed to call on the authority of Aristotle and his book on ethics – not that an appeal to authority is always indicative of a watertight argument, however I think that one might be allowed, from time to time, to look for support for one’s own opinions in the works of the ancients. That being said, I generally prefer Aristotle’s works to those of Plato, his predecessor. But what of Socrates? Shall we go without mentioning him? No, let me just say that [END OF PART ONE]
• *hurls wrinkly-cut beetroot at quidnunc*
• "I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time ..."
• *turns on hearing aid again* Ya know the old saying, I was looking for a good job when I found this one. Hey, press on. /good advice from someone who needs to get on the job search bandwagon and HATES rejection
• Thank you all. Apart from quiddy, who's bringing back memeories I'd hope to forget... I only didn't reveal my failure earlier cos I was a bit embarressed at all the help you guys gave me, only for me to futz it up elswhere. They said the presentation was good, so I like to think that all the monkeys collectively would have got the job, based on the presentation alone. Imagine the mess in the canteen. I do indeed have a crinkly beetroot butty for lunch today, as I inspired myself yesterday to go forth and make a sandwich.
• Oh, and yes, I wants you to rub them out.
• I have never gotten a job through the formal process. Either people just give them to me, or I don't get 'em.
• By which I mean something better will show up for you, kit, and maybe not through the channels you expect it to come from. *removes Mystic Meg hat to garage*
• *misspells "garbage"*
• Oh, and yes, I wants you to rub them out. *slaps clip into Gauss electro-rifle (the one with the laser sight in the 45 watt range)* Locked and loaded, capt'n. They'll be sorry they tangled with ya.