June 24, 2005

• Yeah, but do nerdy guys actually want non-nerdy girls? I wouldn't want a non-nerdy guy, he'd be boring.
• Yeah, there's too much training involved for non-nerdy girls. And having to explain everything all the time can be pretty tiring. The novelty of a non-nerdy girl wears off mighty quick. I once dated a non-nerdy girl who had the temerity to suggest -- in my own home, no less -- that Leonard Cohen was untalented (granted, an appreciation of Cohen isn't so much nerdy as simply literate, but still). And it was at that exact moment that I knew the relationship was doomed. That didn't even happen when she claimed that the best movie of all time was -- and I shit you not -- Dirty Dancing. (That moment didn't make me think "we have no future" so much as "must-stiffle-laughter"...) Yeah. So. Non-nerdy girls. Too much work. For the long-term, at least.
• ... but did she feed you tea and oranges, Capt?
• ...no...
• That article was condescending as hell. It fits in with "The Rules" and all of that Cosmo shit. Then again, I guess it wasn't directed at me. Was this just an ego massage for the nerdy guys? Or was this advice for bimbos? And do smart guys really want to end up with the likes of Christina Aguilera?
• Their definition of "nerd" is dubious. The whole article was kind of insulting.
• And do smart guys really want to end up with the likes of Christina Aguilera? Briefly and periodically, yes.
• Most non-nerdy girls I know who date nerds do it because they like being in charge. But really, I too question the author's definition of nerd.
• I'm a nerdy girl who only, only, ONLY dates nerdy guys. If they weren't nerdy, they wouldn't comprehend anything I ever said. They certainly wouldn't get it when I make analogies between physics and journalism, and they wouldn't think the limericks I make up at random sometimes are funny. However, I often find myself having to "re-train" geeky boys because they've gotten so used to only dating women who were passive-aggressive cunts with a control fetish. I say what I mean and I mean what I say, and it takes them a loooooooooooong time to get used to it. And I think Capt. Renault showed wisdom and grace by not killing that girl and covering her body in lime. I'm not nearly as nice as he is, I suppose. (I once slept with someone pretty much exclusively because he knew every lyric to Weird Al's "Albuquerque." If you can beat that level of nerdiness.....I salute you.)
• Real nerds don't have girlfriends
• As a nerd with a non-nerd girlfriend, I have to say that it's a great combination. She keeps me from playing too many videogames and apologizing for George Lucas, and my grooming skills have improved by leaps and bounds. She's a perfect foil to my absent-mindedness, making sure I make the bed in the morning and balance my checkbook instead of surfing and coding. Plus, if we ever have kids, they won't be too aspbergery. As for the Dirty Dancing effect, Cap't.. yeah there's that. She doesn't "get" Woody Allen or Monty Python, and getting her to see something in black and white is foreign is like pulling teeth. (on an early date she sat through and enjoyed Buster Keaton's The General, though) But we have a small venn diagram of common cultural interests that's building regularly, and the chemistry's great.
• (should read "black and white OR foreign". And not an XOR, while we're talking set theory)
• I seem to have been born with the Engineer Attractor gene, for which I am grateful. I just wish that some of these sharp, capable, focused guys would apply a little of that famous drive for success towards overcoming their passivity in relationships.
• I'm with dng on this one: real nerds don't have girlfriends. As Padme said in Episode II "Jedi's aren't supposed to fall in love, it's forbidden."
• I find it's always a trade-off...non-nerdy girls tend to have terrible taste in music/movies/TV/books, and nerdy girls tend to not like (or understand) sports. But God help me, I still love them all!
• I'm with the good Captain on this one. Some level of shared cultural interests is neccessary. I can deal with a certain amount of political dissent, but when it comes to music, art, books, movies, etc, I need someone with similar tastes.
• Yes, one needs someone to make sure you don't leave home with the shirt untucked, or without combing one's hair. And to stay in touch with what the general population cares and laughs and worries about. I guess that's the basis of any kind of relationship, nerdish or not: the mutual interchange of information and attitudes. The rubbing of elbows, so to speak, so both parties get to know new things, get to analyze foibles and tics, check things from a different point of view and reap some benefit. Had once a very involved, passionate episode with a girl geekier than me (!!!), but when you see an unflattering mirror, well... Things went from the cute "ha, we live in our own private universe!" to "even I don't get her/she doesn't get me"; that hurt a lot. *whimper*
• You don't need a non-nerdy girl to help you (or herself) out appearance-wise. I've got a nerdy split-class lawyer/librarian. She's nerdy and likes us to look good, too. Alas, she isn't into clever movies, though. :(
• I heartily second condour75's viewpoint. I'll also add that in our case, it isn't so much shared likes as much as shared loathings. And after fourteen years together, we've converged shockingly. She recognizes geekiness even in classically nongeeky pursuits, while I can now pass for straight.
• Are we making a distinction here between "nerdy" and "intelligent and well educated"? The nerdy guy and the sexy airhead are 1950s sitcom stuff. In my experience, smart people marry smart people with whom they have shared interests. Otherwise the relationship fizzles, one fondly hopes before they marry one another.
• I've mostly dated (and made friends with) nerdy people. Being a big old nerd-girl myself (who loooooves baseball and hockey, rocket88), I find that non-nerds find me too weird. They don't understand my jokes, and they make fun of the things I get enthusiastic about (baseball, comic books, horror flicks, victorian lit... you know, dorky stuff). Why would I want to hang out with/make out with/have sex with someone like that?
• ♥♥♥♥♥!!!!
• As a nerd-in-denial for many years (I still am), I've come to define the world less along lines of nerdiness and more along the lines of general compatibility. My problem has been, though, that I have often mistook "good looking and interested in me" for compatibility. We get along, yes, but it doesn't go anywhere.
• Are we making a distinction here between "nerdy" and "intelligent and well educated" There is a difference - I'm a grad student and I meet intelligent and well-educated people everyday. But most are not nerds, and it does make a difference in how interesting they are to hang out with. I'm not thinking of a restricted notion of nerd = computer programmer and SF fan (though I do know a few), I mean people who don't always fit in socially, because they think its more interesting to talk about astronomy (or history or linguistics or video games or whatever) at a party than to just make small talk. And they have to be tolerant of people (like me) who get weirdly excited about things like Star Trek or Bubble Blowers or Star Trek Bubble Blowers. Actually, I found retro-rocket shaped bubble blowers for my wedding - this is going to be AMAZING.
• Not that the other people aren't nice - I just don't have that much in common with them, and don't really fit in.
• "They don't understand my jokes" "mistook 'good looking and interested in me' for compatibility" Meh. This is getting uncomfortable. I'm off to view the Mulholland Drive DVD for umptenth time. The answering machine's on.
• I view nerdiness as being on a continuum rather than a binary sorta thing. This doesn't totally relate to the topic at hand, but I felt the urge to share.
• Well, you're absolutely right, Mandyman. I'm an engineer, by trade and by personality (nerdy), but I like watching and playing sports (not nerdy), don't play videogames (not nerdy) and I'm not into sci-fi (not nerdy). I don't consider myself a nerd, but I'm sure some people do. The stereotypical geeks *do* exist, but there's a lot of in-between types, too.
• I'm a little unsure now of what people think it means to be a nerd too. It seems that people want to expand the notion of nerd to anyone passionate about something nonphysical. That's certainly not what the word meant back when I was in grade school and the nuances of these terms had real importance. Although I agree it's a continuum, I'd still say the archetypal nerd has tape on his glasses, and certainly does not have a girlfriend.
• I view nerdiness as being on a continuum rather than a binary sorta thing. Yes. And there are categories, I think. Mrs. Tool, for instance, is a book nerd, but understands my fascination with video games, sci-fi, superheroes, and web dorkery not one bit. On the other hand, though I do geek out on classic "nerd" stuff, few people who meet me socially think of me as a nerd.
• I'm just guessing that this "study" was conducted by nerds, no?
• I think the fact that I like sports contributes to my (perceived) girl-nerdiness. I've had boys (not men, boys -- heh) who refused to date me because I knew more about baseball (or comic books) than them. Squidranch: 1) aren't *all* studies conducted by nerds :) 2) If I conducted the study, I'd say that girls who like sports and comics and have a doctorate in American studies make the best girlfriends. That's the luxury of having your own study!
• I'm just sayin'...
• A recent field study conducted under double-blind conditions revealed that I am a much better lay than all of you miserable bastards. Conclusions suggest that you should all send me money.
• Double-blinded? I didn't know you were kinky, Mr Tool. Ok, ok. Actually, I did suspect such a thing.
• I am, admittedly, not a nerd. I like a female who can ask interesting questions, provide unusual answers, and make my unit blush. If she can do those things, I don't care if she is a nerd or a gum-smacker or anywhere in between.
• Was this just an ego massage for the nerdy guys? Bingo.