June 17, 2005

• To heaven, naturally. But if that doesn't pan out, I'd really like to go into the ground with as little as possible between me and it, and then have a tree planted on me. So I'll have something to talk to. (Oh, but I'll be... right. Well, I still think it would be nice.)

• "But before you prematurely dismiss this opportunity, consider this chilling but very real fact. In around only 120 years time, not one human being on this earth today will be alive. That means that in this relatively short space of time over 6.5 billion people, that's right, in fact 6,439,791,663 people, and growing, will be literally scrambling for a place to permanently rest!"

  Something tells me that in 120 years, I won't be worrying about it.
• Bah. Graves are so 19th century. Strip me for any usable parts and throw the leavings in the river with the rest of the biohazard trash, I say!
• i wish i could get used to the idea of cremation. i've cremated my pets and have their ashes. but thinking about me being cremated... i know, it's stupid, i'll be DEAD and all. i dunno.
• I have the same thing about cremation. What if there really IS an afterlife, but it's BYOBP (Bring Your Own Body Parts) or something? You'd have to go to all the parties as a pile of dust. And if you meet an attractive afterlifee you'd have to ask her if she wanted to come back to your urn and see your prints... I probably sound like I'm being sarcastic, but I actually DO have the same thing about cremation.
• any monkeys out there who've been cremated who care to share the experience? anyone?
• Wear light clothing and drink plenty of fluids. It's hot at first but then you get used to it because it's a dry heat.
• In terms of what actually happens to the body, burial isn't so hot either. I figure Fes is on the money when it comes to organ donation, but then just burn the rest and scatter it in a nice place. I don't need an eternal parking spot.
• Cremated. Definitely. The alternative is too disturbing for me. I respect the choice of others (in fact, I've respected such with loved ones), but I'd prefer that corny scattering of ashes on some beach or field. And if it turns out I was wrong all along and end up in some celestial queue, being asked by angelic bureaucrats about missing parts and such, guess some shouting, along the lines of 'well, if you can get this mound of scattered dust to be here waiting in queue, you could just snap another finger and make me whole again, right?' will ensue.
• When my grandfather died, my parents had him buried in a small graveyard in Ithica, New York, when many of our family are buried. While they were at it, they also got plots for themselves and me and my sister. Creepy. I don't like knowing there is a plot out there reserved for me...
• Seeing as how I'm a parts donor, there might be some questions about what I did with these items, assuming I'm standing at some celestial accounting desk. I'm going to be cremated. I'd rather go out in a burst of flame than quietly rot away. Oh, and I'm taking a book just in case there's a wait in line.
• Into the fire, crackle crackle, which is a bit of a shock if you're not quite dead. Take what you need, and fire me up! Admittedly, I'd like to use Hunter's Gonzo-Fist Cannon to shoot me out over something, but the chances of that are pretty slim. In the alternative, empty me out in the Niagara River or something, where I can become part of the water cycle or food chain. Oneness of the universe and all that bunk.
• Oddly enough, I already have an outfit picked out for me to be burned in. (Normal people don't think about those things, do they?)
• Oh, and I'm taking a book just in case there's a wait in line. Funny, I' never thought if I'd like to be buried or cremated with some personal item. Maybe some book, some photo, some crystals...
• And, no, Capt, that's not being creepy, that's being prepared and leaving one less worry to your loved ones in a moment when shock clouds one's mind. I also have some afterworld real state, currently used by my father. And that reminds me about living wills and such...
• I prolly spend way too much time thinking about stuff like this... When my grandfather, Melvin, died in 1963, he was buried in Richmond, KY, in a double plot with a headstone that had his still-living wife's name pre-carved. The thing that stuck in my craw at a VERY early age was that they PRE-carved 19 in the death date for my Granna. How dare they assume! Well, all her life, I told her she was gonna prove 'em wrong and she did by 7 months. Good on her - I miss her. When I go, I'd like the usable parts to be distributed to those in need. Then I'd like the handful of people who are most dear to take a portion of my ashes and either keep them or distribute them in the place they think is the most beautiful on earth. I'd then like five more portions distributed as follows: The infield at Arlington Park, the infield at Churchill Downs, Heavenly Mountain at Lake Tahoe, the swan pond at Cave Hill Cemetery in Louisville, and the reflecting pond at La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona. That'd do.
• i used to have a plot in a cemetery in kentucky where my ex's family is buried. i'd lie down atop it to see what it would feel like to be buried there. which, of course, prompted much pointing and whispering about "that strange lady from the city." heh. anyway. interesting factoid: i learned recently that when amish women sew their wedding dress, it will serve as their sunday church dress for the rest of their lives, as well as their burial dress. "till death do you part -- well, except for the dress."
• oh, and oneolive, that's one thing that i do love about the idea of cremation, that you can scatter yourself here and there. nice choices for you!
• When I kack it, I will be magically transformed into a little pile of fairy dust which will be caught up in a small, unlikely whirlwind and carried, glittering, through the sky to the nearest rainbow. (At least that's what I think is gonna happen.)
• BlueHorse, are you taking a favorite book, or something like a classic airplane read that you can just leave behind for others in line?
• Taking a book with you when you're cremated? BOOK BURNER!!!
• pants, I'm in Ithaca, NY. Do you want me to go snap you a pic? Seriously, it does creep me out when the names of the not-yet-dead are carved on a tombstone. Seems like inviting bad luck... Death is a good topic to come out of lurking on, right?
• Absolutely, Lara! Welcome to the Monkey House!
• Traditionally, we like our lurkers to open up with a fat, juicy double-post, but welcome all the same, Lara.
• favorite inscription on a tombstone in kentucky: AS I AM NOW, SO SHALL YOU BE (talk about shivers! bbrrr!!!) i also enjoy the JESUS CALLED with a little plastic telephone.
• ... on which call He asked: Dost thou have St. Ives in the bottle? I replieth, yea, verily! When the Lord saith: better let him out, luser! And my consternation was great, lo even greater than the giggling displayed by our Lord just prior to hanging up.
• And I never thought I would have the opportunity to make my wishes known on MoFi! Well, since you asked... 1. Cremate me. 2. Take the ashes and mix with bread dough. 3. Bake some hot savory loaves. 4. Tear into small pieces. 5. Feed bread crumbs to birds in numerous locations. 6. Let the shit fall where it may. Cheers to jb for my new favorite way to describe bread
• I think I want to be cremated but on the other hand I also want a big honking gaudy mausoleum with a dome and pink flamingos and a solar powered constant loop dvd of me ranting from a bubble bath with a big ole drink in my hand so as to keep my descendants in line - can I do both? My dad opted out of the family mausoleum in Charleston but I think there's probably still room for me. It's terribly tasteful though - hate that.
• Viking funeral! I will have my body put on a ship, lit on fire, and sent to see while Led Zepplin's Immigrant Song is playing. My death will be as awesome as my life!
• So you have an implant, eh mygoth? : ) If any one here saw that movie, would you like such a thing done to your memories? Would you like everyone to see the 'movie of your life'? Edited or uncut?
• Just say no to worms Cremate
• and then where with your ashes, argh?
• stan_the_bat: I have the same thing about cremation. What if there really IS an afterlife, but it's BYOBP (Bring Your Own Body Parts) or something? You'd have to go to all the parties as a pile of dust. And if you meet an attractive afterlifee you'd have to ask her if she wanted to come back to your urn and see your prints... Maybe you'll get lucky, stan, and she'll ask you if you want your ashes hauled.
• Give em to Denice Lewis for all I care. I doesn't matter, when I die the rest of you die too. (at least that's the way I see it)
• My wife used to do worm composting in a big bin we kept in a room off our kitchen until the worms started escaping and ending up all dried out in weird alphabet shapes on the linoleum... whole other story. Anyway, given that graveyard space is getting scarcer and scarcer as the human population approachese the seventy-two splajillion mark, shouldn't we all be composting ourselves? Wouldn't it be a comfort to know that your loved ones would at least get a few decent tomatoes out of you?
• 'Approachese' is the language you speak to people who are coming TOWARDS you.
• Hey monkeys! Has anyone eles heard of Woodland burials? I remember reading about this sometime in the late 90's I think. If memory serves correct- the idea is to restore nature and save a few bucks if you want a very simple ending. Your put in a very simple pine box and they plant a pretty tree on top of you and you get to help restore a forest. Very cheap, very simple. No embalming- Thats my kinda resting place, among the birds and the bees!! Anybody have more details? I'ts been awhile since I read about this. I'm down south aways and I know they were offering this here (Fl.) at one time. Sorry don't have more info. Very interesing!
• P.S sorry about the spelling-it's Friday and I have had a few! (giggles)
• I'd want to be buried in the same cemetery as my family, after a good bout of organ donation. My family is all in the same cemetery going back (including after my parents die, which had better fucking be a looooong time away) 5 generations. I figure that's a long time to stick in one place for an American family, so even though I don't live there anymore, and I won't really care about my body after I've left it, I like the idea of continuity that represents.
• Feed the birds I say. Similar to sugarmilktea’s plan, however this version is the Atkins/lo carb way. In fact no cooking at all, just gross hacking, smashing and feeding birds. Sky burial (not for the squeamish, you were warned) Remember all those cremation fires use fossil fuels/trees that pollute when burned. Maybe a giant compost pile someplace……… Or being turned into diamonds ......
• Amicus, Woodland Burials seem to be popular, or, at least, allowed in the UK. But, I think that, in the US at least, a sealable coffin is required. Google didn't turn up any sites where a simple pine coffin or shroud would work here. That's too bad, since it might change my preference from cremation. And, I'd guess that the reason is that the uncontrolled effluevia from the millions of us who die here every year could present a health concern. If I had my drouthers, I'd be buried in the California mountains where the Aspens grow.
• Effluvia: Makes you go 'achoovia'.
• Scavenge any still useful parts then it's off to the crematorium for me. Scatter my ashes on the outgoing tide. Burial at sea would be ok too.
• I believe there was a post about something related to Woodland Burials over on the Continent sometime ago -- if memory serves, they don't even put you in a pine box, basically just plant you right under the tree. I like the idea of that. Mostly because I could then haunt the tree and be fed by the blood of young children. After a few generations, I figure they'd have a cult going, maybe ritually slaughter the occasional goat over my roots.
• Ah HA!
• I would really like to do the under-the-tree bit as well. In the US I think it'd be difficult, if not impossible, to arrange. I attended a pine-box burial when I was living in CA, but they got all kindsa crazy stuff going on there that we don't get out here in other parts of the country- tofu bars, and cats and dogs living together as man and wife, and so on. Of course, in another twenty-five years we'll all just download our consciousnesses onto computers and leave our useless bodies slumped in front of the monitors and smelling real bad... so it'll be mostly the same as now.
• to hell.
• Yea Squid. The company there is bound to be better than with those mealy-mouth Bush-votin' christians. Hmmm, pink flamingos on my grave? I may have to rethink this whole cremation business!
• I will be cremated and my wife will put my ashes in envelopes that I prepared and mail those to all my friends. They, in turn can decide what they want to do with them: put them in the garbage, put them in a little hanger and wear around their necks, bury them or whatever. This is probably illegal, but I'm dead so they can't arrest me.
• I live about five minutes up the hill from the cemetery this post features. So come up for a cup of tea if you're finding being dead a bit dull.
• There's always the Bentham option. Following his utilitarian principles, he arranged for his body to be dissected and then mounted in a glass case for the admiration of posterity. Unfortunately the preservative he had invented for his head didn't work very well. He still sits in my old college, UCL, which regards him as one of its founders, and he gets taken into meetings from time to time. I think I'll go for cremation. Burial is alright for you people with big bits of territory - in Britain there isn't really room for the cemeteries. Doctors here get paid 'ash cash' for every stiff they certify which goes for cremation rather than burial. I have been told that in Switzerland the law requires you to be buried upright to save room.
• I tried being dead. It was the pits.
• Whereever it is, it has to be better than here (earth, not MoFi).
• >Doctors here get paid 'ash cash' for every stiff they certify which goes for cremation rather than burial. Doesn't seem right not to get a cut of that. Maybe you could sign something legally binding with the doctor giving him the right to cremate you when you go in exchange for... hell, at least 50%...
• I know - the doctors shouldn't get the money, the people's families who agree to the cremation should.
• I was thinking more of the crematee getting it... up front, of course...
• Put me on a pyre and burn me, scatter my ashes to the winds then hold a feast... or the viking funeral. Then if there's an afterlife I'd go to Valhalla.
• I still maintain I'm going straight to hell with no side trips, but I'm gonna take me some tunes with me: Going up to the spirit in the sky That's where I'm gonna go when I die (When I die) When I die, and they lay me to rest, I'm gonna go to the place that's the best I'm gonna go to the place that's the best
• Cremation. Scatter me into a strong North-Westerly wind from wherever I am at the time. In my Mom's home town of Grotton, Massacusets, there is a grave marked with: Stop my friend as you pass by, So are you once was I, So am I soon you must be, Prepare yourself to follow me. Underneath, someone painted: To follow you I'm not content, Until I know which way you went. It was done when my mother was just a girl, last time I was there (10sh years ago) you could just barely still read it.
• I don't have a say in the matter; all Singaporeans are cremated on death (except for Muslims, who have strict rules on burial; in Singapore they are buried like the Swiss). However, rather than get chucked into a urn, and having my family pay several thousand dollars for what is essentially glorified shelf space, I think I'd like to be scattered somewhere nice. Maybe Yorkshire, where James Herriot's ashes were scattered; or possibly further north, in Scotland.
• Ecologically, for a Vajrayana pravtitioner, the ideal disposal of any carcass, including mine -- provided it's not overfull of meds or chemotherapy or emblaming fluid -- would be to place it where hungry critters can consume it, whether those be beetles and worms or sharks or whatever wanders past. Not that I expect this sensible view will prevail after my demise, people being hopeless sentamentalists in such matters. So I've donated my organs to medicine and any leftovers to science.