June 03, 2005

• I'm right there with you, Space Kitty. And trying to explain exactly what's going on to my husband has become torture, although a more understanding man I've never met. I'll tell you how I deal in an e-mail; it's too private to post.
• I lock her in the basement for 5 days. YMMV.
• Generally I remind myself that it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. And then do so. Though permission doesn't actually apply in this case... but the general idea carries over... That or I just don't leave my room on the really bad days. Unfortunately for some people, that doesn't keep me away from my computer. Heh. It keeps me away from a lot of the sounds and noises though...
• a nice chocolate bath should do help. or of course EAT chocolate. or inject it.
• Could it be peri-menopause? Someone I knew had PMS mood swings, but when she hit around the same age it got ten times worse, and it was driving her crazy to be so hormonal. She uses black cohosh, evening primrose, and soy supplements (some kind of women's menopause multipill) since she didn't want to do hormone therapy, and she said she feels much more balanced since she began taking them. Maybe consult with a nurse-midwife that does well-woman care; inexpensive if you're paying out of pocket, and she probably will have some good tips and ideas.
• Ditto, Space Kitty. Really, really bad. My husband is a saint among saints and has learned to let it roll off his back. He knows me like the back of his hand. But, for the sake of my kids I am taking medication because it is too much, really for anyone, to handle. There is no way to explain it and I don't want to spend that amount of time going between virtual rage to guilt--it's just insane. I grew up wanting, desperately, to be a boy. So, instead of maleness.....meds.
• I was never aware of my PMS until I lived with my ex. He enthusiastically pointed it out to me. I warned my current bf that there would be three days out of the month when I would be extremely dysphoric, and that I was aware of it intellectually, but couldn't do much to control it. And that I might need coddling on demand. He was amenable. I swear though... sex helps immensely. One day last month I was in such a funk that I took a two three hour lunch and went to my bf's place for some afternoon delight. Worked wonders.
• Sanity Clause in our house came in the form of a cream available at Whole Foods & other non-mainstream health departments. Some sort of progesterin-like hormonal substance. I should remember the name of it, but don't off hand (being male, things like that are not stored in the active memory). Peri-menopause, as far as I can tell, ups the ante for the female, doesn't necessarily make it worse for the guy. But the tendency to be thrown off by the slightest smell, or to suddenly have sweats & dizzyness that make it look like the 7th day of an 8 day bender have affected my sweetie. You just know there'd be a cure if men suffered directly.
• Oh, we suffer, my dear, fear thee not. We suffer.
• Estrogen works for some...mild doses of anti-depressants (in a certain class) during the bad weeks for others, and a combination of both for still others. This is what I do for a living.
• Don't you women have a shack or something to go to when you're unclean? I mean, that's what it says in the Bible.
• My PMS got completely out of hand a couple years ago - probably peri-menopause, and I was a complete basket case for 10 days a month. So the dr. put me on Lexapro for two weeks a month (yes - just take it every day for 14 days & then stop for two weeks) and it actually worked miracles. Than, for whatever reason, the PMS slacked off again a year ago and now I'm back to "normal" - I don't actually freak out completely, just in a kind of minor way. (see my cranky comment to dios on metachat, referenced all over today, heh.) But I don't need the Lexapro anymore, which is good, since I can't really afford it. I have also found that PMS tablets & tea from the health food store really help, as do fish oil capsules, so I recommend a trip to your local natural foods superstore. Sometimes just sitting down with a cup of PMS tea and acknowledging how you're feeling can help. If that fails, well, remember, some folks just need killin'.
• oh for the days of The Red Tent!
• >>the tendency to be thrown off by the slightest smell oh THAT'S what it is. i had no idea. between that and the hot flashes, well, just call me peri.
• Oh and js - I would love to take off work and go to the Menstruation Hut for a week every month. I can even imagine the Menstruation Hut of my dreams; great food, great drinks, great poolboys: it's all good.
• I find that a martini (or 2) every afternoon around 4 (er..3??) helps immensely, particularly if you have children that start to become overwhelmingly demanding at the dinner hour...cereal for dinner anyone???
• I find that a martini (or 2) every afternoon around 4 (er..3??) helps immensely, particularly if you have children that start to become overwhelmingly demanding at the dinner hour...cereal for dinner anyone???
• other than that, as much seclusion as I can possibly scrounge together is the only way I get through it. KNOWING that you're doing it is the worst part though...I mean how do you explain to your six and nine year olds why mommy is being such a bitch and it's really really not their fault???
• Menstruation Hut? I may never be able to eat cheap pizza again... I'm just proud of SpaceKitty for not going batshitcrazy on this threa*WHACK*
• I have extreme irritability as part of my chronic depression. Lucky for me, my antidepressents pretty much make it go away. Off the meds, though, because of the change, I'm very aware as I never was before how intense and how irrational (and unwarranted) the irritation is. But I had to learn to deal with it before I ever got on meds. My dad was very irritable, and emotionally abusive (he was absolutely positive that his irritation is warranted and it's someone else's fault--always) and in spite of being his primary targert, I discovered at the beginning of my marriage (long ended, natch) that I was acting very much like him. To my intense horror. But the thing was, when I got irritated or angry, I was irritated or angry. I felt those things. To make a long story short, after one bad bout of being a total asshole to my spouse for no good reason, I suddenly had a dim awareness that I was being an asshole and that what I was feeling wasn't warranted. And it suddenly occured to me that it wasn't reality. My viewpoint changed and I could see myself as experiencing an emotion, that this feeling was happening to me. As opposed to, in a sense, it being me. With that view, I was able to grit my teeth and tell my spouse that I had just realized that the way I was acting made no sense at all, that I was being a jerk, and that although I was still feeling that anger and irritation, I was keeping it at bay. I apologized. From that moment on, I had a sense that I didn't have to be ruled by that irritation and anger. When I had before been sure that somehow the other person must deserve it, I was able to see that whatever the explanation for what I was feeling, it wasn't reality. So, even though I'm not a woman, I think this applies to PMS. I think with me, especially because it's been greatly amenable to being medicated, that my irritation and anger was chemical. So I encourage you to somehow learn to step outside yourself and see those feelings as something that you're feeling, yes, but not necessarily as something that reflects reality. If you know what I mean.
• Wow. All this talk of perimenopause prompted me to do a little web-md'ing. . Since I'm, well, consistently inconsistent, I don't think that diagnosis applies just yet. I don't have health insurance until I go back to school, so prescription help is in the planning stages right now. This thread has brought back the joy that is Trader Joe's PMS pills, which I'll be purchasing IN QUANTITY tonight. Keep the coping mechanisms coming, my cow-worker just turned up the gospel music..... again....
• Aside from feeling awful physically for 3 or 4 days a month, the worst part of it is being unable to dress myself in a sane way. For some reason while I'm in the thick of the menstrual thang I make really hideous clothing choices- "Hey! These orange culottes will look great with this bowling shirt! Good thing I decided to dig through the For Goodwill bag!" It's led to some really mortifying ensembles. F***ing hormones.
• For regular ol' PMS, St. John's Wort takes the edge off (for me) all the irritating crap that bugs the fuck out of me for no reason. I grow the stuff and eat a sprig every morning. Tastes nasty bitter, but within 20 minutes I feel much calmer. Like others here, I've been experienceing peri-menopausal symptoms (PMS on a grand scale, insomnia, plus hot flashes-- hey ladies, aren't we lucky?)and found that black cohosh really helps. Keeps hot flashes under control and dissipates that irrational irritation/anger. Well most of it...
• my cow-worker just turned up the gospel music..... again.... Why then, you must sing along. Loudly!
• I second kmellis' comments about it being possible to control it mentally somewhat. Stop, think, say "just because I feel angry doesn't mean I should send that email/post that snark to MoFi/tear my stupid cow orker's head off/etc." Use all the other methods too, but try to step back when you can. Also, you can try to cut down on the things that annoy you. For instance, you can say to the cow orker, "Hey, your music is making it hard for me to concentrate on my work. Would you please turn it down or put on headphones?" Concentrate on being sweet and reasonable and you may get what you want! For me, personally, I've found that changing my diet helps. Don't give in to those chocolate cravings! Keep salt and caffeine (also in the chocolate) to a minimum. The last two things are good for you anyway, and making the dietary changes all month will help you when you need it most. I read this advice in a book by a female doctor when I was in college and it's served me well when I've followed it.
• Eat More Soybeans
• those damn cow orkers!! what a great new phrase! cow orker! cow orker!
• It's absolutely beyond me why any male would click on a thread about PMS. That said, some of the remarks made by a few of the guys were insightful and quite empathetic/sympathetic. The rest of you buttholes, GEDOUTTA THIS THREAD. There, I feel much better. Oddly enough, no one here has mentioned warm baths and EXERCISE. Exercise always makes me feel better (although I had complete surgical menopause at 34, I still have a couple days each month with hormonal blahs) Not to mention, it's a way to purge all that hostility and anger.
• *grabs unconscious body of wendell, quietly backs out of thread*
• not to toot the pharmaceutical horn, but if its a REAL problem, many SSRIs are also indicated for PMDD (nee PMS) and based on my experience they work powerful well (and eat chocolate, lotsa chocolate!)
• This thread needs more penis.
• goetter - I'm struggling to find an interpretation of your comment that's not completely offensive. Care to help?
• I'll second the exercise, I don't get PMS during track season. But whenever I give in to the lazy days of summer, I pay the price, and it's horrible.
• Hey Space Kitty, we're on the same cycle. For me, the worst part of it is the pain and, for some reason, I get about 25% stupider when I have PMS. My thinking is totally muddy. I get morbid and weepy too ... I vividly imagine the most horrible things happening to me or people I love. I really scare myself sometimes. But a lifetime of introspection has its benefits, and I'm always able to remind myself it's just the hormones, and it will go away soon. I also take St. John's Wort in pill form, to help me get to sleep. And the Tylenol 3's that I take for the cramps and menstrual migraines make me feel warm n' fuzzy in my head too (ahh, codeine). Also herbal tea and comfort food. And exercise. I really miss doing karate when I had PMS, it's a great way to let out aggression. And let me say, I couldn't live without my heating pad. When the pain gets really bad, it's my best friend.
• I third exercize. It reeeeeeeeally helps. (I'm a bit different. I feel great during the PMS part, but get depressed during my period -- exercize evens out the mood swings.) Even a long walk does far more good for me than curling up on the couch like I really want to. I also cut back on caffiene, which just encourages the rollercoaster. Sex is great for PMS whether you're with someone or alone ;) Also, if you're on the pill, that could be exacerbating things. My PMS got worse the first year I was on the pill before things evened out. A friend was an unmitigated bitch (her words) until she switched brands.
• Hi Space Kitty, I'm sorry you're not feeling good. Another vote for the fish oil capsules. I've had problems with anxiety attacks for about 5 years and after unsuccessful rounds with anti-depressants, started taking fish oil about 3 months ago. The anxiety seems much more controllable now. My cocktail of choice is fish oil caps, green tea and lots of ibuprofen. (If I'm feeling really crappy, add a hot bath and a cold martini.) That combination is helping me get through an impending divorce. Here's an interesting article about the nutrition/behavior link. Thought about posting it to the front page, but this is a better spot for it. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.
• Hi Space Kitty, male monkey here, I had a friend some time back who was going through this and it became so bad she was confined to bed on occasion. She was seeing a doctor for it (male, hopeless) who would prescribe meds for her that did little good. What I came up with were cold compresses for the headaches, private time alone with phone turned off, keeping the lights turned down low, basically running interference for her as much as possible and doing everything I could to take care of *her* needs (warm bath, prepare extra special meals, herbal supplements mentioned earlier on the thread. Obviously from my biological makeup I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through, but I do empathize and hope that someday you and all the other female monkeys that have to cope with your few days of hell every month are able to find the light at the end of the tunnel someday.
• What works for me has been lotsa soy products, St. John's wort, Yerba Mate, less caffeine, and lots of exercise. I hardly ever bite heads off since I started trying to get 30 minutes of exercise every day, and taking SJW. Mind you, the previous successful decapitations eliminated much of my rage.
• Sorry to offend, Space Kitty. A koan on boyzones. Try imagining it with sarcasm quotes in relevant places.
• It's absolutely beyond me why any male would click on a thread about PMS. BlueHorse, I think it's perfectly understandable- surely lots of them are (indirectly) adversely affected by it, some severely. And some are just plain curious- wouldn't you still click if the topic was impotence, say, or prostate exams?
• I once read that a study showed that calcium helped some women with pms pain. They used Tums supplements in the study, but I prefer cheese and yogurt and kind of give into cravings for that stuff around pms time anyway. I was never really aware of having PMS and no one enthusiastically pointed it out to me either, but after (too) long it just sort of became noticeable to me that these monthly existential weepfests I was having were not really about my life sucking but more about the M. I think I'll try those Trader Joe's pills mentioned if I can find them.
• fuuny, i've been wanting to ask about during and Post MS for a group that's been wondering to no avail.
• oh, goetter, I'm so glad you didn't mean it the way I interpreted it. I am, as you may have guessed, a bit oversensitive today. Ahem. Thanks to everybody who posted with so many helpful comments. I'm not on the pill, and fortunately physical pain isn't a major problem for me. What I struggle with most are bouts of terminal irritability and then frustration from being irritable about stupid little things. I do a pretty good job of NOT taking my crankiness out on others, but I spend an uncomfortable amount of time with steam pouring quietly from my ears. What's new is the sensitivity to smells and noises. If only I *could* be alone for a week! I'm taking this all as a major sign that I need to take better care of my overall health: diet, exercise, sleep, and medication when I get health insurance again. It's good to know I'm not the only one with a random assortment of symptoms. Bananas (or actually chocolate)all around!
• Oh, god, PY! Existential weepfests! I've actually experienced the cat hurting my feelings. I stopped by Trader Joe's tonight and didn't see the PMS pills. Here's hoping the women's multivitamin will do the trick. *meditates*
• I take Estroven PMS - I bought them at Earthfare, which is the local big health food equivalent. Keep the faith. Like I said, sometimes the symptoms go away. granted, they may well come back again.
• As a male, I have to say that what you're all describing as PMS sounds a lot like like my everyday. Have some pity for us antipolar folk, o fair ones, for we suffer all the irritability of PMS without the sweet release of menstruation.
• The rest of you buttholes, GEDOUTTA THIS THREAD. Can gay men stay?
• Ooo, ooo, what kimdog said! (and not just the sex part)
• I think the sex thing (whether alone or with a partner as mereditea said) works because it floods the system with good hormones, and restores the balance. I've also found it can help with cramps. The problem with the "Red Tent" is that I generally, feel fine while I am actually on my period. The PMS is about a week before hand.
• Can gay men stay? Only if you draw us a bath and make some snacks.
• I'm not gay, but I'm charming and have nice pants. I also cook like a motherfucker and am a doormat for irritable women. Can I stay?
• Yummy soy smoothie: (these measurements are all approximate. Adjust to taste.) 1/2 cup silken soft tofu 1 cu soy milk, any flavor (it's fun to mix and match w/ the fruit flavor) 1/2 banana 1 cu frozen fruit (you can do 1 cu of 1 fruit, or 1/2 of fruit A, 1/2 of fruit B -- if you use fresh or canned fruit, add ice) You can add honey to sweeten if you'd like. Put everything in a blender (liquids first, then gradually add the solids) and blend smooth. Pour into a glass or two and enjoy! This smoothie is sooooo good and gives you all those yummy soy whatevers that help your woman parts :)
• Fish tick: you'll notice that I did qualify my remarks: ...some of the remarks made by a few of the guys were insightful and quite empathetic/sympathetic. Yes, I would click on links concerning the male and his conditions or state, simply to learn more about other people in this world. Unfortunately, many males think PMS and/or menstruation is nothing but a joke, and of that bunch, there are many who are outright misogynistic or nasty in a patronizing and patronymic way. To those that treat the other 50% of the human beings as different, but equal, I salute you. MCT, tell us more about these pants. Oh, and we want to clone mk1gti. Space Kitty: The cat hurt your feelings? What did he say/do? :) I think that's kind of funny in a way, but in my fertile past, I did experience animals reacting to me in a different way at those times. Not sure if it was my emotions they were reacting to or the hormone levels. Folk wisdom has it that a menstruating woman shouldn't handle studs during their time of month for fear the stallion will become extremely aggressive. I've only ever had one that I though might be reactive--and he was a shit to begin with most of the time. It was easily settled. "You think your tough, asshole, I'm having PMS, and I'll rip it off. After that, a very well-mannered boy.
• Why would a male click here? Well, at least I'll do it out of (sane) curiosity and in order to know what to and what not to do next time. Since usually I'm the one with the mood swings and such, any change of attitude on a partner hasn't been that of a problem. Only two times: one, she kept going down - sadness, overly sensitive to any emotional situation. Care and extra dose of affection helped (nothing boosts the male lizard brain more than actually being able to comfort a partner). The other involved more physical disconfort; she really needed painkillers (naproxen I think) for a day at least. After that, chocolate cravings and all that entailed were the bearable side effects.
• what if I am a guy with a good attitude towards menstruation?
• BlueHorse - my ordinarily very affectionate cat rebuffed my clear need for attention. It just happened to coincide with DEFCON 2 level PMS, which I subsequently renamed "The Cat Hurt My Feelings" level PMS in her honor. She now lives happily with her father, and I'm off to a chocolate bath.
• Another man with a good attitude towards menstruation.
• I didn't know that Vinny was a real guy. I thought he was just the cartoon character featured on some of the products. That interview is interesting, and it was probably around the fourth paragraph that I realized it was an interview with a real person.
• I, too, am a male who clicked into the thread. I was raised by a single mother, with two older sisters. I was trained from an early age. I consider myself a caring and supportive male simian, who wants to try to better support my better half. Everything that I can learn may benefit her, so I'll look for every possible remedy to make her life better. As a man, it's sometimes challenging to interact with loved one who can be crying one moment and be screaming for your slow and painful death the next. Here's my advice to the guys reading the thread: Be patient. Be supportive. Be loving. Be caring. Be helpful. Be understanding. Be kind. Be nice. It could easy to exacerbate the situation without meaning or trying to. This is not the time to argue about the little things. This is not the time to remind your better half that she forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. This is the time to remember all of the little things she does for you, and to be as nuturing as possible.
• *happy sigh*
• Excellent choice there, Kimberly. :) (#2 is one of three boys.)
• Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Ah, yes, it's sniffling at shmoop time!
• You're the shmoopy!
• No, you're the schmoopy! /obligatory