May 16, 2005

R Kelly has released a work of art of epic proportions. Play the second track on this link and be prepared to be amazed.

I am truly moved as I have rarely been before. This is a truly amazing piece of work by one of our nation's greatest appreciators of the wonders of youth, R. Kelly. R. has started something which can't be stopped, an artistic work of epic proportions, here with the first of a five part mini-opera. It tells a tale any one of us can relate to, for who hasn't woken up, hungover, in a bed that don't belong to them, then been forced to cower in a closet while our one-night stand's spouse returns? Sex, intrigue, violence, and yes, spirituality, are all here. You're not going to believe it, but things get deeper as the story goes on. I don't want to give away part 2 of the saga, as I have heard it, but let's just say the title is not just referring to Kelly's LITERAL foray into the closet, but also to something far more nefarious. You MUST stay tuned to your radio dial for the next chapter.

  • The first track is pretty damn hilarious too. Just a brief quote - "I want you on the table by the buttered rolls."
  • Hahahahahaa... I had totally forgotten that he showed up at some function wearing a mask.... Really, Mr. R Kelly, underaged girls don't live in the comic book realm -- you can't suddenly hide your identity by wearing a mask or putting on glasses! For shame!
  • Sounds like both the kitchen and the closet have leaky faucets. He should probably get those fixed.
  • so i send this to a friend and say, ha! listen to these r. kelly parody songs! and she informs me these are ... REAL SONGS? oh, come on. no way. way? somebody clue me in here.
  • Oh my. Your friend seems to be correct, SideDish. (Read the text once the Flash intro is done.) And it seems there's an upcoming video to look forward to, as well.
  • "He never ceases to surprise me [with] how creative he is," Kelly's A&R rep Wayne Williams said about the mini-drama. "He just played ['Trapped'] for me. He called me in New York and was like, 'I'm not even gonna tell you about this, you gotta come to Chicago and hear this.' I went to Chicago, he played it for me, and I was like, 'Damn!' " as in, damn, what a stupid song! whoa. so THIS is what's all over all those ipods i see on the subway? sheeeeeesh.
  • I'm like, "Damn!"
  • Come read the reviews (including mine, (barlights there) reproduced above), at Rate Your Music
  • i am totally confused here. let's review: this is a real CD despite the fact that it SOUNDS like a parody. those are real reviews written by people making fun of the real CD but they all give it five stars. christ it's confusing nowadays.
  • Don't you get it, SideDish? It's BRILLIANT!
  • Shit. I have to pee.
  • Greatest. Songs. Ever!!!
  • At least he had his Beretta!
  • Never leave home without it.
  • Is this, like, one of these viral ads where everyone's like "omgwtf these songs r so bad" and then they tell all their friends and their friends are like "lol wtf this is terrible" and then everyone is talking about R. Kelly and how stupid his music's got and writing reviews and generating this huge hype about his new album which is going to suck and then he releases it and it is pretty bad but everyone buys it because they're like "lol i heard those songs everywhere i should own them" and then the record company makes a bundle? Is that the kind of animal we're dealing with here?
  • if only he made good music like white people such as Linkin Park. Seriously, this is kind of goofy, but at least it sounds pretty decent musically. It's not tortorous to listen to like say, System of a Down.
  • This guy is extremely fucked in the head.
  • at least it sounds pretty decent musically The constant sound of dripping water is a MUST in ANY song.
  • I say more cowbell!!!
  • I just returned a Marketing book written by Chapman and Cowdell. Country and Western anyone?
  • I'm wondering why he isn't in jail? He's a nutjob thru and thru.
  • Sex in the kitchen (Remix) is the hottest song of the year. Long Live R.
  • drjimmy11: Why all the hating on System of a Down lately? What happened? I'm not a major fan or anything, but I own Toxicity and find it to be a good and inventive album. Is this just a love-it-or-hate-it thing?
  • System of a Down? that's not even close to grammatically sensical. i mean... what the hell? /feeling old/
  • back in my day eric clapton sang about cocaine, for chrissakes. something UNDERSTANDABLE.
  • from a review: Have you ever been trapped in a small space -- say, a bus, subway car, or elevator -- with a deranged or intoxicated person spewing nonstop, free-associative verbiage in a singsong manner? Often, such encounters are unpleasant. But every once in a while it's possible to discern astute observations, home truths, and primitive poetry pouring from an apparently unhinged individual's mouth. Listening to the new System of a Down album, Mezmerize, is a little like that. ah. i see.