May 12, 2005

• Parody.
• Parody.
• but Chy they have a return policy! What is your return policy? Due to the nature of our products, we cannot accept any returns, and we do not offer refunds except in very extreme circumstances, which are determined on a case by case basis. heh.
• tom green's fecal matter is sold out
• Have some of mine. *Fling*
• Something quite satisfying with the subliminal pairing of 'Jack Black' with 'fecal matter', and 'Don Rickles' with 'bacteria'. Rather appropriate.
• hey, thanks kit! OK, folks, i am now in the possession of genuine kitfisto fecal matter, which i will part with for a mere $25.
• Mind you, when I saw a link for "Celebrity Skin", I had something else in mind. Blurry telephoto lens shots of Giselle's nips, perhaps. And then I was confronted by Jack Black's fecal matter. Serves me right, I suppose.
• immediately brought to mind Linklater's _Slackers_ and the test tube containing Madonna's pubic hair. But on a scale of 1 to 10--roughly a 0.4
• I'll take some skin cells and bacteria but I ain't takin' no shit. Hey I hear Tom Snyder's got leukemia; that's gotta be worth something.
• Monkeyfilter: confronted by Jack Black's fecal matter.
• I forgot to ask - did you want extra sweetcorn with that?
• I have an ABBA turd ...
• well, kit that WOULD bring me an additional $2.63.
• Waterpoo?
• Super Pooper?
• Arriva. More like, motion.
• arrival futzed that gag up
• True story: 2002, San Francisco, unnamed record shop, 8:15 p.m. - just after closing time, employees closing up shop for the day, a loud knock on the front glass door, tall strange-looking man, "please, I have a very important person here that would like to make purchases in your shop, but they will only do so during off-hours. I promise that this person will spend a lot to make it worth your while." After a quick discussion, the employees decide to go for it. They open the door, and in from the darkness walks a disguised figure - - wearing a head-turban of sorts. Once in, the front door is re-locked and the figure begins to unveil - - - aha! It's none other than Michael Jackson! He politely apologies for the intrusion, and proceeds to flip through the large collections of vinyl. As if on cue, "Do you have a children's section?" At first the employees say "No, sorry..." until one of them remembers the basement. "Actually, we have many that are in storage in the basement!" Michael perked up, and followed behind as they led him down into the murky depths of record-collection hell. The basement proved to be a goldmine of old vintage children's records. Several boxes were found - covered in years of dust. Michael gleefully spent over an hour flipping through the records, grabbing all he could... Once finished, he meekly asked, "Is there a restroom where I can wash my hands?" [no gloves I guess]. He didn't want his bare hands to touch anything in the bathroom, so he used mountains of those brown-paper towels to shield his hands, and then dry them off. Forget how much he spent, but it was many hundreds... Once he left, the employees tried to come to grips with the bizarre experience. They ran to the bathroom and promptly rescued all of the paper towels that Michael had used. Conveniently bagged into ziplock storage bags, some samples were shipped off to friends in NYC - - to which they declared, "I have Michael Jackson DNA!" No, 'twas not me...
• I'm sure there's quite a few others who can say 'I have Michael Jackson's DNA', but without the amusing story attached...
• oooooh
• I once knew a sailor. No, that's not the end of the story. He worked on the Royal Yacht back in the 80s (I forget the name of it). They diverted one of the sewage pipes or something from Prince Phillip's bathroom and saved a big juicy turd, which was displayed in a case in the engineering department with appropriate label "HRH Prince Phillip's Turd". I have no idea if this is true, but I suspect it is.
• More of Jacko's Shame!
• He got that idea from SNL
• I believe it was Madonna's pap smear. This thread engenders dieting. or purging. *broofh*
• oo! non-celebrity vomit!
• What's available from Dick Trickle?
• I think that's the Royal Yacht Britannia, Chyren. Now back to your regularly scheduled biohazards.
• oh my god, argh, i *cannot believe* there is an actual person with that actual name. i mean... well... i'm just... my goodness.
• You would have thought he'd'a changed it, right? No, no. These are simple people we're talking about. The common clay of the land. You know. Morons.
• Don't forget former New Hampshire congressman, Dick Sweat... who's roommate in college was supposedly Timber Dick
• /struggles for followup line
• BULLETIN!!! this just in. really. When pop-star Britney Spears recently confirmed her much-rumored pregnancy, it was inevitable that controversial media attention would soon follow. Now a Canadian radio station has sold her alleged pregnancy test to GoldenPalace.com, the Internet casino noted for its unusual eBay purchases. An Ottawa music station, Hot 89.9, scored the pregnancy test through a connection it has in the Los Angeles hotel where Britney and her husband Kevin Federline were staying a couple of months ago. The positive test was found in the trashcan of the couple's bathroom and then sold to The Morning Hot Tub with Mauler, Rush, Laura & Josie.
• They'll probably buy the afterbirth.
• I thought Federline WAS an afterbirth. Sorry -- did I say that out loud?