May 10, 2005

• This is well written too.
• Hmm. I thought that was very poorly written, almost incoherent.
• I wasn't sure what to make of this, and I wasn't sure what the author's intent was. I would speculate that part of her problem with men may be due to factors other than her disability, and, she in fact alludes to this, therefore my confusion about why she wrote the piece. There's no doubt in my mind that being disabled attracts a certain type of strange person at times... but so does being blonde, being short, being tall, being skinny, being overweight....and so on... again...the point was? If someone saw something I didn't, clue me in.. I haven't had my coffee yet! and...what kmellis said, it was a bit disjointed...
• from the first piece: After a few years of going out and meeting men in bars and pubs, I became quite cynical. i think after a "few years" of dating guys i met in bars and pubs, i might be cynical too. and i imagine speed dating is hellish for many participants without disabilities as well. i guess what these columns reminded me was, everyone has their own "disabilities," or issues or challenges or whatever you want to call them, some visible some not.
• A disabled woman simply brings out the pick pocket in me, I'm afraid.
• Well it was a perspective piece and certainly not posted for journalistic edification. I understand the criticism about the construction but I believe there was enough detail in there about her past boyfriends alone to counter the idea that negative happenstances were unrelated to the disability. Of course, that's her subjective recall and we don't have any other perspectives to examine. Chip on the shoulder you think? Maybe. I didn't really read it like that. But anyway, I thought it was an interesting personal account. Sorry to make you think before the a.m. caffeine ;)
• But... let me add, peacay, it was worth reading, provoked a few thoughts, and could provoke an interesting discussion... /realizing that I often make comments that are misunderstood and I also often fail to give credit where credit is due..... and hoping that if I do a better job with this during the few years I have left, I maybe won't go to hell! :\
• Well good luck with that endeavour HuronBob! Fair criticisms all round (kitfisto notwithstanding) - people don't escape examination or critique just because they have a disability. It's difficult to put oneself in her position of course.
• If she's not available any more, and all men are (not really) misogynistic, does that means she's now a lesbian, or did she actually find a man who is not misogynistic (God forbid!), or is she simply not dating any more? The photo was hot.
• Thanks for posting this ( OUCH! ) I would never have found out about it otherwise. Disablitity does bring out the freaks.
• Luckily, I've now found myself that urban disability myth: a lovely man who can't be fitted into any of the above categories and "loves me for who I really am" (vomit). Skrik's diability: very short attention span.
• quidnunc's disability: unaybul too spel.
• darn... quidnunc... I wanted to snark on the spelling/typo thing... /wanders to metafilter to find someone to pick on...
• Great article. I think it's incredibly important for all people to tell their stories, especially about relationships and sex. I think most of what we read in the media on these topics is complete whitewash, which just serves to make us all feel like freaks because our personal lives seldom resemble those glossy ideals. People have a huge range of experiences- good, bad, and ugly- and being able to share those with others is part of our own self-discovery.
• Share how that makes you feel.
• [lets out primal scream...] Pretty good, thanks.
• Great bellowing Bufos!
• Not too shabby, eh?
• I cower before your starred and stripy omnipotence. Not to mention the warts.
• Behold my warts, ye mighty, and despair!
• (be sure to suggest that in the band name thread, kit)
• Well, here's my sex story...
• But what the hell is her disability? I know she has a walking stick, but, y'know, not all crips are created equal. I could probably date a blind chick or one with a limp if I liked her personality, but I have to admit that I'd balk if she was in the throes of MS or something truly brutal. I just don't have it in me to deal with that with someone that I don't love, and I don't love anybody when I first meet 'em.
• You've got to admire his honesty there, folks.
• Yes, but I'm not altogether sure I understand what he was being honest about exactly.
• The best kind of honesty. Parliament awaits.
• But how many women would date a man with a limp?
• Loads. It makes men look dangerous.
• Hard to say- that would depend how limp.
• This is something I'd not really thought of - that disabled women have to deal with the 'white knight' syndrome. You see it a lot in escorting; escorts are often seen as 'disabled', in that we are damaged goods; fallen women who must need help. I avoid these self-styled saviours like the plague, because they can be very dangerous. This kind of do-gooderism is often really the twisted kind of 'pity' that motivates narcissistic pricks to react very badly when their help is not wanted; then it's revealed for what it really is; a crutch propping up a miserably low self-esteem. Which then translates into; "you fucking bitch...how dare you - someone so obviously inferior to me - presume to not gratefully accept me as your benevolent better?" It's worth noting that disabled women are sexually assaulted at a markedly higher rate than non-disabled, and this 'white knight spurned' scenario is probably part of it.
• stephen hawking's wife is quite pretty, i've always thought.
• Stephen Hawking's wife abuses the crap out of him.
• mj, interesting slant. Seems like there's a whole underclass of 'men' who need their egos bolstered in pityworld. I'm imagining they're prolly responsible for a not insignificant number of assaults / harassments / stalkings and possibly a lot crazier stuff.
• An enlightening lecture and art show from a UK disability theorist, Ju Gosling who isn't looking for js to rescue her, anyway.
• Great link deconstructo...
• drj, i thought that was disproven?
• Hawking is teh hawt.
• If you're a disabled woman you'll find dating difficult, lots of freaks, etc. Disabled man dating ... forget it.
• Thanks for that link, deconstructo; it was a very good and thought-provoking read.
• Hawking himself denies it, which some consider to be good enough, and others still consider suspect.
• Better a guy with a limp then a guy with a too short MonkeyFilter: hoping that if I do a better job with this during the few years I have left, I maybe won't go to hell!
• Here is the site of a parapalegic man in the UK who has a girlfriend, and a quite healthy sex life. Front page SFW, but poking around will lead to some NSFW photos (links in capitals contain nudity). The writing isn't superb, but again, I think the content is much more important.
• Disabled man dating ... forget it. I knew a disabled guy in college who got lucky far more than the rest of his group. I don't think it was all pity sex, either. Of course there wasn't much there relationship-wise, but as his condition was progressive, I don't think he wanted something long term anyhow.
• I want an audiobook of Stephen Hawking reading "A Brief History of Time."
• Ah, I forgot to couch my points in sanctimony. Hey, I also like women who are physically attractive to me! To the pillory! (But no rebuke for Fish Tick, who said the same thing about men). Dating someone with a severe disability is a lot of work. I've had a relationship end because we lived on the other side of town from each other. And disabilities require varying amounts of work, so what kind of disability she has will definitely affect the pool of guys she has to choose from. But I'm sure that you're all the type of people to whom only what's inside counts.
• Dating a disabled person also differs depending on their relationship to their disability. I had a very good friend who was disabled, and it was stressful, because her disability fed her depression and vice versa - she concentrated on what was wrong, and not what she could do. I was okay being her friend, but I don't know if I could have handled being in a relationship with someone who was handling things like that. I'm enough trouble for myself. I can't tell much from either of these columns, but I think I would rather date the woman who wrote the second column, because she sounds bright and funny. (I liked the bit about how her disability has made her relax about not looking like a supermodel).
• But no rebuke for Fish Tick js- I was just playing off the "man with a limp" bit, too stupid to realize that the term would be taken two ways by most monkeys anyway. I think most people probably have thresholds beyond which certain people at first blush seem unacceptable as a prospective partner, whether because of physical or mental qualities or whatever. Some people are just hastier than others to sort the rest of the world into acceptable/not acceptable.
• Doesn't that kind of stuff happen all the time to pretty women? I mean... I thought it did. Weird old men hitting on them and such. Not the white-knight complex, but being macked on by creeps. Some of it is specific, of course, but I have to wonder how much of it could just be chalked up to being pretty and young and living next to a bar. "Well," they think, "[s]he'll always need me, she'll be grateful, and it'll be hard for her to run off with anyone else." Oh my God, I think she knows my ex. I didn't realize more than one idiot out there thought like this.
• She briefly mentioned getting porn/love letters... at least she knew why the guys were sending them to her. Once, for about a week and a half, someone hid twenty-year-old porno mags in my newspaper. The first time it was kind of funny, in a "WTF? wait till I tell my mates" way, but by the end of the week I was waking up at 6 in the morning to try and catch the weirdo. Never did, and it stopped as mysteriously as it started. Needless to say, I did not renew my subscription.
• it's true. i fucked kmellis.
• How interesting for you both. How Earth-shattering for the rest of us.
• I didn't fuck kmellis. I did however, moon moneyjane.