February 03, 2004

The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army - Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hilarious list and posted them to the web.

Some of my favorites include: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. 31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions. 32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post. 36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over). 48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision. 60. ‘The Giant Space Ants' are not at the top of my chain of command.

posted by Kimberly 20 years ago
  • Let Us Make Him An Honorary Monkey. (And is he too late to file in New Hampshire?)
  • Sounds somewhat like Klinger from M*A*S*H.
  • Let Us Make Him An Honorary Monkey. Especially considering #203: "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO."
  • what a hoot!
  • [banana, ripe, ready-to-eat]
  • "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word. is too!
  • Seriously! I added "shpadoinkle" to my list of words that aren't commonly accepted as words, but quite clearly are (see: cockpunch, squoogy, thingamabob, doohickie, and pfffft!)
  • "meh" is my personal word. It's so useful. I'm in love with "schpadoinkle," though. (Note the added 'c' to give it a tasty Germanic flavour.)
  • 214. Must stop making flashboy spray beer over his keyboard. This happened with numbers 92 (When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony
  • Great find. My fave: 29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'. i had to stop reading soon thereafter though cuz my bullpenmates were lookin at me funny.
  • 52 Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range. Skippy and Optimus should get together for a few beers. GI Joe and Transformers, now that'd be a war worth having.
  • When Skippy grows up...
  • Busted a gut laughing. This guy deserves a Purple Monkey Butt award. I hereby nominate him.
  • my list of words that aren't commonly accepted as words, but quite clearly are (see: cockpunch, squoogy, thingamabob, doohickie, and pfffft!) You forgot foon.
  • Hey! What's wrong with Doohickie???
  • 44. I am not the atheist chaplain. 70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication. 114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians. 179. On Army documents, my race is not ““Other””. 180. Nor is it ““Secretariat, in the third””. Ow, ow, it hurts... can’t breathe... must... marry this man... (Don't you mean, Doohickie™?)
  • Thanks, Hom'dawg - this brings back the memories...
  • #214: impersonate a robot and skip stones...