April 21, 2005

• Anyhow, this prof will probably never see his laptop again. Sure he will. He'll find it under some books on his desk, and then claim that the thief put it there, and swear he checked there at least a dozen times before he threatened his students, and how dare you accuse him of losing it and assuming it was stolen!
• I think he's nervous because he had a bunch of kiddie porn stashed on it.
• I just read the transcript, and thought the prof was full of shit. Then I read the comments on the blog post that contained the transcript, and all the other people on the internets thought the same thing. Except one but he's a fucktard. So I win!
• Yeah, the professor's rant was factually leaky. I hope the "thief" calls his bluff.
• Have to admit I chuckled a bit there when reading through the transcript. "...within fifteen minutes the people in Redmond Washington were very interested to know why it was that the same version of Windows was being signalled to them from two different computers." Hmm... must have been the windows xp transponder! Busted!!
• Yeah, really. From now on, kidnap victims can just carry a copy of windows around and install in on their abductor's computers, and within minutes the Microsoft helicopters will swoop in to the rescue!
• moneyjane: Why not carry around a small laptop or palm pilot with Windows installed, then you have a way of telling people exactly where you are then again, you have to rely on those Windows agents in Redmond WA to rescue you if needed
• This prof means business, I'd better return the computer.
• Also, interesting that it had all this info on it, but ummm, didnt require a password to log on to the computer?? Even Windows XP Home can require a password if you configure it right... Normally I think stuff like this is fake, but the fact that the prof has a name and a real page on the Berkley site leads me to believe it's real. Is he mentally ill maybe?
• Yes, they may get the fool that nabbed his machine, but the one really sunk is the prof. I mean, carrying such sensitive material on a laptop he left unattended? At least use one of those motion alarms! He's gone get so fired and sued... Or perhaps, what's he's worried about is all those unencrypted home movies of he and his wife he's got in there. After the FBI, I'd fear a divorce lawyer the most.
• Except one but he's a fucktard. So I win! Yeah but what if he's a really big fucktard with muscles.
• I mean, carrying such sensitive material on a laptop he left unattended? Happens all the time. In any event, the data doesn't sound that sensitive unless it were to be published or fall into the wrong hands. Now, if he doesn't have a copy of the data somewhere. . . .
• Wah? M$ is tracking me on my laptop??? I'm switching to Linux!

• Skrik: I'm switching to Linux!

  An excellent choice, sir!
• Here's a cartoon lampooning the whole deal.
• Good cartoon. Even Santa has it in for the thief.
• "Only coal for you this year, Mr. Naughty."
• Is that for real about the wireless card broadcasting your location? Does M$ track old versions like Win98? And win98's "login password" can be bypassed just by clicking on "cancel", then bootup continues; what about later versions?
• Bullshit!
• It just struck me that I don't know how to find trade secrets or who to sell them to. Who wants to help?
• Long analysis......(yeah, I'm a bit geeky) I knew he was bluffing...mentioned that M$ was...tracking the laptop and that they had tracked the thiefs whereabouts via the wireless connection. If they had all this info, why haven't they gone in for the kill? I didn't find any of the professor's claims unreasonable, as long as you envision the limitations involved. He didn't claim that MS was tracking the laptop involved, merely that they had registered two copies of the same Win license in use at the same time, via the 'net. This doesn't help you catch the guy, but once you do it could be used as evidence against him, assuming you can nail the laptop license # to a network location and then place the suspect in that location. Obviously if this was his house (or similar) it would be particularly damning. The prof also made a point that the laptop was never hardwired into the campus network after being stolen, which would have allowed the sys-admins to track the network port and nail the location in use down to a building, floor or room. Then they could have gone there and grabbed the thief. Instead, he claimed they had tracked the wireless network card, which might have taken more time (depending on the network setup) and would have been much less location specific, making it much more difficult (if not impossible on a busy, convoluted campus) to nab the thief. He claimed to have a partial image from a security camera; it might well have come from reviewing video footage from the cameras covering wireless regions in which the laptop was used. Again, a process that takes time. Might easily be a partial bluff as well, in that they might only be guessing about the person on the tape being the thief. The bit about the transponder likely refers to a cellular modem card, which is also useless for tracking unless it's in use, and not very location specific in a city or campus. The transponder could be a LoJack system, but if that was the case they almost certainly would have nabbed the guy by now. Plus anyone paranoid enough to LoJack their laptop probably wouldn't be stupid enough not to encrypt the data.
• (continued) IANAL, but the most suspect claims made by the prof involve the authorities. I have no doubt the FBI, US Marshals, and SEC are interested in the theft, because of the data involved, but I think it's reasonable to question whether they'd launch an active investigation into the theft. They'd probably be happy to prosecute if the thief is caught, but won't bother spending man-power themselves unless it becomes clear that the sensitive data has been abused in the law-suit or the IPO. Again IANAL, but I would suspect the prof isn't at risk except possibly for consulting fees. He can't really be held responsible for not taking proper data security unless he's an officer of one of the companies involved, which opens himself and the company up to share-holder lawsuits. The companies could sue him as a consultant, but they'd have to try to prove that other similar consultants take appropriate security. In my experience very, very few people do and the prof could likely call all sorts of witness colleagues who don't do anything more than he did. Doesn't get the prof off the hook, but makes him look a lot less negligent. You can't plan for every contingency, etc. If he's a straight consultant, the only risk is that other companies will be less likely to trust him with data in the future. Of course, since IT isn't his area of expertise he might well skate on any serious blame, assuming he can show future companies that he's learned his lesson and taken appropriate precautions. As for the thief, now he's got a hard decision. If they've got little evidence yet, he can obliterate the laptop and forget it ever happened. If they've already got a suspect in mind, destroying the laptop removes his only bargaining chip in reducing his penalties. Final Lesson: Encryption is your friend.
• He's clearly bluffing, hoping the thief is not tech-savvy. But it's pretty funny stuff.
• Hey Nal, here's one: Why should anyone trust SELinux by NSA, that insists backdoors be built in commercial encryption for them and that gave that PGP guy such a hard time? As for the laptop, if I were going to take the risk of stealing one I'd copy everything that looked interesting onto CDs and stash them somewhere just in case, then wipe the disk and install Linux (or to be cute BSD), and if I were paranoid about the WiFi card I'd "forget" that at Starbucks. Can you tell I don't read many mystery or spy novels?
• In all seriousness, I lean towards the prof suffering from an undiagnosed mental illness; Ironically, I am the only person on the planet that can come to your aid Even if everything about the data is true, that is phrased like a person who thinks he's living in a spy movie...
• If he really had unencrypted NIH clinical trials data on there, his visit from the feds may not go exactly like he expects. The penalties for disclosure of HIPAA protected health information are draconian, and the feds are just itchin' for a high-profile test case.
• Hey Nal, here's one: Why should anyone trust SELinux by NSA, that insists backdoors That's why the truly paranoid only consider encryption packages that are open source or based outside the U.S. ;) I am the only person on the planet that can come to your aid Yeah, that one's a bit far fetched. No industrial spy would ever return the laptop, but even if they did the prof wouldn't be able to tell if they'd copied the data.
• Most tenured academics are nucking futs, it pretty much goes with the territory. And massive egotism goes with the ability to lecture well. No offense to any tenured academics here. This guy does not have a mental illness, from the sounds, if anything, he might have a personality disorder of some kind, which is endemic in our society. He reminds me of the k00ks on usenet who threaten legal action at the first sign of criticism. But I feel that healthy, public mockery should do the trick.
• I totally want to make a posting to ebay about a laptop for sell with IPO secrets on it.
• More details emerge.... According to one lawsuit connected to the prof, it appears he may have had a conflict of interest regarding another academic who he criticized and turned down for tenure. Embarassing emails may be on the laptop. The whole lawsuit looks pretty messy for both sides though.
• We had a fun discussion about this guy in our weekly faculty lunch this week. (I'm not faculty, but I get invited because I got connections.) The consensus from some former Berkeley people was that this prof was breaking all kinds of ethics rules with that rant, and (depending on how important his funding source is for the university) he will be getting a visit from the ethics Gestapo. The consensus also was that if this had really happened, he should have let the police handle it.
• Gee this prof is a major froot loop. The tech angle is irrelevant. It's not the laptop thief who's scared here... LAPTOP THIEF: "Ah, you silly Berkely professor, you with all your silly knees-bent running around. I laugh at you. Your IPO is a pigdog and your laptop is an elderberry! So-called Professor. You and all your silly Berkely Kaaaaniguts!!!!!!!!"
• "And you can tell my professor I've still got the photos of him and the dean!"
• For what it's worth, here's a follow-up.
• hehe as was suspected.
• Since we ran that story, it has been picked up by ABC News in the States and debated on bog sites across the world. Most techies consider that anyone could see that the Rine was telling porkies. One of the ways that Rine claimed he identified the tea leaf was by installing the same version of Windows Um does anyone have an English translation of this article?
• Cockney rhyming slang, petebest me old China. telling porkies = telling pork pies = telling lies tea leaf = thief Can't help you with the bog sites though...
• Wow. My yankee mind reeleth. That is the singularly most bizarre function of language I've seen in a long time. *stares blankly for a long time, blinks, nods & says "yes"*
• "Pork pies = lies" is probably the most well-known example of Cockney rhyming slang I know. My grandfather, who never set foot in England, used to say it all the time. Likewise I grew up saying things like, "I used to do that donkeys ago," where "donkeys' ears = years". I never realised until late high school that it was some archaic London thing. The "me old China" one I've heard a lot but never learned the actual meaning of.
• The only ones I know are "apples and pears" for stairs (which I read somewhere that nobody actually uses anymore), and the only one that made it to the US, "raspberry" for the "ttthhhbbppt" sound. Raspberry==raspberry tart
• China plate = mate. I *love* rhyming slang, and use it far far too much. My favourites are "I haven't got a Scooby" (Scooby Doo = clue) and "you're having a giraffe" (= laugh, although usually pronounced gee-rahf, with the accent on the first syllable, to further confuse foreigners.)
• Bristols = Bristol City = titties Benny Hill used to mention "bristols" a lot...
• cream crackered = knackered
• I like word games and such, but I would be so confuzzed if people used that slang around me all the time. I think i'd sooner understand German. Um . .. Uma? Uma Thurman = German?
• Here's an online dictionary. I've got an earlier printing of this one and it's treat because of the illustrations.
• (((( petebest!! Genius! We'll take you down the rubbity for a tumble down the sink to say thanks next time you're in the Joe Brown.
• The movie To Sir, With Love has a scene where the school pupils explain rhyming slang to wossisname, Sydney Poitier. We had to watch it at school, which was how I learned it was actually a type of slang. And it's a good movie, I think.
• *reads mothninja's comments . . . scrunches brow . . cries*
• A well-organised list of rhyming slang with translations for furriners.
• almonds... from almond rocks...=socks *overcome*
• /collapse
• Some impressive rhyming and other slang from The Onion "Needless to say, the other geezers went chicken oriental." The BBC said if the tossers don't jam their tarts by late afto, they will be forced to classify the bull and cow as a paddy, though they haven't ruled out the possibility of a total fucking pagger.
• *eagerly awaits chance to use "chicken oriental" in conversation*
• Even better is the link at the bottom, though: R.L. Stine Reveals Slappy From Night Of The Living Dummy Was Gay