April 18, 2005

Police want to add monkey to SWAT team.
posted by homunculus 19 years ago
  • It`s the new thing, disposable monkeys United Press International: Morocco offers US monkeys to detonate mine
  • *gasps*
  • The bastards! *shakes 100 TON HAMMER at Morocco*
  • I assume the monkeys aren't crawling forward on their bellies delicately prodding the ground with bayonets, shouting 'I think I've got one of the blighters, Ginger!'
  • Or they could just train the police to fling their excrement at criminals.
  • Anti-bananas to Morocco if this is true!
  • I love the idea of a 3 lb. capuchin wearing a kevlar vest- if he were actually to get shot (and what evil villian wouldn't try to shoot a cute little monkey?), I'm sure the bullet would just bounce right off, leaving the monkey time to pull his capuchin-sized .357...
  • such a bad idea, I will even refrain from commenting on the last name of "Truelove". and yes, thank you that damnable madonna song is in my head now.
  • "tiny humanlike hands" Ah. What a lovely image. But what does it need a TWO way radio for? So it can scream monkey noises back to its handler? They'll have to call him Harry, in anticipation of those inevitable 'monkey self-love' moments...
  • Harry Palms, primate investigator
  • Wibbleflex wins. And compassion and decency lose again. Let the monkeys run wild you bastards - they didn't sign up for our stupid shit. St. Francis of Assisi sez: If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.
  • ...find suicide victims on command I'm trying to imagine the situation: person already in a state of massive mental turmoil is suddenly approached by this cute little monkey... Possible outcomes? capuchin: "eeek eek!" victim: "What the fuck!!??" capuchin: "eeeeek eeeeeeeek eeeeeeek!!!" victim:"aaaw hell! Screw it! I'm gone!!" [one human body + one confused capuchin] or perhaps... capuchin: "eeek eek!" victim: "Life sucks buddy! Look, your just a slave to the sytem. What do you get out of risking your life everyday for those pigs?" capuchin: "EEEK!" victim: "Let's do it!" [one human body + one capuchin body] or lastly... capuchin: "Eeeek eeek!" victim: "Aww, you're so darn cute!" capuchin: "eeeeeeeeek eek eeek eeek" victim: "Come here, gimme some of your monkey love!" capuchin: "EEEEEK!" [one human body + one trembling capuchin holding smoking gun]
  • What Abiezer and St. Francis of Assisi said. Leave the poor innocent monkeys alone already. Just wait for the capuchins to form a collective, rise up against their bastard masters and make a break for freedom. I'm betting they can do a fair amount of damage with those tiny humanlike hands before escaping back into the trees.
  • After seeing what the Trunk Monkey can do, that SWAT Monkey makes me skerred.
  • At least they're using Capuchins... most unappreciated species of monkey ever.
  • I'm opposed to this for ethical reasons, but using capuchins would be brillant! They are the most evil of monkeys. They'll bite, shit everywhere, screech all the time, and throw food and shit at the drop of a hat. Hmm, maybe the capuches would enjoy it. I can see it now: First Harry shoots criminal, then he flings crap on the investigators. Good-O Harry!
  • Took H&R two years? Geeez.