April 18, 2005

"TJCG is God and is SPREADING and SHEDDING LIGHT in a DARK World." Ted Jesus Christ GOD has been working on his True Third Testament to the Bible for a while now. He wants your virgin daughters (which makes him kind of a David Koresh figure without the guns and shredding metal guitar licks). Perhaps because he often finds himself being drastically hacked by demons, he's a big Linux advocate. [via the Daily Illuminator]
posted by the_bone 19 years ago
  • Oh man, I just saw this: Apparently any Linux variations not created by Ted are evil.
  • The phrase "non-Tedian husbands" is now painfully burned into my retinas, along with the eagles and lions and all other things Ted is.
  • You'd think God could afford a better digital camera.
  • I think he put too much vaseline on the lens.
  • I'm so keen on getting this Linux distro he's doing. Think about it. It'll be perfect, absolutely flawless and divinely inspired. It'll mean no more crashes, bugs or updates... for ever. God's own OS is the Alpha and Omega of computing and Microsoft truly is the Great Satan!
  • Once, some guy told me Clapton was God. Goes to show you how you shouldn't take anybody's word for anything.
  • Give Ted your Virgin daughters to become Teds Nuns and be raised older and that you will have to support until 21 years old and to work in a Convent and be ISOLATED from ALL Boys and Guys and Men and Males and Fornicating Idiots and Assholes and to be ENORMOUSLY PROTECTED
    OK, but what about Chaps and Blokes and Fellows? A Virgin daughter isn't enormously protected if the chaps and blokes and fellows can still get to her.
  • This site reads like a shotgun marriage between the local Assemblies of God megachurch and the guy who runs timecube.com.
  • It is now and into the future a DRASTIC SIN to give or take the Name of God or any Names of God or any Derivative of this or turned around like Dog (emphasis mine) He must hate that joke about the agnostic dyslexic.
  • My dog's breath smells like susej :(
  • Yikes!! Check out item 4. His command of the english language is amazing.
  • Hi-Yooooooooo!! Last one out please turn out the lights!
  • TJCG is FAR MORE VALUABLE than any Radio Telescope! And he's bigger than a breadbox too!
  • I believe this to be a repost?
  • Didn't Ted simply update the Old Testament into web-crazie vernacular? Lokispeaks link reminds me of all the times god describes the horrible tortures awaiting those who do not believe in him in the Old Testament. Instead of locusts, Ted uses cattle-prods to make his point.
  • i wonder who painted that original "artist's rendition" of jesus, and how that came to be the Official Portrait Of Our Lord Jesus Christ. i mean, come on, jesus was middle-eastern. swarthy. dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin. sheeeesh.
  • I once tried to create a religion around my friend as a Mithos-like god of light. Sometimes I think I should have done it for real; he's a really good guy, and it would have been a very good religion. But I wasn't very good at writing in a prophety way. (I was his one and only prophet at the time. Also I think it amused him when we were alone, but he was really embarressed when I was handing out religious tracts to strangers on the street.)
  • Sorry - Mithros-like.