April 17, 2005

• cleaning tip: discovered on the net a solution made of dish soap and hydrogen peroxide -- about half and half. mix together with q-tip and apply to just about any sort of stain. amazing, and has ruined nothing so far. always take a bus/subway transfer when it's possible. only a tiny scrap of paper, and you never know when your plans will change. lemons, lemons. lemon slices in a pot of steaming water freshens any kitchen. lemons quarters in water that you use to wash lettuce will keep the leaves from getting brown edges for a couple of days. it's the acid. microwave popcorn. expensive compared to regular kernels in bulk or bags. had people known this, micro-popcorn would never have taken off. take a regular brown paper bag, sandwich size, throw in a couple of handfuls of regular kernels. fold top of bag and place in microwave. turn it on for 2-4 minutes depending on power. voila! bag will not burn unless it's on WAY too long, and you get great popcorn, just add your own butter and salt. quick, no frantic pot-shaking over element, and none of the nastiness that comes in the bought bags (tasty, but they smell like processed death). lost items. rule #1 (2, 3, 4, and 5!): before you move on to the second-most-likely spot, check the first-most-likely spot as thoroughly as humanly possible. otherwise, when you go back there after searching a dozen other places, that's where you'll find it more often than not. give the most-likely spot three times the effort and time of any other place.
• Hair conditioner works well instead of shaving cream in a pinch (for legs, anyway). Might be a bit cheaper to use, also. If you use expensive soap in bar form, cut it into three chunks--you won't lose as much to melting, and you've got a fresh chunk if you're going travelling or something. Use a Diva Cup instead of tampons or pads. Saves money, and the environment, and it's better for you.
• And ALWAYS close the toilet before you flush. You might not be able to see those bits of airborn fecal matter, but they're there, oh, they're there.
• So, stray, what you're saying is there are 'stray' bits o' shit in the air, right?
• *grins* Yup. Breath deep!
• Breathe, that is. *sigh*
• I've found muriatic acid (HCl), easily found at hardware stores in the pool maintenance area, really useful (when diluted somewhat) for getting rid of stains in bathtubs and showers. It was the only thing that did jack on the red clay stains we had at our old house. It is a noxious chemical, though, so use at your own risk, use gloves, and ventilate the hell out of your work area. The product "CLR" is a good alternative, basically a weak version of the same stuff, much better than 409 but less effective than muriatic acid.
• If you like to eat chicken, purchase an entire chicken, rather than packaged pieces, and teach yourself to cut it up. Much, much cheaper, and you'll have bones and bits with which to make broth (which is cheaper than purchasing that oversalted crap markets sell as broth). Freeze the broth in ice cube trays, then save the cubes in a plastic bag. [On preview: please don't associate my post with the colloquy above.]
• *efficiently urination for males: first of all, learn to urinate while in a seated position. It is more relaxing, less spray intensive, and the spreading of the loins allows for a relatively thorough emptying of the bladder. Spread legs slightly for optimal effect. Now as most people are aware, the muscular control involved in a complete urination is a bit complex: there is the standard contraction initiates and sustains urination, but at the end, you squeeze your PC muscle to get that last squirt out. Now after you do the PC squeeze a couple times, place your right thumb on the dorsal base of your penis (dorsal is upper, ventral is the surface that faces floor), and your middle three fingers (of same hand) on the perineum (http://classes.kumc.edu/son/nrsg835/images/perineum.GIF). You now have a pinch grip, so go ahead and squeeze your fingers. Once you have a firm grip in squeezed position, slide your hand upwards, in the direction of your shaft. The loose skin will allow you to do this without actually sliding your fingers against the skin. This will bring any residual urine up to the shaft area. Now pinch your penis with your left hand, so that your left thumb is just forward of your right thumb, and your left fingers are forward of your right fingers (with balls inbetween the left and right fingers). Continue to slide your left hand upwards, and those last residual drops of urine will exit your urethra, at which point you can let them drip onto your right fingers (which you can remove from the grip once you gripped with left hand), or absorb them with tissue paper. Either way, be sure to wash hands thoroughly. Say goodbye to urine drip forever. This is the best technique I have developed for such purposes. It sounds complicated, but I just wanted to give as unambiguous and detailed description as possible. In reality, it takes a couple extra seconds, and is very easy and intuitive.
• *secretly enjoys the direction this thread is taking*
• Good topic! When you drop a small object, like a pill, DO NOT flail about trying to catch it; instead stand still and watch it land. Half the time trying to catch it means it bounces off you in some bizarre direction, or that you don't see where it actually goes. If you make Indian food, or other food that has groups of spices that are added at different times, go out and buy 5 or 6 small ramekins at the dollar store, and when reading through a recipe measure those spices you add together into different ramekins. Do this before you really get going. That way you aren't up to your eyeballs in spice jars and measuring spoons while trying to actually cook, and you know everything's going in when it's supposed to, and with the other spices it should be added with. If your place gets too hot because of sunshine coming in your windows, put one of those cheap bamboo blinds up on the outside of the window. This is far more efficient at keeping the temperature low than hanging the same bamboo blind on the inside. Buy makeup brushes. They really do do a better job, so invest in good ones and take care of them. Do NOT do the robot in front of hoot owls. It makes them cross. Science cannot explain it.
• This might be total ObviousFilter, but standing near windows will always mean better cell phone reception, the bigger window the better (at least AFAIK and i'm a cell phone queen.) Always keep at least 1/8-1/4 tank of gas in your car. It's better for the car, and you never know when you'll need it. Separate your laundry into their respective washload piles (whites, warm colors, cold colors, whatever) when you take them off, so you don't have to bother on laundry day. Then again, I guess this only works for those of us who not only despise laundry but also don't mind five piles of dirty clothes scattered throughout our rooms. (in fact, maybe that last one's just me.) Thrift stores. OMG. Your best friend when you're poor. USians, don't be afraid of Ross or Marshall's. And just about every town in the US should have a Salvation Army somewhere. With a bit of time and energy you should be able to save yourself hundreds versus what you'll pay at Old Navy or Gap or Nordstrom's or whatever. And most of the stuff is cooler anyway. :) When you go to court for various traffic violations, if at all possible pay attention to what other people are there for. Not only will you learn five new useless laws that you will get stopped for, but you also should be able to find a pattern as to the speed threshold over which cops will stop you. For example, in Dallas you can go under 48 in a 35 and you will not get stopped, ever. Guaranteed. Most big cities will have a similar "rule", but watch out for suburb city limits! When you're poor, Ramen is 10 cents a pack. That's ten cents for a pretty OK meal, as long as you have a stove, some water, and some sort of cooking pot. More later when I'm not so tired, maybe.
• Oh, and if you ever need a structure in your hair to _stay_, use Elmer's glue. I learned this while doing a play where I needed one of those little curls on my face.
• The public library is your friend.
• For some silly advice there's always Viz magazine's Top Tips
• An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. That's awesome, Abiezer_Coppe.
• Got a speeding ticket and you don't want it on your record? Go to court but don't pay right there; ask for a form and tell them you'll mail it in. Send in the amount minus five dollars. The system will credit your payment but your case will be left open indefinitely and you won't get points on your license. Trust me, it works.
• keeping your stash with fresh orange peel might make it taste good, but you should always remember to wrap the orange peel in a paper towel first. if stash meets peel, the acidic acid merges them into a horrible gooey mess of citrus thc (which is not very smokable).
• Mmm... ok, thought I was done, but since we're on the speeding ticket track, and I no longer prosecute tickets... :) Definitely go watch a bit -- not to see what other people are there for but to see what deals are being cut. Going with one of those "Points" organizations can be good or bad. First: they know little law. They are usually ex-cops, but I've met some who have never argued a case and wouldn't know how -- they go beg the prosecutor for a deal on every ticket and then report back to you -- either "it couldn't be done" or "*I* got you a deal". Truth is they never get anyone anything -- they just beg and sometimes get lucky, but you never see that. A judge never hears them speak, and cops and some judges hate them. Second: some courts are too damn busy to worry about your ticket -- so you may see the prosecutor making deals on *every* ticket on a given day. (I hate this -- that is *not* justice, but -- you may see it) If you do, you know what position you're in. Don't go pay ahead of time at the counter. Go in, check out the situation, and if it doesn't look favorable, simply tell the judge that you're ready to pay right now. Making a deal usually involves copping to a lower speed -- instead of 20 over, you'll plead guilty to 10 over, with a reduced fine and points. Ten second case instead of twenty minutes so they may go for it. That is, if the cop sitting there doesn't remember you as a belligerent asshole when he pulled you over. If so, you can kiss any deals goodbye.
• Ramen, in Hawai'i, is closer to 50 cents a pack than 10 cents a pack. It's not cheap. (probably because it's culturally accepted to eat. There's ramen restaurants here, where you can can over 5 bucks for a bowl of ramen.) So it's not always cheaper to live on ramen.
• (sometimes, it's easier to spell the word "pay" with the letters "c" "a" "n", especially if you are writing a sentence that already uses the word "can".)
• can i can u to say that again?
• $5 for a can can? I'd hit it!
• Great thread! Removing tough cooked-on food from pots and pans: soak for a couple hours in hot soapy water with a splash of bleach. The bleach will dissolve the food away. Smells nasty as hell, but the stuck-on food will just wipe away. May cause rust on cheap metal pans. Cigarette Smoke: Years of being a non-smoker living with a smoker has made me an expert at keeping the place relatively clean. Scented candles are really the only thing that will alleviate the smell. The flame eats the smoke, and the perfume freshens the air. If you're using votive candles, put 3-4 drops of water at the bottom of the votive holder. The wax stub will just pop out. For any residual wax, soak overnight in hot soapy water and wipe out with a plastic scrubby. Cigarette smoke migrates towards anything hot or static-y: electrical appliances, heating elements, walls with hot water pipes behind them, steamy areas, etc. These are the places you want to hit first when cleaning. If you need to wash a heavily-stained section of wall, you will need to wash the entire wall, or else you'll have a clean spot on a dirty wall. This might be obvious to others but it wasn't to me :-/ Keep plastic food containers in a closed cupboard. The static they produce attracts smoke. Wipe tv screens and computer monitor screens regularly with window cleaner sprayed into a paper towel. These surfaces attract the most smoke. Out of coffee filters? Use a folded paper towel. Futon covers Fitted bedsheets make cheap, decent-looking, easy to wash futon covers. Best if your futon is against a wall.
• When visiting NYC, please note that the posted ticket price to several of the largest Museums (like the Met and the Natural History Museum, but not the MoMA) are suggested donations. Meaning that if you are on limited funds, you can pay them as little as you want. (Not that I am suggesting that you don't support these entities, but the ticket prices upwards of $10 can be prohibitive to some.) I've scored some amazing finds by bartering and freecycling. And this has encouraged me to get rid of tons of junk that I had sitting around. If you live in a larger city, check into registering with marketing firms that run focus groups. I've made on average $500 a year (tax free and off the books) for the last three years doing focus groups, and generally, they are fun and interesting. There are also legitimate online web studies that pay cash or gifts certificates for participation, like Stanford Behavioral Labs.
• uhmyang: keeping your stash with fresh orange peel Use a piece of carrot -- you can leave it in there until it dries, then replace it. No gooey mess.
• If you have sensitive skin, the best soap you can get is hemp soap, the second-best is olive-oil. Stay away from body wash. Glycerin-based soap isn't much better -- and this includes Pears and Dove. If you love music from the 70s and 80s as much as music from the present, and are broke, get yourself a cheap record player. Not as cheap as file-sharing maybe, be much more legal. Then just keep your eyes open for garage sales. You can't imagine the cool stuff I bought for a dollar. It's also a good way to discover new (to you) music -- better than blowing 20 bucks to find out you don't like it.
• I don't have much to add except it seem that the first two posts have helped each other out without knowing it. The first post mentioned oxy-clean and the second mentioned using dish soap and hydrogen peroxide. Well guess what? That is basically what oxy-clean is! (The oxy is hydrogen perOXide!)
• I don't have much to add except it seem that the first two posts have helped each other out without knowing it. The first post mentioned oxy-clean and the second mentioned using dish soap and hydrogen peroxide. Well guess what? That is basically what oxy-clean is! (The oxy is hydrogen perOXide!)
• and if you hit the "post new comment" button and your browser returns an error message that it couldn't connect to the web page, don't hit the button again because your brownser is lying!
• Limp cilantro and parsley can be revived in the same manner as celery- trim the ends of the stems and let sit in a container of water. This doesn't work with limp bananas.
• If you like cooking fish, but hate the smell, a good way to remove it is napalm. Also, demolition. sorry. not very helpful today
• I only advocate the male sitting down to pee scenario when it's a middle of the night wee - no need for blinding lights, guaranteed no misses. Any other time is emasculating [roars in a manly fashion]. A dash of vinegar in a bolognese sauce is my secret ingredient. To find the middle of any square / rectangle (when measuring up a canvas / mount etc), simply draw diagonal lines from each corner to its opposite number - where they meet... When getting onto a crowded bus / tube, go along the side of the vehicle rather than joining the melee in front of the door. Much quicker. When waiting for the tube, look out for the faded white line along the platform edge - it's more worn cos that's where most of the doors end up stopping. When commiting a murder, be sure to desecrate the body. You'll get more press that way. Er...I mean...oh dear...
• MonkeyFilter: none of the nastiness that comes in the bought bags. MonkeyFilter: you can leave it in there until it dries. MonkeyFilter: you know everything's going in when it's supposed to. MonkeyFilter: pinch your penis with your left hand.
• Avoid the blinding light in the middle of the night issue altogether by putting a night light in the bathroom. Apart from improving your aim, it also helps you avoid waking completely up. You'll sleep better after you go back to bed. You can get plain night lights reasonably cheap, and if you're willing to spend a bit more (still well under $10 US at Target, which was where I got mine), you can get one that only comes on in the dark.
• Couple things: First off, that bit about closing the toilet is bunk. There's fecal matter everywhere, and you can get more cultures from the kitchen than you can from the bathroom anyway. When making ramen, drop an egg in at the end and stir it just enough to have it white up a bit. The ramen will be a thousand times better for only an extra couple
• Oh, getting rid of a body: Put it in the ground with tomato sauce or lye. Both will destroy the body. Tomato sauce is easier to get, but lye is cheaper in bulk. Alternately, feed it to pigs.
• Please note: above strategy re: tickets is for when you've already decided to show up to court to fight the ticket. I don't advise fighting every ticket in this manner using a wait-and-see approach, because: a) you will most likely pay a court fee for doing so, and b) you will waste the time of a cop who shows up to testify and the community $ it takes to pay for him to be there, so if you've ever complained about "don't they have something better to do" then let them do it. If you're already fighting the ticket, though, best to get to court early and watch a bit before deciding what to do. First off, that bit about closing the toilet is bunk. There's fecal matter everywhere, and you can get more cultures from the kitchen than you can from the bathroom anyway. I've seen the spray pattern toilets make and -- well, you decide if you want that on your toothbrush. As for kitchen vs. bathroom, can't I tackle one source of germs at a time? Or since there's germs everywhere, I should just stop washing my hands before I cook you dinner?
• A dash of vinegar in a bolognese sauce is my secret ingredient. A day too late for my bolognese, I'm afraid. Though it's very tasty anyway. My secret ingredient is love.
• When your stir fry is missing "something" try a hefty splash of lemon juice. Stop buying paper towels and napkins, you'll save money in the long run and there is nothing a paper towel can do that a dish towel can't do better(Koko they can even be used in a pinch for a coffee filter) Become a minimalist. Life is a ton easier when you don't have crap piled all around you. If, in the last year you dusted something more than you used it, didn't wear a piece of clothing, or didn't pick up a book donate or freecycle it.
• Fighting a cold / flu: Avoid refined sugar/glucose/corn syrup. Sugar gums up the immune system. Your immune system is made up of numerous antibodies who act like Pacman and attack foreign invaders. Medical studies have found that antibody production drops after people have as little as 18 grams of sugar, about as much as you'd find in half of a can of regular soda. Sugar interferes with the cells of the immune system. Eating just 3 oz of sugar can result in a 50% reduction of the ability of the white blood cells to gobble up and kill viruses and bacteria for up to five hours. So, no juice unless there's no added sugar. Check the label! Water and tea with honey are the way to go.
• Finely grate a carrot into your marinara. It adds a touch of sweetness to the sauce. Keep a roll of duct tape in your car. It can be used for mechanical emergencies, medical emergencies, and to rig numerous contraptions. Also, keep an old blanket in the car. It can be used for spontaneous picnics, sleeping in rest areas, and covering up the random homeless person who looks cold. If/when you are pulled over by the police, keep your hands on the steering wheel until they ask for insurance, ID, etc. Reaching directly into the glovebox can look threatening. Also, if you are pulled over at night, turn on the interior light so they can see you. Learn basic first aid. Most people panic in an emergency. Training and practicing prevents panic. You WILL use something that you learned in first aid at some point, usually on a friend or family member. If you have black luggage, tie a colorful ribbon on it so it's easy to spot in baggage claim. Never stay in an all-inclusive resort when traveling. It's cheaper and more interesting to ask local people where to stay, eat, and party.
• Never... No, wait. Always take a garbage bag with you in the car. It doesn't take up much room, and if it gets full, you can just throw it out the window!
• Some handy food tips: Put your left-over coffee in ice cube trays and freeze them and transfer to a baggie. Then you can use it for recipes (great for pork roasts!) and for iced coffee that doesn't get watered down. Make pesto in the summer when the basil is good minus the cheese and freeze in ice cube trays and then transfer to a baggie. One cube is one serving, just let it thaw and add cheese. As seen on Mythbusters: If you want to cool down a can of beer or soda in a hurry, put it in ice water with a bit of salt. It takes five minutes to cool the liquid down to drinking temp. Buy a membership to a food warehouse store. Buying meat at Costco is on average 50% cheaper than grocery stores. When you get home, separate the meat into serving portions and freeze in baggies. Many laundry mats will wash clothes by the pound. We don't use them for clothes though, but comforters. Dry cleaning can cost a fortune, but you can get it done for around a third of the price at the laundry mat. ok I'm done.
• If you live somewhere where your windows get really cruddy, like near the ocean, you probably know that nothing gets that white film off the glass. However, oven cleaner works wonders. Be sure to wear rubber gloves. Also, if you don't want to put bleach in your pans as mentioned above, try sprinkling baking soda over the stuck on food, then filling the pan with water and let soak. It probably takes longer than bleach but there's less of a chance of ruining your pan.
• Keep your used tea-bags or tea leaves and let them dry in an open environment. They're good for lots of things, especially deodorising. Put them in shoes to get odours out (much cheaper than buying those ball thingys!), in closets or the fridge. Just not anywhere that's too damp, because the tea leaves will absorb too much moisture at once. If you have tea leaves/bags that's gone off, don't throw it away. Steep them in a bucket or other large container for several hours (overnight is fine), and you can use the liquid to soak your feet, rinse your face or eyes (the tea will help with mild skin problems and oiliness, and helps with eyebags or dark circles). But don't keep the "tea" too long, no more than a day or two. In a pinch, tea can also be used to wash cuts to prevent infection. It's said that rinsing your hair regularly with tea makes it shinier ( I can't vouch for this because the tea I drink is much much too expensive to try this, but you might want to try it with the cheap teabag stuff). Make cheap masks for facials. Use dissolvable aspirin and yoghurt to make a acne mask (quite drying, so make sure you moisturise sufficiently afterwards); fresh egg white to tighten pores (don't forget the two slices of cucumber or used camomile or tea bags for your eyes while you're at it), honey to help with oiliness. For printer cartridges: If you're not using a cartridge for a while, take it out of the printer and wrap it up tight with cling film. It'll last much longer.
• Finally, to echo others: Use your library (public, school, university, whatever! If you're a member, go!). And thrift shops are good. I dress in branded goods half the time, but they're almost all from thrift shops and cost between 1/10th to 1/20th of the original price. Don't like the colour? Strip it! I've had some really lovely effects with colour stripping (check that the material can take it, of course), including a blouse where the cloth turned pure white, but the stitching retained their original lilac (I had to strip it though I liked the colour because it was faded). It now looks totally unique and beautiful.
• Plastic bagging: I pack a few extra plastic bags (from the cleaners', or supermarket) on travel luggage. Useful for dirty or wet clothes, shoes. Always wrap clean shirts and pants in thin cleaners' bags, so they arrive still clean and customs revision is easier for all involved. Ziplocks: bag toiletries, sunscreen, shampoo bottles, battery chargers, extra tape, medications. Some customs inspectors will raise an eyebrow, but next time your insect repellent happens to spill all over the closed bags, you'll just smile. I always carry on travel a basic medications bag, with paracetamol, aspirins, antiacid, gauze pads, bandaids, antiseptic. And a swiss knife with all all those springy tools. You never know when you'll need to extract a sliver or uncork some wine. The colorful ribbon is needed even if your bags arent' black; I use a small red tie on one bag, complete with knot. If you can, upload or burn to disc pictures while on the road, instead of relying on expensive memory cards that can be lost. An aspirin tablet on the water of a rose bouquet will make them last for a few more days. A gentle coat of lemon juice will keep avocados from turning brown. Besides a squeege, newspaper works best when cleaning glass panes. Addendum to mj's advice on fallen small obejcts: when they've already been dropped and lost, use a flashlight to illuminate the floor, with the beam parallel to it, and look at ground level. Your small pill/screw/whatever will be illuminated. That it is under a heavy desk is another matter. Ah, Monkeyfilter: the only place where you find advice on keeping blankets on the car for homeless people and using tomato to get rid of bodies. Good!
• Regarding lugage -- first there is some commercial going around about conformity that shows people waiting at the bagage claim and every bag is black with a red ribbon tied to it. Secondly, it doesn't matter what your luggage looks like, someone will try to pick it up. I have an old Samsonite that is bright red and has had florecent yellow tape put on both sides and I had a rainbow colored suitcase strap wrapped around it and someone still picked it up to look at the name on it. WTF?? If there is anyone with that exact same suitcase out there, I will be shocked to death. People are stupid.
• What a cool thread. For the interiors of microwaves that are crusty and disgusting: take a tempered glass bowl, fill it half-way with water and a squirt of dish soap and/or lemon juice, and nuke on high until it's good and steamy (3-6 minutes or longer depending on the size of your bowl). When it's done cooking, leave it in there with the door closed for 5 minutes. The steam will make the gunk easy to wipe away. Your microwave will smell better too.
• To kill off weeds between bricks or in the cobblestones on your street, mix half-and-half white vinegar and cheap dish detergent and squirt it in the joints. Try not to wash dishes too often. It only encourages them.
• Bird-safe cleaning agents, commercial, can use these to do househoild cleaning in room where birds are: 1)Simple Green 2)Murphy's Oil Soap And such non-toxic substances as baking soda, white vinegar, lemon oil furniture polish are safe to use in same room as birds. Unsafe or toxic for birds: many household products from hairspray to nail polish remover (acetone), oven cleaner, non-stick cookwear such as Teflon. Don't use aerosola or ammonia near birds. Try to keep candles, incense, smoke from fireplace away from birds. Birds are sensitive to gas in household -- may die if overdosed and it only takes a small amount to do that, especially with a small bird. Safe cleaning of oven -- sprinklea layer (about 1.2 inch deep or so) of baking soda, then mist heavil;y from a spray bottle of water. Let sit overnight, and that should do it. Can also use this method to remove burnt on gunk from pota and pans and so forth. Use mixture of 1/2 cup white vinegar to one quart of water to clean windows near bird cages. This doesn't streak windows as some commercial window cleaning products may. In stables, use of peat moss under bedding can help reduce urine odours, but may stain horses' coats. Also can block floor drains if not properly handled. Makes great addition to compost/garden soil, though! Cockroaches can't resist borax powder. Set out or sprinkle borax powder to get rid of roaches -- however, this stuff is also toxic to small kids and pets if ingested, so be sure to place it where small children and pets can't get at it -- underneath the refrigerator, at back of undersink cabinets, etc. Soak smelly feet in solution of water and 1/2 cup of white vinegar to eliminate odour. A use for those odd socks! -- put baking soda into sock, and then place sock into shoes when they're not being worn to remove foot odours.
• When you're stuck behind someone slow while driving, don't bother to ride right on their butt, then pull out and pass when the way is clear. Hang back, then when it looks like there'll be a gap after the next oncoming car, speed up, pull out after the oncoming car passes, and pass the car in front of you with ease. Safer for everybody! When you're lost in the swamp, look around for a maple. They grow on higher ground, usually the spoil bank of a channel.
• Burning small quantities of orange pekoe tea leaves on a stove element is an efficient way of rapidly getting the attention of university residence staff.
• You can eat for free at gallery openings, especially in big cities. You can bring your kids - tell them it's dinner. Kids like cheese cubes; you like free cheap wine, it's win-win! Always have spare shoelaces somewhere. Put a lumpy/overcooked white sauce in the blender for a few seconds to re-mix it. Ramen noodles make great stir fry. Just cook them, drain them, and fry them with your veggies. Throw away the msg packet. Before going on a road trip with kids, go to the Salvation Army & buy a bunch of cheap plastic mickey d's type toys. Gift wrap them. When the kids start whining, hand them a "present". Brush your dogs outdoors in early spring so the birds can use the fur to line their nests. Plant tomato seedlings deep - lay them almost sideways and bury them up past the first set of leaves. They'll be stronger and healthier. Have sex in the garden; it helps the plants grow. My mother claims that wiping your windshield with half a raw onion will stop frost from forming but I have never had the nerve to try it.
• The best thing I learned from my four years in the Navy - I use it nearly every day: "Righty tighty, lefty loosey." (True in the US, not sure of other countries) Looking down from the top, turn right, or clockwise to tighten, left or counter-clockwise to loosen. Works with nuts & bolts, jar lids, most faucets, etc. Borax may take up to 3 weeks to work, but roaches carry it back to their nests (or colonies?), and so is a great long term solution. As a laundry supplement borax is great, and doesn't have the environmental costs of bleach. Until recently I thought everyone knew this: magnets will only stick to ferrous, or iron-containing metals. If you water your grass, watering deeply once a week is better than shallow daily. In fact, thatch, which a lot of Americans care about far too much, is cause by a combination of shallow watering and over fertilizing. If you don't water, the grass will go dormant if it's too dry, and will come when the rain does. Windows users can save lots of time waiting for their computer to start up by using hibernate, though pre-XP versions still need to be restarted pretty often.
• While I was out for a bit of a hike today, a pen in my jacket pocket took the opportunity to release all of it's ink. I now have a jacket with the inside pocket full of ink, a shirt with a huge ink stain on the front and several blue fingers. Any wise monkey suggestions?
• Soak it in milk, islander - that works well.
• Frequent flyer memberships are well worth it if you have kids, because you have somewhere to eat, sit down, and store your bags for free (the airline lounge does all this). Even if you don't actually travel much. Hot water in a spray bottle will get most small bugs off plants, such as aphids. Baby wipes can get rid of almost any mark on almost any surface. Old newspapers spread a couple of pages thick under garden plants make a great weed barrier/mulch, especially if you put a thin layer of bark chips over the top.
• If you need to work inside your computer: use a magnetized screwdriver. The field is far, far too weak to damage any data, and you'll be ever so much happier removing screws. Lost in the swamp, part two (really only applies down South): If you're lost and without water, look for the brownest water you can find. Tannin from oak leaves causes its tea-like appearance, and its acidity reduces bacteria counts. WD-40, or any petroleum oil/kerosene based substance will cut right through any glue left behind by price tags. It will also remove rust from chromed table legs and other such items with little effort.
• ok, about the only thing I really have to offer is this: So on Amazon's "look inside the book" feature, if you want to save the page of the book you can't just right click on the page to save it. However, in Firefox, if you right click, and go to "view page info" go to the "media tab" there is the jpg of the book page. Then the "look inside the book" will only let you look at 3 pages in a row but if you just search for the page number you can often find get to it.
• Thanks, fish tick!! That is amazing. I had tried paint thinner, rubbing alcohol, dish soap and vinegar on my blue fingers, all to no avail. Soaked 'em in milk for a few minutes, and the ink is gone. Same with the shirt. I mopped up as much of the wet ink as I could from the jacket with paper towels and I'll try the milk on that too. Me loves clever monkeys!
• mygothlaundry: "Have sex in the garden; it helps the plants grow. "???-- What would the neighbors think?
• Abeizer -- yeah, that's the first thing I think of too when this subject comes up. "Save water when you bathe -- half-fill your bathtub with bricks".
• Abiezer, sorry.
• Handy tool... Forceps - locking tweezer thingys that can be used to remove slivers, pick up tiny dropped parts in confined spaces, remove fish hooks from fish or fishermen, make a portable vise for fiddly work, hold stuff while glueing, clean out clogged sinks and a handy roach clip.
• Another ink removing trick- hairspray. Especially the cheap kind in aerosol cans. Just saturate the stain and then rinse it with cool water.
• Oh, and peanut butter will dissolve chewing gum in hair and on fabrics.
• I always ask for those free bags of coffee grounds from st*rbucks, which I take to my mother. She adds it to her organic residue compost heap. Used to add the lint of clothes dryer too, but since she got a pet chicken that pecks on the heap, I don't save it anymore. Any monkey knows of another use for that lint residue? Have sex in the garden; it helps the plants grow. The mind boggles. Is it the, erm, spilled fluids? The tantric energy? The crushed leaves? Or the sounds? Hey, if talking sweetly to a flower can make it grow bigger, well...
• Ok i just realized I gave a fudged description of the urination technique - dunno how i managed that. Here is the way to do it: efficient urination for males: First of all, learn to urinate while in a seated position. It is more relaxing, less spray intensive, and the spreading of the loins allows for a relatively thorough emptying of the bladder. Spread legs slightly for optimal effect. Now as most people are aware, the muscular control involved in a complete urination is a bit complex: there is the standard contraction that initiates and sustains urination, but at the end, you squeeze your PC muscle to get that last squirt out. Now after you do the PC squeeze a couple times, place your right thumb on the dorsal base of your penis (dorsal is upper, ventral is the surface that faces floor), and your index finger (of same hand) on the perineum. You should do this so that the fist your hand makes leaves your palm facing to the right (right palm). ( http://classes.kumc.edu/...835/images/perineum.GIF ) You now have a pinch grip, so go ahead and squeeze your fingers. Once you have a firm grip in squeezed position, slide your hand upwards, in the direction of your shaft. The loose skin will allow you to do this without actually sliding your fingers against the skin. This will bring any residual urine up to the shaft area. If you do it right, your balls won't get in the way, since they can hang to the side. Continue to slide your right hand upwards, and those last residual drops of urine will exit your urethra, at which point you can let them drip onto your left fingers, or absorb them with tissue paper. Either way, be sure to wash hands thoroughly. Say goodbye to urine drip forever. This is the best technique I have developed for such purposes. It sounds complicated, but I just wanted to give as unambiguous and detailed description as possible. In reality, it takes a couple extra seconds, and is very easy and intuitive.
• Enough with the sitting down to pee already!!
• Yes, are we not men?
• right - real men stand up eh? :) do you feel emasculated when you take a dump sitting down?
• Not but it's not as good as a proper squat now is it?
• I poop standing up. Makes quite the splash...
• I've been doing this a lot lately, and it's really lowered my stress level and improved my general state of being; Laugh at anything even remotely funny, even if it's corny or kinda lame or obvious, or whatever. Point and laugh at the cat. Laugh at the dumb ad you've seen 9,536 times already. Laugh at yourself when you do something goofy. And laugh like you mean it; snort, be loud, sound like a total idiot, it's all cool. After a while it becomes second nature, and is an automatic stress reliever that's effortless, free, and "Gets rid of that unsightly jaded look!".
• Yea - i find that I can tell if i've had a good day by the amount of laughing i've done. You can feel the residues on your face and brain.
• mj: I do that a lot, myself, but I think it's the Lexipro. Okay, here's one: Caffeine is a diarrhetic (so is alcohol) -- it makes you pee and dehydrates you. Avoid it if you know you'll be doing any sort of sweaty aerobic exercise later on that day. Instead, drink plenty of water throughout the day. But, then, about 45 minutes before the exercise, have a double espresso. You'll be amazed at your stamina. And so will she. =)
• One has to sit down to 'smoke a bum cigar' so one can read the paper...
• kitfisto mellie: the man on the telly.
• It's the orgones! If your neighbors can see you, well, than you may be out of luck, depending on how daring you are, but I swear it's worth a try.
• Thanks. I'll be here all week.
• Instead of shelling out $ for cat litter, buy a paper shredder and shred your newspaper to fill the litter box. You'll have to change it every day, but it's free. A two-liter soda bottle can be used to keep celery fresh. Cut off the top and put a little water in the bottom, then stand the celery stalks in it in your fridge. Use the cut-off top as a funnel to fill your spice jars with bulk spices (way cheaper than buying them in bottles) - the mouth on a two-liter is about the right size for smaller jars. Replace your wire hangers with tubular plastic ones. Less tangling/bending and your closet will look so much neater. The best baby toys tend to be the cheapest and simplest (stacking cups, wooden blocks, ring towers). In fact, the best baby toys sometimes aren't even toys (i.e. the box the toy came in, your car keys, an old cordless phone).
• "Righty tighty, lefty loosey." (True in the US, not sure of other countries) Not true on Soviet/Russian ships. They once lost a submarine becuase a sailor tried to clamp down a hatch by turning the handle the wrong way. When applying to UK universities from overseas you need to start well more than a year in advance. Applications usually get finalised the summer before you start, but the funding application deadlines are mostly in the previous October. Researchers: taking a few hours to learn a bibliographic software package will save you endless hours of pain and heartache when you're doing your references. The best one I know is called Biblioscape. Much better than endnote and its ilk, although it's Windows only, I'm afraid. Most people don't realise how dangerous water can be. Before you go out in a boat, make sure you follow all the guidelines and regulations set out by your local coastguard. Think of your boat like a car, only if you bread down beside the highway without the proper safety equipment, you don't just hitch a lift, you die. A PFD really will save your life. Unless you absolutely have to (see above) avoid buying comercial software. Very often, there's an open source alternative that's better, less buggy or evil and absolutly free.
• 1. Oxy-clean is the best for removing glue. (never soak sneakers in it for to long, it dissolves the glue holding the soles on). 2. To remove heavy engine oil or grease from your hands pour some light vegatable oil on your hands and scrub away. THEN use dish soap to wash again. The lighter vegetable oil acts as a solvent on the heavier oil and cleans your hands up nicely.
• The rumours are true -- Coke makes an excellent cleaner for pots. When a pot or pan has some guck burned onto it that you have a hard time cleaning, just let the pot stand overnight with enough Coke in it to cover the bottom of pot completely. By the morning, the Coke will have corroded your guck right off. Scary, yes, but effective.
• They shoulda called it "Guck Off!". Or "Smack".
• Smack is probably better, seeing as how addicted I am. Hurts me to have to waste Coke on cleaning a pan...
• Yeah me too. Odd that they chose a name with no drug connotations.
• Yes, laughter and endorphines. Nothing wipes stress away like those two. Oh. Yes.
• Efficient urination for males: Go outside. Pee on the compost pile.
• If you want to find out whether someone is really unconscious or whether they're just pretending, lift their arm/hand so that it's directly above their face, then let go. If they're not really unconscious, they won't let it fall onto their face. When buying a GIC (Guaranteed investment certificate) in a major bank in Canada, always, always dicker over the rate. You can get up to 25% more interest that way. Like the Clash said: Know your rates! In Venice don't go by the street map they hand out at the tourist office because it doesn't show all the streets. Your public library may have DVDs of movies you can borrow. Secret ingredient for cooking all sorts of meaty potato things: one or two tbsps of ketchup. If you have to leave something (luggage) unattended and don't want it stolen, try drawing a large chalk circle on the ground around it. When you're driving for long periods of time, check your body consciously for muscle tension, relax any muscles you find are tight. It's not the sitting that makes you tired, it's the tension. If you have trouble playing a triplet rhythm properly, try playing it to the word "pine-ap-ple". If you own the shares of a company and the CEO publically attacks short sellers for making the share price fall, better sell that stock right quick. Finally if you can't set a good example, you can serve as a terrible warning.
• *♥ library-going monkeys*
• What removes stink from Tevas or other synthetic-type sandals? Soak 'em in oxyclean? Coke? Muriatic acid?
• if you put the opening of your hooded cat litter box TOWARD the wall, just a few inches away, then your cats can still get in to poop but your dog won't be able to eat those yummy cat turds.
• Don't let dogs lick you in the face, they eat cat turds.
• Cat turds are dog candy bars!
• eeeewwww! lol
• Monkeyfilter: I poop standing up Monkeyfilter: eeeewwww! lol Monkeyfilter: You'll have to change it every day, but it's free Coke is effective on corroded car battery terminals as long as you pour lots of it on and leave it for several hours. Obviously, don't drive the car until after it all dries.
• Take in a stray cat -- it's a proven fact that they are friendlier and less whiney. Plus you get that warm fuzzy feeling every time you thing about saving her from a life (or death, as the case may be) on the streets.
• I`ll try to limit myself here, If you have a room that freezing pipes are a problem, keep a large bucket of water in the room and unless you have a subzero snap your pipes will never freeze. My grocery store sells prepackaged rolls of ground beef in 5lb rolls. I place them in the freezer until they are firmed up, but not frozen, take them out and slice the roll into patties and freeze them individually. They are the perfect patty size for hamburger buns and ideal for bbq etc. My favorite is to buy bottles of LECITHIN , a food supplement most health food stores carry(I`ve mentioned this before on Mofi), and I buy bulk pakages of nuts, usually walnuts. I have a small electric coffee bean grinder that I use to grind the nuts and then mix them with the liquid lecithin and a small amount of honey to create my own nut butter.(Peanuts are not really nuts). Hints From Heloise I`m not.
• (ps, learn how to do the snoopydance)
• If I ever visit you, don't leave macadamia nuts around. I'll eat them all. Just sayin'.
• If you want to see the CUTEST THINGS ALIVE, may I suggest baby squirrels with giant feet and big brushy tails? Saw a batch of four today, weaned and ready to peruse the neighbourhood...and they were utterly fearless of people. One of them started following some kids down the sidewalk towards a busy street, and refused to be shooed back towards safety so I scooped him up. He nipped on my finger but it was more heh? than Die! Die! They make the best little grunty noises ever. Not so much a hint as a declaration that I SAW FOUR EXCELLENT BABY SQUIRRELS and may die now, more than satisfied with the universe, and ever appreciative of little fuzzy rodents with big googly feet.
• moneyjane just reminded me: Keep a small bag of unsalted nuts somewhere on you when you go out. Never know when you see a cute squirrel or bird you could feed.
• The cutefests looked like this dude, only my squirrellys had waaaaay bushier tails that were as big again as their whole bodies!
• Beware the cute squiggles. They have an agenda.
• squigglyswaggelcutealertahSQUIRRELSHAPPYyayaeeeek, so CUTEness ack. *cough*
• Keep a small bag of unsalted nuts somewhere on you when you go out. Never know when you see a cute squirrel or bird you could feed. Alnedra is cuter than kittens.
• up front you'd think there's no squirrel at all because its body is so small yet they can nip and they can gnaw and they can bite a finger raw* when the wind blows away they sails for baby squireels have fullgrown tails *bit-ter experience
• hell and damnation! = squirrels
• A squireel, as we all know, is the aquatic, and infinitely more sinister, cousin of your common-or-garden squiggle. And god knows they're sinister enough. Watch the skies!
• Hey, this thread made a fpp on MeFi. Which then got linked to on MoFi. Do I win a prize?
• Do I win a prize? I think you only when a prize if it leads to a MeTa flameout.
• Re: corroded battery terminals on your car battery-- Another sure-fire way to get rid of that corrosion is to mix some baking soda and warm water, then pour the mixture over the terminals. The fizz means it's working! If you're a man and you pee sitting down, make sure your urethral opening is pointed downward and not sideways, toward the bowl. The upward spread of urine from the impact point can climb the porcelain walls and dribble over the lip of the bowl, through the gap between the toilet seat and the toilet proper. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat. If you live in a dorm and get caught short during the night in re: urination, save time and effort by peeing out an open window. As you're probably drunk, make SURE the window is open. I can't stress this enough. Always keep a work-related window open on your desktop maximized to cover the whole screen. Open your fucking-off windows at smaller than full-screen resolution. When boss-types walk by your cubicle, you can click anywhere off the window and have something professional-looking to greet them. This maneuver is known as the quick-click. Always tell someone if you're about to come in their mouth, unless you have some passive-agressive argument going on, in which case, let flee. Afterwards, pretend the orgasm caught you by surprise. Have your pants handy, just in case. Wait until all the leaves have fallen from all the trees in your yard before raking. Otherwise you're just doubling your effort. And on a serious note: for sinus congestion nothing I've found works better than a plain saline mist. Cheaper and less addictive, too.
• "I figured out the teen beauty secrets. You just take something and use it for something else. You know that glue . . for birdcages? Put some of that on a zit . . that's the secret" --Mitch Hedberg, .
• Always tell someone if you're about to come in their mouth This is the second blowjob tip in this thread, and neither is from moneyjane. There's too much penile advice in this thread, and not nearly enough vaginal advice. I am not a crackpot. And on a serious note: for sinus congestion nothing I've found works better than a plain saline mist. Cheaper and less addictive, too. You can make your own with 8 oz. spring water, 1/4 tsp salt and 1/4 tsp baking soda. Use a child's oral medication syringe; tilt your head sideways, shoot it up one nostril, let it drain out the other. Repeat for the other side. I do this twice a day to keep my sinuses clean and moisturized. Helps during allergy season.
• Yes stay away from Afrin. I was addicted for a year to that crap. Took 2 weeks to kick the habit. The "withdrawal" sucks, the inside of your nose swells up and makes it impossible to breathe. Though afrin does have one good use, it is excellent for stopping severe nose bleeds.
• Sorry to contradict Jane, but PLEASE, never EVER handle wild animals. The cutefests could have ticks crawling all over them. There are also a host of diseases you could have gotten from that bite if it broke your skin - and even if it hasn't. Additionally, an animal can freak out at the slightest, completely random provocation and you could wind up hurting it in startlement, or vice versa. I work at a natural history museum. One day, a mom and her three ecstatic young daughters brought in four absolutely adorable baby raccoons that had fallen, one after another, through the woman's chimney! They rivalled the cuteness of your squirrels and made adorable chittering noises (calling for their mother). The wildlife director came up and lambasted the mom for bringing them in. Upon closer inspection the babies were CRAWLING with fleas. (The babies were brought to a wildlife rehabillitator).
• worrrgh, broken link. Baby raccoon
• Monkeyfilter: Too much penile advice and not nearly enough vaginal advice
• If you use bags of milk, cut off both top corners. (The non-pouring cut can be much smaller.) This keeps the air pressure constant, and it pours much more easily.
• Vagina advice: When your doctor prescribes a round of antibiotics, save yourself some time and buy yeast infection medicine while you are at the pharmacy. Antibiotics can often kill off the good bacteria in the vagina that keep the vaginal pH in check, resulting in a yeast infection.
• Seconded, kim!
• You want a tip for dryer lint? Put it on a screen, wet it. Now use it like you would paper maché. It's even all felty! Here's another hint: your local library might have a book called The Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn. Don't buy it, that would go against the very idea. Inside are tips on EVERYTHING. Like, use a cheese grater to scrape the blackened bits of burnt cookies, or that you can use those plastic soda six-pack rings to make a volleyball net. You can use the metal from a tin foil box to attach to the back of frames, giving the nail something to hook on. Try putting new cucumbers in with the other pickles. Cucumbers are cheaper than pickles, and for the price of one jar you can keep making 'em for over a year. Write away to get the Consumer's Resource Handbook from Pueblo, CO. To make a charcoal starter that works over and over, take a coffee can and use one of those old-style can openers to cut about 20 triangular holes near the bottom (along the outside edge). Put a sheet or two of newspaper in the bottom, and fill with briquettes. Pile other briquettes around the outside. Once you get the fire going, you can use tongs to transfer flaming coals to the rest of the barbeque, and they'll light. You can use hot glue and bread tabs to do a "weld" on almost any plastic thing that breaks (laundry baskets etc...) You can use the leftover jam in jam jars for popsicle flavoring... I can go on. I'm on page 75 out of 275, and only including the easiest ones...
• Baby creatures -- squirrels, birds, etc all over the place in spring and often at intervals for a couple of months in summer, too. Ticks -- unless they've bitten a critter are easy to dispose of, grab 'em and flush 'em or crush 'em. It is the fluid from blood and tick innards that may carry Rocky Mountain Spotted fever. Always protect your hands/fingers when removing ticks once the blighters are embedded, and wash hands afterwards. If you're walking in the woods or fields, carry a couple of baby wipes in a zip-type plastic sandwich bag. Fleas are all over the place in warm weather -- don't put flea spray on young animals unless you check with your vet first. NEVER use any kind of aerosol spray near birds. Heavy flea infestations cam cause anemia. Effective but slow for fleasome critters -- wash young critter with warm water and high-lathering soap such as a bar of Ivory. Let froth sit for a minute or two, rinse and do again if necessary. The lather doesn't kill the fleas, but does seem to stun them long enough to get them off a baby animal. Possible danger for critter -- some animals and many wild birds when handled much go into shock. Place critter in a dark clean area with a jar of hot water or a hot water-bottle, using a towel between heat-source adn the small one. parasite removal is where much of my bad karma accrues, I suppose -- yup, a bad Buddhist. But my pets are healthier/happier flea-free.
• To be fair, my bj advice was a parody of the previous bj advice. Really, you don't want to be taking bj advice from me. IANABJE.
• You can prevent the yeast infection that comes with a course of antibiotics--eat yogurt(look for live cultures in the ingredients), take probiotic supplements such as acidoplhilus or bifidus. If you're susceptible, switch to boxers for a while for better circulation. Also avoid tampons.
• Breaking open an acidophilus capsule and inserting the powder into your vagina is an effective and (AFAIK) safe yeast infection treatment.
• Cheaper wine tastes better than expensive wine when you're cooking with it. Those flat bluish LED nightlights are perfect for peeing in the dark. You can pay more for one with a photo or motion sensor, but it's hardly worth it as they draw almost no electricity and last forever. Make a lunch to bring to work while waiting for water to boil (or anything else that's cooking and doesn't require you to do anything for a few minutes) for dinner the night before. The Platypus Little Nipper hydration pouch is perfect for smuggling booze into sporting events, concerts, church, etc. Just fill it up with some liquor, sling it down the inside of your pants, and if the guard at the door feels it tell him it's a colostomy bag.
• I agree with rats in general; but to be specific, this dude was going to get himself killed, and I had spent some time looking at them up close to see if they were buggy. And under normal circumstances, definitely DO NOT pick up wild critters, especially anything in the rodent family - they have big teeth, and nothing else for defense if you've actually caught them, and so they will bite the crap out of you because they assume you're about to eat them. Which, of course, I am. Mmmmmmmmmm! Rodents!
• Oh, yes. Vaginal balance. Heh. Eat a cup of yogurt with live cultures (or take acidophilus pills) and drink a glass of cranberry juice (real 100% juice, not cocktail, and cranberry is almost always mixed with apple or grape so don't worry about it - you need just 3 oz. a day of the cran itself) *every day*. For many women, you'll never have yeast or urinary infections ever again. If you're pregnant, follow the above advice religiously - you're more prone to getting infections because of the hormonal flux. Always pee soon after having sex to help prevent infections. Always wear cotton underwear, or at least a cotton crotch in your underwear, or go commando, especially while you're sleeping. If you have recurring yeast infections, get your SO checked - could be your SO is carrying the infection and continually re-infecting you. Plain yogurt can be used as a yeast infection treatment - spread it outside and insert it inside; you can even freeze it before inserting. Also - offbeat tip - a raw, peeled garlic clove can be inserted (wrap a piece of dental floss around it first to be sure you'll get it out again). Use a hairdryer with a cool-shot button to dry your crotch off; don't rub or irritate it further. I could share pregnancy/baby/breastfeeding tips all day, but here's my favorite - the midwife that attended my first son's birth taught me this: after delivery, if you're having a little trouble peeing again (which is normal), sit on the toilet, make a thumbs up sign with your hand, and blow on your thumb. Sounds funny but it really works!
• Never try to insert party balloons into your vagina and then have a friend try to inflate them. It doesn't work and can cause a bladder infection. Although it is a really funny thing to try.
• Balloon in vagina? Air should never be blown into a vagina as it could result in air in the bloodstream causing an embolism, or aneurism. Somebody`s gonna get somebody killed in this thread.
• Am I the only one getting turned on by this? Yeah? Oh. Okay.
• Retank, ummmm... plenty of air gets pumped into the vagina in the normal course of "things". Where do you think queefs come from?
• Too much penile advice and not nearly enough vaginal advice If you find a cunnilingus technique that works wonderfully and quickly, don't expect that same technique to ever work again...even on the same woman. It's like an ATM machine where the password changes every time you use it.
• Retank is right. Don't ever blow air into the vagina, it can be very dangerous. Some even go so far as to recommend no cunnilingus in the first couple months after delivery because of the (quite small, I would think) risk of blowing air all up in there. Similar to what rocket88 said: don't be one of those people that thinks they've found the "perfect technique" just because you figured out something that worked great on your last SO. Because you'll be that person that bores the crap out of your SO doing your "magic move" over and over again when it's NOT WORKING and they don't have the heart to crush your ego by telling you so. Heh.
• Eh. The same woman usually has a general repetoir that will work on her, but I agree that it changes (often radically) from woman to woman. But men don't need advice about vaginas. We've become experts through pornography. I believe it was in Vandal Vixens IV: The Ballsack of Rome that I learned that all women climax simply by rubbing your face all around their genitals as quickly as possible. Perhaps blowing bubbles with your lips helps too, though that didn't seem to be consistently applied.
• Well, THIS thread certainly has disintegrated. I was going to post on getting the last bit of shampoo out of the bottle. Never mind.
• GramMa, never blow into a shampoo bottle, it'll get in yer eyes.
• I just want to tell you guys I tried the pee sitting down thing, and it's GREAT! The guy at the next urinal gave me kind of a funny look though...
• Caffeine is a diarrhetic (so is alcohol) -- it makes you pee and dehydrates you. I was a bit surprised until I realized you meant diuretic...
• When blowing into a vagina, be sure to hum the first four bars of "Swanee River." It sounds really funny. just kidding obviously--remember kids, friends don't let friends inflate uteruses...
• Islander: I've often hooted into the shampoo bottle and played "Tiny Bubbles." Think I should go on some talent show?
• Say goodbye to urine drip forever. This is the best technique I have developed for such purposes. It's ok, but not the best. Grasp it firmly in both hands and twist in opposite directions, as if you were wringing out a towel. Follow up with a good shake and you're dry as a bone.
• Remind me never to let a bear near my penis. Ever.
• MonkeyFilter: Remind me never to let a bear near my penis. It's just one of those evenings.
• *sniff* my first tagline! I'm so proud!
• "Have sex in the garden; it helps the plants grow. " "???--What would the neighbors think?" They'd think "Goodness me, look at the size of that bush".
• *golf claps*
• Vaginal Balance tip: Home made boric acid pills, when inserted after sex, can prevent yeast infections in those who are subject to them on a all too regular basis.
• Vaginal Balance tip: I didnt know they got unbalanced. Do you have to check it with a level?
• Don't shit where you eat.
• Don't try to get your bread and cookies from the same jar.
• Yeah me too. Odd that they chose a name with no drug connotations. posted by the quidnunc kid at 05:49PM UTC on April 18, 2005 Not quite sure what you meant here: but I remember that in the old days when Coke first was on the market, it had cocaine in it. Rumours were you could get a greater effect by drinking it through a straw, but I am not sure why that was said. At some stage the cocaine content was removed.
• Don't get your honey where you get your money.
• Not quite sure what you meant here Heh. ... by the morning, the Coke will have corroded your guck right off. posted by Capt. Renault at 05:24PM UTC on April 18, 2005 They shoulda called it "Guck Off!". Or "Smack". posted by the quidnunc kid at 05:33PM UTC on April 18, 2005 Smack is probably better, seeing as how addicted I am. posted by Capt. Renault at 05:46PM UTC on April 18, 2005 Yeah me too. Odd that they chose a name with no drug connotations. posted by the quidnunc kid at 05:49PM UTC on April 18, 2005 Boom boom, just my little joke. *racks up a line*
• Are we still taking tips here? Here's mine. How do you get the last bit of ketchup out of a plastic squeeze bottle? Close the bottle tightly and put it upside down in a plastic bag. (Make sure the bag is longer than the bottle.) Close the bag and swing it in a circle a few times. (Swing it over your head for more dramatic effect.) The centrifugal force will move all the remaining ketchup to the mouth of the bottle. Take the bottle out of the bag and squirt away. This technique also works for shampoo or conditioner. Just remember to do it before you get in the shower.
• TFS: Isn't it easier to open the lids and put a little water in to rinse? Shampoo and conditioner goes on hair, and the last ketchup squirt goes into the s'ketti sauce
• BlueHorse: I agree with you on the shampoo and conditioner, but watered-down condiments? Blech, no thank you! Besides, swinging stuff around in bags adds an element of danger to a dreadfully dull life.
• *looks nervously around small room, hustles cat out of the door
• Rinsing strap-on cephalopods in salt water before storing greatly improves their longevity.
• Or you could just store almost-empty condiment/shampoo bottles upside down so the remainder is always near the opening.
• I'm going to break the format, and ask for a tip that I'm sure someone here has. How do you get the residue off a pot after you burn rice? I've tried soaking with hot water and dish detergent, and lemon juice, and boiling water then scrubbing before the water cools too much. Maybe Coke? It's been on there for about 5 days now, so maybe it's too late. It's just metal, no non-stick coating. Any suggestions?
• If it's just a stainless steel pot, then look for some stuff called Barkeeper's Friend. It's a powder scouring cleanser like Comet. It will scrub the ass out of an elephant, and won't damage your pots at all, if they're plain stainless. Be sure you wash it with regular dish soap afterward.
• all you ever wanted to know about stainless steel.
• MonkeyFilter: It will scrub the ass out of an elephant Then you can put the de-assed elephants in the almost-empty condiment/shampoo bottles. and I got that rinse-the-condiment-bottle trick from my frugal Italian gramma and she made the best sk'etti sauce in the world from scratch, so THERE! gramma never wasted nuttin'
• It will scrub the ass out of an elephant Great, that answers my next question too. Thanks.
• I was reading this today, again, because I forgot how awesome it is. Anything new to add? I actually purchased a copy of "The Tightwad's Gazette" and found it fascinating, although I haven't really used anything out of it that I wasn't already doing. I lend it out to anyone who's interested, though, so the spirit of not spending is still there, just not applicable to me. One thing I started doing last year: when I'm cleaning up the house at the end of the day, or cleaning out the car after a long trip with the family, I take a laundry basket with me. Start in one room and walk around the house from room to room, picking up stuff that doesn't belong in room A and putting it away in room B, C, D, etc, as you pick up stuff in room B that belongs in C, D, A. By the time you've done two circuits of the house, everything is in the room in which it belongs. Oh, and I started using that tip from very early in the thread about cleaning the microwave by nuking a bowl of water for 5 minutes, then wiping down the insides of the microwave: brilliant.
• Cool, I noticed last night that the microwave is quite dirty. If you live in a hard water area, remove fluff from your kettle by boiling a cup of clear vinegar. Pour the boiled vinegar into the sink and it will clean that too.
• Is storing off-season clothes and fabric for sewing projects in one's luggage something everyone does, or did I have a bright idea?
• No, but that is a good idea. I store off-season clothes in moving boxes, but putting them in luggage would save space. Thanks TUM! *kissy-face*