April 10, 2005

Brand Bethany Hamilton Remember the 13 year old surfer girl who got her arm ripped off by a shark? Pretty sad story...but things improved pretty quickly. Turns out her tragedy made her a perfect media personality and cash cow, and now the industry sharks are circling. Bethany has a best selling book, a movie deal (think 'Blue Crush' meets 'Rocky' meets 'Chariots of Fire'), and a line of perfumes that "capture the smell of the ocean". Wonder if they capture the smell of blood in the ocean? (ouch, sorry, that's mean). Oh yeah, and she also discovered Jesus Christ.

A few quotes: Bethany: "...it's the greatest when people realize that God is in control of our lives and that they too can have a relationship with Jesus Christ." Bethany's father Tom: "We're not into this for the money, but the opportunities are there and people want to know the story." Bethany's manager Roy Hofstetter: "What I'm trying to do is make this 15 minutes of fame into Brand Bethany Hamilton."

posted by debris7 19 years ago
  • HOMER: That little Timmy O'toole is a hero. LISA: How do you figure, dad? HOMER: Well, he fell in a well and... he can't get out.
  • I'm representing the shark for his royalties.
  • I heard her being interviewed on the radio the other day. I was stunned by how different her version of English - Hawaiian Surfer, I assume - is from my own, to the extent that I had to concentrate extremely hard to understand it even imperfectly.
  • She hardly just "discovered" Jesus, she was a hardcore born again well before the arm bitey thing.
  • Don't you have to be a middle-aged, pot-bellied, chainsmoking loser with years of coke and hookers behind you before you can qualify for the 'born-again' brand of Jesusism?
  • JUMPT E SHJARK LOL
  • Everything on her website is so PR. I'll eat my own arm if she actually wrote any of it. It's also interesting that they set up her "journal" as a forum instead of a blog.
  • fuyugare - they get them young. There may be some hope when she's middle-aged and potbellied.
  • Like, her and like Rick Allen should like get together.
  • This gets the offical " people who are great because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time " award. Maybe we could name it the Scott " my plane got shot down and I ate some bugs " O'Grady award.
  • big deal. if she can use her accident to get alot of money out of people, she's free to do it. I may not have a movie deal, but at least I can tie my own shoes. But if this quote is accurate, I'm going to have an aneurysm: [She's] the most sought after teenager in the world. She's even surpassed Jessica Lynch." (NBC's Matt Lauer)
  • " She's the most sought after teenager in the world. " Maybe it's her disarming personality. ( oh that hurt ! )
  • Whatever. I'm not really itnerested. the story was an interesting headline back when it happened. Since then I have managed to avoid her. Therefore, if she wants to try to cash in on her accident, more power to her. I'll just change the channel.
  • jesus is a shark? Heh. makes sense.
  • Not making any judgements on this particular case, drjimmy11, but I've been interested -- and dismayed -- for some time now about the hero/victim distinction being blurred. If someone survives a terrible event and rises above the consequences then I do think that can be heroism. But it seems nowadays that every victim is a de facto hero. We don't like the word victim. (Witness the "heros" of 9/11, and I'm not talking about the emergency crew members who died trying to save others)
  • I just like making Simpsons references.
  • Is someone being forced to buy any of this stuff? It seems to me that PT Barnum had it right.
  • I'll lay even money that her first album doesn't include her rendition of "Mack the Knife".
  • I'd rather have my arm, but that's just me.
  • Methinks Bethany is getting a bit too much flack here. It's the people who are giving her money who are the morons, not her for taking it. And it's her dad and her agent who are the crass ones. She doesn't know any better, I'd guess. 1. She's a kid. 2. From what I've seen in interviews, she ain't the sharpest pencil in the box. And as far as the Jesus thing goes, surviving a shark attack can probably go a long way towards making one believe in, and thank, God.
  • I wonder if fourteen year olds come to that conclusion on their own.
  • Yeah, that manipulative little bitch got her arm chomped off just so she could force us to buy her book. That little cunt trained that shark to bite her, just to distract the media from Enron and the mising WMDs. She's a terrorist!
  • When attractive white females are the victims of a crime or accident, it is a national story and they get to make lots of money off of it. If an attractive white female is a suspect in a violent crime, it will also be a national story and she will be able to make lots of money off of it.
  • Maybe someone hired the shark to bite her then ?
  • *Sorry, can't hear. Busy stuffing straw*
  • When attractive white females are the victims of a crime or accident, it is a national story and they get to make lots of money off of it. i don't think bethany hamilton is that attractive. that stump is a big turn off.
  • Attractive? She's a little girl, dude. She was what, thirteen at the time of the accident? Unless you believe everyone in the entire country are pederasts, you'll need a better theory.
  • Ever wonder why the only kid in Sin City was Nancy Callahan, age 11?
  • I'm particularly disturbed by the photos of her posing with her old chomped surfboard. (available under multimedia:lifestyle). I mean, good for her for coming back from a horrible injury, but that happy look on her face creeps me out...
  • Maybe she'll travel across the country stumping for animal rights. Take might take a bite out of the world's fish stock depletion, and lend a hand to conservation efforts
  • ( That might take ... sorry )
  • Nice to see everyone chomping at the bit to make bad puns. Yes, I know that's a common error.
  • This thread has jumped the shark.
  • Again.
  • Champ, not chomp, chump. Yes, I saw your footnote, fuyu, but I just had to say it.How many small tags *did* you use???