April 07, 2005

What with the Pope dead you might be cast adrift in a sea of Catholic angst. To whom do you pray about your syphilis? Luckily, there's patron saint for that (three,actually).

Whether you're a bartender, bee, or belt-maker, there's a saint for that. And it even includes the ones who have been downgraded or decanonized, like nothing ever happened.

posted by js 19 years ago
  • Boo on me! I hit preview yet still missed that ugly artifact.
  • Are there any patron saints for prostitutes?
  • yes, there is a patron saint for prostitutes. I do not know this for sure, but understanding catholic craziness, I'm willing to bet 500 bananas that there is. There have been several Popes that had siphilis, too.
  • St. Isidore of Seville, patron saint of the Internet. His memorial day was April 4.
  • St.Nicholas, patron saint of sailors & prostitutes. Also pawnbrokers. I would hazard a guess that the Magdalene might fit the bill (although in fact the Bible doesn't specifically say she was a prostitute - that was later church bullshit). Magdala was a town that had a large cult of Isis, and bred doves for sacrifice to her, so it's possible that the Magdalene was a priestess of Isis; this would certainly mark her as a 'fallen woman' to observant Jews.
  • Am disappointed to find that while there are two patron saints of monks, there is no patron saint of monkeys. There is also no specific patron saint of lost socks, but may I respectfully suggest we co-opt Arnulf of Soissons, whose patronage includes brewers, music and finding lost articles?
  • I don't have syphilis.
  • St Vincent de Paul would be a better choice for lost socks. St Citha is the patroness of lost keys, unfortunately socks & biros, both items often gone astray, have not made their way into the canonical patronage list, yet. Perhaps one of the 200+ people John Paul II canonised can cover that. Patron Saint of hosiers? That's St Fiacre. Nothing for Monkeys, because of course they aren't Christian (most of them are dirty commies or anarchists) but St Francis of Assisi would certainly not be averse to a small primate or two, being the patron of zoos & animals. St Fiacre is also the patron saint of venereal disease, but apparently potential Pope Skrik I doesn't need her services. However, I have heard rumors that Cardinal Quidnunc has been seen scratching himself in a rather special area.
  • Anthony of Padua is the Patron of Asses. I have not found a patron saint of Bollocks, yet, however I suspect it to be St Sid of Vicious.
  • From the St. Christopher wiki article: The first hurdle to consider is the idea that he was a dog-headed cannibal. Does that means he eats dogs or humans? Or other humans with the heads of dogs?
  • Other dog-human or canine hybrids *and* humans. Covering all the bases with that one.
  • St. Isidore comes in very handy. I keep him on my monitor at home along with an amethyst crystal (cover all the bases) to ward off the evil inherent in the internet.
  • "potential Pope" Skrik? How many false prophets must plague us until my I am acclaimed St Peter's true heir? I will pray to St Simeon Stylites, patron of very stupid ideas.
  • Hey, somebody fixed my fuck-up!
  • St. Ambrose of Milan, patron saint of bees, is also known as "The Honey Tongued Doctor".
  • Is there a patron saint for atheists?
  • The church on my corner is named for St. Ambrose. The congregation there seems fairly queer, as befits West Hollywood, but the one time I went for services (as opposed to sneaking in and listening to choir rehearsals) the sermon had everything to do with supporting Cardinal Mahoney against some godless investigating body concerned with child rape.
  • If we don't rape our children, who will? I believe that the Patron Saint of Atheism is Bertrand Russel.
  • Bertrand Russell once got in my cab. Got into an argument with him. Cunt.
  • Oh, no, not Bertrand Russell!! Pissed out of his head, wasn't he, I bet.
  • Yeah, pissed out of his fucking head. Fucking dwarf. Wide headed cunt. So I said "Bertie, you've written the history of the fucking Western World.. what's the fucking answer?" He looked round, didn't fucking know.
  • Probably farted, didn't he? Knowing him.
  • He farted twice. Clouded up the windscreen.
  • You know, when t s eliot told that story it had a lot less "zing".
  • I had the same experience. I um opened the cab door for somebody who hailed me on the corner ... it was Richard Wagner.
  • Richard Wagner? But he's been dead for 200 years.
  • That's what I thought, but no, there he was, large as life in the fucking King's Road.
  • You are a very silly people.