March 30, 2005

A resource for the interested, whether experienced or not. Amputee world isn't much different (at first glance) from other internet sites I've seen which enable people to meet up. There are chatrooms, and the owner of the site takes care not to be exploitative, mentioning the myriad of other pages available to people who just want to gawk. Being porn-free is a marketable angle (but lust and porn can be decent and valid too, in my opinion), but I think the site is most notable for this: "There are a great many different people in this world and, accordingly, a great many different admirers. Perhaps, some of them are sick but unfortunately there are a few sick people in every community in the world."

Friends of ours came to visit over the weekend, and their arrival prompted a discussion about disability, beauty standards, sexual activity, fetishism and a host of other topics. Why? Because Stuart's second wife (Pauline) is an amputee, as is his first wife (Anne), who has also since remarried. I've known Stuart has somewhat of a fixation on amputees for many years, but I didn't realize his fetish was as strong as it is. When we picked them up at the airport, my wife and I both immediately noticed that Pauline and Anne shared more than hair colour. We'd both assumed that Stuart's interest in Anne had been the same as any other love interest in the world, and that her disability was incidental. A night with a few bottles of wine and some rather frank, even graphic conversation, has revealed something else....

posted by coppermac 19 years ago
  • Stuart’s a pretty average guy to the casual observer. Other than being a terribly good singer, he blends into the crowd with ease. His attraction to women who are missing limbs, however, sets him apart from most of the rest of us. He and Pauline spent some time explaining things to us over the weekend, and of course the nature of sexual attraction was explored repeatedly. We all have preferences and are oriented in one way or another, but not being a fetishist, it’s interesting to wander through the topic with some added perspective. Is my preference for tall brunette women an indicator of fetishism (I’ve only ever really dated brunettes) or just what we unthinkingly label ‘my taste’? Is this quantatively different from Stuart’s interests? My wife likes men less than six feet tall. My son is attracted to red-haired and bald men. My daughter thinks a uniform is the sexiest thing ever, and has dated a cop and a firefighter partly due to her attraction to their work clothing. I can’t understand much of a difference between what I (categorically) find attractive and what gets other people’s juices flowing, but many people still feel comfortable assigning labels in attempts to marginalise and make more unseemly the desires of the rest of us. To me, nothing seems more wretched than rejecting sex and love based only on the ignorant ideals and beauty standards of the mob. I asked a few friends and relatives to explain what attracted them and consequently received some odd emails and phone calls. In the process, though, some new worlds were opened to me: amputee desires with a different perspective, leg sex, giantesses, statuephilia, and, of course, sleepy. Discuss or ignore. I have to go, my wife is giving me that look.
  • Without reading any of the links, let me say I've always preferred dark-haired men. Blonde guys just aren't my thing. I always just assumed it was personal taste, but then again people also say that women go for men who remind them of their fathers - and my biological and adoptive fathers are dark-haired. Uh. Just in case anyone cares.
  • Oh, two more things: the links may not be safe for work (depending on where you work, of course), and here's an item I was sent by my nephew a few minutes ago (definitely not safe for work) which is for the foot fetishist in your crowd. He wants a similar collision of sex toy and Alien facehugger.
  • Additionally, Ampulove is a nice resource for amputees as well as admirers of amputees. [NSFW]
  • coppermac, I agree it is startling to face the degrees of polarity in sexual preferences. That would and could be an interesting discussion. I hope however, no one starts defending certain sexual preferences in order to defend or convince others. That could be a grey/war zone. Since both of us both worked with sexual offenders, of all types, the scope of this thread could bode poorly. IMO. I did however, meet an interesting murderer in Millhaven pen, with a foot fetish. He just couldn't wait to see which shoes I had on when I met with him. I always had to remember my same shoes to thrawt him.
  • One wonders what it feels like to know that one was attractive because of a fetish first, and everything else second. Like Tracicle, I've always found dark hair (and eyes) very appealing, but in general seem to have ended up with blue-eyed, lightish haired types, maybe because of finding non-physical qualities more crucial*? "I just love your stump, darlin', and well, you're not too stoopid, neither..."? *Not to imply dark-haired, dark-eyed folks are less well endowed in the cerebral areas!
  • I fear finding out about that, fish, quite a bit. It seems like it would be so frustrating - you're liked, but you're liked because of a narrow and impersonal part of your whole self. (The only way anyone could be attracted to me is through a fetish, so it's something I've thought about a lot.) Now, the wider thing. There's a difference between a preference and a fetish, I think. Between "I like [x]" and "I will like anyone with [x], because I don't care about them as people beyond the fact that they possess quality [x]." Whatever that is - fringe or not. Fill it in with "money," for instance. It still feels ugly and dehumanizing. That's the key to me - whether it's a factor, or whether it's everything. Unless you [general "you"] are personally dating me, right now, I couldn't care less what you fancy. Really. It's no concern of mine. But when it comes to the level of not caring about people because you are pursuing isolated things or traits, I have to wonder about general-you as a person. I find that creepy. And I don't care whether that isolated thing/trait is hot naked feet, a stock portfolio or silicone boobs. They're all narrow-view parts of people, not whole people. Now, caveat: I'm talking about a relationship situation here. If you pursue $isolatedtrait for sexual purposes but don't guide your emotional involvement with people by it, then I don't find that "wrong." That doesn't make much sense, I guess. But non-relationshipped sex seems to be more about body parts than all that messy whole-person stuff to begin with, so I guess it's not the same thing. I think about this entirely too much. I know the option is always there, to allow myself to be seen as an object and therefore gain the attention that I can't get by presenting myself as a whole person. But it seems hollow. (again, clarifying, by "being seen as an object" I don't mean anything inherent in sex; I mean presenting myself as a trait-with-legs rather than a person with many traits, one of which is the one being fetishized.)
  • MonkeyFilter: Perhaps, some of them are sick, but unfortunately there are a few sick people in every community in the world. MonkeyFilter: "I just love your stump, darlin', and well, you're not too stoopid, neither..."? Hey, it's your organ--whatever turns your crank.
  • Careful Wurwilf. Next you're going to tell us all about Emmanuel Mounier. And that's the road Pierre Elliott Trudeau came down. Trust me, you don't want your future husband having an orgy with the rolling stones.
  • Tangental, perhaps, but I will not book any submissive clients. Why? Because my limited experience with them has made me want to slap them upside the head, and not in a good way. All I have spoken to on the phone were so incredibly pushy I wanted nothing to do with them. Initially, it seems odd, but the 'powerful business guys want to be submissive sexually' idea points out the problem; they're still powerful and obnoxious Trump clones while trying to make an appointment to be submissive. Heh. I join the club of those who dig their men dark of hair and eye; I also like darker rather than lighter on the complexion side; naturally, I am Casper-like in hue. I could not abide red-headed men in the least until I met a sexy one who was the last person I saw with any regularity - however, since he's pissed me off, I'm peeved with the lot of them all over again...how silly is that? And I have red hair. Go figure.
  • I wonder if your friend's fixation on amputees is partly an attraction to certain qualities that those women tend to more commonly have or develop as a result of dealing with life as an amputee - like say, resilience, adaptability, flexibility, etc. I don't personally know any, so I'm guessing that those might be some traits developed by necessity. The way people sometimes talk about having fetishes for blond hair, leather, feet, etc. confuses me because I suspect that the thing divorced from its context (like maybe blond hair on a golden retriever, or leather on a bound library book) doesn't really arouse the way that it would in conjunction with an actual person that the "fetishizer" is attracted to...but I could be very wrong about that. Maybe someone out there is quite happy to spend the night with clay feet.
  • *
  • mj: Submissives really run D/S relationships for the most part in reality, so it's hardly surprising.
  • Well I'm stumped as to how anyone can find this a turn on...
  • I stumbled on it too.
  • I suppose they're pretty 'armless, though.
  • There's also sneeze fetishes. There's the kind that like to sneeze, and the kind that like to listen to sneezes. You kind find mp3s of people sneezing when you go to sneeze fetish websites. There's also a bignose fetish called pinochiophilia, or pinochio fetish, or something like that. People photoshop celebrities into having large pinochio-esque noses.
  • I make some of the stupidest typing mistakes. You kind find = You can find
  • I have no idea what you said, Richer, but I hope it made you feel better about yourself.
  • I don't think he has a leg to stand on. Thank you, I'll be here all week...
  • interesting thread! it sent me to dictionary.com to peruse the meaning of the word "fetish," that being: fe·tish Variant: also fe·tich /'fet-ish also 'fEt-/ Function: noun : an object or bodily part whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression so i guess the question in my mind is, where does "preference" end and "fetish" begin? does that mean if these amputee admirers ABSOLUTELY MUST have a stump to get their rocks off, that means it's a fetish, but if they just "enjoy" stumps, it's a preference? hmmm. humans sure are fascinating critters. especially crush freaks. heh. (SFW) actually that whole deviant desires site looks intriguing -- although not exactly SFW.
  • Some people just need that crutch, I suppose...
  • That was lame.
  • OK, slower this time. Personalism is a philosphy, which claims about the same things as you do in your post. Its main proponent was French catholic thinker Esprit were a major influence on French canadian intellectuals, especially Pierre Elliot Trudeau. His wife Margaret was rumored to have taken part in an orgy with the Rolling Stones. Sorry, too many obscure canadian references.
  • Pull the other one! Oh, wait... never mind.
  • oh, I thought the point was to make me look stupid. Well, that worked too. I don't think that's what I was angling for, though. I don't think every person is inherently valuable (I'm not). I'm just saying that it's more personally satisfying to be valued for more than one trait, or seen as more than a vehicle for one trait. ...this comment is a waste of time; you got your snark in already. Good show.
  • It wasn't snark. Well, the snark wasn't directed at you, it was directed at Mounier, Trudeau & co. I can't stand catholic thinkers, but that's just me. Not because they're wrong, but because they're catholics. Well, they're wrong too, but to me anyone who believes in a form of God or a silly World of Ideas is. Unresolved issues and all that. So yeah, you're the victim of a misunderstanding about a Québécois joke. Sorry.
  • monkeyfilter: too many obscure canadian references
  • This topic seems fascinating. I can't wait to get home and check out the links. I think the point about the difference between preference and fetish is crucial. I mean, I may in general prefer crosseyed people with hairy backs. However, I don't fantasize about them or actively seek them out. And Wurwilf, based my limited impression of you, you seem eminently likeable in your own right.
  • This thread now meets CRTC standards for Canadian content.
  • please don't be so snotty.
  • Yay Canada!@
  • Canada: The Fetish Thread Derailer.
  • Interesting posts, thank you. I didn't really have an agenda in posting this other than to see what people thought about the ideas of sexual preference and fetishism, as cynnbad noted. I could have gone into more details regarding my friends, but enough was said without seriously invading their privacy, so I deleted some of the details before posting. I don't think I've contributed to the quoting tagline phenomena yet, so cynnbad is popping my cherry: Monkeyfilter: Crosseyed people with hairy backs.
  • I knew a guy named Dork who lost his prosthetic lower leg in the pit at a Ministry gig. He figured somebody scooped it when it came off in the chaos, because it had all these wicked band stickers on it, and also this anti-clearcutting one my friend Al gave him; it had a drawing of a tree stump, and printed below "Stumps Suck".
  • coppermac, this was a really good idea for a post. I have found it very fascinating. Thanks!
  • moneyjane--that's fucking hilarious! BTW, I LOVE MINISTRY--the heroin years.
  • *not mine--Al's*
  • I think we've pegged this subject good and proper.
  • Brace yourself; it'll keep limping along for a while yet.
  • BTW, I LOVE MINISTRY Hell yeah! Them, Big Black, and Butthole Surfers made me the snarly misfit I am today.
  • Good for you, moneyjane. After a thorough review, I find these fetishes repugnant. I will charge next time.
  • Since this is going so amicably, I have an amputee story, too. I used to do the announcing at the 'Horse-draws', the contests between teams and the drivers to pull the most weight. There were a lot of old farmers in it, one who wore a hook prosthesis for a lower arm. He was usually a wee bit tipply, as well. Then one night his team got away on him...with his arm still attached and going down the track. Since I had to call out a warning anyway, I couldn't resist: Heads up. Team on the loose. Beware of the arm following. The, ahem, handler just stood there and hollered at the horses to bring his arm back. coppermac, have you come to terms with how you will accept your friend's sexual preferences? It doesn't sound too terribly kinky, not after hanging around monkeyville too long, anyway.
  • Dx, somehow I can just picture you doing that! Did somebody give him a hand catching them? *snicker
  • I just accept them, dxlifer. We all have our preferences in food, sex and pretty much every avenue of life. I just thought it was interesting that he revealed his in the manner in which he chose (ie, just showing up and then being so forthright over dinner). He and his wife know we're cool on the whole deal, which he wasn't sure about (why that is, I have no idea). I can't imagine ostracising someone based on his or her sexual desires. What business would it be of mine what anyone else likes to do in bed or while hanging from the rafters?
  • MonkeyFilter: I think we've pegged this subject good and proper. MonkeyFilter: Brace yourself; it'll keep limping along for a while yet. MonkeyFilter: After a thorough review, I find these fetishes repugnant. MonkeyFilter: Heads up. Team on the loose. Beware of the arm following. MonkeyFilter: What business would it be of mine what anyone else likes to do in bed or while hanging from the rafters?
  • Bluehorse, have you set a new record here in this thread for taglines? *grins* I'm back....
  • Thank DOGS, DX--Just in time! I'm leaving for two weeks, and I just don't want to leave these little Monkeys without supervision. Who knows what going's on they could get up to? It's bad enough wondering if the taglines are going to be taken care of!!
  • I'll do my best, granma. Monkeyfilter: I just don't want to leave these little Monkeys without supervision. I forgot to tell that I found myself with another amputee situation, last saturday. I get to the train station at 5 a.m. by taxi and as I'm getting my bags together, my hat blows off in the wind. I call to the taxi driver if he can catch it for me, then suddenly notice he has a lower leg prosthesis. *grimaces with shame* He hollers out that he'll try but I dropped my bags and got it myself. Needless to say I gave him a big tip. I blame it all on Coppermac for bringing the subject up in the first place. That has to explain such a bizarre coincidence of reality and web discussion.