March 20, 2005

Things other people accomplished when they were your age. So, what've you done lately? At the ripe old age of 15, I'm lazily rotting away on MoFi when I could be helping the blind or attending Columbia University. Thanks for ruining my day, Museum of Conceptual Art.

What are you doing still reading? Get out there and change the world, already!

  • I'll do it tomorrow, I promise.
  • I already changed the world. I'm going to watch TV now.
  • By the time of his death at age 32, Alexander the Great had conquered almost the entire known world. Big deal. I'm 32, and I've almost conquered this entire six-pack of Pabst. Take that, Alexander.
  • Age 24: John Couch Adams became the first person to predict the position of a planetary mass beyond Uranus Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
  • "It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years." -- Tom Lehrer, intro to Alma
  • When I first saw this, it depressed me - until I started entering 5-10 years older than I am now. Or 20. Or 30. The tone of it changes. A lot.
  • By 18, Billy the Kid was charged with twelve murders. Damn. Billy and I have something in common. Hey Nostril.
  • It would be really more impressive if it were cumulative. When I checked my age, there were only two accomplishments, but I'm sure that people who reached my age accomplished much when they were younger.
  • It would be really more impressive if it were cumulative. Path, impressive is not the word you want. Depressing is the word you are looking for.
  • I wouldn't say it's depressing at all. Looking at the accomplishments made after my current age, I realize that there's still hope for an old goat like me.
  • Jesus, how old do I have to be before I can just fucking relax already?
  • 0 years: Before he was one year old, Leonard Bernstein played his first piano note. He appeared to enjoy the note very much. : ) More than some epic opus or breakthrough, what depresses me are comparisons with the past generation. At my age, my father had two kids and had accomplished most of his life's goals. Ouch....
  • Jesus, how old do I have to be before I can just fucking relax already? Start today! It's free and it's easy!
  • Johnny Marr had written, recorded, had a hit with and grown tired of performing 'This Charming Man' by the time he was 21. Read that and not feel like killing yourself, I dares ya.
  • Heywood Banks has a great song that goes something like: I am older than a lot of famous dead guys A lot of famous dead guys didn't live as long as me Then it goes on to say that even if he goes on to be famous all around the world they will still say that he had a lot more time to do it in.
  • kitfisto, it also says that Mark Twain didn't publish his first story till he was 30. You find exactly what you look for with this thing; it's interesting.
  • But I'm 34!!! If I want to stare into the heart of darkness with a Morrissey/Marr soundtrack, then I will, goddammit! Curse your, Wurwilf and your sunny outlook on life... [puts on 'Meat Is Murder' and decides to rock out instead...]
  • Mark Twain published his first short story, "Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog." Nat Turner led a slave rebellion. Donald Trump persuaded bankers to lend him $80 million so he could buy the Commodore Hotel. Physicist Armand H. L. Fizeau measured the speed of light. Hank Williams overdosed on drugs and alcohol. I feel like I might be a bit behind. *sigh*
  • Joshua Norton, a pauper, declared himself Norton I, Emperor of the United States. He became San Francisco's biggest tourist attraction and was probably the model for the character of "The King" in Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn. Huey Long delivered the longest speech on record, a 15 1/2 hour marathon including cooking recipes and pointless anecdotes. Alice Roosevelt Longworth, on giving birth at age 41, said "I'll try anything once." Heh. I'm not doing that badly.
  • Actually I'm a depressive (and a Smiths fan); this sunny outlook is sustained by sheer force of will. :) Seriously, I went through a period of feeling like utter hell because of this site. I now refuse to let it tell me I've failed. It's a website. All it reports are the facts of other people's lives - not mine. My life is whatever I want to make it. If Marr was already jaded ten years younger than me? Good for him. But I don't see that as a reason to give up now. I refuse to.
  • At age 29: The Buddha decided to renounce the world and abandon family and posessions. Seven years later, he realized this brought him no closer to the wisdom he sought. I'm glad I looked ahead. I think I've saved myself some time.
  • In the wake of the firing of Jocelyn Elders as Surgeon General for her use of the m-word, Earl Vickers proclaimed an International Day of Masturbation and used the internet to organize the biggest simultaneous orgasm in history, with media coverage around the world. Why do I bother doing anything?
  • At age 45: Earl Vickers created a program for displaying things other people accomplished when they were your age.
  • Oh Earl, you scamp you!