March 13, 2005

So you've met your first extraterrestrial. You'll need some coins, a flashlight, a pair of magnets and a loop of string.
posted by tracicle 19 years ago
  • Actually, that's not a bad way to start.
  • No, no, no. Strawberry ice cream. They love it.
  • Across light-years of deepest space it came to visit earth, and with unerring aim crushed flat the goldenrod and asters which decorate in fall the larger pasture. Like polished steel it shone, a great metallic bead that flowed like quicksilver, as I stood gaping, near the road. It crossed the log that bridged the little stream. And then rolled up to me. I pinched myself: this was no dream.
  • I first saw this in the summer of 1997, while I was bored out of my mind in a faraway computer cluster. I recommend trying this out on your fellow humans and seeing who gets it :P
  • Can't read it. That wopping 256 kb knocked me out.
  • Wow, this brought back memories of nights spent in a computer lab in a much more innocent age. I had completely forgotten about it. Funny stuff, though. Even though I get the humour, its observations on language are quite cringeworthy now that I'm slightly more clueful about historical linguistics than my undergrad self.
  • Ok, that was okay for the first extraterrestial I met. But what the f*ck should I do with the hordes that come after that one?
  • mare, just bend over for the approaching probe. They probably like you.
  • If she bends over, will they say, "that's no space station, it's a moon"?
  • Ahem... Here come the Martian Martians And they're riding on their Martian bike Well, we have to find out right now What kind of ice cream do the Martians like? Thank you Mr. Richman, where ever you are.
  • ASTB - then you run away from the Budong.
  • I think the first thing I'd need upon such an encounter would be some toilet paper. Erm...
  • Eeew. /still feeling kinda strange, after being probed by 20,000 extra terrestials at the same time Please pass me the toilet paper, Flagpole.
  • The author is overly concerned about establishing to the extraterrestrial that humans are somewhat technologically advanced (at least in their own terms). This seems redunant to me. If a species can sort out the complexities of interstellar travel, it can easily assess the technological development of a planet it's visiting and of the dominant species on that planet. Either the ET is here to enslave us or it isn't. Better to give it the strawberry ice cream and lube up than waste time and possibly annoy it with science fair.
  • What if they really aren't here to probe us? What if they think that's disgusting, and they just came to find a couple roller skate keys or some arcane mechanical item? What if they decide to destroy the Earth because Roryk insulted them by slathering KY on his posterior? YOU'RE GOING TO DOOM THE EARTH!
  • Doom on you, doom on you...