March 11, 2005

• I don't think anyone in his/her right mind would...wait...I have to think about this one.
• I don't think he's smart enough - also, to top the Jackson Five/moonwalk/chimp-pimping/marry Elvis's kid/plastic surgery freak/diddler progression, he's going to have to kill Elizabeth Taylor with a curling iron during halftime at the next Super Bowl. Naked.
• Naked Liz Taylor *head expoldes*
• Naked Michael Jackson *plucks out own eyes*
• Trial of the century? But there's ninety-five years to go! I'll think he's really crazy if he ever has another hit. The dude made Thriller. Thriller.
• I think he is a seriously screwed-up person who is potentially in a lot of serious trouble.
• I was out eating tonight and heard his "PYT" from Thriller play on the restaurant's speakers. I nearly choked. Current events give that song a whole new meaning.
• i think he's doing all the surgery so he can LOOK like 'the Thriller'...y'know, like all zombie and shit.
• Uh, Crackpot, he is very strange, but where does the Barnum and Bailey thing come from? I don't think it would help him sell any albums.
• Why don't you people just lay off Michael J. Fox. The poor bastards got Parkinson's for God's sake.
• Who can believe that person we see on television is Michael Jackson anyway. If I had megabucks and was a celebrity, I would have started embedding an imposter to replace me. Remember what Kinky Friedman said. “have a lifestyle that doesn’t require my presence”
• This what you're talking about? Tina Brown is all flash and no substance; I wouldn't give anything she says a whole lot of attention.
• Crackpot, that's an interesting theory. I think you'll find that if you fold up a $20 bill in a certain way it clearly shows Michael Jackson dancing on a horde of mollified Save the Children campaigners. On the other hand, if you cut a £10 bill in half lengthways then it shows the King of Pop being brutally sodomised by a lifer called Bubba. So it looks like he'll be okay if he doesn't get extradicted to limey-land. Money talks, baby.
• Michael Jackson was long ago replaced by an imperfect android replication. The designers were able to program some of the best dance moves into him, but could not design a face with both form and function. So you get this creature from uncanny valley walking around rying to convince us he's human. That's what this trial is all about. For you to entertain notions about whether or not he's guilty, you first must presuppose that he's a human. This is a ploy to convince us that he's a human, and it's working. How many of you think he's not human? See?
• Oh, Knickerbocker! You're always trying to lead us astray with your talk of "imperfect android replicants"! Could that be because you yourself are a four-tentacled alien, who has travelled to our planet from a distant world in order to destroy our faith in the healing power of breakdancing? And isn't it true that on Centaurus-4 you're all massive Prince fans? You four-tentacled funk-pop space bastards make me SICK.
• We GAVE you breakdancing! We GAVE you velcro! We GAVE you marshmellows! and yet your species still has failed to achieve any kind of space travel, even to your own moon! Don't accuse me of sabotage, your kind just must be destined to fail. The best thing you've managed with our technology is Michael Jackson, and look at how much that sucked! (I have to admit, marshmellow for his facial tissue was a pretty good idea, even though it failed in the long run). Oh, and massive Prince is a great singer and even better dancer. You must be one of those fire-breathing Prince fans. You guys have always been jealous of massive Prince, ever since Galactica Newton John dumped fbP to be with massive Prince.
• So you admit it! Away with your anal probes and your hyperneutrino drive - you will never impregnant our comley Earth chix with your disgusting space-semen!
• Crap. Mothership wants a word with me. I hope she's a massive Prince fan.
• He is not going to put his freedom and, arguably, his life (if he even mixes with the general prison population, it could be short) on the line to generate publicity. Reputation? Sure. But not life and liberty.
• Or is he the devil in-carnate he appears to be, and should be made to play horsey with hundreds of inmates. Maybe he's a very ill man who needs treatment and, you know, to not be around kids. Ever again.
• my ex did a feature story in the early 1980s on the dream factory, which granted wishes to terminally ill kids. they sent one kid to disneyland to meet jacko. my ex returned and said, that guy is SURROUNDED by pre-pubescent boys (which many pedophiles prefer) and my ex was convinced even back then that something really creepy was going on. i'm just sayin'...
• It may seem cruel (and perhaps it is a bit) but really neutering is the only answer.
• Sorry - wrong thread...
• No, Plegmund... it really wasn't! :)
• Monkeyfilter: where the solution to any problem is to cut the balls off something.
• Hey Crackpot, how about you make an interesting post with A LINK? If you want to gossip about celebrities, I suggest you either had down to your local beauty salon, or get your own fucking blog. But, seeing as you have 24 on-topic responses already, maybe it's me who's in the wrong place.
• on-topic YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
• OK...Quid is never on topic. That should go without saying.
• Am I the only person who just can't bring himself to care about this trial? Everyone involved is a frigging loon, and as far as I'm concerned, both sides' stories are equally IMplausible. You might as well flip a coin as expect the jury to actually uncover The Truth about this whole ridiculous affair. "What's going on in MJ's head?" is just another of those questions for which I have utterly no expections of ever finding an answer.
• FWIW, agreed, rocket. This isn't the first time, either; that's my main annoyance.
• Quid: I bow to you. MonkeyFilter: Money talks, baby. MonkeyFilter: imperfect android replicants MonkeyFilter: Away with your anal probes! MonkeyFilter: Everyone involved is a frigging loon. and in the spirit of the Quid and direct quotation: MonkeyFilter: It may seem cruel (and perhaps it is a bit) but really neutering is the only answer.
• One read of the leaked court papers on The Smokeing Gun, and I think you'll see that Jacko'll be in the slammer for a looooong time. I don't think this is about publicity. This is about a dude who needs some help.
• I think it's a case of degenerate predator meets opportunistic grifters. Splat, like bugs on a windshield.
• Who's been eating my poriage? I feel like I just BBQed some duck, went to the store for something, and you beepin monkeys ate all the beepin' duck. Not that I'm mad. personally I like lobster better, with lots of butter. So if he's actually guilty then what the hell is going on in America? I got a good joke, a really good one but it's politically incorrect, so I won't tell it. I hate PC! Neutering? not on my post body! Made to play horsey, then he should be neuterd. You english are too nice. See, the problems like this the guy is addicated to publicity, because of his upbringing, so he does stuff to purposely put himself in the spot light, and another thing ~ !chop! what was that? that was justice. That didn't sound like justice. Oh it could be..... I heard this joke too, but it's a bad one. Juror #1 Well at least now that Jacksons white he can get a fair trial. Juror #2 What do you mean? Well he just pays some money, and he gets off. That was an original joke, I just wrote it.
• That team of geneticists I've enslaved by getting them hooked on smack had better hurry up on the rhinoceros/porcupine/alligator crossbreed they're making for me. The list of people I will make it sodomize to death grows daily.
• I have a variation, where the second juror is ADD and dyslexic. Goes a little somethin' like this... Juror #1 Well at least now that Jackson's white he can get a fair trial. Juror #2 Whoa! Squrirle!
• I`m still waiting for them to release those pictures of his penis they took last time he was accused,, and,, eh,eh,, what about those pictures they took of Bill Clintons penis. Those got to be the highlight of the century!!