January 29, 2004

• 5 Things That Should Be In Everyone's Sock Drawer 1. White Socks 2. Black Socks 3. Zippo Lighter 4. Playing Cards 5. A Gun
• 5 Important Cultural Reference Points That I Missed Out On Because Of A Somewhat Insular Childhood: 1. The Breakfast Club 2. The Video For Thriller 3. A Flock Of Seagulls 4. Thundercats 5. Glue Sniffing.
• Five requests with regard to my eventual death If it happens that my death occurred in some public place, there is to be no ersatz memorial created on that location comprised of teddy bears, mylar balloons, or terrible poems written on posterboard in pink Magic Marker
• 5 worst things that sound good until you know what they really mean: 5. 2-for-1 nite 4. Marriage 3. Hermaphrodite 2. Neverland Ranch 1. Cloaca
• Now that i think about it, what's in a Calvin and Hobbes? Is that Drambuie?
• Best Album Titles: 1. Weasels Ripped My Flesh - Frank Zappa 2. Larks' Tongues in Aspic- King Crimson 3. Electric Landlady - Kirsty MacColl 4. Rum, Sodomy and The Lash - Pogues 5. Intravenus de Milo - Spinal Tap
• 5 most back-handed compliments I've ever received: 1. Wow. You really look comfortable. 2. What a unique outfit! 3. It takes guts to wear something like that. 4. I didn't know that hairstyle was an option. 5. It's amazing how you don't look like a prostitute in that.
• 5 nicknames my father gave me as a child, in chronological order, as his joy of being a father turned slowly yet inexorably to despair at the drudgery of childrearing and its associated monetary costs: 1. Echo-choy-boy 2. Zumbazai, he fits in his Daddy
• Hee!!
• Five Things You Don't Want to Find Inside Your Car: 1. Carjacker 2. Poo 3. Swarm of African Bees 4. Pine-scented air freshener 5. Jim Loy
• Five Things That Are Just Waiting Till You Fall Asleep: 5. Your pets 4. Aliens 3. Spiders 2. Freddy Krueger 1. Your neighbor
• Five tracks that make me about face if I walk into the party while they're playing, even if they're solely for ironic purposes. 1. 4'33" by John Cage (Frat parties only) 2. Crazy Train (Church gatherings only) 3. The Song That Never Ends (Neverending Remix Version) 4. Anything by anybody who ever started their career on a "reality program" 5. I Will Survive
• Five foodstuffs that could double as Christmas tree ornaments: 1. Boiled baby beets 2. Pomegranate seeds (wired with tiny lights) 3. Popcorn, cranberries, and the mummified head of Martha Stewart 4. Whipped cream (from an aerosol can) and lots of drag
• Five most popular ways to count to five: 1. On fingers 2. In French 3. In Anger 4. Under one's breath 5. I forget what five was for
• Five ways to say "I love you" to people over the internet (for beginners): 1. Send them an animated flash card with lots of cheery music and cute animals. 2. Link and trackback to their blog all the time. 3. Send them e-mails with pictures of kittens and dirty cartoons. 4. E-mail them answers to the rhetorical questions they ask on their website. 5. Sign up for message boards they're on and agree with everything they say.
• (nice violent femmes ref, pete!)
• Oh and I totally agree with Kimberly. Did you get my email yet?
• Five words that are fun to say: 1. kerfuffle 2. ellipsis 3. mellifluous 4. parallel 5. Zamboni
• Five items in my closet that I will probably never wear again but won't get rid of: 5. Handmade sweater from NZ (from 1992) 4. Multi colored silk blouse that goes with nothing else I own 3. Black lace up granny style heeled shoes 2. Entertainment Weekly "bucket" hat 1. Genuine Japanese kimono
• Five distant places I want to visit: 1. Ilha Bela, Brazil. (Father-in-law's home) 2. Guang Jiao, China. (To pick up my adopted daughter) 3. The Irish countryside. (For beauty) 4. The pyramids in Yucatan, Mexico. (For historical shock and awe) 5. Paris, France. (My wife wants to vacation there)
• Five things with too many legs that I like: 1. A freshly swatted mosquito 2. Wok-fried Dungeness crab with ginger and scallions 3. Those spider robot thingies in "Johnny Quest" 4. A conga line, any conga line 5. A big box of Ezell's fried chicken
• I am SO late to this party: Five things in Real Life that have "jumped the shark" like a bad sitcom: 1. Airport security 2. Supermarkets (in L.A.) 3. The Atkins Diet 4. OxiClean 5. Google The five best Cult TV shows starting with the letter "F": 1. Farscape 2. Firefly 3. Fooly Cooly 4. Freakazoid! 5. Futurama The five best pun titles used by Alton Brown's "Good Eats": 1. Pantry Raid 2. What's Up Duck 3. Raising the Steaks 4. A Grind Is a Terrible Thing to Waste (and its sequel "A Beautiful Grind") 5. The Fungal Gourmet The five funniest names on "The Bullwinkle Show": 1. Upsydaisium 2. The Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam 3. The Kirward Derby 4. Wossamotta U. 5. Professor Bermuda Schwartz Five reasons to own five TiVos: 1. The West Wing, Wednesday 9:00PM 2. Angel, Wednesday 9:00PM 3. The O.C., Wednesday 9:00PM 4. Good Eats, Wednesday 9:00PM 5. Junkyard Wars, Wednesday 9:00PM Five fast foods (in L.A.) better than the big chains: 1. In-n-Out Burger 2. Baja Fresh 3. Tito's Tacos 4. Pink's Hot Dogs 5. Tommy's Original Five Other Lists: 1. The Book of Lists 2. David Letterman's Top Ten 3. Casey Kasem's American Top 40 4. Keith Olbermann's News Countdown (on MSNBC) 5. topfive.com
• I adore In 'N Out. I plan to open the first NZ franchise.
• I am SO late to this party Yu ain't seen nothin' yet! My Five Least Favourite Words: 5. Retrograde 4. Hernia 3. Proactive 2. Asshat 1. Squelch Five things I continually mix up...and know I do even as I'm mixing them up. 5. Luxembourg and Liechtenstein And mind you, I don't confuse Liechtenstein with Lichtenstein--and I can find both countries on the map, but I forget how they differ in terms of, well, whatever, it is they do. 4. Handel's Water Music and his Royal Fireworks Music 3. Induction and Deduction A philosophy major was once very upset that the fact that I would use the verb "deduce" where it was more philosophically correct to use "induce" whereupon I noted that the only times I had heard the verb "induce" used were in the phrases "induce labor" and "induce vomiting" whereupon he became confused as this has an application to the real world. Mind you, I understand the importance of knowing the difference of these two concepts, but I was more put off by his and other academic types' refusal to realise languages and their day-to-day use are living, changing things. Had I known languagehat then, I probably would have asked lh to tell him what for. 2. Journey and Foreigner. My girlfriend is endlessly puzzled by my puzzlement and honestly, I could probably just sit down one afternoon, listen to the Best Ofs of both bands and settle it in my brain once and for all (whether by induction or deduction). 1. Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton. I used to put Bruce Campbell in this mix, but enough viewings of Evil Dead II, Army of Darkness, and Bubba Ho-tep have made his face look distinct enough.