February 28, 2005

• a fence?
• Fence? Cactus hedge? Call Animal Control whenever you see them out running loose? (Assuming you have leash laws in your area.) Talk to the owners if you know who they are? I'm not sure there's any easy solution. (Though I have a ferocious Manx cat who terrifies the Rottweilers and German Shepherds in my neighborhood. I'll rent him to you for a generous fee, one year prepaid. FOB point of shipment. Geese are also pretty scary, but their bombs are about the same dimensions as those of large dogs.)
• Is it always the same dogs? Talk to the owners, or call animal control. If it's dogs from all over, a fence might be your only solution. Here's an option, although I don't know how good this stuff is.
• next time the dog comes trespassing on your real estate, bite it. that way i can read another hilarious "man bites dog" story on fark and yahoo oddly enough.
• Sit there in a lawnchair, and every time a dog comes around, ask it if it has accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as the one true saviour. They hate that.
• #mofirc heartily endorses moneyjane's suggestion.
• I have no idea as to the scientific reasoning or even the relative effectiveness but a few years ago in Sydney, it seemed that everyone was filling up a few plastic soft drink bottles with water and leaving them on the lawn. For whatever reason, this was meant to act as a deterrent. I swear I'm not making this up but as I said, I have no idea as to the reasoning behind this.
• I've seen that in NZ too; old people seem to swear by it. I think it's meant to distract them? scare them?
• They do that in my little part of California, too. Don't see them anymore, so maybe they didn't work?
• My granny swore by Jeyes fluid, which is mainly carbolic acid. Animals can't stand the smell.
• Bottles of urine.
• Honestly, Mr. Knickerbocker is right. Mark your territory. If you do this enough they will figure it out. Also, piss on the dogs too. Let them know who is boss. Peeing on things is the solution to most of lifes problems.
• My dog is scared of banannas....and balloons. He peed on a customer tonight. He shouldn't do that. 'shrug'
• If you see 'em, turn the hose on 'em. If you see their owners, turn the hose on 'em.
• I thought I had read someplace that dogs didn't like vinegar, but now can't find info to back that up. Get a supersoaker and fill it with vinegar, or you could try other stinky liquids. Doe-In-Heat, eau de le skonque pew. Spray 'em good. That way the dogs' owners get to share the experience.
• I have an 185lb Mastiff that's terrified of Vacuums. You could ring your patch with old vacuums I suppose.
• If they are being walked, I would say a "Stop shitting in my yard!" sign would be a good start.
• I have a 13lb dog who rescues all of his toys from the vacuum. He stages daring raids into the living room, grabs his toys, then makes a break for the bedroom! Beware of the spray "keep the dog away" stuff. Mostly, it just kills your lawn.
• Technology to the rescue
• ...but adult male human urine has hormones in it that repels other mammals. See?
• I love signs in flowerbeds or on lawns that start off; "Dear Dog". I just wish they'd continue like that; Dear Dog, How are you? I am fine. By the way, could you not pee on my flowers? Thanks, A person
• Dear Dog, Do you like cheese? I like cheese. But I guess you probably like bones and stuff, huh? Love, The Human
• Dear Dog; Things are great, and I won at bingo! Also, quit humping my leg. All my love, That Lady
• You said you don't love me any more you lifted your leg and messed on my floor I gazed all around me at the bombs with horror Black Dog stay away from my door!
• Dear Dog, Thank you for the recent gift of the squirrel you left for me in the back yard last night. It was entirely unnecessary, as I am stuffed. You can go ahead and finish that off, thanks. Love, Grumpy Neighbor Dude
• A trick to keep dogs and other critters out of your trash is to keep a spray bottle of ammonia handy and spray your trash bags etc with it. I don`t know if your "landscape" is a "lawnscape", but I would`nt spray any plants with it, but if it is a walk of patio that should repel them.
• Dear Dog, I don't think society will ever accept our love. I will be returning the ball you gave me in the park as I feel it would be wrong for me to keep it in these circumstances. Another thing, knock it off with the crotch-sniffing as my husband is getting supicious and giving me LOOKS! Incidently, I am no longer on speaking terms with the mailbox. Tragically, Weird Lady One Block Over.
• The real problem is its my apatment,Bottom floor,looking out my bedroom window where the landscape is,eye level with the sidewalk,Talk about looking a dog bomb in the eyes.
• Oh, that's really tricky then, being public property and sidewalk and all. I'll reiterate my suggestion of the repellent granules, sprinkled around the area you don't want them in. (But you might find yourself dealing with grumpy dog-owners if the stuff irritates their dogs walking past. Make sure it's only going to make them want to keep on moving.) Maybe a sign on the wall outside to get owners to pick up after their dogs?
• Dear Dog, Saw Cat today. She's still upset over the fight you two had. You should call her. We miss you! Human PS say hi to Mouse for me
• Dear Dog, Sorry, not up for the ass sniffing today. Had broccoli and soba noodles, if you need to know. Please leave your package next door, where the yappy weiner dog lives. He's very interested in your daily intake, whereas I am not. Look! Isn't that a possum?! Go, Go! Regards, Biped
• All this talk about peeing on animals. Remember who did it first!
• Dear Dog, Look, we've been over this before. Synthetic a priori propositions are not applicable to metaphysics the way they are to mathematics or the natural sciences, and you fucking well know it. And don't give me any of that fucking ontological bullshit. You are a fraud, and I intend to expose you at the next Ass Sniffing and Epistemology Summit in Vienna this summer. Good day to you, sir. Arf arf, motherfucker, Zombie Immanuel Kant
• Dear Doug, oh wait, wrong thread. Confused
• It's an apartment? I'd complain to the management. The last apartment complex I lived in had a rule about people scooping the poop when they walked their dogs, so if it's someone else who lives there and not just "wild" dogs, that might be a start of a solution.
• If dogs "run" free, why not me?
• Dear Neighbor Dogs, I know it's infuriating to be a Yorkshire terrier. I also know that your namesakes (Scooby and Lassie) are much more interesting dogs. Lastly, I'm sorry that your owner wears a muumuu in the yard. None of these facts mean you have to bark until midnight. Trust me on this. Sincerely, The neighbor lady (you know, the one who scares you when she slams the car door).
• While we're at it... Dear Neighbour Dog, Look, I'm sorry my Dad yelled at you last month. But dude, you've got to figure out that hedgehogs are just not cuddly toys. Every time, dog, every time. How your nose is still intact is beyond me. Cheers, The lady that you bark at when she hangs out the washing