February 26, 2005

• Jelly Baby: an original screenplay concept by jb Black comedy: An antisocial loner teams up with a crotchety codger to save the earth from aliens. In the process they are locked in a haunted house with a gay interior decorator. By the end of the movie they run away from 23 double agents and end up winning the admiration of their 3rd grade teacher, living happily ever after. Think Priscilla, Queen of the Desert meets Mars Attacks.

  I should totally register that with the Writers' Guild.
• Carbonara 5 an original screenplay concept by LokiSpeak Science Fiction: An absent-minded scientist teams up with a well-built female cyborg to commit the perfect crime. In the process they play Russian roulette with a super intelligent chimpanzee. By the end of the movie they burn 666 washed up ex-SNL cast members and end up winning the admiration of their kind hearted prostitute, living happily ever after. Think Priscilla, Queen of the Desert meets Blade Runner.
• USA Heroes of America an original screenplay concept by Koko Action: A war hardened soldier teams up with a cute dog named Jake to discover America. In the process they accidentally kill a gay interior decorator. By the end of the movie they burn 6 planes and end up winning the admiration of their country, living happily ever after. Think Die Hard meets Stroszek.
• The Diseased an original screenplay concept by landofgreenginger Period Piece: A struggling artist teams up with a plug ugly dog to discover America. In the process they deflower a super intelligent chimpanzee. By the end of the movie they buy 34 trains and end up winning the admiration of their spouses, living happily ever after. Think Gone With the Wind meets The Thing.
• Gannongate an original screenplay concept by Alex Reynolds Science Fiction: A kind hearted prostitute teams up with a kind hearted prostitute to win a wager. In the process they play Russian roulette with a gay interior decorator. By the end of the movie they poison 2 washed up ex-SNL cast members and end up winning the admiration of their kind hearted prostitute, living happily ever after. Think Priscilla, Queen of the Desert meets Bladerunner.
• For some reason my copying didn't take. But that's okay, because I see on preview that mine was eerily like jb's, except that it was more like Clerks meets The Secret of Roan Inish.
• (This is good.)
• mmmm...i dunno...not enough options...like what if you want a sequence where Karen Black wrestles Mothra (and her inner demons) in pudding? huh?
• You know, I probably would go and see something touted as Clerks meets Parralax View.
• Think "MadLibs meets the Internet"...sheesh
• Go Away an original screenplay concept by flashboy Black comedy: A precocious child teams up with an alcoholic ex-CIA agent to discover America. In the process they sign a suicide pact with a kind hearted prostitute. By the end of the movie they have sex with 5 bad guys and end up winning the admiration of their dog, living happily ever after. Think sex lies and videotape meets Donnie Darko. Yeah, I think I'd pay money to see that.
• Gah! I can't stop... Romance: A precocious child teams up with a cute dog named Jake to find the true meaning of love. In the process they fall in love with Parker Posey. By the end of the movie they have sex with 12 washed up ex-SNL cast members and end up winning the admiration of their parents, living happily ever after. Think Ernest Goes to Camp meets Ernest Goes to Camp.
• A Film an original screenplay concept by Suomynona Political thriller: A sexy district attorney teams up with the straightest cop on four continents to take a cruise on an unsinkable ship. In the process they have mad passionate sex with four British men on welfare. By the end of the movie they hijack 1066 oogly mothers-in-law and end up winning the admiration of their department, living happily ever after. Think Encino Man meets Basic Instinct.
• Doncha just love those prostitutes with a heart-o-gold?
• Box Office Oracle is another fun one to play with: Stank (PG-13) (Buddy Cop/Ghost Story) Starring Samuel L. Jackson and Judi Dench Also Featuring Matt Damon, Jim Broadbent and Parker Posey Directed by John Woo Screenplay by Joel Coen and Ethan Coen Projected Budget Range: $90 - $100 million Planned Release Date: May Projected Box Office Receipts: $20.45 million (Opening Weekend) $98.59 million (Total Domestic Gross) Chance of getting Oscar Nomination: 5% Chance of winning at least one Oscar: 1% Critic Most Likely to Praise: Jack Garner, Rochester Democrat and Chronicle Critic Most Likely to Skewer: Padgett Arango, Chucklehound.com
• Ha! That's great. I was quite surprised - my attempt at coming up with the least commercial movie ever actually turned a healthy profit... Gay Academics Go Introspective In Paris (NC-17) (Lingering Illness/Paranoia/Postmodern Angst/Gay/Lesbian) Starring Rene Russo and William H. Macy Also Featuring Paul Giamatti and Joan Cusack Directed by Neil LaBute Screenplay by David Mamet and Charlie Kaufman Projected Budget Range: $1 - $10 million Planned Release Date: October Projected Box Office Receipts: $4.38 million (Opening Weekend) $23.67 million (Total Domestic Gross) Chance of getting Oscar Nomination: 4% Chance of winning at least one Oscar: 1% Critic Most Likely to Praise: Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly Critic Most Likely to Skewer: The CAP Ministry, CAP Alert
• Apparently, I don't have flashboy's business sense - but wouldn't you want to see this? Untitled Sam Raimi Project (PG-13) (Fantasy) Starring Jim Broadbent and Janet McTeer Also Featuring Sean Bean, Stephen Rea, Molly Parker, Miranda Richardson Directed by Sam Raimi Screenplay by Joss Whedon Projected Budget Range: $40 - $50 million Planned Release Date: October Projected Box Office Receipts: $4.71 million (Opening Weekend) $31.81 million (Total Domestic Gross) Chance of getting Oscar Nomination: 10% Chance of winning at least one Oscar: 2% Critic Most Likely to Praise: Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times Critic Most Likely to Skewer: The CAP Ministry, CAP Alert Special effects - definitely by the Jim Henson Creature Shop.
• Ha! I'm a genius. Investors-- start sending your sacks of money. (The secret's in the title and rating.) Hot Sex (G) (Comic Book/Hostage Drama/Martial Arts/Paranoia) Starring Ice Cube and Kirsten Dunst Also Featuring Luke Wilson, Alan Cumming, Cate Blanchett Directed by Steven Spielberg Screenplay by Woody Allen and John Pogue Projected Budget Range: $0 - $1 million Planned Release Date: August Projected Box Office Receipts: $7.62 million (Opening Weekend) $65.56 million (Total Domestic Gross) Chance of getting Oscar Nomination: 5% Chance of winning at least one Oscar: 1% Critic Most Likely to Praise: Michael O'Sullivan, Washington Post Critic Most Likely to Skewer: Rita Kempley, Washington Post
• Hot Sex featuring Ice Cube and Kirsten Dunst? Now that's hott