February 22, 2005

• To 1908. (Cubs fan)
• As long as I won't have to live trough today again, I'm fine. And I would choose the future over any past. But if forced to choose I'd take the early years of the 20th century. Mostly for the art.
• When the Dana Thomas house in Springfield, Illinois was emptied and the furniture auctioned off, Frank Lloyd Wright chairs went for $5-10 apiece. I'd go for that. Step 3: PROFIT!
• I'd take the future as well, and not just because it's within the realm of possibility. I would love to see how badly we manage to screw things up. The advances in science and thought would be interesting too.
• Just befroe I cliked "Post' instead of Preview
• Sometime in the distant future, because I am quite sure that they are going to be able to resolve the whole toilet paper issue by then.
• I'd want to visit England in the late 1500's to see Shakespeare and the Queen's court. On the way back, I would make a quick stop in 1996 and give myself some sorely-needed dating advice.
• i didn't have such a good time in elementary school....I'd go back and seriously kick some 3rd-grader ass... there's probably a few police officers that need distracting at the opportune moment as well... there's a few people in this world whose parents i should have a little chat with on the subject of birth control... *spins wheel* come on, pat, Big Money, Big Money!... "ooh, sorry mr. edison, it seems there's already a patent on electricity"....
• My first thought was Catalunya in the heady days of the social revolution, to taste the sweet wine of human liberation amongst the free collectives, and see the spirit of man at its height. But I'd be a burden on the collective and useless in the war, so maybe the Jura mountains in the 1870s, among the mountain watchmakers, "talking with them in their little family work shops and attending the meetings in the villages when the peasant craftsmen came tramping down from the hills to discuss the anarchist doctrine that seemed to offer them a chance of establishing social justice while retaining their treasured independence".
• I'd be back in the age of the Dinosaur... Imagine...the majesty of those great beasts...Whoah! that one got a bit too close! Almost lost my footing... Whadz diz? It lookz like I aksidendly stepped on a butterfly. Ov corse, it wood hav no efekt on the future. Sinse thatz juzt a mith. All hail prezident Rumsfeld!
• 1. Renaissance Italy 2. Colonial America 3. Victorian England 4. Elizabethan England
• Good one, Zedcaster. Doesn't it end with a bunch of blobs celebrating the fact that there have been no changes to the present as a result of sending someone to the past? As for myself, I'd love to go back and watch the first moon landing live - preferably from the Lunar Lander but I'd settle for watching it from Ground Control. (Of course, I would also like to have been there when we first made it to the moon in 1901 with the giant space cannon.)
• Ik ga terug naar mijn kleutertijd. Helaas kon ik toen nog geen Engels.
• Paris in the '20s. New York and Chicago in the '50s and early '60s. London in the mid to late '60s. And roughly a dozen places at a dozen different times when, in retrospect, had I had my head out of my ass, I could have gotten soooooooo laid.
• April 20th 1889. I'm not exactly sure what I'd do but I'd have to do something.
• Good one, Zedcaster. Doesn't it end with a bunch of blobs celebrating the fact that there have been no changes to the present as a result of sending someone to the past? That's a different story, which I don't think is Bradbury. And I'm going to have a fit until I look up the title. It was "The * Project," with * being the word I don't remember. It may have been a borough of NYC that wasn't Manhattan. "A Sound of Thunder" is the butterfly one, and that ends basically as posted. ...there, I proved myself useful through dorkness. I feel justified!
• Alternates 1. October, 1973 (someone I'd need to save) 2. Berlin, 1936 (someone I'd need to kill) 3. London, 1590 (someone I'd need to meet) 4, New York City, 1890 (just to see)
• Fes, surely you don't have it in for Jesse Owens?
• October 27th, St. Louis, Busch Stadium, midnight.
• That speedy sumbitch is a dead man!
• Oh, I didn't think about getting to kill people. This opens up a whole new avenue of inquiry...
• Depends if I could come back or not. If I could come back, I'd like to go to New York in the 1920's. If I couldn't come back, I wouldn't go.
• Yep, on that note, if a stray bullet had caught Mao Zedong in early 1949 he could have gone down in history as a great revolutionary general (with an at that date easy to whitewash tendency for offing dissenters on his own side) and maybe New China could have been spared some of the worst.
• i once had a dream that i went from current times to victorian england and helped a small child with his science project. i told him about the automobile, and how it would create things called "suburbs." and of course i got to wear cool victorian dresses. everyone was quite impressed with his project. and they finally believed i came FROM THE FUTURE. the end.
• I didn't think about getting to kill people. An altruistic murderer with a Tardis could grease a half-dozen people in the 20th century alone and literally save a hundred million.
• I'd go back to 3:00 AM yesterday. Location: My house. I'd just like to see the look on my face when I wake up to myself beating the ever loving shit outta me...
• 1955, back in Ava's arms.
• three minutes from now, I just put in some microwave popcorn.
• early 12th cent. france. there was a cultural renaissance going on, it was a very exciting period of intellectual stimuation and growth. also, good weather, few bad diseases, no local wars and hopefully I could meet two of my biggest heros, Eleanor of Aquitaine (1122-1204) and Heloise (1100??-1163).
• "It was "The * Project," with * being the word I don't remember. It may have been a borough of NYC that wasn't Manhattan. Wurwilf, was it the Brooklyn Project? I recall from my dim memory that that story involved sending a special probe/camera (??) back and not a person...
• I would like to visit So-crates Johnson, herman the Kid, and Bob Genghis Khan.
• 1963, beady eyes trained in that goddamn grassy knoll.
• Easy, 10 billion years ago. Give me plenty of basic liquid, and I'll remove all possibility for life on Earth. Then I'd be lord of the planet, and be served goblets of lava by rock golemns.
• 1491, North America, telling the locals that white dudes were psychotic cannibals who, should they set foot on land, would enrage the ancestors who would then hunt down all their descendents and kill them with a great plague. Blow me, Columbus.
• Have to cook up a good story to explain my white ass first, though...
• Zedcaster's got it! And thanks to Wurwilf for the correction in the first place. Time travel stories are the shiznit. Perhaps I shall pull a Marty McFly and grab a sports almanac prior to going into the past... Oh, and MJ: Hear, hear!
• Uh, my comment was in regards to MJ telling the locals about Columbus, not necessarily about the story behind her time-travelling white ass.
• Sometime around 30 AD or so - Rome in all it's glory. I'd hang around for the early years of the Empire, check out a few chariot races, and then swing by Jerusalem a few years later for all the fireworks. Alternatively, I could plan the trip for about 50 years earlier and copy down everything in the Library of Alexandria before the big fire destroyed it all.
• If I could go to the future, I'd like to go 60 or so years from now and find out what happened to me, wife, kids, career, medical things. If it were the past, I would like to go find out about mysterious things such as building pyramids, what happened to Roanoke, the Mary Celeste, and all about Shakespeare as well as killing Hitler, whoever decided it would be a good idea for the US to fund revolutionaries and rebels who seem to turn against the US a couple decades later, prevent the murders of JKF, MLKjr, John Lennon. Basically, I just want to fuck shit up.
• MJ, tell 'em white MEN. Explain that you barely escaped being eaten, and by the way, boy are you lonely. (See, I know men from both ends. Heh.)
• "ooh, sorry mr. edison, it seems there's already a patent on electricity".... DC current in the home is a failure why we use AC today which was invented by Tesla. I'd go back to the time and place Mark Twain visited Nicholas Tesla and saw his inventions in action.
• Sept. 20, 1969. Don't marry #1 Oct. 8, 1982. Don't marry #2 Also want to be there with moneyjane when she tells Columbus to 'blow me'.
• Moneyjane, do you assume that the Americas would be a land of peace and prosperity if white guys hadn't shown up? If so, I would like to recommend you check out a couple rather depressing books. One called King of the Mountain and the other, the Lucifer Principle. Assuming you go along with the premises that they lay down, you'd find it would only be a different set of assholes in charge. It could even be argued that the Mayan and Aztec societies with all their human sacrifice often made up of purchased orphans and illegitimate children were even more brutal than the white guys who showed up later, or maybe you would have preferred to have the Comanches running the show. Oh, were we talking about time travel? Ok, put me down as wanting to check out some dinosaurs, spend a day in Rome at the height of the empire and have dinner with Thomas Jefferson & Ben Franklin. Once I got going, I'd bet there would be hundreds of moments in the past that would be interesting to visit, from checking out my own ancestors arrival on American shores to watching Darwin drop the bomb on the Linnean Society.
• ...prevent the murders of JKF... I assume you meant JFK.... but if not, hey, thanks!
• Yes, those tribes that would end up being the Aztecs were quite a wild bunch. They came from the north, causing trouble wherever they landed on, and it was in central Mexico where they grew powerful enough to conquer all surrounding tribes. That they founded their city on top of a lake, which now has become one of the biggest, most polluted, an quite problematic as to waste and potable water supply, can be blamed on them. The used their conquered tribes' prisoners as sacrificial material, and the hatred against them paved the way for the Conquistadores who, as it's been said, found allies, not enemies. More savage than the spanish hordes? Now that's debatable. All the invaders were awed by the size, organiztion and bustling commerce of the aztec cities. Food distribution, schools, rigidly enforced social rules and a thriving cultural life was very much at least at the level of many european cultures, who still considered bathing a sin. I've fantasized many times with friends about the 'what if.." of conquest. No spanish rule? Then, maybe the aztecs would have gone teh way of teh mayan, who collpased out of internal strifes, it seems. And years later, the english would have arrived... and unlike the spaniards, they frowned upon race mixing. So perhaps a genocide woul;d have ensued, and then, all of America would have been re-populated by african slaves. Mmhh. I guess the best way to change histroy, would have been to show up with some guns & ammo, and initiate a technological revolution. Imagine what history would have been with steam power, the wheel and the social and scientific advances of the pre-hispanic cultures...
• ~30CE or so, to find out what the bloody hell really went on with that carpenter-king, and a bit later to see if Saul/Paul was inspired or a nutcase. Would like to hear Siddhartha Gautama speak. It'd be fun to see some of the Bard's works in the original Globe. The late 70s in NYC seems like one of the best times for a classic combination of sex, drugs, and rock & roll. Get drunk with one of the more colorful of the Zen poets. 1999, to sit down with Algor and thoroughly explain what's going to be at stake in Florida. See if I could do something about the drug overdoses of many incredible musicians, and mention to John Lennon that perhaps it might not be a good day for a stroll. Investigate 5th century Britain to check out who King Arthur really was. Go back to the Library of Alexandria the night before the Roman invasion with a classicly-trained library staff equipped with hi-res scanning gear. Do the same with other cultures and literary works we know woefully little about. Tour the seven wonders while I'm at it. Politely explain to just about every founder of the various religions why it might be a good idea to write it all down instead of just talking about stuff. Hang out at bars near the Constitutional Convention, mention a few phrases which might be a tad unclear to later readers. See what happens when I set the controls of my time machine all the way forward or all the way back...
• Bah! Algor smash!
• Somewhere around the 14th century in Europe, but I want to bring indoor plumbing and penicillin with me. Plague no; Chaucer, Giotto & the beginnings of universities yes.
• San Fran in the mid 50's with Kerouac & Ginsberg...then on to Vegas to hang with Frank, Dino & the gang...back to 'Frisco in the 60's with Ken Kesey and Neal Cassady, stay for the summer of love...then off to 1991 to stop myself from getting married and start building a portfolio of internet stocks...cash out at the peak and then me and Claudia (Schiffer) retire to to 1950's Cuba.
• I'd like to meet Norma Jean before she became Marilyn.
• Moneyjane, do you assume that the Americas would be a land of peace and prosperity if white guys hadn't shown up? Nooooooo...but we already know what happened in the White-guys-did-show-up scenario. Roll the dice a little... different set of assholes in charge Isn't that business as usual?
• Nooooooo...but we already know what happened in the White-guys-did-show-up scenario I think it turned out pretty sweet...my corner of it, anyway.
• Actually, I'd wipe myself out given I'm both flavours.
• Yep, ooga_booga got it. Apparently there's no "the", now that I look it up - "Brooklyn Project" by William Tenn. But in the intro to it in the book where I have it (love that anthology, boring listing aside) - they reference "A Sound of Thunder," so they're definitely of a kind. ...I should be on topic even a little. Until now I've always thought "Well, wherever I go, there I am; what's the point if I can't escape me?" - but on second thought, my curiosity is piqued by too many things. I don't know that there's an era I'd rather live in - give me sanitation any day - but I'd love to be a tourist.
• give me sanitation any day Probably a way more significant consideration than most folks here are assuming. Me, I think the idea of the Holy Land in the time of Christ would be very interesting. And what about going to northeast Africa at the dawn of humankind? A thousand years in the future would be something, too -- just think of how different the world is now compared to the turn of the last millennium. Also I'd love to go to early-1960s Malibu, well after the invention of six-packs of beer but before the waves got crowded -- but I'd have to be able to bring my modern longboard so I could outshred everyone there.
• ....soooo many hot dead people to have sex with....
• About a minute before the Big Bang.
• It's interesting that mention of assassinating Hitler and Mao (and others) garners no criticism, but those of us who suggested that George the warmongering bigot Bush deserved a bullet in the head got bitched at for our opinions. How nice to see that people can assume that the murders of some despots are acceptable while others are not. Going back in time, I'd like to see the earth during the Mesozoic era, specifically the late Cretaceous period. The great die-off of the dinosaurs occured then, as well as a huge upheaval in the rest of the animal and plant worlds. Dominant species were wiped out or lost their ubiquity, and new, strange and more widely adaptable species took over in a relatively short period of time.
• I would get to New York around 1965 and leave about 15 years later.
• t's interesting that mention of assassinating Hitler and Mao (and others) garners no criticism, but those of us who suggested that George the warmongering bigot Bush deserved a bullet in the head got bitched at for our opinions. Heh, right, because I take seriously the idea that someone wants to kill someone who's already dead in a hypothetical situation involving time-travel. Orkney Islands around the time of the Viking invasions. Just because it's in the fuzzy past of my ancestry.
• Yet you take it seriously that wishing for the bigot's assassination means that we're actively plotting such heroism? If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride....
• 1955, back in Ava's arms. posted by Frank Sinatra That damn near brought a tear to my eye, Mr. Sinatra. Anyway, I'd want to go back and meet various grandparents, parents, and other ancestors, being very careful not to accidently kill them, thereby negating my own existence.
• I'd go back to listen to Buddha and Socrates teach.
• I'd go back to primitive times and form a modern pop band, becoming a star by recycling hits from my youth. Wait, no that's just an incredibly crappy television show. Ok then, 6th grade. Time to step up.
• I think I need to go back and have a talk with myself at age 15. There's a lot of things I should have known about.
• No need for time travel homunculus. I teach every day in your heart and in the myriad phenomena, as well you know.
• I think I'd go back to about 1986 and write myself an anonymous letter with some good advice in it. Other than that, far too many times and places to mention.
• I teach every day in your heart I saw your humongous footprint in Thailand. There's no way you could fit inside my withred little heart.
• withered
• Oh, I know. I would like to wait at the Dakota in NYC for that creep to show up, and beat the shit out of him before he could shoot anybody... Save JFK too? No, he was doomed. I'd end up being shot, too, by another grassy knoll sniper. And yes, a backtrack of my family's history would be interesting. I'm sure there would be many surprises.
• I'd zip forward to about four billion years hence, when all humanity had died out, and revel in the knowledge that I was the best dressed motherfucker on the planet.
• October 1929, New York, Wall Street, just before everything went to heck. October 2005, New York, Wall street, just before everything went to heck.
• *offloads short-term bonds*
• I'd also prevent the murder of KFC
• You don't have to wait the four billion years to be the best-dressed when everyone around here will be wearing a barrel for pants.
• Way ahead of ya, StoryBored... *adjusts barrel*
• *fires rocket out of barrel*
• Assuming my time machine contained a flush toilet, a hot shower and a medicine cabinet, England in the late 1300s would be my first destination, to buy Chaucer a pint. Sidetrip to Italy to hang out with Boccaccio; then I'd fake my own death and turn up again 90 years later to give Savonarola the bitchslap he deserved and rescue the art treasures he burned, then back to London to see for myself what kind of guy Richard III was. Elizabethan England would be my next destination, where I would disguise myself as a man and audition for the Lord Chamberlain's Men. I'd probably live out my days there and write my memoirs for future generations to be deeply puzzled by.
• Southern Montana, June 24, 1876. I'd tell the locals about the white men camped out nearby and advise them to grab a few more guys. Oh wait, I did that already...
• October 12, 2010, in the new barrel-based economy, three entrepreneurs rebuild civilization. Known only by their mysterious initals QK, R88 and SB they engineer a cultural rebirth, a combination of Amish values and pulp fifties retro. Shortly after, the rocket-propelled barrel trousers takes the world by storm.
• Said BlueHorse: I think I need to go back and have a talk with myself at age 15. Wow ... it just dawned on me! That explains that weird old geezer who button-holed me when I was just a teenager with this wild story of how I'd have to stay away from grass because it would ruin my bid for my party's nomination for the Presidency. How weird, I thought! A demented old guy telling the son of a cattle rancher to stay away from the grass. How little I knew then; how much you've enlightend me today!!
• Merton College, Oxford University, late 1920s. Where I will dog the footsteps of Tollers and Jack (aka Tolkien and C.S. Lewis) for the rest of their 40 year friendship. I'll even do windows!
• I'd either fast-forward through the rest of W's term, or go back in time and actually do something to encourage more of us lazy Americans to vote against him. Aside from that, I'd like to jet set through the past and witness key points in history (dinosaurs, first civilizations, Pompeii, Ancient Greece & Rome, Jesus?, Electricity, Teh IntarWeb, and of course, instead of taking a sports book back with me to gamble with, I'd take a copy stock trends and finally get something out of the dot-boom. Additionally, I know that I'd like to influence some of the decisions I made as a teenager.... but would that make future me vanish?
• If I could go anywhere, I'd hit the future, which is full of time machines, because the people of the past invented them. That's actually the reason I'm relatively certain time travel doesn't get invented in my lifetime. Because I would have come back and distributed the plans to everyone. The lines to kill/save Hitler, MLK, and JFK are already made up of something like the entire populations of every single possible Earth.
• whoa.... that was cool.
• 5:14AM UTC. *clicks heels 3 times*
• Okay, why are there two Muffpubs now?
• I`d go back and make sure George Herbert never met Barbara.
• what are you talking about?
• no there aren't.
• uh oh.
• Way, way, way late to the game, but I finally decided where I would go - I hadn't posted here yet. 22 August 1962, the Cavern in Liverpool, to see the final lineup of the Beatles perform. And then I would get in all of their pants. (Yes, I'm a perv).
• If I could time travel, I'd wait until I came up with a really good idea for a time to travel to, and then travel back to the begining of this thread to tell all of you my idea.