February 11, 2005

• Diaphragms are round too! Yay! Obey the Diaphragm!
• this is one of my all-time favorite sites! Resurrection Cookies: Give each child one triangle shaped section of crescent roll. This represents the tomb. Each child takes one marshmallow which represents the body of Christ. Dip the marshmallow in the butter and roll in cinnamon and sugar mixture. This represents the oils and spices the body was anointed with upon burial. Lay the marshmallow on the dough and carefully wrap it around the marshmallow. Make sure all seams are pinched together well. (Otherwise the marshmallow will "ooze" out of the seams) Bake according to package directions. Cool. Break open the tomb and the body of Christ is no longer there!! Celebrate God's love!
• The Baby Jesus Haystacks sound delicious.
• I thought you were kidding about the Baby Jesus Haystacks. Oh, dear.
• *speechless*
• We did the same thing when I was a kid, but the "O" was supposed to remind us of orgasms. So everytime I have a donut now...
• No oven involved, just the microwave. No. Really? You shoot microwaves at the food with a gun or something? And haystacks; you people really do use chow mein noodles for sweet food? That's...absolutely disgusting! You sick fucks.
• bisquits?
• Popcorn Praises Show the children the unpopped popcorn and tell them that the kernels are like children who haven't found Jesus. Without the warmth of God's love they haven't burst to life. Pop the popcorn. When God's love warms our hearts we burst with happiness, and praises to Jesus burst out of us. We can't help but tell others how much we love Him and how great we think He is. Eat the popcorn Tell them they are eating Gods children and will burn in eternal Hell for being cannibals. Shut them in the prayer closet. Weep and pray. Repeat.
• Just give 'em a canteloupe and a banana and tell the little fuckers to figure it out themselves.
• John the Baptist Snacks Use Crescent Roll dough and shaped them into "bugs" Use raisins for eyes, pretzel sticks for antennae and legs. After baking, brush them with honey and the children enjoy locusts with honey! Make sure your kids bite off the heads first!
• Teh gay agenda! It's everywhere! Thank you freen. Here's a banana. It represents god's eternal covenant with the monkeys.
• My favorite is the Tower of Babel made out of graham crackers and peanut butter. I am assuming you are supposed to smash it like God and curse it's builders to be unable to communicate. I like smashing things.
• XANDER: Respect the cruller. And tame the doughnut! ANYA: That's still funny, sweetie.
• ... and cursing
• Eat the popcorn Tell them they are eating Gods children and will burn in eternal Hell for being cannibals. Shut them in the prayer closet. Weep and pray. Repeat. posted by Koko at 07:15PM UTC on February 11 Best laugh I have had yet today, thanks Koko.
• I so wanted this post to be about Andre the Giant. And his posse.
• tenacious wins. heh.
• Nothing can brighten a gray day more than observing the superstitious rituals of a pack of gullibles. Given how disgusting marshmallows are, I'd have thought they'd use them to represent Satan, not this Jesus guy they keep rambling on about. Then again, none of the recipes indicate that these people have the first idea about cooking decent food (or making any sense at all, in general).
• Heh...yeah, like those Jews with the beanie hats and the foreskin cutting...and Muslims with the giant black cube thingy and praying on a rug...and don't get me started on those elephant-worshiping Hindus and their six-armed women. What a bunch of morons! Thank God for us athiests...we got the world figured out, and we don't hate anybody (except for non-athiests, of course, 'cause they're all stoopid).
• You see, this is funny, not because it is christian, or anything, but simply because it is just stupid. If there is any other attempts at teaching anything other than cooking with recipes, I declare that equally stupid. (But good luck finding it.... particularly recipes the illustrate the finer points of evolution or secular humanism.....) On the hand, We are all athiests about mosts gods, some of us just happen to go one god further.
• Gather the children around an altar. Have some bread and wine on hand. Take the bread, break into small pieces. Give a morsel to each child while intoning "this is my body, eat". Pour the wine into tiny cups. While passing one to each child, say "this is my blood, drink". Bible recipes are creepy!
• You see, this is funny, not because it is christian, or anything, but simply because it is just stupid. Eh. I'm not offended by it. I think it's pretty funny. You know, take out the Sunday School lesson, and the "Resurrection Cookies" thing SideDish quoted upthread would actually be a fun thing to do with little ones of any background. I would have been fascinated by such "magic" when I was a young one.
• Yeah, taking a lighthearted FPP and the ensuing banter as a deathly serious discourse on religion and cooking REALLY brightens a gray day. Good show! ...and if you line up several "OBEY" donuts, you can spell ooooooo, which of course represents the howls of the damned.
• Oh, DOG, that's funny, Wurwilf! ahhh, taglines: MonkeyFilter: Nothing can brighten a gray day more than observing the superstitious rituals of a pack of gullibles. They missed the best one: Take any food stuff. Place in oven-proof pan. Bake in 498 degree oven for 3 hours. Serve hot. Presto! Burnt offerings, just like great great great great-grandpa used to make.
• ooooooooooga!
• GramMa! Bwhaaaaaa! hee hee
• rocket, if any bunch of religious people put out webnonsense like this, they deserve to be mocked. As an atheist, I would mock other atheists who did something similar. However, their desperate attempts to keep their kids hooked on Jesus even through the use of candy bribes is just pathetic and utterly lacking in good moral character. Wurwilf: my day was certainly brightened. As long as people continue to drink the kool-aid of mass psychosis and religion, I'll be getting good laughs out of them.
• Oh, dear. Bile and fluff don't mix very well even if they have the same general agenda. Well, it takes all kinds.
• Creation: God made light Thanks to the viewer who sent this in! Carefully take apart an Oreo cookie. The side without any filling is before God created light. The filling is the light God created. This can also be used for God making the moon. Thanks to Kimberly for this idea! I just wanted to add something for the Oreo Creation Cookies: Carefully take apart an Oreo cookie (or use a knife to cut). The two halves represent separating the light from the darkness. fabulous.
• Just be sure when you're teaching them with Oreos that they don't spill their milk on the ground, lest God be forced to strike them dead.
• And the response from those who believe in evolution......
• And the only funny bit (albeit intentionally) from Name That Itch's link? Note: if your computer has only an 8-bit aroma-card, clicking on the pictures above will not faithfully reproduce their delicious smell. You would need at least a 16-bit aroma-card to synthesize the nuances. Let me say, candidly, that isn't very funny.
• I once saw a Bible show - we put it on while we were getting into our Halloween costumes one year - where the guy was shoving donut holes back into the donuts. Instead of OBEY, the donuts without holes represented people with holes in their hearts from not having the love of Jebus in them. So it was some weird guy and two kids shoving donut holes into donuts. It was very surreal. But ooh, the trilobite cookies! I found those when looking for something else once, made me happy as a...er...trilobite. If I liked my students (whose papers on Hum. Evol. I have to read this week) I'd make them some.
• Check out the history of the pretzel {Ironic it choked a figure head?}. Pretzels were invented by monks, used for the teaching of religion, to feed the poor, and to symbolize the marriage bond. That is the history, now they are popular bar snacks.
• This chowder represents the dictatorship of the proletariat, and these saltines are the bourgeoisie. Now kids, watch what happens! (cool bit about the pretzels, thomcatspike.)
• To paraphrase some wit whose identity I no longer recall, Wurwilf: I don't think it takes all kinds, just that we happen to have all kinds. And if you think that I was expressing bile in my posts, you're wrong. It was simple mockery -- I reserve my anti-religious bile for more serious displays of charlatan behaviour and illicit attempts by organized religion to railroad decent society into following their mumbo-jumbo. cobaltnine: there used to be a group of pranksters in Calgary who used the trilobite as their symbol in spreading the word of secular humanism in a humourous way. My nephew sent me a bunch of their stuff a few years ago, since I'm an atheist and paleo-enthusiast. I don't know if they ever made cookies, but I still have a sticker or two somewhere.
• rocket88 - I think I can understand where you're coming from., but it seems to me that ragging Christians, per se, isn't the point of the post. What everyone is making fun of is demonstrating the gospels with surgary snacks which sound really ghastly. Or, maybe, pointing out how much more sophisticated we nerds are than those true believers. Or, some combination of both. Personally, I found the post a little lame, not worth making a big deal of. And, yes, trilobite cookies would be as risable, unless they were really good, in which case, I'd eat them and not listen to the lesson. So, anyway, what kind of teaching snacks would we non-believers come up with? The rules are that they'd have to be geared to children, so we could use them as simplistic lessons, and would have to demonstrate some secular lesson. Use of jello or marshmallows gets extra points, since sugar highs will only enforce the teachings. Or, maybe we can just assume that the contributors to the recipes demonstrating Christian dogma are well meaning folks, but not great cooks.
• if you line up several "OBEY" donuts, you can spell ooooooo, which of course represents the howls of the damned. "Peter, those are Cheerios."
• "So, anyway, what kind of teaching snacks would we non-believers come up with? The rules are that they'd have to be geared to children, so we could use them as simplistic lessons, and would have to demonstrate some secular lesson. Use of jello or marshmallows gets extra points, since sugar highs will only enforce the teachings." We bake and cook pretty much everything we eat, and have since long before the kids were born. We're no lola granolas, but our kids ate good food that was generally nutritious even when in the form of a dessert. Fruit pies and cakes and cookies and juice bars and all sorts of other sweets need not be store-bought or full of garbage that no-one should really consume. I'd sooner stab myself than eat a marshmallow, and jello is a torture device as far as I'm concerned. Of course, kids will periodically succumb to peer pressure and advertising and ask for or buy on their own crappy chocolate bars and other sweets, but that just helped us out: they found, after eating one too many promising but ultimately dissatisfying (or downright disgusting) treat, that a good piece of chocolate and a ripe hunk of fruit tasted far better. Now all of our kids (all grown up now) are pretty much like us: quality food tastes better, and if you haven't developed a discerning palate, you probably should sooner rather than later.
• Mmmm. Bile and fluff. I feel a family craft project coming on!
• MMMMM, trilobite cookies. Here's a picture and the recipe for the ungodly among us.I like mine with pink heart eyes. Let me look around. I think I have a recipe here for faecaliths. You start with chocolate cookie dough and add canned corn .... So, anyway, what kind of teaching snacks would we non-believers come up with? Well, the red balls on the Wonder Bread sack are the sign of the devil. I'd say ... white bread and balogna sandwitches.
• Yeah JUST GO AHEAD AND MAKE FUN OF OUR SNACKS> SMITE YE ALL WITH THE HAYSTACK.