January 25, 2005

• I get migranes around most perfumes (the sweeter they are, the faster I get a headache). My father does too. I would recommend adopting this as your pretend malady, and just ask her to tone it down while at work. But seriously, I can't even walk past the perfume/cologne counter at most department stores without a near blackout.
• If she's hot, seduce her and get her to lighten up or change perfumes.
• Microwave popcorn.
• two words: air freshener. Now you can get air fresheners that capture the fragrance you really crave... MEAT! Imagine filling your bedroom with the alluring smell of a barbecued steak. Or climbing into your car to encounter the heavenly scent of smoked bacon. problem solved.

• I can see the vapors

  Pictures, please.
• If she's hot, seduce her and get her to lighten up or change perfumes. I think Kimberly might take issue with that solution... The way I see it, you can either deal with this head-on, and say, "you know, I'm sure you don't realize this, but I'm very distracted by your perfume, could you please lighten up a bit?" or else you could go the anonymous note route and leave a message for her in her cubicle when she isn't there. But she'd probably guess it was one of her cubicle neighbors, so you might as well fess up. Alternatively, could you ask to be moved to a different cubicle further away?
• Seems to me this was the reason tasers and duct tape were invented
• Loki BWHAAAAAAAAA hee hee
• I'd talk to her directly. Try not to do it in the cube farm where everyone else can hear you. Just tell her that you are extremely sensitive to smells and her perfume is giving you serious headaches. If she could save it for after work, you'd be much obliged, etc. Do not say, "Tone it down." That will imply she can still wear some perfume. Do not say, "Everyone else in the office thinks so, too." That will put her on the defensive. Do not say, "Maybe our managers could move us away from each other." That will make it someone else's problem.
• You have a serious situation here. Adding to Mickey's advise... If your workplace has a published set of personnel guide-lines, e.g. dress code, excess perfume might be discussed - it is in my company's guidelines where it lists 'strong perfume / cologne' under the unacceptable behavior column. The rationale is allergy triggers. This situation is different from loud cube mates, as they eventually shut up, or even someone's exotically fragrant lunch as you don't often re-apply eau-de-trout-and-cabbage on an hourly basis. Talk to your other cube mates in the area and confirm you are not alone in your suffering. If you have a good rapport with the person in question, it is best to approach them privately in a non-confrontational manner, (standard approach, eh?). It doesn't hurt to discuss your intentions with your manager, possibly soliciting their advise on the matter. This also provides you with a CYA if things go awry. Alternatively, dine on Guinness and under-cooked cabbage for a week and out-odor her.
• SideDish - I think I'm actually going to get the meat air freshener.... that's awesome! Jean-Luc - I guess I was a little too literal. My imagination and my rising frustration add a little bit when the funk rolls over and invades my cube. I could take a picture with my camera phone and add the funk waves in MS Paint... would that be okay? To be honest, I think I would have less of a problem if the purfume didn't smell like hot buttered ass in the first place. And I'm not the only person bothered by this either.
• Repeat these words loudly from inside your cube: "BLOODY HELL, WHAT'S THAT STINK?" Then go around the office asking other people if it's them. If she's got any kind of normal brain, she should get the hint before you get to her.
• smells like hot buttered ass? well, whatever you do, please first ask her, "what kind of perfume is that?" because you have, um, piqued our interest.
• MS Paint has funk rolls? I want funk rolls!
• I suppose you could get her on MoFi really quickly, before this thread pops off the front page.
• Or turn up at work naked, then discuss the meaning of the word "offensive" with her.
• One word: Garlicbreath.
• Pretend to be allergic, and sneeze all over her when telling her about it.
• Put several fans (the more the merrier) up on the divider, pointing away from you. Turn them up to "gale".
• Why don't I ever get to deal with this kind of thing??
• I believe that most heavy emissions from perfumes are flammable.
• I've heard of offices instituting fragrance-free policies, but it's usually in response to certain employees having extreme allergic reactions and sometimes limited to the particular floor. Hot buttered ass, huh? I'll guess that it's not a floral scent and something musky. Directly and tactfully approachign her sounds best - maybe the one of you guys who has the best relationship with her could broach the topic with her privately at lunch or something.
• dang Skrik! I was just going to say "fart very loudly and repeatedly". Theoretically, you could cancel each other out and make it rain inside the office.
• Borrow an inhaler and fake an asthma attack in her doorway. Actually fall to your knees, wheezing, and when she asks what's wrong say, "I didn't want to say anything, but it's your *wheeze* *wheeze* perfume - my doctor warned me this might happen...*WHEEZE*, so sorry, WHEEEEZE!" If she doesn't immediately beg your pardon and promise to be perfume-free, she's the devil, in which I recommend tossing her and her cloven feet out the window.
• Before you do anything -- do you know what she smells like WITHOUT perfume? Maybe you're better off. Maybe she's French.
• You might try one of those ionic air cleansers if they're within your price range and you can have them in your cube. If not, I'm going to second the polite note/conversation. A third option is to fight back. Buy some Brut or Aqua Velva and apply liberally. Ooh, another thought. Buy some tiger balm or camphor and put it under your nose. That way you can play forensic pathologist/plague corpse collector.
• Maybe she's French. Does she eat cheese? If so, it might be easy to get her to give in. Sorry.
• Bad Skrik! Bad! Hee hee hee.
• Try to make it seem like it is a weakness of yours and your problem rather than her problem. So say something like, "I'm really sensitive to smells and while you have really nice purfume, because i'm so sensitive, I would really appreciate it if you could cut it down. Thanks so much." You could even lie and say that she's not the only perso you have had to ask, so don't feel bad or something. That way she gets to feel like a good person by helping you out rather than bad about her taste.
• Mrs Wolof mk 1 is French. Best smelling woman I ever met.
• Even I know better than to smell like a French whorehouse.
• Jim_T: is she hot?
• Go talk to HR. Make it their problem. Let them know that you have allergies to some of the elements in perfumes. Complain it's your neighbor. Now, not only will they talk to her for you...they'll add a policy.
• Take this as a sign from God to quit your meaningless cube existence and take up a life of pure happiness and whimsy.
• You know, it is possible that no one has ever told her that she wears too much perfume. Your nose does acclimatize to odors after awhile so she probably can't smell it herself - maybe she thinks it wears off and keeps applying it. But anyway, I think it would be best to say something to her directly. Yea, you'll probably embarrass her, but better that than the further humiliation of having her boss tell her that people are complaining. Is wearing a nose clip (like for swimming) an option? How about a clothespin?
• pee on her.
• Just put your head over into her cubicle and loudly declaim "Bitch, you stank like gopher butt! Get me a Coke." Surely this will work.
• It's only perfume. Let her wear as much as she wants. There's no need for oversensetivity.
• Mr. Knickerbocker, while some people are very allergic, others can just be very sensitive. Smell is like hearing that way. I think one has every right to politely ask a colleague to wear less - though I think I might just give the white lie of saying I am allergic/asthematic, so that she thinks her level is normal.
• Nothin' like sayin' "Who smells like a whore?" every time she wanders by...
• Uhm I'm not sure if anyone here is the same way, but I prefer french fragrances to any others...certainly American ones. I mean for fuck's sake they have Guerlain, Chanel, Roger&Gallet and the city of Grenoble. We have nautica.
• hot buttered ass She smells like natto?
• With (sincere!) respect, I wonder how many Curious George posts can be adequately answered with the phrase "just fucking tell her?"
• After a few packages of microwave popcorn and (surprisingly little) effort to convince my wife, I've decided I like hot buttered ass. Jim_t, I no longer see a problem.
• You're lucky. My wife stopped us on the way in. She sent us back to the stall, without any popcorn.
• Actually my first wife was a box of popcorn, but she left me for a medium coke and a packet of maltesers.