January 17, 2005

I'm sure that two Iraqi "terrorists" would much rather quit the insurgency, than be forced to find each other irresistible. But the military doesn't like to disrupt the enemy, they like to kill it. See here the quirky, non-lethal Weapons of Mass Disruption that that the pentagon has scrapped. Why? beats me.
posted by Warrior 19 years ago
  • "why, Osama, without your turban you're...beautiful..."
  • Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an "aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Make love, not war! There was also the idea of making troops' skin unbearably sensitive to sunlight. Careful, they might turn into vampires. Nobody wants to see terrorists with super-human strength.
  • Wouldn't it be easier to release THC and get them all too stoned to fight?
  • How'd they test it?
  • Shut up and kiss me, you mad fool!!
  • Other ideas included chemical weapons that attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats to troop positions, making them uninhabitable. *casts Creeping Doom, rolls for damage*
  • Pesky druids! *Fireballs the site, moves on*
  • Nobody wants to see terrorists with super-human strength Nah, we'd just get terr'rists who are super-dependent on moisturizers and lip balm. *rests hand comfortingly on pommel of +6 Munchkin sword*
  • My, your hand sure feel warm. Yours sincerely, Mr +6 Munchkin.
  • And your skin, al-Quidnunc... it's so soft.
  • Let's put down our weapons, O goetter ibn mohammad - I just wanna put my salaam in your jihad!
  • All the hundreds of millions spent by cosmetic companies just trying to come up with perfumes and colognes the opposite sex will find moderately sexy, and some morons think they can invent a scent from scratch that will turn straight men gay? The mind boggles.
  • And considering the impossibility of keeping military technology secret over any sort of long term, assuming you did actually invent such a scent, would it be the kind of thing you'd want loose amongst a mischievous public?
  • Provoking widespread homosexual behaviour among troops would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale, the proposal says. AhahahAHAhaaaaa . . *snif* . . Hoo! Oh man. Funny.fuckin.shit. What's wrong with television I ask you? It claims the lives of 200+ million Umurhkns everyday and they're fooling about with sprays and smells?? *psst* quidnunc - your Taliban is showing
  • "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale see, that's what's wrong with these people. WHY OH WHY do they have to call it "distasteful" dammit? being a homo is NOT "distasteful". Any volunteers for me to spray? I assure you, it'll be great.
  • >Why? beats me Two words: friendly fire. Turning the bad guys into loving gays is one thing, but someone in the Pentagon pictured a full tank of the magic weapon being accidentally dropped onto, say, a Marines camp in Iraq. Bad, bad PR move.
  • They need to get in touch with Gregory Hines. I believe he may still be in possession of a 5-foot doobie.
  • What, no Nude Bomb??
  • How'd they test it?
    The same way they tested nukes and chemical weapons, of course: on their own people. (Actually, in fairness, I believe only the British army has been proven to test chemical weapons on their own troops...)
  • I believe only the British army has been proven to test chemical weapons on their own troops Lovely. On a Scottish regiment, no doubt.
  • wait, what about female recruits? does it make them lesbianic? or hyper-straight?
  • It appears I'm wrong, rocket: the Aussies and Yanks were in on it, too. The story I was actually thinking of.
  • That's a chilling story. It makes me wonder just how common those "volunteer" tests were within the military.
  • Wouldn't it be easier to release THC and get them all too stoned to fight? Or ecstasy.
  • a chemical that caused "severe and lasting halitosis" They are currently testing this in my office. It works.
  • Anyone who doubts that the US has tested a gay drug on its soldiers, let me refer you to the nearest Marine base. I haven't seen that many picklesmokers since my last dinner party.
  • From the bars of San Francisco To Mardi Gras in Sy-d-ney! We're the gayest picklesmokers In the air on land and sea!
  • Surely they tested it... In the Navy!
  • First to fluff our Major Ge-ner-al And to pull his nipple ring, We are simply the most fab-u-lous Of United States Mar-eeeeeeeens!
  • Speaking of really bad ideas... how long do you think it will take insurgents to figure out how to capture reprogram these things?