January 09, 2005

• Between 1986 and 1997, 8 cases of blunt penile traumawere referred to our institution. Patients were admitted to emergency roombetween 2 and 48 hours following the accident. History revealed that sexualintercourse was the commonest ethiology (5 cases), followed by masturbation(2 cases) and a fall onto the erect penis as a consequence of heavy alcoholintake in one patient.

  (emphasis added) from here (there are images of the repair surgery, but you have to click on them, so safe for the faint of heart in that respect.)
• *now feeling quite faint, and fighting a powerful urge to cross my legs*
• AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Some say that inspiration comes from the worst kind of pain. Meet The Broken Penis Orchestra. *nsfw* (I'll never look at poached eggs the same way ever again)
• Do not splint the penis. Soak in warm water and massage gently for 30 minutes.
• I often do that anyway.
• 35 percent of all serious accidents occur in the bathroom. [nsfw]
• Gods' cods, but this is a mean thread!
• Eight comments, and already there are at least five taglines.
• Yay! Something else to worry about! ;) Particularly amusing: "Most injuries that result from masturbation come from forcibly hiding an erection without care and fracturing it." So, hide your erections with care, folks!
• It goes wham! to the crotch of the matter.
• We'll have to take a long, hard look at this issue.
• Perhaps now we'll all think twice before delivering a cockpunch.
• Oh, ouch, ouch, ouch. Oh, bloody hell. Oh, my. Reminds me of this story. Ouch. Ow ow ow.
• Ow,owww, I fell faint...
• Ok, I'll bite. Besides a new vow not to punch/kick someone in the groin unless I know for sure I'll induce a penis fracture, *how* exactly am I supposed to hide an erection w/ care?
• musn't post obvious answer for Capt. Jean-Luc Pikachu....
• Nono, people are constantly telling me that I completely lack in common sense. Please enlighten me. If it's obvious, chances are I haven't thought of it.
• You sick fucks!
• I am never letting a girl go cowgirl (standard or reverse) again.
• A 'cockpunch' is one thing, but a 'cockcracker' is a WHOLE 'nother thing. (Crosses legs and eyes)
• 'Tis why I always wear a cup.
• During Sex?
• I always serve cockcrackers and cockcheese with my cockpunch.
• Cockfondue, anyone? :o
• Cock-a-doodle-don't :(
• *how* exactly am I supposed to hide an erection w/ care? I had an erection once, when I was travelling in Eastern Africa. Unfortunately, erections have a very heavy import duty imposed upon them in Tanzania; I didn't want to declare it at customs. So I had to smuggle it in by wrapping it in a condom and paying somebody to hide it up their arse.

• I am never letting a girl go cowgirl (standard or reverse) again.

  Just insert a metal rod into the urethra for support. That'll do the trick!
• Goodness, I'm a girl and this is making me cringe. Healing banannas all around...
• Wait -- if this can happen during masturbation, why hasn't this happened to me yet? Oh good lord -- I'm not going to beat the law of averages, am I? (So to speak.) Now I have to worry about BREAKING IT? If that nesting-bugs thread wasn't bad enough...
• rodgerd: it's called a prince's wand.
• oh sweet jesus
• I am never letting a girl go cowgirl (standard or reverse) again. I'm of the mind that sometimes in life you just need to take risks.
• there is no way i am posting to this thread.
• shit!
• owowowowowowowowmotherfuckerowdamnitallfuckow. I couldn't get farther than the third paragraph of that ohsweetjesusohgodowfuckoh...
• he he he...
• I have many mottoes, but "Always be careful with your dick" figures prominently among them.
• That's a good motto, Fes. You could cross-stitch it on a pillow as a reminder.
• TAGLINE ROLLCALL!!! MonkeyFilter: A fall onto the erect penis as a consequence of heavy alcohol intake MonkeyFilter: Now feeling quite faint, and fighting a powerful urge to cross my legs MonkeyFilter: I'll never look at poached eggs the same way ever again MonkeyFilter: Soak in warm water and massage gently for 30 minutes. MonkeyFilter: I often do that anyway. MonkeyFilter: Yay! Something else to worry about! MonkeyFilter: Hide your erections with care, folks! MonkeyFilter: ...musn't post obvious answer... MonkeyFilter: People are constantly telling me that I completely lack in common sense. MonkeyFilter: 'Tis why I always wear a cup. MonkeyFilter: I always serve cockcrackers and cockcheese with my cockpunch. MonkeyFilter: Cock-a-doodle-don't. MonkeyFilter: I'm a girl and this is making me cringe. MonkeyFilter: If this can happen during masturbation, why hasn't this happened to me yet? MonkeyFilter: There is no way I am posting to this thread. MonkeyFilter: I have many mottoes, but "Always be careful with your dick" figures prominently among them. MonkeyFilter: owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow...
• Does MoFi support polls? Because I think we should vote on this.
• Vote on getting our dicks snappen in twain? I vote no.
• snapped
• I made a tagline! YAY!
• I meant voting on wendell's tagline rollcall, but I'm also down for voting on whether or not we're getting our dicks snappen.
• Have a bottle of Dicks Snapple!
• Dick! Snap to it!
• I bow to Wendell. (and NO, Wendell, you may NOT use that as a tagline)
• I don't get taglines. But for those who do, whatever. In my jaundiced view, they're marginally more acceptable than any comment containing "Pepsi Blue" or any reference to vibration. I am, of course, an asshole. Who wants pics of Chinese babies? (No offence to the horse of blue meant. And, I hope, none taken.)
• MonkeyFilter: I don't get taglines.
• Prayer will get you through the nightmare of a shattered wang.