January 01, 2005

Cybersex gone wrong.

The exchange between wellhung and sweetheart is particularly touching:

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
posted by Skrik 19 years ago
  • I only read the first one, but it would be much improved if BritneySpears14 had been the one to cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. And I say this because that's how I accidentally read it the first time.
  • Excellent! This gave me a really good laugh. Thanks Skrik.
  • A classic. Here's some more.
  • Also
  • Ok, I didn't want to laugh at this, but I couldn't help it. That was some funny shit!
  • Isn't there one somewhere that's like, "Had too much to drink, and I am now vomiting all over you." I could swear I've seen that one.
  • "It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass." That's pretty damn serious.
  • Rhinocerus don't play games. ...they have thick hides and very poor eyesight.
  • Truly funny. Thanks Skrik.
  • My personal favorite for Cybersex Gone Wrong is Baiting.org.
  • i don't know about any one else but i am so hot right now that bloodninja really knows his way around the lingo *may be in love/heat*
  • that was really funny until the last one...
  • The last one was funning too. Mean, but funny. HAAARRRR!
  • funny. Duh.
  • Hee. That's the first genuine lol in a long time. Saw some of this on bash.org, but didn't realise there was more...
  • The last one is pathetic - the girl knows she's not pretty, so why the hell is she sending pictures of herself and text-sexing up strangers? Laaaame lame lame. I'm sorry, that was pretty well deserved. If you're that desperate to deny yourself, send someone else's picture, lameass. I say this as somebody uglier than she is, so if one must get on my case, do it with that in mind. Idiot-baiting doesn't get old with me, so that was fun. The one in the middle with the long narrative (where the guy keeps screwing up) - that's always made me think two things: 1) the girl sounds a lot like a straight guy playing a "typical woman" and 2) s/he still does really well with improv. I'm impressed.
  • I laughed til I cried: Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
  • Idiot-baiting I hate to always be the spoilsport, but are you guys assuming these are real? it's funny regardless, but the partners all speak in basically the same manner and are way too coherent for real AIM transcripts...
  • It made me laugh, frankly, that's all I care about.
  • I think it's a great laugh, as well. wellhung could become my idol. I like his attitude.
  • I hate to always be the spoilsport, but are you guys assuming these are real? It doesn't matter to me all that much whether they're real or not, actually.
  • Ah, Monkeyfilter: Posting the Best of the Web, circa 1998.
  • None of these are original - it's a collection of about 4 or 5 different pieces that have been floating around the web for quite a while. Even worse, they're not credited, and the Wellhung piece is definitely not by the same person as the others.
  • Welcome, artcore.
  • Here's an old one from my MOO: Date: Sun Jul 22 23:45:42 2001 EST From: Jesus (#117) To: QOOC (#103) Subject: Cybersex.. the death of sexuality The following is an actual cyber sex session which I had the bad fortune to witness on my travels on Excite. cooolGuy_5320: fux u hard & long _sexyjEnNy12: oh yeh ur cosk is soo big,. cooolGuy_5320: yeh baby you are so hot and fucking big boobs _sexyjEnNy12: yeah cool cooolGuy_5320: i take you up and lick you pussy _sexyjEnNy12: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. cooolGuy_5320: fux u in yur ass _sexyjEnNy12: ur fucker sick _sexyjEnNy12 has left the chat.
  • Oh, and see also Jenny18.
  • I didn't think this was real but it was pretty damned funny. Reminds me of HelloRiver's game to see how many men she could get to take a picture of themselves holding a sign saying "i want to sleep with river" that would cheat on their wives to sleep with her. She got 300 offers in two days (yes, she's hot) and then published some of them. Its funny in a nasty kind of way.
  • Old or not, fake or not... these chat transcripts are comedy gold, and it always cheers me up when I run across them.