December 21, 2004

• Oh god that's the saddest thing I've ever read, especially considering the number of people in american prisons who are either innocent or in for drug possession.
• To me the worst part is how all the regular wedding worries - "what nail polish should I wear?", "do you like this dress?" are interspersed with discussions about how these couples get to have their honeymoons, MAYBE, a year after the fact at a "family visit," but only in a few states. Thanks for making me cry, moneyjane!
• It's a subculture that flies right under the radar unless someone you are close to is incarcerated. Considering how many people are in the system, that's a *lot* of people. At first I thought, "ok, here's one of those amusing offbeat things to browse through" but when I got into it I found myself pretty amazed at how these women stand by their men.
• A lot of guards and police and prison officials are aware of these problems too, moneyjane. The trouble is, far too many of them either don't care one way or the other about the prisoners and their extended families, or they actively try to make the various problems these people face worse because they have the mindset "they're just worthless criminals".
• several years back a former colleague of mine, a reporter, married a serial killer whose trial she had covered. she left her job, took her small son and moved across the country to live in a tiny apartment next to the prison. for me, this is a psychologically fascinating phenomenon: marrying someone who (in her case, at least) you'll never be able to physically touch or have a "normal" life with. but then again, what is "normal" these days anyway?
• Jesus that's weird. To me, getting married to a "lifer" speaks of self-destructiveness.
• I have a feeling it's not so much self-destructiveness as it is idealisation of a relationship. Not having to live with someone 24/7 allows for the maintenance of alot of illusions.
• I agree with Alnedra, but also think that the appeal must also be strong for a particular brand of crusader-type (a rescue/rehab mentality) or, as in the occasions with nationally notable felons, the rare opportunity for the celebrity-watcher unable to distinguish between notability and notariety, to have their greatest wish: a bond with a 'celebrity'.
• An acquaintance of mine married a woman who was, and still is, serving a life sentence for arranging the murder of her former husband, to whom she had been married for all of six months before she had him knifed. Her sentence does not allow parole until 2011, and the state of her incarceration doesn't permit conjugal visits, so it's not about mad hot prison monkey sex. He believes that she is innocent of the crime. Of course. I believe that he is a damaged, damaged kitten.
• There's a great book called "Women Who Love Men That Kill" that really gets into the phenomenon of why women will marry very violent incarcerated men, including what kinds of women are most likely to do so, and how they rationalize their choices.
• I dated a woman who was one of these types. I was the only guy she had gone out with that hadn't done time at one point or another. She went out with me because she thought she'd try a more 'normal' guy for a change (at the request of her kids). Obviously it didn't work out..I just wasn't 'her type'. She ended up going back with a sociopath that had assaulted her (and others) in the past. Yes...self-destructive hits the nail on the head.
• 'Til Death Do Us Part a new TV series starring John Waters!