December 18, 2004

• I remember reading that most bonobos are bisexual.
• ok........not exactly what i meant.....i meant Monkeyfilter monkeys.....but hell, the chimp in that link is pretty cute.....
• I think it would be more fun if we each try to guess who we think is gay. Ooh, or nominate members that we think should be gay. I'm a notary public, so I can make the whole thing official.
• Why the "gay" in small type?
• I agree entirely with middleclasstool's idea, except substitute 'goy' for 'gay'.
• cuz it's a secret, Casuistry.
• Like, I wonder if some monkeys are black. Or maybe Jewish. Like that?
• I'm a notary public Gay Goy.
• I'm pretty sure that if I was a girl, I'd be a lesbian.
• I'm having stir fried goyim for lunch.
• say what??
• Pasty white skinned, Northern European lesbian here... Atheist, not Jewish at all, but Chanukah friendly. Definitely not a bonobo monkey, but I do have a monkey themed alarm clock that sounds like a screeching monkey being threatened while in heat. Wakes me up fer sher and scare the hell out of the cat. The cat, just for the record, is straight even through he does sniff the other boy cats butt now and then. It's just a cat thing, you gotta understand. There. I think that answers all the question in this thread to date... Though I do have to wonder why you're asking Sexyrobot? A monkeyfilter census? Are there going to be prizes handed out? Hopefully better ones that given at children's dentists. A new toothbrush is always appreciated of course, but the lick-n-stick tattoos are a bit too Been There, Done That.
• Lick & stick, huh?
• Pokes thread with a ten-foot pole.
• I always found it helpful in addressing my own prejudice-tendancies find out who was black/gay/female/male. I thought Amberglow was a woman whom I could have been some-what attracted to before I knew he was a he. I'll let someone else start the nominations, though.
• I feel I may regret those disjointed, vaugely related comments...
• Who's gay? Who's straight? Who fucking cares? We're all people.
• Why do you ask? Did one of us try to eat you again? I swear on my mother never to follow you around with a knife and fork again.
• Lighten up, guys. There have been at least two threads in the past week where people were supposed to somehow intuit that the poster was gay and therefore any comments about "homos" or "fags" were purely tongue in cheek. If I were a noob, and especially if I were gay, I would want to know who's who. Cut sexyrobot a little slack, okay?
• Pokes thread with a ten-foot pole. Pokes PareidoliaticBoy with a ten-foot... oh, never mind.
• Once we out all the homonkeys, we can tag their posts with a distinctive mark... say, a pink triangle. Yeah, that'd work.
• Cali's on the money here.
• I am so straight it's ridiculous. Also financially disadvantageous, work-wise as the "wantin' to see two chicks doin' it", or, as my clientele would put it "interested in perhaps observing the sensual interplay between two women" is ever-popular. And not for lack of trying, at least once anyways, but it was a little weird, "So hi...uh, sorry, Natasha, right? So you don't know the client either, huh? Ok. So which strap-on harness do you want, black leather or purple webbing?" We did put on a good show though, especially for two straight chicks, and each got a fifty dollar tip. Bada bing, bada boom.
• well, ok, golly...guess i should explain a little more, and guess i should have expected a little suspicion...sooooo...the gay is in small type cause i was WHISPERING...cause, you know...its so right-wing around here ;-)....but, also i've been single for about a year now, and thinking of changing that...so i thought i'd check out the local 'gay bar'....don't really go out that much...well, long story short, it's now a straight bar and the music is arful!..i mean really, franz ferdinand?...'alternative'. so's i gots ta thinkin, and thought, hey, maybe there's some monkeys down in the pink end of the pool...i could do worse, right? you all seem like such a nice batch of primates...and I KNOW, this isn't the place for that, and there's a bazillion other sites on the web for finding 'others with similar interests'...but the last time i went to gaydar i saw a picture this guy posted of the potato he stuck up his butt....classy! honestly, if i had no face i could do better. so that's the situation...so? i guess if prizes are gonna be handed out, it'll probably be dinner for two...i'll hopefully be one of the two. and thanks for your honesty, nonbinary...i might just have a prize for you...she looks just like whitey action and she rides a skateboard... oh, and mctool...if i were to try to guess...ummm...PareidoliaticBoy
• and goetter...(guessing..straight?)...fyi..pink triangles are sooooo over...we need something new, like with lightning bolts and skulls and crossbones and big texas belt buckles and such...
• In case anyone is wondering, sexyrobot is so cute (and talented), it's stupid. But I'm a (fairly drunk at the moment) straight girl, so take that as you wish. I wish you luck, sexyrobot. My brief moment of MeTa fame from the first meetup yielded me no dates in spite of my attempts. Lame-os.
• Oh, I get it. 'MeetUp' is just a super-sekrit way of saying 'HookUp'.
• In my neighbourhood, unless a male actually grabs his crotch and whistles at a passing female, saying, "Whoo! Now THAT is some nice cameltoe!", I assume he's a raging homo sporting a pleather thong and a collection of commemorative cock rings from around the world framed and hung over the fireplace mantle. Seems to work. However, it could also explain my curious lack of hot 'n' dirty breeder sexploits.
• I'm a goy, but refuse to submit myself to the gay/ straight cornpigeonholing imperitive.
• I'm a pigeonholer.
• I'm a guy, and I've only slept with other guys. If that makes me gay, then so be it, but I'm not particularly attached to that idea. sexyrobot, I guess I don't mean to be rude or presumptuous, but have you been out for very long?
• I've slept with men and women. I've lived with male and female significant others. I think that makes me not straight. But the person I intend to be with permanently is a boy (*waves to him since he reads mofi*). and more power to him. I rather like penises. Even though boobs are really nice, I have a pair of my own to play with if I get too desperate.
• mm, no insult meant, but your comment is really too cool to pass up. Monkeyfilter: rather like penises. *Rather likes 'em herself*
• It's not that I'm gay... it's more that I smile a lot. Keeps 'em guessing.
• Monkeyfilter: rather like penises. How can this be? The site is always up and always satisfying.
• for the record, if i lived in california, i would totally want to go on a date with mandyman and maybe even do a french kiss with her someday ok? but i don't live in california and i'm not sure if i'm very good at frenching girls. also if anything i should hold hands with her or put my arm around her first before having a make-out session, okay~!!1! so if i did ever go on dates with her, when should i try to hold her hand? on the second or third date, maybe? btw if you guys can give me some tips on how to french a girl better, that would help too i think. so, put me down in the 'straight but not narrow' category kthx P.S. here are a few related sites about queer people: Albuqueerque.com and QueerMeta. i know there should be more, but these are the only two i can think of right now. good luck finding other sweet gaybots, sexyrobot. and by sweet i mean totally awesome!!
• Methinks the mofi is not so good for the dating scene.
• This makes me think again of that Daily Show episode with John Stewart talking about Dick Cheney's... GAY!!! daughter. Most hilarious thing ever...
• btw if you guys can give me some tips on how to french a girl better, that would help too i think. Well, practice makes perfect. I recommend going up to random women and giving them some sweet sugar, if you know what I mean. It's worked pretty well for me, despite the beatings.
• my ex-husband always said he thought i was a reincarnated gay man. figure that one out. button i saw yesterday in a shop in the 'hood: GAY BY BIRTH, FABULOUS BY CHOICE. hee hee.
• tihs thred si teh ghey
• I'm a guy with a huge crush on my lesbian best friend. That has to count for something, right?
• So...um..are there any...like...straight... hetero breeder MoFians out there? Like to speculate? Anyone a gay president?
• I adore Cure and Magnetic Fields, sentimental schlock can make me cry, I prefer "chick flicks" to most action movies, never learned to like beer or coffee, I suck at sports, and I've little to no upper body strength. Yet despite all of these things I'm a straight male. To the amazement of all the men who've tried to pick me up.
• *taps Sidedish on shoulder Are they still planning on handing out prizes here? I'm kinda just waiting because I need a new toothbrush.
• this thread is so hot. it's like a hot monkey orgy.
• Yes but do you wanna know where that toothbrush has been?
• I'm straight. But after going to a gay bar with space kitty, mandyman and sexyrobot, sexyrobot told me that Kinsey said everyone's sexuality (regarding homo-hetrosexuality) was on a 1-10 continum, 1 being totally straight, 10 being totally gay. He encouraged me to, shall we say, move up the scale. Even as I am a boring ol' hetro, I have to tell all you gay LA monkeys, sexyrobot is sexy. Space Kitty, Mandyman, back me up on this!
• I admit it, I am a goy homosapien. /female who doesn't want babies but likes to cook, married 10 years to a really nice man who doesn't watch sports but likes building things in the garage
• I'm straight, but I conduct a gay men's chorus. Go figure.
• This thread's doin' a little something for Generalissimo Weenis, I can tell you.
• I'm straight but I married a lesbian.
• Sounds like the LA meetup rocked, that's what this thread is doing for me. Straight, married (as outlined in the, now seemingly deceased, platitudinous george thread) and, well, kinda dull really.
• y = mx + b I totally don't get the Hot Girl-On-Girl Action str8boi fetish. Totally. Don't. Get. Best dentist's office premium: tiny rubber monsters, worn on the fingers like scary Martian finger puppets. They ruled.
• Even though boobs are really nice, I have a pair of my own to play with if I get too desperate. I totally don't get the Hot Girl-On-Girl Action str8boi fetish. Totally. Don't. Get. /head explodes
• It's because in most lesbo pron I've seen, the women appear to actually orgasm. Which to me is pretty damn sexy.
• Yeah, don't get the lesbian porn thing either, and I'm supposed to be a straight guy. Last girlfriend (a bisexual gal) told me that she could be willing to do a threesome with another girl. The caviat was that she would have sex with the other girl but I would only be able to watch the two of them and/or have sex with only her (the g friend). Even as I would have loved to put that notch on my belt, I told her thanks, but no thanks. Just watching the two of them go at it doesn't do it for me. Besides, as I grow older, I don't want my signifigant other having sex with someone else, be it boy or girl.
• tihs thred si teh ghey ghoy.
• I mean, sure, I'd much (much much ...) rather look at Nina Hartley's tailbone than, say, Ron Jeremy's. But watching her chow box doesn't do a darn thing for me. I get bored, and find myself criticizing the participants' plastic surgeries. My fear in any sort of three way would be of the other two conspiring to freeze me out, whatever their genders. Certainly in the abstract it'd be nice to have somebody else take over when I have a crick in my neck, a sore jaw, etc. Or handle the whole messy affair when I'm out of town. (NB Married for more years than I can count on my fingers, NOT LOOKING for any sort of hookup.) I make a lot of jokes about "backup husbands" to my wife, who always laughs uneasily. Too much information, sorry.
• I'm just a freak
• ...i've been single for about a year now, and thinking of changing that... ...and I KNOW, this isn't the place for that... It isn't??? *leaves*
• Monkeyfilter: rather like penises. How can this be? The site is always up and always satisfying. Them's fightin' words. Your lack of respect for the phallus will not be tollerated. Don't make me call the patriarchy... As for my sexuality, I'm a confused young man, you'd be suprised what a case of burbon will get you. *may actually just be trying to get laid/drunk...
• hmm, maybe I have a better chance of getting into a bar without ID if it's a gay bar..anybody know any seedy gay bars in Philadelphia?
• ahhhh...rxreed gets it...so..it's not such a bad post for a, ahem, noob?...i have been lurking for about a year...does that smooth any ruffled feathers? (mmm...ruffles...) anyway, Casuistry, no i am not recently gay...been out since i was 15 (in swaggertlandbaton rouge, no less), sooo..about 5 years now ok, ok, about 17 years now...but your attitude is pretty typical of the boys today...the "yes i only sleep with boys, but that doesn't make me gay" machismo i find a little self-hating and often only as deep as the layer of nail polish recently washed off in favor of the low slung, big-belted pants, battered tennis shoes and grubby t-shirt that they're handing out to all the 'alternative-minded' these days (a look i tried, btw, but ended up with my pants falling off twice in one evening) (no wisecracks)...add to that the popularity of that" queer eye" show and the legions of primped, plucked, and pampered metrosexuals that it has spawned and you have the makings of a pretty confusing scene...i think it's actually broken my gaydar...except in west hollywood, of course....those are some bright flames....hee hee...on the flaming scale i would rate myself about a 7 (ok, 8), but, despite that, i'm probably one of the butchest people youl'd ever meet (fully stocked workshop, not afraid of getting my hands dirty) (again, no wisecracks)..but as always, people tend to be so reactionary...it's either "i'm not gay" or "i might as well have been born a daisy"....is there any middle ground? .......and for those that don't feel 'defined by their sexuality'....may i remind you that the average monkey thinks about sex an average of about 9000 times a minute (or whatever that statistic is)....i dont really understand how anything you think about that much could fail to be a little self-defining.... oh, and as far as that lesbian porn thing goes....yeah i dont get it either...it's not like guys seem to want to see 'real' lesbians going at it...i think it falls into that 'let's humiliate women' category of straight porn...but hey, for the girls that get into it, more power to ya, who am i to judge... and mandyman and squiddy could not be any sweeter...i am picking out of the dentist office box for them......Fortune Telling Fish!
• tho ive got to admit, i do really like medusa's comment, attitude stance.
• sorry...comment, attitude, stance. i have no idea what an attitude stance is... maybe a band?
• Pretty much goin' with goetter on this. 'Cept switch Hartley for Jenna Jamison (her plastic surgery is far superior to Hartley's), and just take out the whole Jeremy (eew) factor, altogethor. While I've been offered threesomes, I don't have the mental capacity to keep track of who needs my attention to balance things out. Not to say I don't fantasize about it, because I definately do, it's just that in my fantasies, I am getting all the attention, which, really, is how it should be.;) BTW, while I am straight (and married) I still look and dream of the possibilities. I am never unsatisfied, my SO is good.
• And, yeah, I pretty much think about sex constantly. No joke.
• I'm a male lesbian.
• I almost didn't want to post, just to keep the thread at 69 comments... heh heh
• I'm not gay, but for some reason the homos keep sucking my cock. I even tried wearing a intimidating leather thong with giant metal studs to keep them away, but to no avail. I swear, one of these days, I'm going to take one of these homos who tries to suck my cock, and pin him down to the ground and work my dick up his ass to teach him a lesson. Yeah! /The Onion article summary. (I love that one!)
• I've met Ron Jeremy, and he is a nice, if somewhat self obsessed, hairy, fat little man (albeit with a big dong). I guess, like most folks, I project myself into the scenerio and have an easier time of it with something I can relate to (i.e. not Ron Jeremy or two women). My prefered porn has a moderatly attractive man with an moderatly attractive woman while they have sex that they both seem to genuinely enjoy. The sort of stuff that debases the woman (or for that matter, the man) just doesn't float my boat.
• Wow, squid... you're so normal. I appreciate any porn which debases anyone. I especially like the porn where the girl has sex with the dogs.
• So you're a Ron Jeremy fan?
• I suppose it's partly that seeing a naked man does nothing for me. Naked men look clumsy and oafish to me, especially the pornstar dudes. Plus with the two women there's the softness and the caresses and the rolling and the giggling and the... I'll stop now. But I'll second squidranch's comment on preferring that they genuinely seem to enjoy it. That's so much better than histrionics or cheesy "take it all" lines.
• I'm menopausal. I don't think about sex at all. What? You're horny again? Already? Last week? Are you sure?
• ok, so again, how EXACTLY did this become a discussion on straight porn?
• Well, I'm a boringly normal heterosexual single female and wish there'd be a meet/hook up around here! Basically monkeys cannot be worse than what creeps out from under the match.com rock. But I live nowhere near any other monkeys or mefis that I know of. There's like one mefi college student, too young. Threesomes are too complicated, pron is boring, I tried being gay in high school briefly and it didn't work out - and just to derail the thread a little more, I want someone to figure out why I had a sex dream about William Hurt last night! ;-)
• i have sex dreams about william hurt quite often.
• I have sex dreams about hurting william.
• I keed, I keed...
• And sexyrobot, I did give you your props earlier. You are sexy, smart, and cute in low cut jeans. One of you homosexual monkeys should look my boy up. He's incredibly tallented too!
• re moneyjanes description of the west end of vancouver - *ROFLcopter* So MoFi is to be like the new pickup joint? Black, white, gay, bi, hetero, breeder, dyke, dog lover I don't care - it is actually one of the things I love about the internets - all those things get stripped away and your left with discourse. As to the question none of you damn business because it doesn't f'in matter :)
• gay goy guy, me. And right on to sexyrobot's comments about the "alternative-minded: not gay, just a guy who likes sex with guys", and "middle ground". I happen to be pretty masculine most of the time, downright flaming once in a while, and always gay because I prefer men. It's taken me a while to get over the erronous idea that orientation is the same as gender expression. "cute in low cut jeans" what, are you trying to torture me? I'm in NORTH FRICKIN CAROLINA here! no meetups! It's not that we don't have any culture here, it's just that it's spread out a little thinner. hmm... mid atlantic meetup? wonder if there's anyone else out there who'd like to work on that...
• I think it's a valid question, see what Cali said. Sexyrobot is adorable, and I'll see what I, as big old fruit fly (read: fag hag), can do to introduce you to some of my friends.
• BonoboFilter. I ♥ the pre-surgery Nina, Darshon. You could sharpen a knife on her abs, back in the day... not that she still doesn't look good, but the boob job wrecked her once really nice rack. Alas for the pressure to conform to the bullshit porn beauty standard.
• Them's fightin' words. Your lack of respect for the phallus will not be tolerated. Don't make me call the patriarchy... I've had sex with a guy before. It was fun enough but the pokey bits were only good for one go unless there was a good few hours for a recharge. Nature of the beast according to the statistics. So, FedoraUndershirt, if you'd like to call the patriarchy on me then I shall wear a shield of empirical research to protect me. Which... if the Patriarchy supplies its hit men with swords it'd be easy enough to dodge the first parry, after that the swordsmen are useless anyways. Guns? Yeah, no prob. One bullet and then it takes forever to reload the musket. I’ll survive quite nicely, thank you very much. On a side note, I occasionally do some pro-domme work and always find the guys really funny. They always get their “release” somehow at the end of a session and always, always, always afterwards make like they have some amazing equipment and a Forth of July like ejaculation. It’s really comical with its regularity especially as they somehow expect me to be impressed with their virile manliness. Ummm...hello... Can we talk bell curves and averages here? 10% will be “cute” and 10% will be monsters, the rest are a dime a dozen.
• Thanks, nonbinary, for shining the angry glare of a pulsating vagina on this thread. 'Twas sorely needed.
• Nonbianary, there's this thing called Viagra... If you don't have a "erectile disfunction" in the first place, it gives you kinda like an everlasting hard on, cat couldn't scratch it, you could cut diamonds with it, kinda hard on. If you ever do decide to go hetero again, it makes for very durable "pokey bits".
• mmmmm....pokey bits.
• eep!
• monkeyfilter: the angry glare of a pulsating vagina
• psst, that's been taglined already before
• So where can an openly asexual middle-aged male find somebody who really just wants to snuggle (I suspect my best bets are menopausal females), or do I have to send away for both the boyfriend pillow and the lap pillow?
• How about going to one dem cuddle parties?
• FedoraUnderShirt, it's been a few years since I've been to Philthadelphia, but the 'mo bars that were there were pretty much all seedy.
• Gay. Goy. And a bit less of a lurker now, I suppose.
• hmm, maybe I have a better chance of getting into a bar without ID if it's a gay bar..anybody know any seedy gay bars in Philadelphia? Woody's and Bump check IDs, as do Uncle's. Not sure about The Bike Stop. I wouldn't call Woody's and Bump seedy. But I know one very seedy cowboy-themed leather bar that doesn't check IDs, but I can't remember its name. Ironically it is right off Rittenhouse Square, hiding in a side alley behind a rather posh series of hotels and restaurants. Damn! I wish I could remember its name... Anyway, I don't recommend it.
• "Don't Go There"?
• sexyrobot, you sound a lot like my nephew. I'd offer to introduce you, but he's married to a great guy already. Having a gay son and a gay nephew and other non-hetero family members has opened up some more of the world to me: you actually sound like a lot of my gay friends, from your description and self-characterization. I guess I don't hang out in exclusively gay milieus enough to know if there really is an overwhelming number of non-heterosexuals who match the stereotypes we are all familiar with, but my gay family and friends are as diverse in appearance, habits and interests as are those who are heterosexual. I'm heterosexual, as is my wife, and don't really care for porn (of any flavour) all that much.
• "Don't Go There"? Not unless you like slings and country music, girlfriend. In their defense they have a Ms Pac Man machine and a pool table, for the fellas who like to chalk their cues. But (to me) it is rather creepy and claustrophobia-inducing, otherwise.
• slings? country music? ms. pac man? sounds like the best little arcade in texas....
• slings? country music? ms. pac man? sounds like the best little arcade in texas....
• oops.
• oops.
• oop-oop. eep-eep.
• crud...are we talking "All hat and no horse," modern Country or ironic but tasteful old-school honkey-tonk?
• More-hat-than-cattle-country.
• ...these aren't log-cabiners, are they? fuck, where can I get some booze?
• so how underage are you?
• Just wink at the senior citizens at Tavern on the Carmac. You'll never go dry again.
• MoFi as sleazy hookup site? I like! /recently single
• Nonbinary, there's this thing called Viagra... True, true... But if that's all a lady's after then there's always a harness and silicon... Then you can have any shape, size, color and firmness under then sun, switchable at will, with the added bonus of having a lady on the other side of it. But wait, don't order yet...there's more! Silicon is radically less prone to spreading disease (sterilizes quite nicely in the dishwasher), can't get anyone pregnant and even comes in sparkles! Lyrics for "Best Cock on the Block" by Bitch and Animal
• I'm menopausal. I don't think about sex at all. Heh heh DX-- Wanna explain to me why it's she in one marriage and he in another? Ah Wendell, com'ere. Let's snuggle. I promise I'll let you keep your pants on.
• Can't believe you people missed this one ... Monkeyfilter: mmmmm....pokey bits
• Monkeyfilter: Lack of respect for the phallus will not be tolerated!
• Monkeyfilter: can't get anyone pregnant and even comes in sparkles!
• In college I went through a period of sort of wondering why I wasn't bisexual. It seemed more rational to me, to be attracted to individuals, regardless of gender. That was before I realized that there's nothing at all remotely rational about sexuality. And I'd like to take this opportunity to represent the voice of straight guys who "get" hot girl-on-girl action. Well, I don't get hot girl-on-girl action, not being a girl. I mean I understand. I wish I was a girl though, so I could get it. In the other way.
• Skipping back... I totally don't get the Hot Girl-On-Girl Action str8boi fetish. Totally. Don't. Get. More of what you like, less of what you don't. I always thought it was kind of simple. I know a boatload of straight women who like boy-on-boy action, too. I decided not to use labels a while ago. If someone wants to date me, they can ask if I'm interested in them. Otherwise, it's not relevant, now, is it?
• nonbinary: I *love* me some Bitch and Animal :)
• I sterilize nicely in the dishwasher too, at least last time I checked.
• Though I'm not familiar with squidranches as a species, I suspect it'll require an expensive operation. The dishwasher will probably just give you some nasty burns and a severe case of claustrophobia. Not to mention an ugly imprint of the cutlery basket in your nether regions.
• I am only attracted to Republican presidents.
• the thing that cracks me up about girl-on-girl is that there are so many straight guys into that type of pr0n, which is sort of funny given that a lot of the chicks who put themselves in girl-on-girl situations could care less about dick. hee hee. "dude, hot lesbo action!!" somehow fails to translate internally into "she is 100% not into me" for the poor guys. and hetero married wanna-be breeder here.
• Goy over herre too. And sketchy as all fuck. *mofi coming out partay!*
• Yo sexyrobot: before you go chasing the mad monkey love, check out this weekend's New York Times magazine article on dating, blogging, and privacy. No reference needed, thanks to SideDish's clever link generator thingy.
• so how underage are you? I'm old enough to fly to California all by my big self! *waits anxiously by mailbox for ticket*
• Some reading material for your flight...
• Wanna explain to me why it's she in one marriage and he in another? Huh? Is that a joke? All my husbands were men. No, excuse me, they were all males. And never mind schmoozing up to wendell. He sounds like the man of my menopausal dreams. (In between the night sweats) wendell, my dear, are you busy tonight?
• True, recent dating story: I've been corresponding via email with this rad-sounding punk rock girl from craigslist for a couple of days now. I went to call her today and got her voice mail... which said "If you don't leave an interesting and/or clever message, I will never call you back." I kind of flubbed my message due to the pressure. Realizing that, I wrote a funny song (in 5 minutes), and subsequently left it on her answering machine. ---------- "voicemail message for the girl i met online that one time" i left you a voicemail in which i had flailed i'm sorry my message was lame. but i write goofy songs in a matter of minutes so i'll leave one here just the same. and i don't know much about you except that you have tattoos and that three years ago you were living in santa cruz. i met you on craigslist, it's kind of a dreg's list with myriad postings throughout people go there to hook up, to fill their black book up, but that is not what i'm about. and i don't know what you look like but i'm dying to find out so feel free to pick up the phone and give me a shout. ---------- It's even better sung (it's this jaunty thing in 3/4, like a happier version of "piano man"). If she doesn't find that interesting or clever, then she's probably not good hanging-out material.
• OH MY GOD! Alex! My DAD wrote that book!....small world... THE HUMAN GOETTERS ARTICLE WAS INFORMATIVE BUT SMALL AND SCARED LIKE A TINY EARTH PRIMATE yeah, i get it, but on the other hand, this is hardly www.microsoft.com, here, and it's not really anyones personal diary, and the monkeysphere is what...2000 plus a little at this point? (about the size of a mid-sized gay pride parade)...yeah, i get that its digital and can go anywhere and etc and etc....and i dont think id date this guy, but i really have very little to hide except for that 17 kilos of pure columbian cocaine wrapped in plastic and taped to the bottom of the bed those pictures from 3rd grade drama class where i thought i was dressing up like lawrence of arabia and ended up looking like bea arthur...and i guess if i'm gonna be adding an extra 150 or so pounds of meat in my life, i would like it to be a little less withholding than the last side of beef...Jack Richardson ... JRichiebabyshakesitlikeamofo@ao1.com ....234 s 18th st, new york, NY 10098....(212) 555-7832....(please feel free to order him some pizza anytime of the day or night. boy, does he love pizza!)
• Is that a joke? All my husbands were men. No, excuse me, they were all males. that is so cold i just got icicles on my nipples...
• "dude, hot lesbo action!!" somehow fails to translate internally into "she is 100% not into me" for the poor guys. Well, if you're into that and you're not dumb, you realize that it's not about you. You're never going to get those porn stars anyway, so it's all about watching things that get you off and less "oh, wow, that guy looks just like me and that chick is doing that! it's me! only not!" But some guys don't get that part. My ex once commented that he didn't like a particular instance of girl-on-girl porn because "it looks like they're happy with each other and they don't need me." This makes little sense to me. But if you don't care for guys or girls, I don't see the point of having 'em in your porn. Unless it's common for people to self-insert (no pun intended), imagining that one of the actors is them; I never do that, so I don't really know how that works.
• oh, and boney, if craigslez won't go out with you...i'll cook you dinner in a heartbeat...my stuffed mushrooms are to die for...the secret ingredient is 17 kilos of pure columbian cocaine artichoke hearts...
• "she is 100% not into me" for the poor guys Not true. Most "lesbians" in porn are straight women who are gay-for-pay. Unless you get into specialty publishers of course. But pretty much anything from Vivid or Anabolic or any of the other mainstream porn producers is just going to be straight girls who may have certain "leanings," but are nonetheless predominantly heterosexual. So cheer up! They just might be into you...
• There's a book deal to be had from setting oneself a challenge, Dave Gorman-style, to sleep with every single member of a community weblog, and recording the crazy adventures this leads you into. It would be made especially exciting because, with open membership, new members would keep joining, possibly quicker than you could sleep with them. Even if you tried really hard.
• I know a boatload of straight women who like boy-on-boy action, too. There's a boatload of gay women who like boy-on-boy action too. But, I think there's a couple of extraneous factors here. Namely availability. Finding good gay male porn is easy. Really easy. Like "watch-out! you're about to trip" on gay porn sorta easy. And the guys in it generally seem to be (ahem) enjoying themselves, which is a all too uncommon thing within the porn spectrum. Then comes the money shot. Being a visual medium, the cliche splatter scene provides the viewer with the multi-level reinforcement that the deed is done. Smiling, wincing face + splatter = another happy customer. Compared to all girl films, which are usually casted with straight women, where you only get the happy, wincey faces--which in the case of the straight girls typically comes down to their notable acting ability--and suddenly the gay men become more appealing.
• a challenge ... to sleep with every single member of a community weblog Do sock-puppets count individually? Or is it limited to one per head? Also, can I have Wendell's share?
• There's a book deal to be had from setting oneself a challenge, Dave Gorman-style, to sleep with every single member of a community weblog, Sigh. OK, I'll volunteer, seeing as how no one else has. Email's in my profile.
• new members would keep joining, possibly quicker than you could sleep with them. Even if you tried really hard. Easy! Monkey Orgy! ...unless of course you're actually speaking of entering REM state with them. "Sleeping" with them is such a mixed up way of saying S-E-X. Both happen in bed of course, but the activity couldn't be more different, leading to the possibility of confusion. Like, I've slept with many of my friends, but I've only slept with some of them wink wink, nudge nudge. So if you're talking about the other "sleep with" then... Easy! Monkey Nappy! The meet-up all about putting your head-down.
• Wanna explain to me why it's she in one marriage and he in another? hee hee! No Dx, I wasn't questioning your choices. I meant why is it she who loses interest in one marriage, and he who loses interest in another? Ever notice that among couples married 15+ years it seems like intimate discussion will reveal one or both of them aren't happy with frequency? And you can't say it's just the gals with a lack of libido, either. signed, Mrs. I-like-the-window-open;he-likes-the-window-shut.
• Bagsy chapter 1.
• hmmmm....i like your thinking, flashboy, but it might be more fun and feasable to do it as a group (so to speak) effort...a team of the best and brightest to cover the whole sexual spectrum...MoFi sex squad or something...we could even have cool matching sexy superhero outfits....mmmm...spandex....(ps i can sew) SO...a prize (like maybe a quart of lube and some birth control) for whoever comes up with a name for this elite group....GO!
• Polymorphous Perversity Squad? And, if I win, I'd rather have a box of See's chocolates.
• Oh, and, sorry if that came across as mean - meant more to apply to the spectrum of pleasure than to the idea that "perverse" is necessatily a bad thing.
• o please, path...im like the hardest to offend....and often quite offensive, myself (see..um...most of my comments)...and yeah...i like perversity, too....though i like subversiveness better....
• although it's too passive: The Pawed Squad
• I dunno, "pawed" sounds pretty passive to me.
• How about: The Banana Peelers
• The Banana Slits?
• I'm not gay, but sometimes I dress a little flamboyantly.
• Red hot monkey love!
• Okay i think this thread has been given enough time to bubble up into a raging kettle of tagline soup: MonkeyFilter: watching her chow box MonkeyFilter: with the added bonus of having a lady on the other side of it MonkeyFilter: What? You're horny again? Already? And lastly, in the voice of Sideshow Mel please, "I would like to hear from the quidnunc kid!"
• I'm a Guy That joke works on so many levels. hurrah!
• I fuck goats.
• that is so cold i just got icicles on my nipples.. .im like the hardest to offend gosh, I just meant that two of them I refer to by other and less ambiguous adjectives and nouns. They eventually revealed qualities that disqualified any other terminology, IMO. bluehorse, does that mean you compromise and leave the window half-open? Not that I'd get away with it when it's twenty below. Have you been reading ' the Catcher in the Rye'?
• Bleah. Dating sucks ass. Feh.
• Sexy superhero outfits?!? You mean I could finally wear that Huntress outfit I, Uhhh... nevermind.
• sexy superhero outfits Sorta NSFW. In a sorta straight or possibly hot girl-on-girl way. (sorry, sexyrobot.)
• uh, straight guy, that is. (sorry maxing-out-the-Kinsey-spectrum ladies)
• uh, straight guy, that is. (sorry maxing-out-the-Kinsey-spectrum ladies)
• (sorry)
• Dating sucks ass Woah - looks like I'm doing it wrong :(
• You know you don't have to act with me, quidnunc. You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just suck my ass. You know how to suck my ass, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together against my ass and... suck.
• don't have to say anything Especially not with my mouth full. OF ASS. GODDAM YOU MIDDLEASSSTOOL!11!!
• Tastes like chicken?
• Since human meat is known as "long pig", shouldn't it be "tastes like pork"?
• Tastes like chicken ass. That what I hear from quidnunc, anyway.
• "Dear Santabashi, Alls I want for Christmas is A MOUTH FULL OF ASS. Tastes like chicken! Yours, quidnunc kid"
• I wept as I read this thread. How did I miss it? What the fuck was I doing last year the week before Christmas that was so God damn important? I have been trying to become gay for years, and participation in this thread might have been able to help me.
• I'll keep calling you a homo, if it'll help. Even if it won't.
• Damn you horny monkeys and your teasing hot lesbian action! /after reading entire thread in single sitting (ha!) goes off to wash face with cold water
• Is that a Flagpole in your tagline or are you just happy to read this?
• jesus! I am a bisexual (sorta)swinger freek in her late 30s and can I tell you that I think of sex CONSTANTLY and entertain crushes on young men way too often (ahem, 14-22 yo generally, seriously) ahem...but this thread is um...agitating me!
• Sorta-bi or sorta-swinger?
• sorta swinger, I used to say sortabi too, but now I actually have sex with women occassionally (instead of just thinking about it)
• That's it. It's orgy time. *buys black leather couch, martini bar and lite jazz albums*
• I am going to name my next orgasm "Medusa."
• This thread's rearousal gives a new meaning to "Hump Day."
• I am going to name my next orgasm "Medusa." I'm out of names. I'm gonna have to continue with "Alpha".
• mct, that is SO 04!! its all about faux fur, bourbon and james bond sound tracks now, and I will call my next orgasm (which I am hoping will be a in few hours...) Wilma! thanks for the homage bernockle!
• I get off on hiccups. [NSFW] not really. although i am out as bi now, and more nervous about saying that here than i thought i would be.
• That's ok, boney, we sorta knew already ... at least my bi-dar was beeping. What does one say? Congratulations? Well done? Many happy returns?
• As Woody Allen said, being bisexual doubles your chances of being able to get a date on a Saturday night.
• Yeah, you can ask out your sons AND daughters.
• A little round of the paws for the_bone. Good for you, mate.
• ook! ook! eep! Oo! Ah! ah!
• Down, pete, DOWN! /scrambles for water hose
• *wonders if sexyrobot ever found himself a monkey-friend* *wonders when he will find himself one...*
• Dr. Ruth Says Bisexuality Does Not Exist (she responds to critics on her online forum)
• There, ya see? It's only a phase. You'll get over it once you find a nice girl. Or boy. FWIW, the bisexuals I've known have eventually ended up leaning one way or the other ... which is not to say that attraction to both sexes goes away. What do scientists know anyway, they're probably jealous cuz they're not getting any from either sex.
• Ye're nothing but a lot of waffling Belgians!
• Surely there's no clear cut line between being bi and gay/straight? Say a straight girl shags the odd woman, then gets into it and does it a bit more..it's just a matter of preference what she calls herself.
• Yeah, but get it on with a cauliflower just once and you're labelled for life.
• He's TriCurious.
• I thought there was too much salt in that hollandaise sauce you sick cunt.
• the bisexuals I've known have eventually ended up leaning one way or the other But no matter which way they lean, they usually wind up horizontal.
• *ba-dum-bisshhhh!* *applause*
• Bisexual means you do it twice a year, right?
• I don't think anyone disputes the fact that most bisexuals lean one way or the other; I'm far more interested in girls than boys. But statements like Dr. Ruth's ("Everyone is either straight or gay") don't really speak to my experience, or those of most bisexuals I know. A lot of why it took me so long to come to terms with being bi was because I too was looking at sexuality in this dualistic manner... as a teen I figured that if gay guys are only attracted to men, and I'm primarily attracted to women, I must be straight.