December 12, 2004

• Badly.
• who's the lucky lady goofy?
• Or lad?
• Do you mean the first month or the next few decades? When I first met my wife, we spent a lot of time just filling up time with each other. the rest of the world kind of slipped away. Now, we have each other (and our son) and enjoy living our lives together, but the drug-like giddiness has gone away. It's back to worrying about money, careers, world politics, etc...just with somebody else to share it with. Might not sound romantic to some, but I think it is.
• Does this have anything to do with your lack of attendance at the last meetup? When I'm falling for someone, it's hard to focus. If love does hit, a pleasant calm settles in.
• Rocks me. Like a hurricane.
• Brand new love is what I should have said, Zanshin (tho I thought it was implied.) [The lucky fella is a desert dweller three hours east who sings baritone. I'm not in love; I'm just happy enough to remember what it feels like.]
• [Sort of what it feels like.]
• it's the closest to that beatific insanity your average bear will ever see much like mourning is the other you will want to run in the suddenly sunnier streets and smile at strangers you will not need to sleep you will be oddly productive in the name of love or not you will wonder at the world or in it you will part of the whole or above it it's the fun part
• be between will and part what a definition
• I'll let you know if it ever happens. The last time I was in love was high school - and it terrified me.
• I don't like the person I become when I'm in love. That's why I avoid it if I can. But eventually it finds me again...
• Badly. posted by moneyjane at 03:58AM UTC on December 12 more badly.
• Like a fool, as always.
• Yup, pretty much like an idiot.
• even if I were a bird where could I fly that's free of you? too like the seas for comfort your eyes of changing blue
• Like a seven-year-old kid after his fourth cup of coffee.
• Like an idiot. A Happy Idiot. "Do you feel heroically productive, or impossibly unable to focus? Do you stop caring about other pleasures, such as food, or your usual hobby, or do you want to eat more and engage more? Do you want to save the world, or retreat from it?" Yes.
• Two times it's happened. Yes, like under medication; the world's blunt edges get smooth, a certain blur masks all its' imperfections. Your perception's axis lie in some eyes, some nose, some neck. Some mannierism, some twitch. You coul care less that the world crumbles around you two, but at the same time, whatever irritates your affection becomes a big fucking dragon to slain. And then, the fall. Someone once told me it was just like taking E. I couldn't tell, but that just made me swear I'll never try it. Too good uphill, too sucky downhill.
• The last time I was in love ... and it terrified me. As well it should, drivingmenuts, as well it should. Once you love, you have a hostage to fortune. Open your heart to all pain. Open your heart to joy.
• oh man do I get stoopid. And I'm not talkin' cretin level, I'm talkin' full blown retard.
• In those early relationship days I'm usually euphoric when I'm with the person and nauseous when I'm not.
• a22lamia, that's exactly how it is for me! Except... more than 4 years later, I still feel that way. The nausea is especially bad for the first two days of separation.
• Alnedra - is it separation based or anxiety based? Mine is definitely anxiety - kind of like after you've auditioned for a play and before you know you've got the part magnified 100X. Its good to know I'm not the only one supressing the gag reflex in matters of love...
• The one time I fell in love with a woman, I felt valiant - I was going to secure her happiness and serve it up to her. The two times I fell in love with a man, I wanted to retreat from the world with him. I was younger then, and I'm not in love now. I'm just smiling at odd times and cleaning my apartment and imagining his face when I look up. No gag reflex that I can recall, but that's the problem with those intense memories: they are hard to recollect entirely, if it's not with you at the moment. I do remember being unbearably excited, as if my blood was circuiting on a high-wire fence.
• A22lamia, more separation based I think. I usually end up crying at nights for a while. But some anxiety as well - there's always that irrational fear that we're never going to meet again.
• After 16 years of marriage, the strongest emotion I feel when I fall in love is "fear of discovery."
• I'm still wondering what the hell mine's doing with me. I mean, I make penis jokes. All the time. I can't do anything around the house without making up a song about it. I leave my socks on the floor. I'm waiting for her to wake up.
• Desperate to please. I'll do anything to keep them from thinking badly of me or leaving me, because I know it could happen at any time. So I will go along with anything, make choices that make me unhappy, and basically be a complete doormat/tool. Overlaid with "this can't be happening, this is wrong, this kind of thing doesn't happen to me." I gamble my happiness for the need to be liked, assuming that being liked proves I'm a worthwhile person and will make me happy any day now. It doesn't turn out all that well in the long run, but you probably don't want to hear about that part.
• Manic. As my sister once defined it, we both get so manic that 85% percent of our victims think we're sliced bread, and the other 15% immediately pursue restraining orders.
• the stupid and clumsy reactions are actually chemical i'm wondering if that goes for the fear of death too that feeling of floorless gutbucket falling feeling at the thought they will somehow disappear
• the stupid and clumsy reactions are actually chemical I always thought so myself, and my friends assured me it would wear off after a couple of months, or half a year at the most. I must be on a long chemical rush then.
• This comment deleted by me, tracicle. Honest. This is a placeholder. Move along, people.
• Do crushes count as some degree of love? If they do, I react by trying to kill the crush - there are many ways to do this, for example, imagining the crushee(s) picking boogers or being mean to their mothers.
• Oh, do elucidate! Condescension is mandatory.
• Elucidation: Crushes on people I actually interact with, face to face, tend to make me act like a fool &/or be very nervous around them. Killing the crush or mentally trying to anyway gives me a shot at acting "normal" around them and if something develops from there, well that might be better than a crush. Condescension: Well, what I really mean, goofyfoot, is that crushes are for fatuous fools who have nothing better to do than pin their romantic hopes on the first pair of twinkling eyes they happen to see while under the influence of hormones. Ok, so I don't really believe that but I couldn't get in the mandatory stuff without lying.
• Fair enough.
• #2 has twinkling eyes. Works for me.
• It's what the "Shoop Shoop" Song claims that gets me :)
• Crushes are cool! (Though I did once blow a job interview because the guy was so stunning and intelligent that I could hardly frame a sentence.) More often for me, they're in appreciation for especially empathetic, wise, humorous, or vulnerable comments that were unexpected. Best of all, they don't require much in the way of commitment, but can lead to a nice thing called "friendship," even if they don't lead to lurve. And, Alnedra, having gone though a 10 year bout of unrequited love, my only advice to to be thankful for the fact the he gave you the opportunity to feel really wonderful emotions. That kinda frees you up from dwelling on the more painful ones. And, the two (loving and not being loved) are distincly different. (I hope I haven't misinterpreted what you've said, here.)
• the stupid and clumsy reactions are actually chemical Everything is actually chemical as our bodies are made of chemicals. "Emotions" are names we give to how we feel when certain chemicals slosh in certain ways. This doesnt mean I dont believe in love. You can still believe in all the mushy stuff while accepting we are big bags of chemicals and electrical impulses, I think. Some people think it somehow changes everything, but I don't see why it should... ps I don't believe I have ever been in love.
• path, we still see each other. But while I think he can guess, we're at the "don't ask, don't tell" stage.
• ps I don't believe I have ever been in love. That's apparent. But come back when you have; I'll understand.
• ps I don't believe I have ever been in love. That's apparent. But come back when you have; I'll understand. Wow. Trying to start a fight in a thread about love? Some might call that ironic... So what, when I do fall in love I will lose my ability to make a point about our perceptions of what is "chemical" and is "emotional" and the fact that the two are one and the same? ps extreme condescension is also caused by chemicals in your brain.
• pps If you really must know, I have had a large unrequited crush on someone, and I have been in a long-term realtionship where we told each other we loved each other. Some might consider either of those "love." I dont think either really was because in a) I was in high school and it was one-way only and in b) we were kind of kidding ourselves and going through the motions, but I dont think what we felt for each other was really "love." I dont know if you thought you were talking to a 14 year old or something when you made that hugely condescending response- I have had experiences others might call "love" but by my defintion they really weren't.
• ps extreme condescension is also caused by chemicals in your brain. posted by drjimmy11 at 08:34AM UTC on December 17 Ha! ...speaking of condescension, still a bit confused by why it is mandatory.