November 29, 2004

• Here's the one of the most dangerous toys in the world... Possibly responsible for the deaths of thousands of children.
• My shopping list for the toy donation boxes is now complete.

• No! Look, we put a label on every bag that says, "Kid! Be careful - broken glass!" I mean, we sell a lot of products in the "Bag O'" line.. like Bag O' Glass, Bag O' Nails, Bag O' Bugs, Bag O' Vipers, Bag O' Sulfuric Acid. They're decent toys, you know what I mean?

  That old SNL skit was the first thing I thought of when I saw this...
• That old SNL skit was the first thing I thought of when I saw this Thanks - I was looking for a link like that. I knew some monkey would come through.
• Sigh... whatever happened to natural selection. I yearn for the days of 12 lb. die-cast Hotwheels, flammable Barbies, and the 'ol trusty slingshot. Of course, during July 4th celebrations, neighborhood favorites like the M-80, and 3 lb. rockets were a ton of fun too. Kids these days don't know what they're missing.
• Founder Edward M. Swartz and W.A.T.C.H. have fearlessly exposed potentially dangerous toys to the general public
  Wow. At last, someone with the courage to take on the evil Toy Manufacturers of Doom. Be honest, you would have done this yourself, except, like me, you lack the Awesome A.C.R.O.N.Y.M, the Funky M.iddle Letter in your name, and the courage to Take On The Evil Threat To Our Way Of Life(tm) I wish I could be fearless, too.....
• NERF FOOTBALL W.A.T.C.H. OUT! Young children are encouraged to throw this seemingly safe, padded toy, developing hand-eye and gross motor coordination skills. Anal-age children, however, may attempt to cram the entire football up their own ass. Once so stuffed, the football will fail any coliform bacteria test, even the toy industry's inadequate "Tubgirl" standard.
• Just where would one purchase this "Bag O' Glass" of which you speak?
• The SNL skit that first came to my mind was Happy Fun Ball.
• Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
• It saddens me to see this organization posting such a list. Whatever happened to parental responsibility? Are they now incapable of reading the packaging for warning labels? Can mommy and daddy not read? I *hate* this list. Not because I hate the toys, mind you, but because I hate the inference that parents are idiots. On preview, I realize that the type of parents that will pay attention to this crappy crap of a warning are idiots. And, as idiots, if they choose to buy such a toy for their idiot offspring, then we're all much better off. I don't have any children (that I know of), but when I do have some (or some more), I will be making my own choices as to what I deem appropriate for them to play with. I would not buy a toy suitable for ages 12+ for a toddler! And if my 12-year old doesn't have the common sense to keep little Lego pieces out of his/her mouth, then I think it's Darwinism at work. Culling the flock, so to speak.
• Does anyone else notice anything, um, interesting, about the picture of the trampoline-of-death? Or is it just me?
• Here's one way to get that bag of crushed glass. What a great gift idea!
• timefactor I think I see what you mean. It does somehow make me want to buy one.
• Monkeyfilter: dangerous and unnecessary thrills (found at #10)
• SamIam...thats not a TOY...Thats a TOOL. goetter...that's just darn funny Jim_t...the whole thing is darwinism at work...i truly worry about what will happen to us once we've converted all the world's petroleum into giant mounds of this PERFECTLY SAFE (compared to the toys I played with...Hell, my father had me shooting an air rifle at 6) crapola and have no more left to run our giant machines of world domination...then we'll be faced with the problem of rebuilding a world with no resources, 5 or 6 remaining species (mostly vermin), and a populace so effete they're all mortified by the thought of 2 squares of slippery plastic and a stuffed penguin! That is if they haven't all died from consuming the presents their teddy bear gave them. eesh. the whole thing fills me with such contempt for your puny species...nice rack on that tramp oline girl, tho
• I promptly went out and bought one of the toys on last year's list as a gift for a friend. I'm sorry to report that she's still alive (curses, foiled again!).
• You're better off giving your kid a bag of glass than one of these deathtraps! OH, THAT'S IT, SPOIL THE SURPRISE, YEAH, NICE WORK. THANKS FOR RUINING CHRISTMAS!
• I had a set of jarts and loved them. You only really need 8 toes anyway.
• What truely amazes me about children is that so many of them make it relatively safely into adulthood. The ones I've seen and dealt with are like little cute suicide machines. You got 4 bottles of juice in various jars ranging from the indescript to the colorful picture covered one, and a bottle of Draino. Like a siren calling to their argonaut hearts, they go straight for the Draino. Every year I read or watch on TV about the tragic case of a toddler who strangles themselves in the venetian blinds. I mistakenly thought they were getting their heads caught on the string you pull to raise and lower the blinds. No, they get their melon heads wrapped around the lines INSIDE the blinds. I, out of curiosity, tried to recreate this with my fist. Took me a solid 5 minutes and a lot of cursing. And then they grow up to become teenagers, that do all the crazy stupid things that teenagers do. I won't go into this becuase I'm sure we all remember that period of lunacy. And yet they still manage to survive. Wonderous amazing little fleshy suicide machines that they are.
• I remember the old word-burning stylus as a kid. You'd plug in the stylus, it would heat up and you'd etch in the outlines of a picture printed on a thin piece of word. But invariably you'd drop the stylus onto your clothes or whatever and forget about it until a minute or two later when you sniffed the odor of burning flesh.
• The "carpet skates" slay me. Not only does it sound like fun (if they do work), but if this is a surprise to anyone that it's potentially dangerous, I suspect they've fallen on their own heads one too many times. Oh, what did parents do before organizations had to furnish them with common sense? Woe!
• I can't get to THE ONION from work (damn you filters!) but I remember a hilarious article they had a few xmases ago with a headline something like "Totally Cool Toy Banned Because Three Stupid Kids Die". I'm sure someone can find it. Now, where'd I put my Stairway Toboggan
• CAUTION: When using the Stairway Toboggan, be sure that the front door is OPEN.
• Where are these poor kids' pocket-knives? Their chemistry sets? Or the carpentry set complete with metal and wooden hammer and a small saw with which I removed one rung from a dining room chair? (To make a bird perch, of course.)
• Those slide skates are hilarious... "designed to mimic the sensation of socks on a hardwood floor." Thank god all those sockless children can finally have the experience they've always dreamed of.
• two words: LAWN DARTS! Bring back the lawn darts. That's how we used to weed out the lava lamp exploders.